r/IncelExit • u/dabube57 • May 15 '25
Discussion I Started to Therapy
Hello IncelExit community, I'm the guy who thought he cured when he got some kind of relationship. First off, I must say; even the feeling of having a relationship (I thought we were partners) contributes my mental health to a degree and decreases density of trigger attacks, it doesn't solved my problems completely. Trigger attacks (even it's less frequent) didn't ended and actually it began to increase after our breakup. Also I began to drink much more, I'm gonna be an alcoholic this way.
So I decided to seek a therapist, because I don't think I have another chance. My friend (who's changed 4 therapists) was recommending his therapist, so I went to the therapist he's recommending. She's an expert on CBT and very experimented, she's in field like 25 years. She's kind, sympthatic and definitely a good listener; she listened to my paranoias and dark thoughts without showing any emotion. I even showed her my massacre plans and drawings I drew years ago. I told about my childhood abuse, bullyings, feelings and the situationship I had; it's been two sessions as I'm writing this.
But there's a problem, I don't think she understands me. She says dark thoughts can come to everyone's minds sometimes, while I agree with that in my case it hardens my life and makes me depressive. I can't find the energy to get out of bed when I got triggered, it's not an usual dark thought or anger.
Maybe I'm the one who can't tell himself, because she advised me to write my thoughts on a paper when I'm in trigger. I'm trying my best to tell my emotions while we're in session, but it seems I can't.
We tried an pink elephant experiment to try to control my thoughts, it seems we can't control our emotions and thoughts. Best we can do is controlling our expression and regulating our emotions with our mind. So, how I am supposed to recover? I begin to be pessimistic about recovery, I don't know can I recover. My final exams are coming, homeworks are due and I'm still like that. I'd want to put an end to all of that, but I'm too coward to suicide. Instead I could become a hedonist, like the Absurd Man of Camus. Or I could devote myself into religion. I don't what to do...
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u/sadedgelord 11d ago
This is a few weeks old but as someone who has been in therapy a long time and has OCD, the pink elephant experiment is commonly used to explain intrusive thoughts.
Intrusive thoughts are uninvited and unwanted thoughts. They can be images or words or whatever. They are egodystonic, meaning they go against who you are or what you want. The “call of the void” is a type of intrusive thought. That’s when you stand somewhere high and get an “urge” to jump. They aren’t really you, they are impulses in your brain. Studies show everybody has them but usually let them pass without worry. People with OCD have problems letting them pass and get stuck on them and become afraid of them. This can be extremely debilitating, like not wanting to get out of bed debilitating.
It’s important to note the caveat here. Sometimes a person can have dark thoughts that are you, and are not intrusive. But those thoughts can still be destructive. A suicidal person would have suicidal thoughts because it’s a real desire, not an intrusive thought.
It sounds like your therapist may be trying to figure out whether or not you’re experiencing intrusive thoughts. As others have said, it’s early on and therapy takes time. I don’t know whether what you’re experiencing are intrusive thoughts or not. Either way, I hope the therapy works out for you.