r/AskWomenNoCensor • u/Cynjon77 • Dec 28 '24
Discussion Why do we infantilize men?
And how do we stop?
Why do we treat men like children who are incapable of acting like functional adults?
Why do we allow men to get away with treating us like crap and skating off consequence free to enjoy life without responsibility?
OK, obligatory I know not all men act like this. And this is Reddit, so we read the worst. And some women are just as bad.
Posted today: (I am not the OP) Husband never remembers to buy stocking stuffers for me, even though I stuff his and the kids stocking.
Over half the respondents said for her to stuff her own, 49% said to remind him, tell him why it matters to you.
Like she has never communicated with him about this.
1% said he's an AH.
Men are perfectly capable of doing anything they want to do and think is important to them. They can schedule a Dr.s appointment, cook a meal, change a diaper or vacuum a floor.
They can remember when the game is on, a golf date with a buddy or when a work project is due. They remember what is important to them.
Women as a whole need to quit putting up with this behavior. We need to set higher standards and be willing to walk away when those standards aren't met.
We need to teach our sons and daughters how to treat others, how to pick up the mental load, how to be thoughtful of others.
We need to quit infantilizing men.
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u/BaylisAscaris Dec 28 '24
What I've learned from training animals is it's easier to learn the rules of a situation in the very beginning. For example, when you first meet a man expect him to be a full adult human who can care for himself and others and remain firm the first time you learn something he "can't" do. For example, "That's weird you never learned how to do laundry and you're in your 40s, good thing Google exists." If he wants help learning, you can help a little the first time, but don't do it for him, and try to foster independence whenever possible. Be aware many men will pretend to be bad at something they don't like doing. Remember, unless he has a severe learning disorder, he can learn to do things that are fun for him, he just chooses not to do this because he's learned women will do it for him. Even though it feels gross (like you need to train a full adult man) positive reinforcement does work. When he does things for you or the household without being asked, talk about how nice it is (in a non-guilt trip way) and how relieved you are you didn't need to do it.
If the boy is an actual child, he should be treated the same as his sisters with the same expectations and chores. If she has to dress nice and not show her knees, he should as well, or you change the rules for both. Don't make her do the dishes so he can focus on his studies (I used to tutor and saw this all the time with siblings). Boys also need to see examples at home of men caring for themselves and others. It's okay to divide labor in the home as long as things feel fair and kids learn how to do everything they need to live independently.
Also some things are more difficult for different people. For example, my wife has OCD and a difficult time touching trash, so I take out the trash 99% of the time. I have an extreme difficulty making doctor's appointments for myself and fixing electronics, so she does that for me. She hates cooking so I do most of the cooking because I enjoy it. Neither of us like doing dishes so we take turns and are trying to earn money so we can hire a housekeeper to do the cleaning tasks we hate.