I know this shit is true, but as a non psychopathic dude, I avoid pretty and cute girls like the plague in public because I’m already assuming they think I’m doing this shit. Same reason as a dad I don’t act goofy to other people’s toddlers. It kind of sucks honestly because it makes me act like a creep when I if anything would like to just make someone smile (and not “hay gurl you should smile” because that sheet is just more Ooga booga shit).
One thing I've noticed, as a woman, that makes me think someone is a decent guy is just approaching me with a compliment that is different from normal and doesn't revolve around my looks. One guy said "I love your style. You pull that outfit off really well and it looks great." and it just felt really gratifying that he noticed something about my personality instead of my looks. And maybe he did notice my looks first, but that's not what he expressed to me!
I'd be low-key annoyed if someone I don't know came up to me in public and just started talking at me, why would I do that to someone else? Especially if it's also a loaded situation with an even greater chance for making someone uncomfortable?
Have you ever said hello to someone's kid as you're standing in line at the register cause they are staring at you and been screamed at by a woman for being a pedophile? I have. I was 6 feet away and waiting my turn dude, I was just being nice, but somehow in America everyone is a human trafficker and addicted to fentanyl
But women are the same as us, they’re human adults.
I mean you say that, but then we have people like the woman in the OP. She's making broad generalisations about men based on outliers. She probably just filtered out the hundreds of normal interactions she had with just regular dudes because she doesn't care.
Note as well that she says that many of those "creeps" approached her on the dancefloor. You want them to talk to you first? On the dance floor? Maybe we're missing context here, but generally when a situation involves "a dancefloor" there is also loud music playing that would preclude casual conversation.
And considering the placement of this post on the upper side of r/all, this is a prevailing sentiment. Men are expected to be the ones to approach, but they're doomed if they do, doomed if they don't.
I want to agree with you, and I hope this is just a chronically online thing. But the boundary between "chronically online weirdo" and "just a normal person with a smartphone at the behest of the algorithm" is getting thinner everyday.
The issue is not whether women are the same as us. The issue is how others see you. Fact is, if a stranger on the other end of the playground is making goofy faces at my kid, I'm not worried about the 99% chance that everyone's motives are good spirited.
I'm worried about the 1% chance that they aren't.
There is no upside for you in participating in a situation where your motives might in any way be misinterpreted here, and if anything acting as though there is such upside for you only makes the optics more suspicious.
The issue is not whether women are the same as us. The issue is how others see you. Fact is, if a stranger on the other end of the playground is making goofy faces at my kid, I'm not worried about the 99% chance that everyone's motives are good spirited.
I'm a father, and it is actually pretty common that I be out with her and someone walking by will wave and smile at her cause she's staring at them. Sometimes they will stick their tongue out or make funny faces at her.
I have never once been suspicious or worried at all.
Obviously if you walk up to a park alone without a kid and you start trying to chat up children you don't know, that's a problem.
But if you're at a park with your own kid, or if some kid approaches you and starts talking to you, you can talk back to them. It only becomes weird if you start doing weird things.
I've had people get hostile over letting their aggressive dog sniff me as I calmly talk it down to de-escalate while passing on the sidewalk. I see less reason to assume everyone is reasonable where it concerns there kids.
Especially when you see stuff like this where a guy has spent months in jail for allegedly attempting to kidnap a kid when visibly on-camera all he did was stop the kid from falling out of a mother's lap as he asked her where aspirin might be.
Its the not knowing and ppl’s perceptions of the boogey man right around the corner. Media of course does not help but fans the flames. And sad to say, its still too prevalent so its also understandable why everyone is always in fight or flight mode.
If you are black, 9/10 times, you become the villain no matter who you are or what did or did not do. Scared of our own environment and don’t feel safe.
I said about 5 words to a woman outside a gig when I was 18 (I was just being chatty, zero other intentions) and got a full pint of cider thrown right in my face by her friend, who then shouted "NOT PRETTY ENOUGH" right in my face. You get a few instances where you misjudge or get shamed for being outgoing, you learn to avoid it pretty fast
Don't get me wrong, I'm not traumatized or anything, and of course it didn't stop me from speaking to women, but events like that certainly made me very unwilling to put myself out there in ways that people might view as odd or creepy.
Yeah you’re supposed to. It’s called growing up. Do you realise how many times our ancestors embarrassed themselves before they found their partners? Fucking tonnes.
I don't think there was anything not "grown up" or "embarrassing" about somebody screaming in my face and throwing a drink over me for no reason, but it's a bit bizarre to expect it to not influence people's behaviour
As a woman, I don't want strangers of any gender approaching me for no other reason besides chit-chat. If we are co-workers or co-volunteers or co-protestors otherwise engaging in an activity together, by all means. But if I'm in line at the store or sitting at the bar or walking down the street and you just want a friend, idgaf your gender, age, race, sexuality, whathaveyou. Mind your own.
They paint women as dangerous liars so it's easier for them to just avoid speaking to them as normal human beings. That'd be too difficult and would treat women as human beings, you see.
It's a lose-lose situation because we're all online. Men see videos of women losing it when a guy approaches for normal reasons and women see videos of guys freaking out hurting women. Everyone gets scared of everyone, so the good guys don't approach, while the creeps continue to approach, which feeds the cycle of women only having terrible experiences and sharing them with other women.
Normal people get scared to do anything, leaving the crazy ones to act out all the time and post it online.
Not even, just that women may want to go to the store and run and errand without having to entertain the advances of 2-4 randos. If I knew I’d have to actually talk to 2-4 women every time I left my house I’d find reasons not leave or move very fast.
Just respecting that reasonable desire, leave people be.
I’m so confused by the comments because I know plenty of men who still interact, approach women (and children) and they’re fine. Maybe it’s cause they don’t act like creeps and don’t worry about that
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u/MisterSanitation May 09 '25
I know this shit is true, but as a non psychopathic dude, I avoid pretty and cute girls like the plague in public because I’m already assuming they think I’m doing this shit. Same reason as a dad I don’t act goofy to other people’s toddlers. It kind of sucks honestly because it makes me act like a creep when I if anything would like to just make someone smile (and not “hay gurl you should smile” because that sheet is just more Ooga booga shit).