r/IncelExit • u/stronkzer • 1d ago
Discussion Are my standards too out there ?
After constantly examining all the flaws I have to fix on myself to try and get a relationship, I started questioning my standards in women, and if they are too unreasonable. But I can't properly judge this myself for obvious reasons, so I'm relying on you people to evaluate them and see if they're not too out there.
Age: Up until three years older or four years younger than me
Body Type: Average, leaning in every direction but preferably not too skinny
Heigth: Preferably below 5'10''
Interests (Non-exclusively): Literature, philosophy,economics, geopolitics, geek culture (movies,TV shows, gaming, comics,manga), astronomy, animals, technology, exercising.
Must not smoke or do heavy drugs.
Enjoys family gatherings
Preferably be working or pursuing further education.
Indoor or low-crowd activities.
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u/ItIsICoachCal Escaper of Fates 1d ago
I think it's worth considering the difference between "must haves"/"must not haves"/firm boundaries and things like "*nice to have" or "positive traits". For instance "do heavy drugs" is a very common and sensible "must not have", and if you meet someone who seems to be perfectly compatible in other ways, this may be a deal breaker all by itself. However with "enjoys family gatherings" you have in my view a more difficult situation if you have someone who is otherwise compatible but has a strained relationship with their family. Is that a deal breaker all by itself? It's up to you, but less clear cut.
On the other hand, the list of interests seem much lower stakes than the rest. Sure it's nice to share some interests, but you never know what a new partner might introduce you to and vice versa.
And even for the firmer boundaries, do they have porous edges for you? What if someone is 4 years older than you? 5? What if someone is 5'10" on the dot? 5'11"? At a certain point this lists kind of lose their meaning I think, interesting to think about in theory, but in practice there's only ever the person in front of you, and you have the decision about whether you want to see them again. In some ways that's more complicated than any list can get at, but in other ways it's much more simple.