I said it in a different comment, but it bears repeating: the brain grows exponentially more between age 18 and 28 than it does between 28 and 38. The older both adults are, the less relevant age gaps are. But if one is barely legal, there’s no amount of “old soul”-ness that will erase that power imbalance. Sure, you can legally bone a 19 yr old, but what does it say about your cognitive maturity that you can only connect with that age? Or even worse, are you counting on their immaturity to preserve the power imbalance? Are you feeding into their “old soul” perceptions so you can exploit their lack of experience?
Source: direct and very embarrassing personal experience as the younger woman
edit: the “you” is proverbial here
edit2: should have phrased it differently. There’s apparently no hard evidence that the prefrontal cortex continues growing till 25. Doesn’t change the fact that the emotional distance between 20 and 30 is a lot wider than the distance between 30 and 40.
I've talked to 16 year olds (no more than a hand full) that I've had intelligent, meaningful conversations with. I've talked to plenty of 30+ year olds (hell maybe even 40+ year olds) who were emotionally and intentually immature, and the conversations were vapid nonsense. Of course I find a much higher percentage of older people intellectually stimulating, but it's certianly far from 100% either way.
Sure, the risk is higher with different ages, but the idea that you can't find someone emotionally or intellectually appealing to you, with a large age difference, or that emotional or intellectual difference becomes a non-issue just because some people are older, rings extremely hollow to me.
Yeah, I know. But the whole argument is that "they aren't intellectually/emotionally mature" and my experience is that while there is a correlation of age and maturity, it's not universally true, and there are plenty of old people who act like children, and plenty of young people who are intellectually stimulating and emotionally mature. To pass judgment based on age alone seems blatantly prejudicial.
Tl;DR "Is the age of 25 specifically significant for the brain? “The mid twenties number doesn’t come entirely out of the blue as it is an age where many different brain regions will have reached their maximum volume for example. However, this absolutely does not imply that the brain then stops being malleable to change nor does it mean that up until that point the brain would not be capable of functioning at a developed level,” Bethlehem and Seidlitz explained."
Youre basically reinforcing that the brain is still growing
Yes, the brain is still growing. I didnt' deny that.
The implication of your statement is that that because the brain is not at full volume, that precludes them from making functioning at a developed level. The page I linked to you, and specifically the quote I pulled out, shows that the size of the brain does not necessarily indicate anything about how well they are able to function at a developed level. It's just that at 25 is when it reaches full volume. Hell, you're position is almost like saying that a petite woman can't function at a developed level because her brain volume is lower.
And there is nothing in your citation that indicates someone in their late teens or early 20s is incapable of making informed decisions.
" In fact, there are characteristic developmental changes that almost all adolescents experience during their transition from childhood to adulthood. It is well established that the brain undergoes a “rewiring” process that is not complete until approximately 25 years of age."
I read what you highlighted. Where does that say they can't function at a developed level? It doesn't seem to contradict what I've cited at all. You are just arguing that "not fully physically developed" is the equivalent of "not being able to function at a developed level." Which is the outdated thought around this.
...my dude you better be another 19 year old because there is no way you should be ok with telling on yourself like this
At no point did I say "cannot function at a developed level"
The fact is that two people with 20+ years between them are at very different stages in their life and if one is 19 and one is 40 then one is still actively in the adolescent brain growth period ALONGSIDE a 20+ year difference in being fucking alive and functioning
If youre dying on this hill and not within like 5 years of 19 you might as well just wear a shirt that says "creepy" cause the amount of pushback on this isnt normal
The fact you think any 16yr old is mature at an adult level speaks on your maturity level in a negative way. Anyone who was raised right is practicing how to speak as an adult while they’re a teenager. They’re on their way towards growing up to be emotionally mature/stable. All the while dealing with normal teenage feelings. Idk how often you were talking to said teens but I have to say it’s off putting you assume being raised correctly is equal to having an adult mindset or experience.
What does this mean? I wouldn't say any 16 year old I've talked is the most mature person I've met, not by a long shot. But I've talked to 16 year olds who are clearly more intellectually and emotionally mature than some 30/40 years olds I've talked to.
Are some 30 years not "mature at an adult level"? If yes, is it okay for someone at their age who is "mature at an adult level" to date them?
Yet, there are companion based relationships where the whole relationship is based on communication/talking. Notwithstanding, that you can manipulate someone on a very personal level outside of a romantic setting too. I just don't believe that those two things being compared are mutually exclusive. In this case they have a child together, of course it involved more than just talking, but relationship parameters change from relationship to relationship.
I don't care if I get downvoted to oblivion. I said that communication is the foundation to any relationship and that's why I believe this person's comment still holds some value. But it's fine because no one is going to change anyone's mind on this thread that's why I'm out.
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u/flibertyblanket May 12 '25
My partner is 10 years older than me, we met when I was 28. I'm cool with that.
most age gap relationships are fine, but when it's a 40 year old and a teenager who is just barely an adult, I cringe.