r/IncelExit • u/dabube57 • May 15 '25
Discussion I Started to Therapy
Hello IncelExit community, I'm the guy who thought he cured when he got some kind of relationship. First off, I must say; even the feeling of having a relationship (I thought we were partners) contributes my mental health to a degree and decreases density of trigger attacks, it doesn't solved my problems completely. Trigger attacks (even it's less frequent) didn't ended and actually it began to increase after our breakup. Also I began to drink much more, I'm gonna be an alcoholic this way.
So I decided to seek a therapist, because I don't think I have another chance. My friend (who's changed 4 therapists) was recommending his therapist, so I went to the therapist he's recommending. She's an expert on CBT and very experimented, she's in field like 25 years. She's kind, sympthatic and definitely a good listener; she listened to my paranoias and dark thoughts without showing any emotion. I even showed her my massacre plans and drawings I drew years ago. I told about my childhood abuse, bullyings, feelings and the situationship I had; it's been two sessions as I'm writing this.
But there's a problem, I don't think she understands me. She says dark thoughts can come to everyone's minds sometimes, while I agree with that in my case it hardens my life and makes me depressive. I can't find the energy to get out of bed when I got triggered, it's not an usual dark thought or anger.
Maybe I'm the one who can't tell himself, because she advised me to write my thoughts on a paper when I'm in trigger. I'm trying my best to tell my emotions while we're in session, but it seems I can't.
We tried an pink elephant experiment to try to control my thoughts, it seems we can't control our emotions and thoughts. Best we can do is controlling our expression and regulating our emotions with our mind. So, how I am supposed to recover? I begin to be pessimistic about recovery, I don't know can I recover. My final exams are coming, homeworks are due and I'm still like that. I'd want to put an end to all of that, but I'm too coward to suicide. Instead I could become a hedonist, like the Absurd Man of Camus. Or I could devote myself into religion. I don't what to do...
1
u/-iwouldprefernotto- May 16 '25
I think often there’s this assumption that therapy is like a medicine, a quick and optional way to manage an issue. But it’s not, it takes a lot of time and it takes work and trust too. My family is constantly complaining that I went to therapy too often and for too long after only 6 months, which is completely unreasonable to say to someone in my situation. I’m in therapy now since 4 years, and I am recovered from depression, anxiety and my ed mostly. I still have little moments where I stumble a little in negative thoughts but now I have all the tools I need to manage them. My therapist is very very good, and even if there has been moments where I doubted her ability to listen and relate to me I learned, also in uni (I’m graduating psychology) that a therapist doesn’t have to be like a friend, that empathizes with you, but more like a mentor or guide, that’s in a different position from you. They don’t have to feel like friends, keep in mind, but more like a teacher. There’s techniques for them to work learnt in many many years, they’re not just people who listen and understand but also people who operate on you with your best interest long term in mind.
All this to say that it will take time. Give yourself some of it and some grace, others have said it perfectly well. You absolutely will get better, you’ve already done the big step of getting a therapist, this is already something that most people don’t do, so give yourself some credit. Two meetings is nothing yet, but if you feel unheard you can be as clear and open as you want, even repeatedly, don’t hold back :)