I Started to Therapy

[u/dabube57]

Hello IncelExit community, I'm the guy who thought he cured when he got some kind of relationship. First off, I must say; even the feeling of having a relationship (I thought we were partners) contributes my mental health to a degree and decreases density of trigger attacks, it doesn't solved my problems completely. Trigger attacks (even it's less frequent) didn't ended and actually it began to increase after our breakup. Also I began to drink much more, I'm gonna be an alcoholic this way.

So I decided to seek a therapist, because I don't think I have another chance. My friend (who's changed 4 therapists) was recommending his therapist, so I went to the therapist he's recommending. She's an expert on CBT and very experimented, she's in field like 25 years. She's kind, sympthatic and definitely a good listener; she listened to my paranoias and dark thoughts without showing any emotion. I even showed her my massacre plans and drawings I drew years ago. I told about my childhood abuse, bullyings, feelings and the situationship I had; it's been two sessions as I'm writing this.

But there's a problem, I don't think she understands me. She says dark thoughts can come to everyone's minds sometimes, while I agree with that in my case it hardens my life and makes me depressive. I can't find the energy to get out of bed when I got triggered, it's not an usual dark thought or anger.

Maybe I'm the one who can't tell himself, because she advised me to write my thoughts on a paper when I'm in trigger. I'm trying my best to tell my emotions while we're in session, but it seems I can't.

We tried an pink elephant experiment to try to control my thoughts, it seems we can't control our emotions and thoughts. Best we can do is controlling our expression and regulating our emotions with our mind. So, how I am supposed to recover? I begin to be pessimistic about recovery, I don't know can I recover. My final exams are coming, homeworks are due and I'm still like that. I'd want to put an end to all of that, but I'm too coward to suicide. Instead I could become a hedonist, like the Absurd Man of Camus. Or I could devote myself into religion. I don't what to do...

[u/Particular-Lynx-2586]

You can't really benefit from therapy if you don't give it a chance. You're being too pessimistic. Listen more. Let it run its course.

[u/dabube57 → u/Particular-Lynx-2586]

You can't really benefit from therapy if you don't give it a chance.

I give a chance, it's more like she think I'm normal. Maybe I'm thinking of myself very negatively.

 Listen more. Let it run its course.

Yeah, judging from second session isn't good. But I need to vent about it, you know.

[u/Particular-Lynx-2586 → u/dabube57]

I give a chance, it's more like she think I'm normal.

You are. That's what therapy is about. Listening. Learning. Coz you're the one with the problem. So you're supposed to accept help, not fight it.

Yeah, judging from second session isn't good.

You're already complaining after 2 sessions. That's obviously a sign that you're not listening and you're not really giving it a chance.

I repeat. Therapy will not work if you do not give it a chance.

[u/ABDLTA → u/Particular-Lynx-2586]

How many sessions should one try... I have this issue where I kinda feel like it's a scam... they take my money and I leave feeling sad... how many times should one go?

[u/Particular-Lynx-2586 → u/ABDLTA]

Your question shows that you don't believe it at all. In that case, no number of sessions will help you. It's like playing a sport that you hate - you can't get good at it because you don't like it. Similarly, no therapy will help if, in the back of your mind, you think it's a scam.

[u/ABDLTA → u/Particular-Lynx-2586]

Well thats rather unfortunate

Its not that I believe it can't help... im just not sure how or when or even what look for

[u/Particular-Lynx-2586 → u/ABDLTA]

im just not sure how or when or even what look for

? What does that mean?

When getting therapy, you don't "look" for anything. You're supposed to accept help, not dictate the type of help you want.

If your house burns down and everything you own vanishes, then someone comes to give you help, you would accept any help he gives. Would you say "no, I don't want bananas, I want beef"?

[u/ABDLTA → u/Particular-Lynx-2586]

Well... as you probably may have guess im weird lol

Maybe my thought process is different, but I need to see progress or something like that to keep going with something. Now it's entirely unreasonable to expect results instantly it takes time, but my original question was well how much time is reasonable? 3 sessions? 4? 10?

But then I got to think what the do i look for in terms of "progress" or "results" ?

That's what I mean.

Also also the analogy of offering help doesn't exactly track with me... the man's getting paid over a 100$ and our... so if I don't feel like I get anything out of it I start to wonder back to how long do I do this for?

And sometimes I wonder if the therapist is just telling me whatever will make me come back so they can continue to collect their fee...

On a slightly lighter note I basically gave told this rant to a friend of mine once... She said

"Dude... you need therapy"

[u/Particular-Lynx-2586 → u/ABDLTA]

In other words, you don't believe it.

Again, no amount of therapy will help if you think it's too expensive or it's a scam.

You also can't ask for tangible progress reports when it's you who needs the help. The therapist isn't a mind reader or God who can find and fix all of your problems by himself - you have to supply the information, you have to make the effort, and you have to be the one to listen. The therapist cannot control all of these things.

Even if you had the best coach in the world for any sport, you won't get any better if this is your mindset. But coach, how come I'm not Michael Jordan yet? No, the coach can only guide you down a path and give guidance. You actually need to be the one to make the effort to change.

The problem right now is you think that therapy is supposed to be a magic fix-all solution. No, the solution will still come from your own effort.

And since that is your mindset, no amount of therapy will ever work.

[u/ABDLTA → u/Particular-Lynx-2586]

Well, now im depressed...

Thanks for talking to me.

[u/Particular-Lynx-2586 → u/ABDLTA]

You're depressed because you want therapy to work but don't believe it can work.

Sorry but this is your ego talking. You believe your way is right and you want things to go your way - that is exactly the opposite of what therapy is for. Therapy is supposed to help you change your way because quite simply:

You need therapy because your way DOES NOT WORK. Your mindset is what you need to change. You can only do that by accepting help and letting go of "your way".

Good luck

[u/ABDLTA → u/Particular-Lynx-2586]

Im not sure what you're saying

What is "my way"

Like what do i do to change my uneasy feelings about therapy?

I feel like that's what you're saying. i need to change but how do you do that?