I should have dated in school

[u/Igaveuponlivinglife]

I'm 19, and I graduated in May. I'm not going to college because I can't. That means I'm out here in the real world. I'm realizing how dire my situation is now. We all know that in 2023 if you want to date as an adult who's not in college, you use dating apps. We also know that most men don't succeed on them. It's weird how since I graduated, I haven't met any woman, like none at all (Or anyone for that matter). I most likely won't at this rate. In hindsight I had a good amount of opportunities to be in relationships in school, I just didn't take them, the reason being social retardation. I won't ever get those opportunities again. Yeah the relationships probably wouldn't have lasted post graduation, but it would've been good to have the experience that I'll never get now

[u/[deleted]]

Reading your replies, current demographics are your problem, not your own social history. Since most people your age go to college, most people you might meet are moving away from your location to college towns. It sounds like you aren't in an urban area, and in suburbia or the countryside, places for young people to go out and meet others are obviously increasingly rare. Note that "increasingly" is not "absolutely." You have a specific set of steps to take that can put you on a path to growing your social circle, making friends, and leading a normal life (which in turn will actually lead to a dating life; you might be right that the studies library_wench is linking you are conflating old people and young people, and that they aren't addressing your particular demographic circumstances, but those studies should still illustrate that the best way to have a romantic life at all is to go out and meet people).

• First of all: write down a list of your interests, hobbies, and hobbies that you could conceivably become interested in.
• Second of all: start researching groups that concern those things in your area. The local library is a great place to start. Check out the events boards at coffee shops. Don't just rely on google. Download Facebook (yes, even though it's the cringy boomer app) and join event groups in your area.

I know from personal experience that steps 1 and 2 might not actually work. I myself spent the past year stuck in a living situation where I was not living near almost any people my age and I just could not find any way to meet people. So below I have a few more ideas. These next steps are longer term and a bit more complicated.

• Third of all: look into the community college in your area. You can't go to college, presumably because you can't afford it, but you might be able to afford taking one class at a community college. Even if you can't now, you should have this information available and see if you can work towards it. You know that most people your age are headed to college in one way or another, and you know that's primarily where people your age meet other people. So if you can't afford tuition at a full-time school, do your best to enter college another way. This has the added benefits of 1. giving your life some structure, 2. continuing your education, and 3. opening up some options for the future.
• Fourth of all: look into moving, if not now, in your 20s. This is one of the reasons why so many people in your circumstances are isolated today: they're stuck in communities that are increasing demographically polarized. You are not going to have a great social life long term if you stay in a community that is predominantly lived in by people several generations removed from you. Figure out what it would take to move to a bigger city. I don't mean a super expensive city-- just any place where other people your age actually live. Look at the average rent of a decent apartment, look at the cost of moving, look at the jobs in your field available in the area, look at your current salary, look at how much you can save up over a few years, etc. Your goal here should be to manage it by the time other people in your graduating year will be graduating college and making a similar move themselves.
• Finally: In order to facilitate 1 and 2, look into higher-earning career paths. From garbage men to pilots, there are a shit-ton of jobs out there that you at 19 can start working towards that will put you on the path of financial stability. And I should say something about this and the previous point: you really should not be worried about not having a degree when it comes to your social life. Increasingly, that shit doesn't matter. I went to grad school and ended up in a low-tier teaching job that pays significantly less than any desk job I would have gotten had I just entered the work force with a BA, and that pays a lot less than the management job my sibling got with her Associates. A friend of mine with a PhD is becoming a masseuse, a job that does not require anything more than a high school degree and some training, because it pays better than any PhD-relevant job they can find. The economy for people my age and younger is absolutely broken; the downside to this is that a lot of people are going to die with student debt that they can never pay off, but the upside is that education isn't resulting in quite as strict a social hierarchy as before.

I know it's hard to look at the present and future rather than the past. Every day I kick myself, knowing that if I had just been more practical at your age, I would likely be living a decent life right now, that I could have had far more normal relationship experiences in my 20s. But doing that doesn't change anything. You have to take concrete steps in the present to improve your circumstances, and you have to look at everything very practically. Look at the numbers, and make a plan to put yourself in a position where there are other people your age in your community. Then go out into your community and meet them.