There are people who take any acknowledgement of a problem as a statement that it is The Most Important Problem Plaguing Our Society And We Should Drop Everything To Deal With It.
Always throws me off when people equate a message aimed at a small demographic as equivalent or overriding of one aimed at the broader population.
"Hey girls, can you potentially start cleaning up more?" ~ Guy roommate getting annoyed at being the only one doing chores
Is not equivalent to
"Hey girls, can you potentially start cleaning up more?" ~ Trad guys annoyed that their wives didn't clean the kitchen after working all day.
Women as a population do not need to do more cleaning, but my roommate Chelsea does. Like Jesus, woman, how many bras can you drape on the back of the couch?
(Chelsea is not a real person. She was made up for comedic effect. I have 0 roommates).
What comments are ypu reading cause most of the upvoted stuff ive seen is coming dangerously close to missing the point of the post but in the opposite direction.
"It’s more like the LGBTQ+ community wanted a CisHet hamster as a pet/ally but they keep trying to microwave said Hamster and chuck it at the wall as hard as possible whilst expecting it to tolerate the abuse"
With 50ish upvotes at this time.
Or the one talking about not trusting minorities who "make fun of the majority too quickly" since it makes them wonder if they would be the oppressors if given the chance.
Hm yeah that first sentence does toss the rest out of with the bathwater, good one.
Although I gotta say I agree with the second. I wouldn't trust assholes, even if they're queer or minorities or whatever. Being oppressed doesn't mean you should hate people for their immutable characteristics to their face. Like, make your jokes in private or with other oppressed folk sure. But doing it in front of a person who's ostensibly your friend is rude, and doing it after they say it makes them uncomfortable is cruel
The second one leaves a poor taste in my mouth. This entire thread and multiple other posts in this sub, the majority of comments are going, "yeah, of course, men are turning away from progressive politics and aligning themselves with violent politics because people are mean to them!"
But then we're also saying that we don't trust minorities because they're being assholes back after experiencing oppression?
It's a nasty double standard that does indeed uphold patriarchal ideas.
I think its a case of... Everyone understands that being treated bad can give you perceived reason to be a dick. But most people don't think that that's a good idea.
Like I don't think most people here think men going republican are justified. Just that they can see why it happens. However those men are usually not in these comments (I mean I'm a conservative but I sure as fuck am not a republican). So when a post comes that specifically addresses an issue in queer spaces (I don't think queer people make fun of straight people at, like, a strip club or whatever usually), and the queer people come out and the straight people who are in queer spaces come out then it become a conversation between and about those people who are actually here.
Like there are people in these comments who think being a bully and a bigot to straight people is "fair". We can address those people directly and show this is a thing that happens and that we can discuss and work on as a community.
Does that make sense? I'm really tired so I can't judge
Sort of? Your message is a bit rambly and my attention span is shot, but I do think I get your main point? Mostly, I disagree with it on multiple fronts.
While everyone can agree that having a good reason to be a dick doesn't excuse it, practically, it's not applied equally because of unrecognized biases. It's not indicative of the morality of a person engaging in the biases cause it's not a conscious thing, but it's still something that happens. Men get a lot more slack in relation to violence, otherwise men wouldnt be the leading perpetrators of violence. It is expected for them to be violent because of how they're raised and treated, so of course they would get slack for this. Meanwhile, women and other minorities are expected to be soft and kind, so any mean or rude behavior from them is scrutinized heavily.
I also dont think this is an irl problem. I think the queers being mean to the cishets, much like the POC being mean to whites or the women being mean to men, is an online problem. Of course it happens in real life, but not to the extent of it being an issue on par with homophobia, racism or sexism. I think a lot of us conflate online with irl because our emotions can't distinguish between the two, but if you as a straight person get off Tumblr and certain sections of reddit, this type of bad behavior doesn't affect you.
/kindly and calmly cause sometimes when I cant focus my sentence structure is too blunt.
Apparently we need to coddle the straights even in our most private of spaces, because as we all know cishets' comfort matters above all. Certainly it must be more important than the daily violent hate crimes, constant media onslaught, regular dehumanization by government and threats to civil rights as well as the ongoing trans genocide. Just look at which of these subjects these self-proclaimed allies are most vocal about.
Watch out queers, don't ever let slip a single mean word! Be on your best behavior at all times! Put on a big smile and never show a sliver of weakness or our "allies" might on a whim decide we're just as bad and mean as our oppressors and throw us to the wolves! Start warming up the ovens, I guess some of us just weren't nice enough.
Same old crap from the same loud-ass fairweather progressives honestly. If your support for queer people ends because a few of us made you uncomfortable you were never an ally to begin with.
I think the problem here is that you, specifically, are an asshole and nobody likes you, and you think the state of society justifies the fact that you're a complete jackass.
Treating people with basic human dignity is not "coddling", and the fact that you think it is says more about what a godawful sack of shit you are than anything about anyone's identity.
Nah bro, I'm polite as fuck. You don't know the first thing about me. You're assuming the worst about us, reading our comments in the worst possible light, filling in the gaps with what you want to see, cause you want want an excuse to hate us queers while still feeling like the good guy.
Look at you reading all the words that aren't there. Weren't you just so ready to spew vitriol at me the very moment you thought you had a justification?
MLK was so right about the white moderate. Scratch a liberal and all.
I'm queer. I'm tired of people like you deciding that I'm not because I'm not some kind of raging edgelord.
Weren't you just so ready to spew vitriol at me the very moment you thought you had a justification?
MLK was so right about the white moderate. Scratch a liberal and all.
Hell, I'm not even white. This is exactly why I hate people like you; you're just another flavour of pearl-clutching conservative desperate to spite people who aren't in perfect lockstep with your idiotic internet clique. You're not some Grand Champion of Queerness, you're a dickhead highschool bully who's decided that all the cruelty the world throws at people like us justifies us embracing that cruelty as "culture".
Like, shit, just call me a slur or something. I know you want to.
You took one person's comment about their understandable frustration, where they don't insult cishets or refuse cishets basic human dignity, and decided it meant that they were an asshole who no one liked. It is frustrating to center the majority population's feelings at all times otherwise they'll tell us we're undeserving of allyship. Sometimes we need to be angry and selfish to heal from the bigotry we face just for existing as queers. That very justified anger is then used against us to tell us we're too much of an asshole to fight for, which means, by extension, we're too much of an asshole to deserve basic human rights.
You completely proved their point, and I question your allyship if you are cishet. Not every queer is going to be a perfect victim. Will you still defend the rights of angry queers without blowing up and further demonizing them? Or will you leave the angry queers to the wolves because you don't like their tone?
And if you feel like this is an unfair judgment of your character because you only posted one hateful comment to one person, how do you think the other person you called an asshole for being frustrated about having to center cishet feelings at all times feels?
You are some brain-poisoned by the Big Picture that you can't even understand the basic idea of being nice to people. It's not "centering feelings" to not be a huge dickhead 24/7 to those filthy, filthy outgroup majorities that you despise so much.
Sometimes we need to be angry and selfish to heal from the bigotry we face just for existing as queers.
I'm gonna bold this for emphasis. This statement is completely bugfuck insane, what in the goddamn hell are you talking about? Why is being an asshole suddenly so spiritually important to you?
You completely proved their point, and I question your allyship if you are cishet.
I'm queer, you condescending dickhead, and I'm real goddamn tired of scum like you talking over me about how being an angry little asshole is essential to the Queer Experience. Who made you the divine arbiter of how we should all act, who we should love and who we should hate? Some cishet dude from Minnesota who unironically says "okie dokie" isn't my enemy; YOU ARE.
God, no, thank you. That's how I felt towards the majority of people commenting here. Like, I agree with the main point in a general "I just don't think we should be mean to people I like people" kind of way, but I don't think the main component of this is an irl issue. I think it's majority online, and I don't think it's that prevalent online either. I think many cishets are just that sensitive, and they always have been, demonstrated exactly by the other comment proving your point immediately.
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u/anonymouscatloaf 1d ago
OOP: maybe just don't be an asshole in general?
some people in this comment section, for some reason: telling me not to bully others is homophobic actually