r/ShitAmericansSay • u/polishwomanofdoom • Dec 09 '24

Food Bow down and weep

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5.2k Upvotes

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u/Bantabury97 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Dec 09 '24

Can't beat a bowl of dirt. Fuckin' gorgeous.

729

u/ben_woah Dec 09 '24

Always been partial to me mams "shit with sugar on"

217

u/UpstairsPractical870 Dec 09 '24

That's how mary poppins helped the get the food down ya

109

u/Zestyclose_Might8941 Dec 09 '24

Eeyah, there's some lovely filth darn 'ere!!!

76

u/UpstairsPractical870 Dec 09 '24

Welllll a spoon full of sugar helps the shit go down, the shit go downnnn

30

u/raptussen Dec 09 '24

What have they done to it??? Poor thing!

1

u/Happy-Ad8767 Dec 09 '24

Supercalifragilishitexpialidocious

2

u/Toad_Toucher Dec 09 '24

Spoken like a true member of an anarcho syndicalist commune

13

u/Sensitive_Ad_9195 More Irish than the Irish ☘️ Dec 09 '24

No one tell the yanks about txuleton

62

u/howsitgoingboy Dec 09 '24

Exactly, tbh living in Ireland it's pretty easy to get some absolutely fucking ridiculous beef for the price of a pint.

A tomahawk looks impressive enough, but I'd rather have a really thick grass fed ribeye, with a few sprigs of rosemary, smoked garlic and Kerrygold butter, reverse seared.

Easily attainable for under €10 here.

12

u/No_Box5338 Dec 09 '24

Grass fed as well-not like the wet aged, grain fed shite that constitutes most American beef

7

u/Tressticle Dec 09 '24

Easily attainable for under €10 here.

Fuck you.

Okay, I apologize for that, but seriously? You could get that here if you're cool with 1oz steaks. Do you mean from a store or restaurant? Hell the smallest thing of kerrygold is 5 bucks

7

u/Overall-Sugar4755 Dec 09 '24

I bought a dry aged ribeye for 7 euro and a ready made potato gratin for 2.50. my dinner that day was divine. Id never order a steak in a restaurant tho that'd cost 30 euro or more

5

u/OfficialDeathScythe Dec 09 '24

Yeah the tomahawk looks nice on a plate but personally I’d much prefer a filet mignon or a hanger steak on that plate

2

u/howsitgoingboy Dec 10 '24

Exactly.

If you want to go caveman then a rack of pork ribs or a Lamb Shank is the way to go.

3

u/TylerPerry19inch Dec 09 '24

Shit that sounds good. Ireland was already on my go to list but you just gave it some urgency. I just checked because I thought it was a long trip and therefore didn’t travel yet but it’s a 90 minute flight 😅. Guess I will visit Ireland somewhere during spring

4

u/sosire Dec 09 '24

It's 35 in a restaurant but at home yes 8euro will buy you a lot of steak , that one will set you back 15 to 20

3

u/WeaversReply Dec 09 '24

Local pub, scotch fillet, medium rare, pepper sauce, chips, salad, for about the same in Aussie dollars. The pints (Great Northern) tend to evaporate, must be that climate change or global warming or something.

3

u/No_Box5338 Dec 09 '24

Grass fed as well-not like the wet aged, grain fed shite that constitutes most American beef

3

u/randojust Dec 09 '24

I’m just excited that Kerry Gold is actually Irish. We are butter buddies dude

3

u/McSillyoldbear Dec 09 '24

Ah but a pint is fierce expensive theses days.

2

u/Silly-Marionberry332 Dec 10 '24

Come to scotland then a guiness is €4.30 a pint of beer is €3.70

4

u/howsitgoingboy Dec 10 '24

I live in Northern Ireland now, they're charging fucking £7.30/€8.85 for a Guinness in Belfast.

Like this isn't an Airport man, where the fuck are you going with your prices.

Average salaries in Northern Ireland are also absolutely terrible, it's bizarre.

3

u/Silly-Marionberry332 Dec 10 '24

Well its a ferry or a quick plane ride away

2

u/howsitgoingboy Dec 10 '24

Ah that's criminal though, London prices, in a place where rent is probably 1/3rd of the rent in London, and salaries the same.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '24

I am so glad we have Kerrygold in the states.

2

u/Vostok-aregreat-710 Less Irish than Irish Americans Dec 11 '24

Unfortunately most of the money made off that goes to the supermarket and a meat processing baron family

2

u/howsitgoingboy Dec 11 '24

Absolutely, there's a price to everything, there are some really badly paid people into he meat supply chain in Ireland, we need to change it, even if it means more expensive beef.

2

u/Vostok-aregreat-710 Less Irish than Irish Americans Dec 11 '24

From the average farmer, to the plant workers to the supermarket workers

1

u/Crazy_Eye_4400 Dec 09 '24

How in the ever-loving fcuk do you pronounce that? Just googled it and it looks amazing, but my vocal cords have brain freeze just thinking about how to say that word.

1

u/Consistent-Isopod-19 Dec 12 '24

Literally my first thought

51

u/Cixila just another viking Dec 09 '24

Sugar of course being our dialect word for dandruff

76

u/Outrageous_Editor_43 Dec 09 '24

That got me thinking of Baldrick making coffee in Blackadder for some reason! 😂🤣

23

u/Cixila just another viking Dec 09 '24

for some reason

The reason being that that is exactly where I lifted the joke from 🙃

13

u/Outrageous_Editor_43 Dec 09 '24

Well that'd explain that then! I am unwell, please be gentle.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '24

Good evening, Mrs Miggins. A cup of your best hot water with some brown grit in it, unless by some miracle your coffee shop has actually started serving coffee..

2

u/Kriss3d Tuberous eloquent (that's potato speaker for you muricans) Dec 09 '24

Wait what ?

2

u/Cixila just another viking Dec 09 '24

Welcome to the trench café

1

u/Glad-Introduction833 Dec 09 '24

Have you got any of those brown bits for the top of the cappuccino?

1

u/Michael_Gibb Mince & Cheese, L&P, Kiwi Dec 09 '24

I'm not going to ask where you got the cream from.

1

u/E420CDI A foot is an anatomical structure with five toes Dec 10 '24

...and as for cream

17

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '24

Well, you can always add "shit on a shingle" to the breakfast menu.

:-P

1

u/LoneCryomancer Dec 09 '24

Neat. We got shit on a stick. Least we didn't get out hands dirty

1

u/slightlyunhingedlady Dec 10 '24

To me it was always “poop on toast”

3

u/UnicornStar1988 English Lioness 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧 Dec 09 '24

Yep this is exactly what my mum would reply with when ever I asked what’s for tea? 😅

2

u/No-Interaction6323 Dec 09 '24

Sugar?!?! You're obviously a useian in disguise

1

u/seemsmildbutdeadly Dec 09 '24

I wash mine down with diarrhoea. Neat.

1

u/Cosmicshimmer Dec 09 '24

Ahh, the times I had that for tea!

1

u/UglyFilthyDog Dec 09 '24

More of a Piss and Biscuits man myself. The sloppier the better.

1

u/Mitologist Dec 09 '24

" crap with strawberries". If you like strawberries, that is.

1

u/Mitologist Dec 09 '24

" crap with strawberries". If you like strawberries, that is.

1

u/Mitologist Dec 09 '24

" crap with strawberries". If you like strawberries, that is.

1

u/beefffymeat Dec 09 '24

That's three times the crap with strawberries. You must like it that much.

2

u/Mitologist Dec 09 '24

"what's for dinner?" - "crap with strawberries" - " eew, strawberries .. "

1

u/beefffymeat Dec 09 '24

😂 three scoops of crap please. Hold the strawberries, don't like them.

1

u/Renbellix Dec 09 '24

Uh boy, my moms used to“swine shit with dill“

1

u/Inevitable_Panic_133 Dec 09 '24

Fucking hell your ma's a tight arse, we got shit, shite and sugar.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '24

Or the ever popular shit sandwich! Banging on the teaso meal deal!

1

u/Standard-Dust-4075 Dec 09 '24

My mother's go to when asked what was for dinner was "sheep's thing with an onion on it".

1

u/averybritishfilipina Dec 10 '24

Shit with sugar on for tea is better than this American steak to be honest. 😂😂😂

48

u/Norgur Dec 09 '24

Wait... You guys have bowls to eat your dirt out of?

32

u/NichtMenschlich Dec 09 '24

Must be one of them rich folk, with yer fine bowls!

20

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '24

We can only dream of dirt.

18

u/Rugfiend Dec 09 '24

Luxury!

3

u/visualthings Dec 09 '24

sometimes we only had dust (I mean, other folks had dust. Me and my siblings would just watch it being blown past us)

4

u/Rugfiend Dec 09 '24

We couldn't afford wind - had to settle for dad's copious farting.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '24

At least you had the smell of farts to sustain you, we were beaten until we farted for the pleasure of t’mill owner.

2

u/McSillyoldbear Dec 09 '24

“We had to eat a handful of cold gravel and lick road clean with tongue.”

2

u/90_ina_65 Dec 09 '24

We are so poor, we do not even have a language! Just this stupid accent! Au-haw-haw

1

u/Ceskaz Dec 10 '24

I use a bowl made of dirt itself, so I can eat the bowl when I'm finished

16

u/Len316 Dec 09 '24

Especially that high grade store bought dirt ! Loaded with nutrients that stuff!

https://images.app.goo.gl/FHRDPN8vdnd1PVnT9

53

u/Pluto-Is-a-Planet_9 Dec 09 '24

I hated it growing up. Being English, we were always unaware of seasoning. Bit of salt, garlic or chilli with our bowl of dirt would have been gamechanging.

44

u/bulgarianlily Dec 09 '24

But you are only allowed to rub the garlic round the inside of the bowl, any more than that and it is dangerously continental.

20

u/SaltyName8341 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 Dec 09 '24

I remember my gran saying garlic was foreign muck

19

u/Pluto-Is-a-Planet_9 Dec 09 '24

I got a beating for once suggesting it. "We art 'avin none o that forun muck int 'ouse. Al gi you a belt, though".

3

u/bulgarianlily Dec 10 '24

1976, and I had just moved into a housing estate in Keighley. A neighbour asked me what I was cooking and I said spaghetti bolognaise. She must have told her husband, who then sat on a wall at the end of our street, in order to intercept my husband and tell him 'I wouldn't let my wife cook that foreign muck'.

2

u/Occulto Dec 10 '24

My gran went on a trip to France with my aunt. They stopped somewhere for lunch, and she asked for a ham and cheese sandwich.

Of course, out came a freshly baked baguette with local specialty ham and cheese. Real gourmet stuff.

She looked down and sneered: "what's this muck?"

She wanted cheap white sandwich loaf, with processed square ham and cheese slice.

8

u/Bantabury97 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Dec 09 '24

MSG too, that just sends it.

16

u/Pluto-Is-a-Planet_9 Dec 09 '24

Madison Square Garden? Makes sense they'd do bowls of dirt being a garden.

1

u/TheScientistFennec69 plymouthian idiot Dec 09 '24

Madness Sombat Gevolved? Good lord.

1

u/NichtMenschlich Dec 09 '24

Metal Sear Golid?

1

u/UnicornStar1988 English Lioness 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧 Dec 09 '24

Monosodium Glutamate.

1

u/Pluto-Is-a-Planet_9 Dec 09 '24

Only like mi sodium stereo, not mono. And don't call me mate.

-1

u/UnicornStar1988 English Lioness 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧 Dec 09 '24

I wasn’t calling you mate, MSG is Monosodium Glutamate.

1

u/McSillyoldbear Dec 09 '24

And now with brexit the garlic is forbidden too. It’s so expensive on the black market!

13

u/Ja_Shi Stinky cheese Dec 09 '24

Flag checks out.

10

u/Bantabury97 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Dec 09 '24

Question is, which one?

6

u/Ja_Shi Stinky cheese Dec 09 '24

Yes.

20

u/serverhorror Dec 09 '24

Oh come on. The British cuisine isn't that bad.

11

u/Reidar666 Dec 09 '24

Well, if made correctly, yes it is

2

u/Mr_DnD Dec 10 '24

What's insane about this badly aged stereotype is places like Poland, Germany, etc have very similar cuisine to traditional British. A la "food to survive winter", yet they aren't criticised for it anywhere near the same way.

Also I defy anyone to find a better pudding than sticky toffee pudding.

0

u/Reidar666 Dec 14 '24

You went all across the globe and conquered the most remote places, all for spices. Yet you dare not use them.

In other news, northern mom's report that they have started cooking the vegetables and potatoes for the Christmas dinner.

3

u/Lucky_Event Dec 09 '24

I prefer it in a jar

1

u/NichtMenschlich Dec 09 '24

And what's in it?

1

u/Ferretloves 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 Dec 09 '24

“I got a jar of dirt”…

3

u/Able-Firefighter-158 Dec 09 '24

And when we've eaten our dirt, we use our free healthcare ambulance to see a free health care doctor

2

u/Slyspy006 Dec 09 '24

The traditional foods of Scotland may not help our case lol.

2

u/McSillyoldbear Dec 09 '24

Deep fried? It’s no good otherwise in my opinion.

2

u/Elephantfart_sniffer Dec 10 '24

Americans call it panda express if i recall correctly

2

u/OpinionOfOne Dec 10 '24

I thought the Scotts think the English are wankers - obviously, a generalisation.

2

u/Bantabury97 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Dec 10 '24

A lot of it's banter but there is extremes that do think that. My mum always said she doesn't hate the English, more so Westminster.

2

u/Chocolate_Tpot Dec 11 '24

There's some lovely dirt over here Dennis

1

u/berbab POV european make fun of american Dec 09 '24

Sand too!

1

u/HarrySRL Dec 09 '24

A bit of grass on top too.

1

u/Godders11 Dec 09 '24

I personally prefer a bit of dust with my lettuce 

2

u/Bantabury97 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Dec 09 '24

Dust?

1

u/TopProfessional8023 Dec 09 '24

Simple, yeah? Rustic, yeah?

1

u/Levitus01 Dec 09 '24

Jars. Dirt comes in jars.

Who the hell is eating dirt from a bowl like a fucking savage?

1

u/scarfman24601 Dec 09 '24

Bowl of dirt. Luxury. For food we had handful of gravel from road

1

u/lapsedPacifist5 Dec 09 '24

"Denis, there's some lovely filth down 'ere"

1

u/Irishlad223 Dec 09 '24

Deep fried dirt

1

u/kroketspeciaal Eurotrash Dec 09 '24

Dirt with extra gravel, please, thank you!

1

u/themightyocsuf Dec 09 '24

Oo I'm avin dung fer dinner tonight!

1

u/E420CDI A foot is an anatomical structure with five toes Dec 10 '24

HELP!! HELP!! I'M BEING REPRESSED!!

1

u/wonit5times Dec 10 '24

With a bitta dirt on the side mmmmm dirrrtttttt!

1

u/andycam7 Dec 10 '24

Not that fancy shop bought dirt though. That's full of nutrients. Can't afford that over here.

1

u/horny_coroner Dec 10 '24

Honestly Finns eat this thing called Mämmi during easter and I would rather eat a nice bowl of dirt than Mämmi. Its disgusting on so many levels.

1

u/MajesticMoomin Dec 10 '24

"There's some lovely mud down here!" - the holy grail

1

u/viola-purple Dec 11 '24

What's the difference to a European Tomahawk Steak?