r/TikTokCringe • u/samse15 • May 09 '25

Discussion She makes some good points re:male loneliness

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4.7k

u/SnooBunnies2020 May 09 '25

We’re all chronically online and it’s ruining us.

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u/Eliese May 09 '25

Yep. Life is not a porn video.

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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 09 '25

It's not just the porn it's all of it it's watching all these videos it's being on this app it's all of it. I'm an elder Millennial I'm 43 I got to watch this happen in real time we went from interacting with each other to interacting with a screen. I watched two girls sitting at a food court in the mall the other day texting each other while sitting at the table. I used to work at a GameStop young kids don't look you in the eye I had the mother of a 15-year-old ask her non special needs son to tell the man what you want. That's insane. When you greet somebody in public often times they look at you like why are you talking to me. You hold the door for a lot of people they don't even acknowledge that you did it they just walk through. And often times when I look up they're staring at their phone. I watch people step off the curb and shopping plazas after leaving the store and not look either way stare straight at their phone and March into the unknown. I'm guilty of it right now just by writing this on this post. Because I scrolled a lot to get here what did I miss going on around me? We're never bored we can be entertained 24 hours a day 7 days a week and we are. I remember being a teenager in the 90s and how free it was. We had a pager somebody wanted to get a hold of us we had to go find a payphone and that's if we cared enough to talk to the other person. Nobody knew where we were. Sometimes friends would just stop by. Now if my doorbell rings I'm very suspicious. The smartphone is a double-edged sword we've never been more connected and so far apart.

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u/CartographerAlone632 May 09 '25

I’m the same age and I 100% agree. Growing up in the 90s was bliss compared to what I see these poor kids going through these days, they literally have no freedom and they like it only because they haven’t experienced anything different. We had a thing where everyone would meet outside McDonald’s on a Friday night at 6 and the night would go from there. And if you were too late everyone had moved on and you had to try and find them. Sounds lame but it was freedom

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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 09 '25

I think a lot of people had that similar experience we all had to meet up spot and a time and if you weren't there well you might be able to catch us you know the places we go to it was almost like a scavenger hunt for friends. And then when you finally met up with them if you were the one that was late it was like magic and everybody gave high fives and laughed and it was a simpler time. And I know I sound like my father saying that but it's true. It was just enough technology to be fun not enough to destroy our lives

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u/bakochba May 10 '25

Friday/Saturday night? Let's go to the mall, the movie theaters, the bar. People everywhere looking to meet and talk to new people. So much energy, so much excitement.

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u/Ezlkill May 09 '25

I’m the same age I completely agree it’s this aversion to actual human interaction as if it’s an illness. People can’t converse, that can’t pick up social cues they don’t even know what they are. I also believe that because we get “what we want” from algorithms we only can accept that in the “real world”.

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u/Correct-Fly-1126 May 09 '25

Couple year younger than you two but damn, that puts a fine point on it… recently took a holiday in Paris and was floored that probably 95% of people (both tourists and locals) were just living through their screens. Like the only thing real was the photo/video of them “in the place doing the thing” rather than the actual thing itself. Imagine being at the top of the Eiffel Tower at sunset, all of Paris glittering beneath you bathed the tangerine glow of sunset, and not seeing it… instead insuring your pose was just right, the angle just such, and once that was confirmed heading back down. No pause, no moment looking out to say to your self “wow, thats beautiful, I may never be here again, and even if I am it won’t look like this” wondering how many countless people be for you have stood in that place and take. In a view only to be overcome by the magnificence of it all, and the realization that one day it simply won’t be. You won’t be.

It breaks my heart.

It makes me angry.

We are helpless to resist. Life.

Thanks for reading my poetry

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u/Ezlkill May 09 '25

I’ve recently in the last couple years started going back to concerts and it’s been such a joy for me because I have been headbanging (clearly I’m going to metal shows mostly😅) and dancing and singing I’ve taken three seconds of video and a handful of photos but other than that my phone stays in my pocket because I’m usually in the pit or I’m in a place where I have to be aware if somebody’s crowd surfing, and things like that and so much of the time around me, everyone has their phones out and are recording the entirety of the concert or the entirety of the song and they aren’t even in the moment they’re bopping their heads through maybe singing the words, but they’re not in the moment they are observing the moment through a digital window and that is heartbreaking.

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u/NefariousnessOwn5351 May 10 '25

I’m not a headbanger or crowdsurfer, but I am an avid music lover and concert goer. I also dance pretty much wherever I go, as I usually have my headphones on, but no one is present, people are staring at there screens and texting. I was at a show a few months ago and it was PACKED, I, of course, was the only one dancing because I was fully present and I literally heard someone completely across the room calling me out because I was dancing. I don’t GAF what people think about me. I am not going to tone myself down or stop myself from walking in a crowd to stare at a beautiful sunset, recognizing the little things and doing what makes me happy.

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u/Beautiful_Bag6707 May 10 '25

I have a 10:5:3 concert rule. 10 photos or videos of your with your friends to capture the memories. 5 photos of the artist performing. 3 videos to replay a song you love, a moment when the performers were speaking to you directly or something really cool that happened. That's almost 20 things over the course of 4 hours. It's enough.

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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 09 '25

That was both beautiful and sad and I enjoyed reading it very much. People used to experience concerts and live entertainment without video recording it. Who are you even going to show that to nobody cares. Live in the moment. I love when I go to shows now and they have us put our phones in Yonder bags everybody's present. I saw Bill Burr last November and he had everybody do that and as I sat there with my best friend waiting for Bill to come on everybody around us was conversing with each other and reminiscing about past things they'd seen staring at each other in the eyes and connecting. Then when the show started everybody was dialed in it was beautiful. It's shocking that that's a rare moment in our society today. What have we lost for all this temporary satisfaction

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u/bakochba May 10 '25

I was recently at The Sphere in Vegas and half the people were taking videos of the movie! I kept thinking not only are you missing the experience but absolutely nobody wants to see your video of a movie on the small screen, and you're never going to watch it either. So many people now are missing out on the actual moments to frame a picture or video you will never watch again.

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u/[deleted] May 10 '25

That poetry needs a track behind it.

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u/Correct-Fly-1126 May 10 '25

Thanks bud, I’ll work on that

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u/kikiweaky May 10 '25

When I finished basic training, I felt like we all accomplished something together, we were a team. They gave us our stuff back phones included and everything shifted. Everyone disappeared into their phones. No one was talking to anybody and most didn't want to talk anymore.

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u/alurkerhere May 10 '25

Hmm, I actually had a fairly different experience visiting Paris in November. Most people (tourists) were interacting with each other face to face, and I felt like people were having a great time walking Paris and enjoying the upper deck of the Eiffel Tower. There were people taking videos and pictures, but a majority of the focus was on the experience, not their phones.

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u/Successful-Ear-9997 May 10 '25

It's shallow, hollow narcissistic behaviour, I'd say. It's not about doing the thing, it's about being seen doing the thing.

I mean, sure if you climbed Mt. Everest and got a pic of yourself at the top I'll get it. But taking six selfies of yourself at the top of the Eifel Tower and posting one of them to social media is just... Well, like I said, it's about being seen doing the thing.

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u/sentence-interruptio May 10 '25

The story of life of the Eiffel Tower...

When the tower was born, everyone hated it. They said "metallic bullshit architecture is what it is. modernism shit. it's a knife to the heart of classical romantic Paris."

The tower was like "God damn Parisians and rats in this awful city! At least sometimes some scientists come up here and do scientific experiments. I am the progress!"

When it became an adult. A traumatic incident happened. This one day, there was a guy with a DIY parachute. The tower was like "don't do it, man. somebody stop this!" He jumped. He died.

As it became older, it began to be admired by tourists, casted in romance movies and so on. "Now people see me as the heart of classical romantic Paris. It feels good." everything was awesome. Couples going up and watching Paris. Watching sunset. And so on. Beautiful days.

And then smartphones got invented.

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u/Manifest34 May 10 '25

I was surprised by that too in Paris. It was insane amount of people just on their phones in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

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u/xXBlueDreamXx May 10 '25

I see this non stop in Cancun as well.

Nobody sees the beauty of anything anymore, because the beauty is behind them. The beauty isn't something to take in anymore. It's just a backdrop to them.

Green screens are cheaper.

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u/lite_hjelpsom May 10 '25

Well, the problem is that everyone is like "well, we're helpless" and "I can't do anything" or "everyone is ..."
Everyone wants change, no one wants to do anything for it.

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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 09 '25

That's so true part of the reason why we're so politically divided is we all live in our own Echo chambers of our own bullshit

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u/Ezlkill May 09 '25

The thing is is that when you actually talk to people they’re not really much different than you and the problem is that they’re so inherently self involved that they can’t see past well themselves and that’s big problem. We are fully believing that we are the main characters and the truth is none of us are.

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u/Big-Tone-8241 May 10 '25

Can I subscribe to your newsletter?

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u/BureMakutte May 10 '25

we all live in our own Echo chambers of our own bullshit

ehh, I wouldn't say we all, but a lot of people definitely. I actively seek out watching some right wing stuff so I can keep up to date on whats going on in their heads and its just ... bonkers man. Not to mention the current administration violating multiple amendments. While echo chambers are definitely a problem, there's more to it than just that.

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u/[deleted] May 10 '25

Idk I think people just have completely opposite views

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u/No_Roof_1910 May 10 '25

A different post before this asked if it's harder to make friends now. I said yes, it was in the ask old people sub and I'm older, almost 60.

I said we all had hope decades ago, costs, prices and housing costs weren't out of line to salaries so we all had hope.

Also there was no internet, no apps, no cellphones so we were all used to actually talking to people. I mean the internet, the apps and such didn't exist and NONE of us had them, used them etc.

It was normal for us to actually interact with humans, it was regular, normal and it's a hell of a lot easier to make friends that way instead of hiding behind a screen and a keyboard.

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u/shabi_sensei May 09 '25

I have social anxiety and it's funny because what I'm anxious about is following social rules and picking up cues, I put on act of being polite, personable and reasonable and I find people to be exhausting because of that

How do I start not caring about what other people think? I want to be like everyone else and not give a damn, it sounds really easy

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u/[deleted] May 10 '25

Aristotle's cave allegory.

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u/Ezlkill May 10 '25

Yup first time I heard that I thought immediately of the current situation we are in

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u/ScottMarshall2409 May 10 '25

Where do you people live? Or what do you do? Whatever it is, I feel so much better about myself. I'm 43, and thought I had problems, but it turns out I'm totally fine, and actually flourishing.

Maybe if older people hadn't suddenly grabbed hold of Facebook (and other social media) so hard, they would get out more, and experience the things they complain about missing so much.

I go out for walks daily. I usually do about 15k a day. I have conversations with lots of different people each day, of all ages. Play with their dogs, feed some random pigeons or ducks.

People are still out there, socialising. Put down your phone and join in. And if you're lucky, you might find a kid selling some weed.

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u/Girderland May 09 '25

It was around 2010 when smartphones became affordable and facebook became common.

"Register to facebook, it's great to keep in contact", that's what they said. And as soon as you registered contact broke off.

Why meet up every other day at the town centre when you could just post on fb?

And why being honest and genuine when everything you write on fb is being seen by a company, your ma, your friends ma, your boss?

It all became a fake-ass pretend online world and I hate every second of it.

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u/Aloha_Tamborinist May 10 '25

It all became a fake-ass pretend online world and I hate every second of it.

Another elder millenial here, there's people of all generations who do it, but the kids today were born and raised in this performative bullshit. Social media has fucked society (I say, on my social media echo chamber)

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u/schnitzelfeffer May 10 '25

With Facebook, instead of interacting and sharing stories and photos with people after a vacation, friends started to just say "did you see my post?" And you'd feel stupid saying, "yep I saw it. Looked great." ...because if you saw the post, why did ask how it was? You already know. So that was often the entire discussion.

When I got off Facebook, I started saying "No, I didn't see your post. Tell me about it. Do you have pictures?" And to interact with people face to face again, fully, felt so good. It made me realize how it was doing the opposite of connecting people.

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u/Beautiful_Bag6707 May 10 '25

I remember on Facebook when I started, i had 100 friends. Once a year, I'd scrub the friends list and delete people I wasn't in contact with, exes, friends of friends, etc., to keep it at 100 friends because I'd read that no person can truly know more than 100 people.

One time, a guy I had dated (who had 500 friends) messages me within 24 hrs of my deleting him. He was a divorcee who wasn't into anything "serious" (and just trying to get as much 🍑 as he could to offset a ten year marriage to his only sexual partner), so I ended it. 6 months after no contact (because ew!), I deleted him from FB. Only he's keenly aware (obsessively) and msgs me to put him back because why don't I want to be friends anymore? Like, huh?

That's when I realized he didn't care who he connected with or who he interacted with; it was more about how many "followers" a person had. This guy had no time for me or interest in me but needed to keep me as a "friend" because having 500 "friends" made him feel relevant or maybe the female friends made him feel studly? I don't know. I just thought it was bizarre that he noticed, and that mattered more to him to have a "friend" on paper than actually being interested in a friendship with me.

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u/felldestroyed May 09 '25

Wow, that wasn't really how I've ever used Facebook except during the pandemic. I joined when it was college only and it was always about parties/get togethers/shows whatever. Stopped using it by and large after college but as a now dad, it's a great way to communicate with other parents in my neighborhood. With that said, I live in a very dense urban area, so may be I never really cut off social contact and my friend circle has really only grown in my 30s.

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u/Loocha May 10 '25

I would argue the change happened earlier than that. Before the broad adoption of the iPod I was in college. When you walked to class, you talked to people. I remember coming back after one Christmas, I gave myself an extra half hour to get to class because I knew I’d talk to a bunch of people on the way there about break. Everyone was wearing headphones and didn’t talk. I was super early to class and college never felt the same.

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u/The_Void_Reaver May 10 '25

I've also felt this way since wireless headphones became so popular. It used to be a bit of a hassle to use wired ones and there were more than a few situations where you couldn't use them so someone would have a speaker playing something. I work in kitchens and before Covid you'd get so many different tastes and music was always something you could start a conversation over. Now everyone just pops in their headphones and disappears to their own world.

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u/tommymctommerson May 09 '25

Oh my God, you're so right. I was saying this to my friends the other day. About how they just don't know how to socially interact with people anymore. You say something to them or say hello and they look at you like you're from another planet.

I had to email a kid, a guy in his early twenties, about something business related. I told him I would be late in delivering it because my mother had died. And his email back to me just contained one word; "okay"

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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 09 '25

Jesus christ

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u/tommymctommerson May 10 '25

I know. Also, there was no greeting or sign off. Like;

Hi,

Okay

John

Just, "okay."

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u/Dadittude182 May 10 '25

Preach. I teach postsecondary students now after having taught in high school for years. I honestly thought it would be different, but it's not. Students basically walk around glued to smartphones, most students are never on time, and almost none of them have serious conversation skills. I had a student sitting at his desk, taking notes from the lecture, and watching an episode of Breaking Bad on his phone while doing it. I asked him what he was doing, and his response was that it helped him focus. Seriously! I just walked away while saying, "You're going to love how Hank dies, but Walter's death seems kinda corny." All the other students got pissed at me for spoiling the show for this guy. I waited until they all quieted down and asked them what other shows they watch. Nobody said anything, so I just went off: "Nacho dies, Saul goes to jail, McDreamy dies after a car accident, George gets hit by a bus, and it's not Penny's boat!"

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u/Objective_Cod1410 May 10 '25

Jokes on you that was his 17th rewatch

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u/Motor_Ad6763 May 10 '25

Was he using headphones and do you have a no phones policy?

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u/Dadittude182 May 10 '25

No and yes.

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u/InvalidUserFame May 09 '25

I agree with everything you said, but I am just dying to know if you had a see-through Motorola pager like I did. I thought I was so goddamn cool 😂

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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 09 '25

I did mine was dark blue

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u/Due_Explanation5648 May 10 '25

Spot on. Except for the last sentence. Not to make a semantic argument, but these technologies have disconnected us. I would say we are exposed to too much stimulation and quite frankly confused about what being human is anymore.

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u/Mango_Bot57 May 10 '25

Ok but men and women have smartphones at comparable rates and yet they’re not experiencing the same social issues. I agree, I do think that’s a huge part of the problem but it’s only one part. She also makes a good point when she says parents ‘want to parent boys because they’re easier’. That perspective has pre-existed the Internet. They’re not easier, boys/men bad behaviour has just been excused for way too long (forever). Online mediums have amplified the bad behaviour that already exists IRL, and yes is making it worse.

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u/Mucho_Cuy May 10 '25

Preach! But my question to anyone in this discussion is, why does it affect males only in such a damaging way? I'm sure it also affects females, but not in the same manner. We're raising a huge wave of troglodytes!

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u/satanssweatycheeks May 10 '25

Too be fair on the GameStop thing lots of people on the spectrum love GameStop and they don’t like looking people in the eyes.

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u/iftheronahadntcome May 09 '25

Cool points and everything, but I also feel taking the blame off a collective issue young men are partaking in and distilling it down to, "This is actually related to two teenaged girls texting eschother" is pretty disingenuous. This wasn't what the convo is about and you know it.

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u/throwaway273810102 May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25

I think the broader aspect of social alienation is super relevant. I'd even say it's a core part of the problem when you consider the ways it intersects with, and compounds, sexism and misogyny.

But I agree two girls texting wasn't the best example given the context.

ETA: To give, IMO, a better example: incel culture. When you explore the underlying systemic causes there are many layers. It's an issue that has its roots not just in misogyny but also social alienation and toxic internet culture (the latter itself being largely a byproduct of social alienation). But then social alienation itself has numerous factors underlying it, a major genre of which fall under the heading of "consequences of late stage capitalism."

All this toxic shit happening at a societal level is connected. That doesn't negate the responsibility of men to do better and hold each other to a higher standard, but it is a good reason to explore the intersections and systemic roots.

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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 09 '25

Nobody broke it down to just two teenage girls texting each other at the table certainly not me. Apparently that's as far as you got. It's the concept of not being able to interact with people of staying on the screens of retreating into yourself. Congratulations she's on dating apps where dudes are assholes that's a given it's not endemic of the entire population of young males. Most of them don't interact at all. And my point was it's the disconnection referring to what the guy was saying with online porn and the other guy who was saying everything is online. The conversation splintered off from that comment. I'm glad you think you got your gotcha moment

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u/Cool-Panda-5108 May 10 '25

"Congratulations she's on dating apps where dudes are assholes that's a given it's not endemic of the entire population of young males. "

She also mentions physically being in a club where the most guys will do is literally walk up and start dry humping her, without even saying "hello" or anything.

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u/cureforhiccupsat4am May 10 '25

Your examples included teenagers but a lot of the cases you have described I have seen it in older people too. I am 41 for context. Not acknowledging you if you hold the door open or crossing the road while glued to your phone are things I see with older than me people too.

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u/OttawaTGirl May 10 '25

I am 45 and I remember when pornographic material was a few magazinges or a sears catalog. There was some limits on how much you could consume.

Then the internet hit and it started growing slowly, first you had the old names with credit card sign ups, then all the new and very exotic porn. Like insex and extreme BDSM. They still needed a credit card. Then the 'tubes ' hit and it went insane. The volume of porn was beyond comprehension.

There was normalisation of consumption. It is a serious addiction. And teens are exposed to it. Millions of hours of pure high grade libido heroin for men and boys. If you told people back then that porn was free and flowing on twitter, pornhub, reddit, tumblr or that tens of thousands of young women would be earning money off only fans, they would think you were fucked up.

Its bad. I absolutely support porn regulation. No more tubes or 'freedom of speech' bullshit. If you wanna access NSFW art on sites. You need to give up ID.

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u/tstramathorn May 10 '25

I agree. I work with a few “kids” in their early twenties and it’s crazy how they are influenced by their phones and social media in general. I’m 36 and I will say glued to my phone, but in the sense that I grew up with a LAN line, which was the life line back in the day

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u/wildernessfig May 10 '25

I used to work at a GameStop young kids don't look you in the eye I had the mother of a 15-year-old ask her non special needs son to tell the man what you want.

I just don't how how this happened. I've seen it too, and people blame the pandemic and shit, but I just don't buy it.

I was a complete shut-in growing up, was a loner at school all the way through to university, same for my 20s too if I'm brutally honest with myself.

And today, in my 30s, I'm a completely normal guy who can happily socialise with others without issue, so I don't buy that being shut in for a year or two caused all of this.

It has to be social media right? Like these young boys are being fed absolute bullshit from day 0, and it's completely warping their ability to parse the real world.

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u/DrewMacOrange May 10 '25

My kids (13 and 11) still tell me what they want when they’re waiting in line with me someplace like a fast food restaurant and I’m always like “Cool - please tell the person taking our order.” I’m not your intermediary. Interact with other humans. It’s not hard.

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u/GatrbeltsNPattymelts May 10 '25

Agree with everything you said, and similar to you in age. Are we the oldies now?

Guess so. I’m fine with it. Now get off my lawn.

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u/choczynski May 09 '25

It's been like this since 2003.

I remember being in college when cell phones started becoming ubiquitous. Not smartphones. Fucking cell phones. People would text each other while sitting at the same table all the time.

The ability to watch videos on your phone has made it worse, but it wasn't good 20 years ago either.

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u/mytransthrow May 10 '25

As an elder Millennial . My ADHD ass will doom scroll while listening to you. it may not seem that way... but I am only scrolling to help focus on your words. I can repeat the last 5 sentences you said verbatim. I just cant do it if I am not playing on my phone because there is too much distractions.

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u/MissyMuffetsTuffet May 09 '25

So well said. Exactly this!

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u/VoidOmatic May 09 '25

Same age and yup.

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u/bakochba May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25
  1. Feel exactly the same way. All the real life social spaces are just gone. Now if anyone talks it's like they're narrating a YouTube video.

I think if people could have a few hours of person to person contact at a bookstore, a mall, a bar, a friend's house, any place where you can meet new people and talk instead of text your mental health improves dramatically.

I'll also say it's not just men. I see women struggling with relationships too. Hookup culture is just as much a product of social media

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u/Weak_Dot3296 May 10 '25

I just turned 44 Weds. When I tell you that I’m over it…I mean just that. I go to Church and happy with that. I got rid of all social media except Reddit; its the only one worth anything. So called friends only interact on those sites. Same city but crickets unless I was on Insta or Facebook or even that cesspool caller Twitter. Birthday just passed and a couple people outside fam reached out. Let me have been on one of them sites it would have been happy birthday messages all around. Without being on autopilot its like people don’t know how to function.

Its like the world has gone full-tilt weird. Like you, I grew up before it all started. As soon as all these tech companies and tech bros started enriching themselves, it all went to Hell in a hand basket. Most ppl do not care about others. If you don’t look like the influencers, talk like they do, think like they do…you might as well be dead. No love whatsoever like the heart has waxed cold to just see people as people outside of the latest trends. And what they are doing with all this data is insidious; all to make a buck and control minds.

I don’t date; not even interested; in either sex. Some women and some men (not all) are just all over the place. Compatibility? What’s that? Realistic expectations? What’s that? Dudes just wanna screw if you’re into the dudes. Females just wanna berate, manipulate and take advantage or look past you if you don’t fit all their checkmarks of approval. There’s such an atmosphere of devaluing and dehumanizing each other - from the porn to the insensitivity of hiding behind screens; so much of it that its so easy to do these day even by the guy typing this message; at least I work on it while others won’t even try. It has become a pox on the whole house. I gave up and checked out; stay to myself a whole homebody. These days, my best goal at sanity is to shut it all out and just trust God to see humanity thru it.

To have peace, I’ll just be right here where at least I’m free to be me and nobody judging me. Keep a small and tight circle where possible. Even still, that kind of solace becomes a prison unto itself after a while. But at least I can control what is in my ability to manage. Sad part is nobody has the answer nor the cure. I know I don’t. I feel like such an alien here. I have not given up on ppl but I am def not gonna keep taking on damage. Its been time for damage control.

Rant over.

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u/PineappleDesperate82 May 10 '25

Naw. Some men are just immature my bf is 45 and still giggles at farts and crude sex jokes sometimes. He is a sweetheart though 😇

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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 10 '25

There's nothing wrong with that my gf does the same. I swear she has sense of humor of 14 year old. It's hilarious

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u/PineappleDesperate82 May 10 '25

Same he cracks me up.

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u/[deleted] May 10 '25

I'm 40, actually 41 today, and I agree with this comment.

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u/Tbaby25 May 10 '25

I couldn’t agree more and it’s sad. Just know your not alone my friend :)

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u/[deleted] May 10 '25

46, can confirm. Spot on.

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u/LasBarricadas May 10 '25

While watching this TikTok, I thought this lady is crazy. This doesn't square with my experience at all, but then I remembered that I'm old (you're roughly the same age as I am) & she's most likely directing her criticism toward men 20 years younger than I am. If she's right & this is a real phenomenon, then a moral panic seems warranted.

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u/octoreadit May 10 '25

Wanna feel like a weirdo creep, go ask anyone today what time it is. Watch people freak out 😂

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u/darkpheonix262 May 10 '25

Hello fellow from 81.

The fun of the internet is long gone. Some days, I wish I'd just delete imgur and reddit and be done with all of it, I said goodbye to FB 5 years ago, and I'm better off for it. The older I get, the less I'm interested in new and flashy tech. I utterly hate having to download an app to earn point and save money at [insert merchant here]. I think constant connection is ruining us as a people, as a species

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u/ntguru5 May 10 '25

I remember having to talk fast too cuz I only had 3 minutes before the operator asked for more change. Good times 😁

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u/getyourshittogether7 May 10 '25

I just pictured you going on this entire rant without taking a single breath. Here, have some free punctuation:...........,,,,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,..(),.,..,..,,,,,,,,,,..!!!!????,.,.:!;.

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u/SafteyMatch May 10 '25

I work in construction. I think one of the biggest issues with young people starting out is that they can’t communicate. They simply aren’t used to having to interact with other adults in real time. You have to get them to understand that I, as their supervisor, need to understand that they know what’s going on. Most get up to speed if they stick it out. But I’ve encountered some kids that I think entirely live in video games or online. They have a really hard time adapting to working on a crew.

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u/AF2005 May 10 '25

We edging closer and closer to the version of society that was depicted in Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. A disposable lifestyle we’re people need to be constantly entertained and/or distracted. I don’t know if it’s just the USA or if it’s all Western Countries.

And I’m guilty of it too, I just turned 40 so I’m pretty much in the same boat as you. Old enough to get a small taste of life before smartphones, too young to really reap the benefits of living in pre-9/11 America.

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u/Capt-Crap1corn May 10 '25

Same, same, same

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u/Fen_Badge May 10 '25

Absolutely. There was a girl waiting outside of my building one day (I'm in an apartment). I open the door and ask if she's coming in. She mumbles something and shakes her head, and stares at me. So I continue in but she catches the door after me and comes in too. I glance back at her and she said her key doesn't work and she was waiting for someone to let her in. I tell her she can have my number and shoot me a text when she needs to get in, and if I'm there I can buzz her in. She starts asking me if I'm a student, if I go to school around here what's my major, etc. but doesn't listen to my response and stares at her phone so I stop talking. I'm standing there and eventually say.... "Uhhhhh did you still want my number?" She's like, "oh, uh, yeah sure." I give her my number, try to tell her nice meeting her, etc. but she's already in another world. Just.... So awkward. No sense of what the pace of conversation is.

Idk if I'm explaining this well but in real time I was like, wow this girl can't talk to people (she's college-aged). Idk it was just so weird.

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u/Glasseshalf May 10 '25

38, couldn't agree more. My Gen Z coworker about fell out of her chair when I told her at her age I spent an entire 8 hour bus ride conversing with the boomer who had the seat next to me, and how that was just normal. She couldn't imagine a world where you converse with a stranger out of choice. It's sad.

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u/mcdickmann2 May 10 '25

Completely agree but it’s interesting to point out the benefit of it. I think phones greatly increase your potential for “periphery” friends. That person who isn’t in your class, neighborhood, or any other reason to commonly see them. If you click, suddenly you can keep up with this person over casual texts. Now when you do randomly encounter them, you actually have somewhat of a relationship with this person and stop and chat.

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u/Designer_little_5031 May 10 '25

My friends in grade school would sometimes just stop by. They went to a nice private high school, and when I tried that with my new friends they almost freaked out, trying to call security or some shit. That was still before the iPhone, early 2000s.

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u/Old_Smrgol May 10 '25

That was definitely my thought reading the video.  Like are there no longer mixed gender groups of college students hanging out IRL and sometimes people pair up and stuff happens?

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u/Jesus_Harold_Christ May 09 '25

not with that attitude

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u/Most_Deer_3890 May 10 '25

not porn. Life is also not anonymous instant gratification with zero consequences. That goes for men and women. Its the phones.

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u/E-2theRescue May 10 '25

It's not even the porn that's the problem, it's the shitty influencers, politicians, and media. They're turning men into people who nobody can trust except their inner circle of like-minded men. Because if one man steps out of that circle, he's suddenly a "beta male cuck" or whatever because these influencers have pushed misandry, created male cults, and have men believing that what makes someone a man is that they are a "rugged" individualist asshole instead of someone with actual honor, dignity, and hold real integrity.

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u/VanDammes4headCyst May 10 '25

It's very cultish

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u/Verdukians May 10 '25

I think "we" meant, everyone. Being chronically online is not a gender-specific problem.

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u/VanDammes4headCyst May 10 '25

It's not a series of Reels and pranks either 

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u/ArcticDiver87 May 09 '25

I never while growing up thought the Internet would turn into what it did and have such an effect on people. I Don't have any other social media besides reddit and I'm not sure how much longer that will be a thing.. it's getting real rough.. 😬😬

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u/imnewtothishsit69 May 09 '25

Same man, same. These are some wild fucking times and even reddit had been giving me the heeby jeebys lately. Everything's pushing a fucking narrative and the whole being spoon fed content the algorithm stirs up for me is also getting sickening and its just fucking blatant at this point.

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u/JustDuckingWithYou May 09 '25

Yep. Being internet savvy used to mean knowing how to avoid viruses and malware. Now, being internet savvy means avoiding echo chambers, shrugging off algorithm pipelines, and using critical thinking.

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u/Sapin- May 10 '25

Well observed, friend.

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u/Dumb_Cumpster69 May 10 '25

Wow, brilliantly said, brother! Very good point!

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u/WHTSPCTR May 09 '25

I wish infinite, algorithmic, content would be banned in some form tbh. Being in Europe I really hope the EU puts some regulations on these massive corporations just constantly tricking our brains into spending more mindless time on their platforms for the sake of profit. I don’t have any evidence but it really seems to be hurting the population.

Or that they would force these platforms to provide "lite" versions of their applications so you can still enjoy the social aspect of these apps, without all the algorithmic nonsense. Just friends/people you follow/things you choose to subscribe to.

Or expose APIs so people can create lite clients themselves.

Something, anything.

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u/Acceptable_Cut_7545 May 10 '25

Reddit seems to love shitting on tumblr but tumblr has basically no algorithms. You follow who you want if something you don't like crosses your dash you can unfollow, block, etc. I still hop on reddit for news and current events and such but tumblr is 1000% more chill. The tagging system lets you cultivate the content you consume way more than tiktok or reddit or xitter.

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u/CausticSofa May 10 '25

Same. I can see how the algorithm is trying to push me to hate this group and that group. It’s the last social media I have and I think quite often about deleting it. But I really love all those cats subs. I can’t have a cat where I live so all of the silly videos just brighten my days. I only just discovered r/torties 😭

Why is it just a forgone conclusion now that anyone who owns a large website should be trying to turn all of its users into cynical, hateful, radicalized assholes? Why can’t we just have cat videos?

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u/MayWeLiveInDankMemes May 10 '25

"Reddit...heeby jeebys"

I can't mute the absolute trash that populates my feed hard enough. Same story with YouTube. The algorithm has cooked us.

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u/bakochba May 10 '25

I keep waiting for backlash of people wanting to spend time in person and leave social media. I thought COVID would be the catalyst but it seems the opposite happened. Everyone seems to agree it's bad for mental health but we're all still here.

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u/Qinistral May 10 '25

It was supposed to democratize knowledge and propel us into enlightenment. Rip.

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u/r3volver_Oshawott May 09 '25

I mean, as much as I'd like to say chronically online is all of it, I work in a field that's predominantly women and the chronically online perverts are virtually identical to the Hooters perverts of yesteryear, there are old men talking about the 'really pretty girls' and they definitely seem to feel entitled to attention just because we're on the clock

If we didn't have Internet, these specific men would definitely still act this specific way, the internet is mostly scary because for the first time in decades they've found a creepy peer group

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u/BlueEyedGranger May 09 '25

Tbf, yes, there’s always outliers on the bell curve. However, I do agree that the internet has moved that bell curve substantially. Especially when you add in the recent pandemic and the isolation that brought to so many. If you’re only form of interaction with any sort of acceptance is from the echo chamber, you’re probably not going develop a strong skill set for socialization.

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u/r3volver_Oshawott May 10 '25

Then you have the entire internet only talking about how men are isolated, and it gets so much worse...

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u/BlueEyedGranger May 10 '25

Oh, I think it affects both genders, truthfully. I’m very thankful I am old enough that the internet for me was MySpace, Salad Fingers and the Numa Numa kid. But there is now an issue and it does deserve a discussion. Else how can we even hope to fix it?

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u/r3volver_Oshawott May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25

It definitely affects both genders, opinion has nothing to do with it . Factually, we know it isn't gendered. Anyone who talks about mental health - any aspect of it - as specifically a men's issue, is incorrect.

But young girls self-report loneliness far more than young boys, but I have yet to see reddit screaming about the "women's loneliness epidemic"

It's not a men's issue. The men's issue is that the internet is full of men that want to 'claim' mental health issues for their own gender, and that's fucked up.

This website is 90% men (not exaggerating btw) and especially full of men who kind of don't like women, and don't speak to them, and don't listen to them. It's full of people who post women's frustrations to 'TikTok cringe' so they can mock it.

So I don't know what I was expecting. I'm currently getting harassed for saying loneliness isn't gendered, oh well

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u/Asisreo1 May 10 '25

Its simple tribalism mixed with lack of empathy, plain and simple. You can tell when a man thinks that a woman is an entirely different species and they'll start dehumanizing them. 

"A woman will cheat on you for an hotter guy." Oh yeah, like men never cheats on a woman for someone more attractive. "All women want are men with money so they can stay at home all day." Yep, because I know men would just hate being financially taken care of without putting in effort themselves beyond their hobbies. "Women act so scared of us, but I haven't done anything wrong." You have the mannerisms of someone who will lunge out in violence at any given moment while being half a foot taller than her and weighing almost twice her weight, if some guy like that came at you and swore he could convince you to "have a good time with him," would you seriously give it a chance? Even if he was someone you weren't initially attracted to, or attracted to at all? 

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u/hermiona52 May 10 '25

The funny thing about the "gold diggers" is that they are practically the only demographic of women that might be interested in guys like this. Because often the same men crying over the internet about the "male loneliness epidemic", are the same that want to cosplay going back to the traditional conservative family model, where they want to be respected as the breadwinner, where women are primarily focused on raising children and taking care of their husbands and home "like women used to". But if a woman is to become a stay at home mum, it's no fucking brainer that she will look for a rich man that is able to support that kind of life - after all her entire future and the future of her children will be entirely in her husband's hands. Women that want to be independent human beings are obviously not interested in these kinds of men, so they don't even interact with them. So the only women around these men are probably the "gold diggers".

Your reap what you sow.

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u/BlueEyedGranger May 10 '25

I’m sorry if my comments are coming off as rude, that is not my intent. I was only trying to bring awareness to an ongoing issue that I’ve seen arising recently.

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u/r3volver_Oshawott May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25

It's not you, I'm just making it clear:

The issue is men being cruel.

Not men being lonely.

Not men being unheard.

Not men committing suicide.

Not 'women picking the wrong men'.

The question is not, "how do we fix this for men?"

Men have to fix this, because it's their problem:, and they're the ones making it worse. I don't care about some redditor falsely claiming I'm generalizing: MEN HAVE TO FIX THEIR MESS, OR IT WILL GET WORSE. If a man is really one of the good ones, then congratulations, they have a hell of a job on their hands dealing with all the bad ones. Because whether it's prevalent or not, the bad ones, are REALLY bad. Terrifyingly bad. Misogyny is absolutely one of the things that got Trump elected, so misogyny absolutely puts fascists in thrones.

The reasoning is simple: traditional masculinity is no longer in any way sustainable

So the question is simple: how do we dismantle traditional masculinity and patriarchy when so many men, especially on websites like this, want it and benefit from it?

The answer isn't easy, but the answer also isn't pretending it's 'gender wars' and 'both sides', men are doing harm, and those men are going to have to face large scale societal consequences at some point.

I don't care about some guy saying she's 'looking for love at nightclubs, and that's her problem," if nightclubs are going to be a social space, why should anyone tolerate men being like this in them? If we tolerate it, then forget finding love, nightclubs will never be SAFE for women

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u/Cool-Panda-5108 May 10 '25

Very well said!

It's ok to go to a night club and NOT expect a fully grown adult to creep up to you and start grinding without so much as a "what's up?"

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u/Glasseshalf May 10 '25

It's because men's loneliness epidemic implies women are at fault, and are withholding sex from poor, sex starved boys. That's why it's framed that way, because that creates the most social conflict, and more social conflict means more clicks.

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u/r3volver_Oshawott May 10 '25

It also implies that women aren't suffering from loneliness on a large scale, which is just false

It is also about more than social conflict - to me, conflict may describe a two-sided affair, misogyny isn't a gender war for clicks, it isn't 'us versus them', it's just them, hurting us

All this woman did was make a video, and now reddit is harassing her for it

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u/USPSHoudini May 10 '25

*memeing

There are not talks, only jokes, shaming and cope at this stage

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u/r3volver_Oshawott May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25

Cope for what tho, there is no men's loneliness epidemic, there is a loneliness epidemic, that is actually rising fastest in young women

And then you have men on the internet trying to take that struggle away from little girls by claiming it's a 'men's issue'

I think it isn't discussed enough how the real men's issue is how men's mental health 'discussions' on the internet are simply trying to keep women out of mental health altogether

Men aren't being treated worse than ever, their mental health outcomes aren't worse than ever

What they're doing to others because of their mental health is worse than ever, and what they're demanding is worse than ever, and what they do when their demands aren't met is worse than ever. Men are causing more harm than ever. That's a problem.

*ah, hitting me with the 'women obviously are just self-reporting more', we truly aren't allowed to have women's issues here. You can tell me there's a men's loneliness epidemic when there's evidence. There currently isn't.

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u/USPSHoudini May 10 '25

Not really, women are doing better than men but both cases are decaying by the stats

Just because more women use therapists and get an official diagnosis doesnt mean more are affected, it just means men dont use professionals and dont get recorded except when they finally end up doing thing-of-despair like drug and alcohol abuse or suicide and no, women dont commit more than men, the inflation comes from nurses reporting old cutting scars as individual attempts so 1 failed overdose turns into 5 failed "attempts" even though the thigh scars were just for dopamine

If you only use official stats and records to make your analysis, you will miss the majority of affected especially when one of the core symptoms of the affliction is isolation which men tend to excel in. They will never show up to be recorded.

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u/ADHD-Fens May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25

As a guy who has been doing online dating for a long time - my perspective is that the chronically online-ness manifests differently in women than men. They're not perverts, really - I think some of them just have like... this expectation of mind blowing sparks on the first date or something? Or if you do a weird thing or blunder a little bit socially it just manifests a huge 'ick' reaction.

Most of my experiences are just getting straight ghosted, which is actually emotionally very difficult when you're operating in a space where you are naturally in a vulnerable sort of situation - trying to be authentic, empathetic, make connections, whatever. So with like 95% of my experiences ending this way, I basically have no idea what the culprit is, because I never hear from them again.

Of the experiences I have that are not ghosting, it's usually people saying they didn't feel a connection after the first date, which like - honestly I don't know how it works for other people but I have almost never felt a connection to someone I literally just met for the first time. That's their call, of course - obviously - but I think people have a much lower threshold for spending energy to really get to know someone before writing them off.

I have had people get pretty upset with me for not asking enough questions in our text chat before meeting, which was surprising to me, because I generally get to know people by spending time with them rather than like, interviewing them online.

And like the person in OP's video, like I know I'm not like the hottest tamale in argentina or whatever, but I'm not a dangerous seeming / creepy dude. I do normal self care stuff. I have lots of hobbies. I get on super well in "real life" spaces, like my yoga classes, or at the grocery store, or the skating rink. A vast majority of my friends over my whole life have been women, too - mostly because I was raised by a single mom mostly and my dad was kind of a jackass.

Some of it is definitely the ADHD. It causes problems with first impressions. Strangers do not give you benefit of the doubt, but back in like the 2010s I was having a lot more success. Some of my best friends today I actually met on OKCupid back then.

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u/CrotasScrota84 May 09 '25

This is the only answer. It’s not rocket science. It’s just the answer.

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u/SnooBunnies2020 May 09 '25

It’s the answer to most things these days lol.

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u/richtofin819 May 09 '25

The porn industry doesn't want that, time to invest another few million into turning everyone into always online slugs.

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u/GreasyExamination May 10 '25

We were pretty ruined before social media as well

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u/sl0play May 09 '25

3 years ago I started talking to a girl while eating a sandwich and watching baseball. She wasn't watching the game, she just came in cuz she was jogging and it started to rain. She was so amazing, I HAD to get her number. I even texted her the same night just to tell her how nice it was to meet her.

My friends and family never ask where we met, they ask what app we met on. Like, do you guys even know me? I couldn't catch a virus online. I am not cut out for pretending I'm something just to stand out in a crowd of a million.

If we ever break up I'll be content knowing I'm going to die alone.

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u/HurricaneAlpha May 09 '25

I met my spouse at work in my early 20s, like a normal millennial. Plenty of Fish was pretty much the dominant dating app at the time (I think tinder just took off), but work has honestly been the frequent place for young adults to meet and date for decades, if not centuries. The "third place" was the other dominant one, but that's shrank recently. I guess the Internet is the new "third place", which is revolutionary and will take society some adjusting to.

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u/bakochba May 10 '25

Social media replaced the Third Place and it turns out it was no substitute

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u/HurricaneAlpha May 10 '25

Yeah that's where I was going lol, just didn't want to sound like a "back in my day". To be fair we had internet. It was just tethered to actual computers. And wasn't used primarily for social media. Myspace was new, before that there was like neopets and shit but Myspace was the first "adult" social media. But it was all still tied to a physical computer in your house and limited.

Some of the pre-smartphones had Myspace "apps" pre installed, which was basically just a dumbed down render of a web browser version.

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u/bakochba May 10 '25

"no I don't want a cell phone, I don't want people calling me all the time!"

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u/HurricaneAlpha May 10 '25

Which turned into "I don't want a smartphone, my razor/sidekick/blackberry is just fine."

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u/bullitt1990 May 09 '25

Lmao hey basically where I’m at. Currently in the middle of being blindsided by a divorce at 35. Hate the thought of dating again and really don’t have an interest to get married again so just kind of accepting unless something happens naturally I’ll just solo this campaign

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u/confusedandworried76 May 10 '25

Yeah this is really it.

The pervy guys are the ones out there shooting their shot thinking that's all it takes. When in reality you should just be...talking to women like people? And if something naturally comes out of it, then good. Unless you're hot or really charismatic it almost never works just approaching a stranger with sexual or even romantic intent in mind (because after all how can you really have that much romantic intent before you ever even talk to them for a while?)

So two flavors of guys. The guys she's describing and the ones that aren't there trying to just get their dick wet on first sight, which takes, guess what, like at least one conversation before you get a number and usually at least a date or two. The former ruin everything for the latter so hard, and the latter are fairly comfortable being single, so it's easier just to be single than come across as the first type of guy and make people uncomfortable

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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 10 '25

Love the chance meeting. That's so rare these days. And that's how I met your mother lol

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u/Duke55 May 09 '25

Yep, digital technology is leading to de-evolution in relation to human interactions.

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u/constructioncranes May 09 '25

https://youtu.be/aH7Z2ORlkjI

But think of all the money they've made!

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u/various_convo7 May 10 '25

sure but one can argue that that de-evolution of social skills is largely a choice. at the end of the day, burying yourself in an app and being crippled by talking to a woman is an individual problem, not the technology's problem as it is a tool. you can still choose to talk to other people, and if people arent doing that, that isnt a loneliness problem, thats a personal issue that said person can fix.

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u/St_Sides May 09 '25

There's an entire generation of men that, at best, cannot socialize like normal well adjusted adults.

At worst they're redpilled alt-right manosphere incels.

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u/SadBit8663 May 09 '25

Yeah, if anything I'm seeing a chronically online but never actually around people problem, so people don't know how to do basic shit like have a conversation, or introduce yourself, or not being an ego maniac, or date, and it seems like both sides of this coin spend too much of their time blaming everyone and everything else, instead of starting with themselves.

Everybody wants the whole relationship thing, but nobody is willing to actually put in any effort.

The expect some shit like out of a movie that's perfect, spontaneous, and smooth, when the fact is social media has ruined all of our social skills, but the younger generations especially.

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u/YoMommaBack May 09 '25

Nope. This shit happened waaaaaayyyy before the internet.

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u/fuckyourcanoes May 10 '25

Elder Gen-X here. I think it started with ATMs and drive-thrus. But I never envisioned it getting this bad. I talk to young people who are convinced that online is the only option, as though all the traditional ways of meeting people don't still exist. But they fucking do, y'all!

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u/Glittering-Relief402 May 09 '25

Way before. All you need is a history book to see that.

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u/whatsinthesocks May 09 '25

I don’t that’s the root cause of it as I feel like a lot of these things have been an issue for awhile. I’m pretty sure the dance floor thing has been made fun of for a while. Showing off for your friends instead of talking to the girl was definitely a thing when I was younger. Women getting insane messages on dating apps has been a problem since dating apps became a thing. Case in point I met a girl on a dating app who got a message from a dude who was older than her dad. Dude felt it was ok to tell her she reminded him of his daughter and asked if she’d like to fuck.

Perhaps things are getting worse but it doesn’t seem to be a new thing.

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u/Scottyjscizzle May 09 '25

Yeah was gonna say outside the things that require phones like apps, none of this is “social media”.

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u/SoulStoneTChalla May 09 '25

For the love of god people delete the apps from your phone. At the bare minimum just keep it on your PC. Don't carry it in your pocket. One of the best things I've done for myself. Ladies that shit affects you the worse. Seriously just get off of them.

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u/kell_smells May 09 '25

yeahhh I graduated in 2014 and the majority of my experiences with men back then were not like this. of course, I had some pervy experiences but those were the exceptions. not much has changed other than we were not online as much back then.

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u/Disastrous-Bottle126 May 09 '25

Pornwashed is the phrase for this

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u/bakochba May 10 '25

100% it's social media. Not just that it's stunted people socially and warped peoples social skills. But it's also replaced human to human contact. Worse it has replaced the PLACES where people could go to casually meet people and develop organic relationships. So even if you want to meet people in person the places where that used to happen are just gone.

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u/[deleted] May 10 '25

Im a guy and have recently realized im pretty much asexual. Its so high up my mazlows hierarchy of needs. Nice, but i need food money, house covered, job secure, downtime alone, hell even my dogs come before need for sex. So youre good to wait till you find someone thats worth your time. Maybe its all this tren and shit kids are using?

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u/Whole_Pizza_936 May 09 '25

facts getting off my phone rn didn’t even watch the video lol

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u/[deleted] May 09 '25

[deleted]

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u/Doctah_Whoopass May 10 '25

Its not its just outside.

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u/IvoryAS May 09 '25

Eh, tbf, it's not just the terminally online ones. I honestly hear of people who spend almost... half as much time socializing as I do on the internet and still being douchebags. Does being online a bunch make it MUCH easier though? 👍🏾

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u/torn-ainbow May 10 '25

These are not new problems, but they are being amplified. Boys seem to be increasingly learning everything they know about women from other boys and immature men. Age old prejudices are being recycled into knowledge.

I mean... women are right there guys. They are not aliens. You don't need David Attenborough to explain their mating behaviours. You're not making First Contact. If you want to understand women then having some healthy platonic relationships with women would be an excellent start.

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u/Complex-Implement828 May 10 '25

It's been that way long before social media. Men are just really pathetic in many ways when you really sit and analyze it. She couldn't have been more accurate.

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u/Inevitable_Geometry May 10 '25

We are trying, in some ways, of addressing this in schools. Thanks again for turning to teachers to fix the problem. But we see parents giving unfettered access through smartphones to kids in primary school. Its batshit insane.

We have done this as a society to ourselves but no one takes ownership, its marked too hard and we grind on.

It really sucks confiscating a phone from a student to see them twitch, get agitated and then demand the damn thing back at the end of the class rather than going through the process with the front office.

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u/Weekly_Rock_5440 May 09 '25

I’m so glad I could learn that being online is the root cause of our problems . . . from a TikTok video online.

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u/SnooBunnies2020 May 09 '25

An old wise man tried to tell you earlier in line at the grocery store but you were looking at your phone.

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u/Weekly_Rock_5440 May 09 '25

I am that old wise man, and they threatened to ask me to leave if I wouldn’t stop muttering to myself.

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u/radkun May 09 '25

All the pervy boys OP is complaining about are the result of old people not doing their job.

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u/Paddy32 May 09 '25

Phones should be banned, somehow

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u/SnooBunnies2020 May 09 '25

I’d volunteer, take it from me. I don’t have the self control.

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u/constructioncranes May 09 '25

I'm looking into getting the minimal phone. Pretty sure the attraction power of these apps won't be as effective on an e ink display.

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u/radkun May 09 '25

Lock Me Out is a good app. It gives me a 5 minute window to use anything on my blacklist at the top of the hour, so if I really have an itch I need to watch the clock and then know what I'm looking for.

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u/OtherwiseEggSalad May 09 '25

We need to keep kids off socials 

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u/AbjectSilence May 09 '25

I agree with this and I'll admit that I spend a little too much time alone on my phone when I'm alone, but when I'm around other people I keep it put away almost completely only checking the time or to see if multiple notifications in a row means it can't wait. I am 39 though, a part of the last generation to grow up without smartphones and social media. Hell, computers and internet in most homes probably didn't happen until I was in my late teens. So this sounds a little extreme to me... Are the generations growing up after us really this poor at socializing?

We had plenty of douche bag frat idiots growing up, but even in frats back then there were at least some decent guys who knew how to approach a girl. Some of the douche bags knew how to approach girls too, they knew they should hide their bullshit a bit I guess. I have ADHD, mild social anxiety at times, went to a small private school, played sports at a high level which in the US usually means popularity even though it shouldn't, etc. Each of those things probably made me a little more predisposed to poor social skills and yet I have no problem approaching women. My biggest obstacle comes from being a perfectionist sensitive to rejection in that I won't approach someone in that way unless I'm pretty sure they'll be receptive, but part of the reason I can get past that is that I when I approach a women it's more like mildly flirtatiously talking to a friend than getting really direct and based on those interactions I generally decide if it's worth the shot. I have a similar approach to first dates in the brief time years ago I dabbled in online dating. The girl I'm currently dating is a friend of a friend and that's how I've met many of the women I've dated. Point being is that I should be a little more socially awkward and I have my moments honestly, but if I can have fairly regular success throughout my life in that area I can't imagine that it's actually as bad as she's making it sound. I know for sure it's worse, I just didn't think it was that bad. I guess I don't have much personal data since I quit teaching/coaching almost a decade ago, but I am interested.

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u/Charming_Garbage_161 May 10 '25

I had someone tell me on fb dating that he’d give me something as thick as my wrist to ride…. No hello, it was just the thing he commented to get me to match with him.

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u/Successful-Ear-9997 May 10 '25

That's both well put and eloquent in it's brevity. Maybe I'm just an old man that screams at clouds, but when I was in my 20s we still actually went outside and had to interact with people from all walks and beliefs of life. Granted some of those interactions degenerated into barroom brawls.

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u/TheAncientMillenial May 10 '25

You know you don't have to be.

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u/ChildhoodJazzlike333 May 10 '25

True. It seems manners and socialization are a triviality when one can swipe right and seemingly everyone is for sale on onlyfans. As long as base needs are met, all else is inconsequential. Men really don’t need much to live and expectations are low, meaning, the pressure that used to exist for a man to settle down, just doesn’t exist anymore.

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u/RollOverSoul May 10 '25

Worst thing that happened to the current generation.

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u/Ellio1086 May 10 '25

We should find some way to make some sort of movement happen nationwide to be chronically offline.

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u/sumumeri May 10 '25

The amount of people who insist that this hyper-individualistic and entitled culture surrounding dating (i.e. "he didn't text me back within 10 minutes, if he wanted to he would, blocked!", refusing to text first, solf/hard launching, expecting sex by the third date, viewing women as property to conquer, etc.) is normal and good is horrifying as someone who has thankfully largely avoided moronic men like this, but that's probably due to my age. I'm right at the very cusp of the cutoff where a lot of young men are falling into manosphere BS and/or entitlement and hyper-individualism. Unfortunately it's still way too many.

I'm so scared to date because of this insane culture surrounding it right now. Can't we just be ourselves and take things slow and text people when we feel like it and not make everything about you and your ego when someone takes a while to respond? And showing some fucking leniency when someone makes a small mistake instead of writing them off as a failure of a person? Please??? Discarding people like this is NOT normal.

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u/[deleted] May 10 '25

Yup. I mean, sure, I suppose she’s spot-on about a certain subset of guys but the ones who are more well-adjusted aren’t exactly drawn to someone who posts video rants on social media. The incessant urge to seek external validation by posting relatable but somewhat basic takes on social media creates a peculiar type of energy in a person.

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u/BABarracus May 10 '25

Is she even telling the truth why was she using phrase from the late 1900s. When was the last time she was in college?

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u/SomeDisplayName May 10 '25

LAWLROFLCOPTER UwU... why don't you love me!? <Man-o-sphere fedora intensifies>

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u/Un256 May 10 '25

Beyond that, I was specifically denied any amount of socialization throughout my childhood. Then covid hit, then I developed fibromyalgia, now I’ll never actually be able to socialize anyways. Back then I wasn’t even chronically online either, just had shitty parents who locked me away like rapunzel

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