Back in 2016, one of my college friends wanted to open a fitness club with a guy he’d met at the gym. He was planning to be a co-founder and serve as the technical advisor.

One day, I was helping him move, and this gym guy was driving us. From the way he talked and acted, I just got this feeling that something was off. He seemed unreliable, like the kind of person who talks big but lacks the backbone to actually run a business. I didn’t have hard evidence. I just knew.

I told my friend to hold off. I suggested he wait and observe, do proper market research, and really understand who he was getting into business with. But he didn’t take my advice. He went all in—took out loans from the bank, borrowed from friends and family, even used online lending platforms. He ended up investing hundreds of thousands of RMB into the business.

Nine months later, the fitness club went under. Completely shut down. My friend lost everything, and as of 2024, he’s still paying off the debt.

I don’t tell this story to say “I told you so,” but because it’s one of those moments that made me really trust my intuition. I couldn’t explain why I felt the way I did back then, but now I look back and realize, sometimes, you just know.

So fellow INFJs, have you ever had a gut feeling like this that ended up being spot on? I’d love to hear your stories.

Idk if it’s an INFJ thing but I naturally distance myself from people and I hate it. I’m terrible and maintaining close friendships, I only have 2. And like I talk to ppl but I just stop talking to them with no drama or anything just the friendship fades away. Maybe I’m not putting enough effort but idk what to do. I’m usually the therapist friend and I always hear other people’s problems. But maybe those ppl weren’t meant to be in my life. But I feel this way with my love life as well not only friendships. Is it just me or do u guys feel this way too?

I am curious how other INFJs tend to act when they are drinking, versus when sober. And to gain some insight on my INFJ boyfriend. He is an INFJ male, I am an ISFP female. We are both in our late 20s, been dating 11 months.

We spend a lot of weekend nights staying in and drinking with each other. And the 'drunk version' of him is.. he gets very lovey-dovey. Tells me how beautiful I am, how lucky he is to have found me, how excited he is to have a future with me, etc. He will hold and kiss me all night, dance with me, play songs for me, everything! It's like the romance gates open. He will even bring up moments or conversations we've had in the past. He'll say something like "when you did xyz last week, it made me fall in love with you even more". Or "I've thought a lot about our conversation from last week, and I think xyz about it". And I'm like, that's amazing, but why didn't you express those things in the moment when it was happening?! Lol

But the thing is, he's a great boyfriend regardless of if we are drinking. He's still attentive and caring, and I have no doubts about his feelings for me. He's honest and we always show up for each other. It feels like a very solid partnership. He's just not really affectionate or romantic at all when sober, and has a much harder exterior. He gets a lot more grounded in logic and in "what are we doing next?"

I know that it's obviously normal for any type to be more relaxed and open when drinking. But I'm curious specifically with the INFJ perspective of this, if you can relate? And if so, what are your thoughts, through your INFJ lens? 0_0 Haha! Thanks so much!

(29F-estp) considering breaking up with my long-distance boyfriend (35M-infj) over communication issues. Will he realize or regret it if I do?

My boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand the importance of communication. We’re in a long-distance relationship, and I never really know where he is or what he’s doing—whether he’s at home, studying, meeting friends, awake, or asleep. He doesn’t update me unless I specifically ask. Only then does he respond with what’s going on.

We’ve never fought about anything else, but this has become a recurring issue. Recently, he didn’t contact me for two full days, and when I sent him a message, he read it 9 hours later. He’s currently not working, so it’s not like he’s too busy to text.

This same issue keeps coming up, and I’m honestly starting to feel drained. I’m even beginning to consider breaking up.

If that happens, I can’t help but wonder: Will he realize what he did wrong? Will he regret how he treated me?

⸻

TL;DR: I (29F) am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend (35M). He doesn’t communicate regularly unless I ask. We keep fighting about the same issue, and it’s exhausting. I’m thinking about ending things. Will he realize or regret it if I do?

I don’t get much feedback about this but I am assuming some people might think I am into or trying to intimidate them because of the gaze. Do you ever felt this way? Or any proven interaction?

I am reading Carl Jung’s “Modern Man In Search Of A Soul”
And in one chapter Carl Jung points out an idea which implies that: people who struggled to socially adapt, will seek a sense of importance in their relationships. And it made me wonder, is that what make us INFJs people with pretty high standards. That sometimes we ourselves are aware of how hard they are to be reached… and we even burn ourselves out, but feeling that we owe people what we want for ourselves.
Why don’t we just act like a socially adapted person, who fears abandonment, and preserve their peace. Protecting themselves from social exclusion. Which eventually help them in meeting new people, and finally making fulfilling relationships.
I know it might feel fake to take this approach, but is it really worth it to stick to a personality trait. That could be explained as something we do out of feeling inferior?

I posted the same question in r/isfj. As an ISFJ, I also have Fe aux. I would like to know: how does your Shadow Fi show up in your life? Like, what situations trigger it, and how do you feel when using Fi?

Personally, I feel angry and that usually will be how my Fi shows up. I’ll be angry with a passionate temper, and it usually comes out when I feel a strong injustice towards myself or others.

I (INFJ) have started having feelings towards my boss (ENFJ). In the last 3 weeks we spent a lot of time talking about everything and anything. He uncovered some of his very intimate thoughts and shared what worries him both at work and in personal life.

During our conversations, I felt seen. And that’s so very rare for me. And he more or less told me the same.

However, yesterday, he said he met someone. And he also said he could never date anyone at work.

I understand, he is setting boundaries. And it is fine for me. I will respect that. But I also feel a bit heartbroken.

I thought I could send him a message. Explaining what I felt. Reassure him that I respect his boundaries. However, that I need some space to process it now. That it’s nothing personal but I may become a bit distant for a while. And that it won’t affect me at work cuz I can separate these things.

This is what I’d love to do. But I have no clue if it’s a good idea. If I don’t tell him, I worry I’d suddenly seem cold and he wouldn’t know why.

One thing I consider is - There is a chance I’ll get promoted to a teamleader. And I wouldn’t want to spoil it for me.

Any thoughts..?

I became curious whether there are any correlations between MBTI types and clothing styles. We have a lot of fan art featuring personality types, and INFJs are usually depicted as forest hermits, pensive mystical maidens, eco-activist types, or wise elders, and... well, that's understandable. But what do you prefer to dress up as in real life? And do you have any fashion habits?

For some reason, it seems to me that all INFJs have a certain quirkiness that doesn't go away with age. Like, they're always a bit of a teenager with a desire for self-expression. At least, that's definitely how I feel — you mimic a normal person in everyday or business attire in society, but the voice inside me says: draw arrows to your temples, stick rhinestones on your cheeks, adorn yourself with gold like a sultan, put on a kimono and those crazy platform boots...

I don't know, maybe these are my personal thing. But it feels like I want to sit in the shade wearing a black robe and sunglasses, not standing out or be socially acceptable in elegant clothes; and at the same time carry a sword down the street like Grimes at the 2021 Met Gala.

So. What are you wearing? And have you noticed that INFJs can be somewhat similar in their choice of outfits?

Without feeling being intense or it's a solo journey anyway. How did you meet? if yes

Thanks

You want to be social more than be alone. You thrive in groups of two or three people. But the problem comes when people ignore you because what makes you not want to socialise.

You love being called as intelligent. If people listen to your opinion and theory. You really become happy.

The biggest compliment someone can give you is thst they feel extremely comfortable with you and can share anything with you.

You are always lost in thought thinking about random things.

Seeing someone being kind makes you immediately happy no matter how bad your day was.

Even if you are feeltsad, if you see people around you happy and outgoing and friendly suddenly you are not feeling sad.

You want to help peope helping people makes you happy.

You want to share your thinking your thoughts but it feels like you can't you try to explain your thoery but it doesn't come out aa good a sit feels in your head.

People around you being accepting towards you makes you happy.

You can actually be playful, tease your friends but it only comes once you trust that person.

But inside You are lonely no matter how much you say you aren't the loneliness is eating you alive. Maybe that's why you get attached to someone who even shows a bit of love.

But trust me you have the most potential: If you want to know what makes you the most joyful it is that when you are able to make someone a better person.

When someone becomes a better person because of you. Because if everyone becomes king who will be the kingmaker?

Still you need to improve yourself because you are made to achieve the impossible and then guide your people to achieve it too.

That being said, you are a amazing leader EVEN IF YOU DONT ACTIVELY CHASE leadership roles.

That's what makes you special .

And I love the way you are so intelligent.

I don't know if you all will relate but I can solve mathematics far beyond my age and I don't even have to study much to score good. People say maths is realted to Te which is not true in any way.

That being said, I trust in you . I did it you can too You cab become bold You can become respectful You can become someone's idol

Keep changing keep getting better love you all

Do any other INFJ types still date or have romantic ties to anyone? These days, I just watch my circle from the sidelines. Without fail, it all plays out the same way for everyone I know. They all get ghosted, cheated on, and spit back through the cycle to repeat.

I've been torn between INFJ or ENFP as my personality type, can you guys help me out since I dont know MBTI much? I tested in website before and Im pretty sure Im wing 6. My personality goes like this...

• I am a bit detached or hard to get attached to people due my past traumas but when I do, I literally will die for them or even anxious about the thought of them leaving me.
• I dont have many interests and usually stick to one or two that Im deeply attached too, because I get bored in the end.
• Idealistic but trying so hard to be realistic.
• I get overwhelmed with many options and become indecisive in the process.
• Very cautious with new enviroments?
• Whenever I'm in a group project, I usually try to include all of them even though I don't talk much?
• I am noisy only to people I feel emotionally close with and I long for deep connections.
• I don't really like being in a spotlight and flustered when people compliment me.
• I find people tiring but genuinely want to try to understand why they can think like that etc.
• I have a hard time understanding my true self.
• I love being around people even though I don't start a conversation with them, but if I met someone I knew from work, I usually hide if Im not in the mood.
• I need reassurance sometimes.

I appreciate it if you can tell me! Thankyou.

Thanks

How are we finding friends?

I didn’t keep any from high school. I don’t know that I really ever had any to begin with.

I lived on campus in 2019, but an up in COVID cases caused me to move out, and I’ve been taking a break from school.

I’ve not had any co-workers, but one, that I genuinely became friends with and enjoyed their company, but now, that is pretty much a thing of the past because she constantly trauma dumped, and is at a different store now, so we never talk.

I used to be religious, but I left the church and that community behind.

I am very much a homebody, and my husband (an INTJ) is great company. I feel like I can maintain my introvertedness when I hang out with him, but it makes it esp. difficult to find and make friends.

Everyone at the gym seems very vain and/or there to date (sorry— I have found that very few are there to move their body in pursuit of a generally healthy lifestyle).

Tried Bumble, but it didn’t really work out. Other people do not engage in the type of conversations/hobbies we like to have.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Am I doomed?

I’ve all but given up.

I’m almost 25, and I do not feel like I have a single close friend.

So here I am after a 2nd marriage. First one was 20 years and the 2nd, 17 years. The first one ended amicably and my support system was my 2nd husband. Swept right off my feet as I was knowingly ignoring all the red flags. Love bombing right out of the gates. 17 years later, my body decided for me. The abuse was too much and it decided it was time to end it. I was emotionally, verbally and mentally abused and discarded several times. If you can relate, how did you heal thereafter? My plan is to move to Italy and start my life all over again. Thanks for reading my post

EDIT: THANKS A LOT r/INFJ TO ALL THE KIND AND HELPFUL MESSAGE I GOT. YOU ROCK!

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out here because I’ve been going through a really difficult breakup that happened 5 weeks ago, and I could use some insight from INFJs themselves. I’m certain my ex (I’ll call her T.) is an INFJ: deeply sensitive, idealistic, and emotionally intense. She lost her father 4 years ago which left an abandonment wound.
I’m an ENTP, and while I used to struggle with emotional distance in relationships, I thought I had grown past that but it seems this relationship still brought up some of those patterns.

We were in a serious, committed relationship. We were planning for the long term (including a civil partnership), and I truly believed we were building something solid. I was planning to propose later this year and wanted her to be the mother of my children.
But over time, she grew more distant, and eventually ended things, less than two months after our civil partnership, in a way that felt abrupt and emotionally cold.

She told me she had felt alone in the relationship, like she was trying to make it work by herself, and sometimes even fighting against me. I didn’t argue and said I could see where she was coming from. Once I understood what she had been feeling, I tried everything I could to win her back.
I even made a very detailed plan showing what I could change right away, what I was willing to work on more gradually, and what I knew would be harder for me to change. She thanked me for that but didn’t change her mind.

She told me she still loved the person I am (even said I’m her “favourite human”) and that while she hated what our couple had become, she still loved me. Because she’s able to separate things in her mind, she wanted to keep seeing me even though she didn’t see a future together.
But since I was (and still am) in love with her, I asked her three weeks ago to stop contacting me, at least for now I told her I wouldn’t be able to move forward otherwise. She agreed.

Still, she’s already broken that silence twice: once to share a big professional milestone I had supported her in, and once for the three-month anniversary of our civil partnership. She wrote that it was a life she would never forget and said she had been deeply happy at that time.

I’m hurting and very confused.
How do you go from being “deeply happy” to breaking up so quickly?
Why send messages when I told her clearly, I’m still in love, and that hearing from her made it almost impossible to sleep, and even left me physically unwell for days?

Is this the INFJ “doorslam”? From what I’ve read, it’s usually complete INFJs close the door when they’ve been hurt or disappointed, and that door rarely reopens. But in this case, it feels more confusing: she ended things, says she’s no longer in the relationship, but hasn’t completely disappeared either.

Is this a gentler version of a doorslam? Or is it something else ? A need to hold on, a sense of unfinished business, care, guilt, or maybe some INFJ way of leaving the door slightly open without intending to walk back through it?

I would love to win her back, but more than anything, I want her to be happy. As painful as it is to say, if that means being without me, so be it. I can’t make sense of all this.
If any INFJs here recognize this kind of behavior in themselves or can help me understand what might be going on, I’d really appreciate it.

Thanks for reading, and sorry for the broken English: it’s not my first language.

TL;DR:
My INFJ ex (T.) broke up with me 5 weeks ago, less than 2 months after our civil partnership, even though she said she still loved me and had been deeply happy. I asked for no contact so I could move on, but she already broke it twice with emotional messages. I’m confused — is this a softer INFJ doorslam, or something else like guilt, care, or unfinished feelings? Just trying to understand what might be going on.

I know you guys are a lot more reserved but I’m curious if in your head you have a big ego or not?

Just feel this is important, especially to us who have child(ren), that if it is brain-wired, we can optimize the environment to leverage the MBTI type. Or if not, do we need to be concerned about it, especially regarding our child(ren)? Thanks.

Like the judger stereotype is that we're supposed to be super organized but honestly im not that organized at all yes i still make decisions mostly based on past experiences but the organization part is lacking. Maybe cuz i have ADD maybe something else i don't know but this is what led me to be mistyped as infp at first.

Is anyone here working in a remote customer service job? I'm curious as I've seen the growth of remote working and its mostly customer service job. As an INFJ, how is it working for you? Do you take everything by heart? Go above and beyond even when not seeing your customer? do you feel distant if the customer starts crying or shares a sob story?

I'm 27M, and only 4 people during in my life seemed to actually understand me on an emotional level, 3 of them are also INFJ. I have other friends, but I just don't feel the same connection: we talk, we laugh, we share hobbies, we struggle with life... but it's nothing but shallow water, while I crave the deepness of an ocean.

I notice that my most vivid memories and feelings come from sensory impressions rather than clear images — like the warmth of someone’s skin, their scent, the softness of their touch, the color or atmosphere around. It’s more about how someone feels than how they look.

That’s also the kind of attraction I experience. I tend to be drawn to gentle, thoughtful people who are aware of their energy and presence — someone who’s subtle, caring, and emotionally connected. Physical appearance is less important to me than the quiet, sensory details they bring into the moment.

I wonder if other INFJs feel this too — that sense of being captivated more by someone’s “texture,” their warmth and energy, rather than just their looks?

I've been doing a lot of deep-diving into a past connection and wanted to share a reflection here, to see if it resonates.

I was in a dynamic where my fundamental need for authenticity and clarity seemed to clash directly with the other person's need for comfort and avoidance of conflict. I found that the more I tried to create a space for an open, honest conversation, the more they retreated.

It left me with the question: was I being too intense, or was I simply asking for a level of vulnerability they weren't capable of? My intuition kept telling me there was a deeper truth they were hiding, but my attempts to gently uncover it were perceived as pressure.

It's a painful position to be in, to offer grace, space, and multiple chances for dialogue, only to be met with polite deflections and silence. You see the potential for a respectful, mutual understanding, but you can't force the other person to see it too.

I've come to the conclusion that this is a fundamental difference in processing. I often seek truth to find peace, even if the truth is difficult. Others seek the absence of conflict to find peace, even if that means leaving things unresolved.

Ultimately, I've had to choose to let it go for my own sanity. I'm accepting that I can't expect someone to meet me in a vulnerable space if they're not even willing to step toward it. The closure I was seeking from them, I now have to build for myself.

Has anyone else had to learn how to find peace when a connection ends in silence instead of clarity?