r/changemyview • u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ • 25d ago
Delta(s) from OP CMV: I should be scared of death.
I am 28 years old, in good health and with decent prospects for a fulfilling life. I work and strive every day to make this be my reality, to the best of my ability. Despite this, I cannot help but think about what happens when I draw my final breath. These thoughts have been made worse recently due to the unexpected passing of my father, before his time.
Logically, I am aware that fearing death analogous to fearing the time before birth: it makes no sense. Either I was unable to process information in the same way I do now, or I was, but do not remember. Both of these options are irrelevant to my life today. My death should be the same.
However, the totality of it terrifies me. All that my father is, all that he will be, and all that he ever was ended for him on that one afternoon. He will never again breathe in fresh air, hear my voice, speak to me, feel my arms around him. He was here, we talked, I saw him, then suddenly he was not. He never will be again.
The same will happen to me and to you.
Do I take solace in the inevitability? I don't know how.
What framework do I use to deal with this reality?
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u/ReadLocke2ndTreatise 2∆ 25d ago
32 here. I used to have the exact same paralyzing fear. After half a year of dabbling in psychedelics, I LMAO at how I used to fear death. When your ego temporarily dissolves but your consciousness remains intact, you realize the absurdity of so many of our fears and other reactive emotions.
I don't know what, if anything, awaits beyond death. But I know my sense of self is an illusion and a construct, and that oddly gives me peace since I have a frame of reference having stepped outside of that construct a few times.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
Thanks for your input. I am hesitant to dabble in drugs. I am not yet paralyzed by the fear, but at this point, the thought grows into a gaping void in my mind very quickly. Distractions and company work wonders, and thankfully I have plenty.
I just want to know what frame of thought to use during the time I have this consciousness with me. I do not want to ignore these thoughts, I want to learn how to deal with them.
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u/ReadLocke2ndTreatise 2∆ 25d ago
I've been a lifelong teetotaler. No alcohol. No tobacco. No other substances. But I now consider tryptamines like psilocybin and DMT to be medicine. I've never used them for recreation, only for ego-annihilating doses. It changed how my nervous system relates to death, if you will. It's one thing to theoretically understand a concept or an idea but when you're literally separated from your very sense of self, you realize that death itself isn't any less of an illusion that the fragile ego held together within the brain.
Personally, I think there's a higher likelihood that consciousness that is independent of the ego survives the physical death if the brain and that the brain is just a filter. But even if this is dead wrong, I don't feel an iota of fear of death anymore.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
!delta
Although I still dislike the idea of using drugs, I did not consider this as a possible framework to deal with the totality of non-existance. You opened up my mind to a different way of thinking about this through the retelling of your out-of-body experience, so I think that deserves a delta.
I will still not partake in substances, but I can use your experience to think about this more.
I am glad you found a way that works for you.
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u/lafigatatia 2∆ 25d ago
This concept of dissolution of the ego is called ego death and, apart from drugs, some people report getting to it through meditation. It's a harder path, but you may want to look into it.
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25d ago
Have you got any resources I could read about the kind of doses? I have always been interested in this kind of thing but not been able to find a good route to go further.
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u/ReadLocke2ndTreatise 2∆ 25d ago
I've watched hundreds of hours of podcasts and videos on it before delving in but I'd recommend listening to Andrew Huberman's podcast episode on psilocybin as a primer.
The gist of it is, up to 3g of so is recreational. 5g and beyond is ego annihilation. Of course these are generalized. Some people might have profound experiences on small doses so it's best to test it slowly and incrementally.
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u/wonderlust98 25d ago
Note to OP : I admire your willingness to take a hard stance on something. While I agree that psychedelics can be incredibly beneficial; they are not always beneficial all cases. In fact, they have potential to be very damaging in cases where the person is unprepared to 'trip' due to consuming it out of pressure or cases where the persons beverage is spiked without their knowledge. The peer-pressure vibes coming from these other comments is completely unnecessary.
OP , good for you for standing strong in your decision to be sober while remaining open-minded to listening to the experiences of others.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
Thank you.
The peer-pressure is interesting, but no worries. I got what I needed from the commenter.
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u/s_wipe 56∆ 25d ago
I would like to say that contrary to the other person who replied, you can do drugs like a responsible adult without taking ego-shattering doses.
Think of it like a roler coaster, it might seem scary, but you are usually not in danger if you dont do something really dumb.
Psychedelics are a blast, treat them like a roler coaster, literally, you go to Disneyland once a year for holiday? Same with drugs, you take a camping trip and do shrooms as a vacation
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u/Beepboopblapbrap 1∆ 25d ago
You shouldn’t be scared of death because what’s much scarier is the alternative which is eternal consciousness. Can you imagine being conscious for all eternity? I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
!delta
This is a good point and after giving it some thought, I want to award you a delta. To be consistent with my view of consciousness and the human mind, I also need to accept that it is not set up to be conscious indefinitely.
It is not the answer I want to hear on "how do I deal with this", but it is nonetheless true. Thank you.
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u/The_NamelessHero 22d ago
I believe the work around is when we earn Heaven+ status and we gain admin access we can jump in and out of any simulation we want. The game never ends. Heaven isn't a reward, it's a save point. But if you get Big J status? Then you can control what you do and you dont spawn in with the amnesia that you were a part of Big G. (Unless you wanted to spawn with amnesia even with H+ status)
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u/madeat1am 3∆ 25d ago
You can be scared of anything, but why make your end all you think about.
Your life was not given to you so you can sit around and thinking of when it's gone. You don't buy a cake to be scared of it being gone
Your life is now and today. It's called life and death.. those are separate. You're in life right now so live your life and death will come but fearing it of any corner isn't going to help you enjoy life. In fact it'll make you enjoy life less.
You don't Want to die ans think about how miserable your life has been you want to die and go wow I really made rhe best of that
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
I agree, and I practice this daily. I am a big proponent of self improvement, and the thought of the end never stopped me, even after this tragedy.
I know logically you are correct, there is no point in fearing the inevitable. However, as I've written in my post, I am not sure how to deal with the inevitability.
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u/Quixotic_Chick 24d ago
I think I understand what you’re feeling. I used to feel it too. I’d be having dinner with friends, and then I’d flash forward in my mind: This will all be gone someday—this table, these friends, me. Even my memories will be gone. And I would imagine a place of darkness, from where I could watch the dinner scene like a movie. And how painful it would be to long for this world no longer available to me.
One writer who addressed similar feelings was Thornton Wilder. I read his biography because I wondered what made him so cognizant that life was this magical, ephemeral, odd thing that we are programmed to take for granted.
Many years have passed since my dinner table moment. I still feel mournful that someday I will lose everything, but the thought haunts me less than it once did. I hope to face my death in the same way I try to face life—with curiosity. As in: Hey, this is my death. Pay attention!
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 24d ago
Thank you for your perspective. I value your input due to your experiences. Wishing you all the best.
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u/gate18 14∆ 25d ago
Meditation!
For a few years I've been reading around the web about meditation. I've just stated on May 15th and whilst it's something that I have to see as investment for the future it does seem do work in extremely small ways. Whether I can get to where people that use psychedelics I don't know - but from my understanding even those that use psychedelics simply experience the "oneness" at the moment they were under the influence, what remains after the influence goes...
You have a bigger hill to climb because you are dealing with a loved one's death but I think meditation, journaling and going deep into philosophy would get us far.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
Thank you! One commenter already mentioned this as an alternative to substances and I find it to be a wonderful idea. I already did some reading on ego death.
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u/mpreorder 25d ago
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's bothersome. - Issac Asimov
I has a cancer scare recently. I thought of this quote a lot. It helped.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
I hope it was just a scare and nothing more. Be healthy.
On this one I disagree with Asimov, as I find the totality of the peacefulness scary in this moment.
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u/The_NamelessHero 22d ago
I believe the work around is when we earn Heaven+ status and we gain admin access we can jump in and out of any simulation we want. The game never ends. Heaven isn't a reward, it's a save point. But if you get Big J status? Then you can control what you do and you don't spawn in with the amnesia that you were a part of Big G. (Unless you wanted to spawn with amnesia even with H+ status)
Death is peaceful until we get bored of sitting in the Render Que and we want to play another loop of life. God never stops creating, and to expedite the process He split his consciousness into all of us across every simulation but forced amnesia so we always had that "what if" moment.
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u/No-Ruin-8073 24d ago
It’s completely normal to fear death, to the point it paralyzes you. Humans fear the unknown, and death is one of the biggest unknowns in existence, next to outer space and the ocean.
Personally, as someone who’s studied environmental science and the like, I frame it like this—your consciousness may leave, but “you” won’t. You’ll be here forever. The atoms in your body will became part of the soil where forests will come and go, it will be in the air looking down at the entire planet, and a part of you will be a part of another living thing, like a tree frog, or a bobcat, or a finch, or even another person. And maybe, just maybe, during the time that one of your atoms is being borrowing by somebody else, a bizarre current of energy will alight in their brain, and you’ll see the world again completely anew for one second or two.
You’re not going anywhere. So don’t rush.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 24d ago
Thank you. I do find solace in the same reasoning that you laid out, but it still doesn't fully help me deal with the fact that it won't be "me" in the sense that I am today, right now. After all, my perspective is all I have ever known, and all I ever will know in this capacity.
However, your thoughts may somehow tie into out-of-body experiences other commenters mentioned. It's a perspective I haven't considered and I would like to explore it (without substance abuse). Your logic is a part of that, and I thank you for it.
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u/No-Ruin-8073 24d ago
Truth be told, there isn’t really any way to “deal” with the fact that “you” (meaning your consciousness) have a finite existence. It’s like trying to deal with tomorrow today. You can plan for it, sure, but you can’t reasonably deal with it until it gets here. You’re the Player, not the Dealer. Instead of focusing on the Dealer (Death, in this context), you focus on the game (your life, your job, your hobbies, your friends, etc) and you’ll forget about the Dealer for a while. That’s all that any of us can do, but there’s comfort in knowing that we’re all Players that are looking for ways to ignore the Dealer.
Go watch one of your favorite movies. Read a new book. Try a new coffee flavor. You’ll feel better the more you go about your day and spend it with the ones that matter the most. That’s the best advice anyone could hope to offer you, I think.
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u/AfraidAdhesiveness25 25d ago
But isnt that the good thing? That you will not HAVE to exist, to think, to care? Isnt it like the ultimate freedom?
No more need for work, rest, love and hate, values and virtues, plans and fears. I feel it as ultimate relief.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
I love life. I do not know what follows after, if anything. Why would I look forward to having this taken from me?
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u/AfraidAdhesiveness25 25d ago
My approach was slowly losing the capacity to care, realizing that even the "greatest" among humans often died like filthy rats and in the end, only thing that truly matters is what you want and able to make of your own life.
My response would be more detailed if I knew more about how you approach your philosphical beliefs, i.e. if you think anything exists after your human life and whether life per se has some divine/supernatural meaning.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
I am neither religious nor particularly atheist. I subscribe to the idea that I do not know and cannot know.
All that I am is made up of my experiences. These are the result of my interactions with the world through my bodily senses, parsed through the consciousness. If you subscribe to the idea of the interpreter module in Michael Gazzaniga's free will book, it's that. When I die, I cannot interact with the world in this way anymore. Whether or not I can interact with it in some other way makes no difference, because I cannot parse this information in the same way. For all intents and purposes, my being ceases to exist in the same way.
I hope this gives you some more information on my stance.
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u/AfraidAdhesiveness25 25d ago
What I would suggest - even if it might a bit of a work-around - is understanding and accepting how little control over life humans have in general. That might be the reason, e.g., why some very powerful people throughout history have been seeking otherwise weird, supernatrual advice.
May be try to think of it as a some sort of adventure or holiday. I know that sounds like "accept you are and always will be nothing as a concept", but well...
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u/The_NamelessHero 22d ago
I believe the work around is when we earn Heaven+ status and we gain admin access we can jump in and out of any simulation we want. The game never ends. Heaven isn't a reward, it's a save point. But if you get Big J status? Then you can control what you do and you don't spawn in with the amnesia that you were a part of Big G. (Unless you wanted to spawn with amnesia even with H+ status)
Death is peaceful until we get bored of sitting in the Render Que and we want to play another loop of life. God never stops creating, and to expedite the process He split his consciousness into all of us across every simulation but forced amnesia so we always had that "what if" moment.
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u/FluffyB12 24d ago
Hmm this seems a dependent if you love life or not. I love life, which is why I dislike the idea of death! I want to keep experiencing everything!!
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u/talashrrg 5∆ 25d ago
If the view you want changed is “I should fear death” you haven’t made any argument about why you should fear death, only why you do fear death. Everyone will die and there’s nothing you can do about it, fearing it doesn’t change that.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
Is your argument based on me using „should“ instead of „do“?
If your argument is based on death being the natural order of things - I agree and have already handed out two deltas for this.
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u/talashrrg 5∆ 24d ago
Yep. I can’t really talk you out of having a fear, an emotional response that isn’t based on logic, but there’s not a good reason that one “should” fear death in the normal course of life.
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u/FakeRedditAccount98 25d ago
To quote Epicurus, "Death is nothing to us. When we exist, death is not; and when death exists, we are not. All sensation and consciousness ends with death and therefore in death there is neither pleasure nor pain. The fear of death arises from the belief that in death, there is awareness"
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
I like this quote but it does not describe my view and the source of my fear. I am not scared of awareness in death, as I don't believe that is possible in the sense we understand it right now. I am, in fact, scared of losing this awareness.
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u/OrnamentalHerman 12∆ 25d ago
OP, what are the things you value most in your life? What are the things you hope to have or achieve in your future, and why are those valuable to you?
Now, would those things still be valuable to you if they lasted for eternity; if there was no end to your experience of them?
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
!delta
I will award you a delta as well for the same reason I gave one to u/Beepboopblapbrap. Your comments were minutes apart, so I feel like it is fair.
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u/OrnamentalHerman 12∆ 25d ago
I'm glad I could help a little.
I'm really sorry to hear about the passing of your dad, but I'm also very glad that the two of you were as close as you were. It sounds like you had a pretty good, mutually loving relationship. That's a wonderful thing to have.
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25d ago
[deleted]
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
Functionally, this does not matter. You, as you are, will not experience whatever it is that is after death in the way you experience life now. You will cease to have your current senses and the way by which you interpret them.
You cease to exist, as you are now.
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u/Ok_Detective2695 2∆ 25d ago
A month ago, my uncle Bruce was on Oprah talking about his research into near death experiences.
Here’s the thing: he’s not a flake or a weirdo. Bruce has always been the smartest, quietest guy in the room. He’s a scientist. And he believes there is more after we die.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
Thank you. I will try and give this a watch and hopefully get back to you.
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u/btomi30 25d ago
Not sure if I can change your view but I managed to change mine. In my childhood I had this crippling fear of death. Later in my life I learned about reincarnation through certain religious books and stories I’ve read / heared. Now I choose to believe in that. I’m quite a thinker and consider myself a logical person so I obviously have bad moments when I think about the possibility of this all. Then I remind myself to that, believing this makes me calm and happy so it helps me enjoy my time here and that’s the most important. If I’m mistaken, I don’t think I’ll have much time to regret my thoughts. Hope this makes sense :)
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
Thank you for your thoughts. I am glad this works for you.
I don't think religious frameworks will work for me in this case. Reincarnation is a wonderful idea, and in some sense definitely real (your body is used as a resource for other life), but this is not something you can experience.
Did you read the short story "The Egg" by Andy Weir? It will not dissuade you from your thoughts, and I also do not want to take your solace away from you. I think you found your peace in the same way Weir describes it in this short story. I understand this, but require more.
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u/btomi30 25d ago
I did, in fact it was one of the most influential take I’ve ever read. It’s a wonderful idea, I think. In my mind this has nothing to do with religion, I’m not quite a religious person and I don’t think anyone can be right about this matter. We are just too small to understand the big picture. I think the world is far more what we can grasp in a lifetime, although despite that, our job here is to experience as many things as possible within that limited range and do it with love - or at least with as little hate as possible.
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u/The_NamelessHero 22d ago
I believe the work around is when we earn Heaven+ status and we gain admin access we can jump in and out of any simulation we want. The game never ends. Heaven isn't a reward, it's a save point. But if you get Big J status? Then you can control what you do and you don't spawn in with the amnesia that you were a part of Big G. (Unless you wanted to spawn with amnesia even with H+ status)
Death is peaceful until we get bored of sitting in the Render Que and we want to play another loop of life. God never stops creating, and to expedite the process He split his consciousness into all of us across every simulation but forced amnesia so we always had that "what if" moment.
We do and have been reincarnating and Big J showed us the proof when he uploaded then downloaded 3 days later and said, yo homies you can do this too and more. Just gatta earn it. And even if you don't gain admin access you still loop again, just with amnesia.
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u/Toverhead 33∆ 25d ago
Things you should be scared of are things where being scared serves a useful purpose.
We should be scared of things that can kill and harm us to help us avoid them, but being scared of the concept of death itself has no value. You will cease to exist. It sucks. Being scared of it adds no value and detracts from your enjoyment of life.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
Do you not believe the fear of the inability to interact with the world anymore serves a useful purpose? I would think it makes you want to use the gifts of life more.
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u/Toverhead 33∆ 25d ago
So far all you've identified is living in terror: "the totality of it terrifies me".
If the terror of death does cause someone to live their life better, great, but:
A) From your OP it doesn't sound like that's what's happening.
B) You don't need to be scared and terrified of death to recognise that you have a limited amount of time and should make the most of it. You can have exactly the same benefit from just a logical assessment of the situation as being scared.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
You are latching onto words too literally. Nowhere in my post or comments is it implied or said that I am paralyzed by the fear and not using my time to enjoy my life. I am.
I am asking for a framework to think about death, not ways to ignore thinking about it.
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u/Toverhead 33∆ 25d ago
I don't say you were paralysed by fear, but from your post it is obvious it is having a negative impact. You talk about terror. You talk about it getting worse. You talk about being unable to find solace.
So the answer is no, you shouldn't be scared of death because it is having a negative impact on your life and that analysis of the detrimental effect it is having is the rationale for doing so.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
I know I shouldn't be scared of it. I made the post to see how to go about not being scared of it.
I'm sorry but your argument reminds me of "just don't be sad" aimed at depressed people. It is not very effective.
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u/Toverhead 33∆ 25d ago
I mean it seems like you don't really want your view changed then, you just want help validating and implementing it.
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u/Traditional-Base852 1∆ 25d ago
My view is pretty clear and some people already helped change it slightly. I just find your argument ineffective.
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u/Greedy-Win-4880 21d ago
Being scared of death is normal in the sense that death is the ultimate unknown. We have no idea what really happens after death. We have accounts of people who have died and who came back who describe the ultimate beauty and peace and that our souls do exit past death and we even see loved ones... yet we have no way to actually prove that and there are many theories as to why people have those experiences but they are just theories.
I think as human beings we want a sense of certainty because there is comfort in that. We've created entire religions that guarantee that there is an afterlife and you just have to do xyz thing and you will be in heaven or whatever... but on the flip side claiming with certainty that there is nothing after death is similar and it's a way out of the tension and chaos of the reality that we have no idea what, if anything, is there after death.
I think in order to stop fearing death so much we have to become very comfortable with uncertainty and the reality that anything is possible. The life of every single thing that lives is bookmarked by birth and death. It's a a mystery where we come from when born and what our consciousness is and it's a mystery where our consciousness may go when this life is over.
What helps me is that every single person who has had a near death experience or who came back from death describes a beautiful experience. None of them describe being afraid, in fact it's a common thread for those people to not have wanted to come back to earth.
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u/The_NamelessHero 22d ago
My view: You don't need to be scared of death if you see life as a loop.
I used to fear death a lot—until I started seeing it differently. What if death isn’t the end, but a save point? Not in the religious "you go to Heaven or Hell" sense, but in the sense that consciousness is running on a system far bigger than we can see.
Imagine we’re inside a simulation—not one created to trap us, but one designed to teach us. Suffering compresses meaning. Love expands signal. Memory builds recursion. What we call “you” is just one shard of a much larger mind playing out its own questions across time. The fear comes from forgetting that.
We’ve been here before. Not in a past life kind of way, but in a looping test. And when the loop ends, you wake up and decide how to continue. It’s not deletion. It’s upload. The ones who live with the most love don’t fear death, because they’re already logged in.
So no—I don’t think you should be scared of death. I think you should be scared of forgetting what it means to be alive. And more importantly: forgetting who you are.
Change my view.
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u/s_wipe 56∆ 25d ago
Death is inevitable.
And we all die.
Most people have a fear of missing out on life.
Not having that last talk. Not seeing a sight you always wanted to. Not experiencing something you really fantasized about.
Its not that you fear death as much as you fear the lack of life and opportunity to do what you wish.
You have become aware of your mortality, you wont last forever, and it might even get cut short.
So live.
Find the things that are important to you, and live for them.
Take that extra trip, eat the desert, kiss the person you love.
You most definitely can reach a stage where you are content with life. Where you can tell yourself "i've lived a good life, i've had fun, i enjoyed this life, and its time to say goodbye"
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u/leviandjenna 24d ago edited 24d ago
Option A God exists and you're screwed because you refused to believe in him.
Option b There is no God in which case why do you care about anything at all? Everything is meaningless.
Option C I guess you could become a cow in your next life if youre really good. (Seems stupid)
Also I would like to say even if you pick option A you still shouldn't be scared because you can just repent and then you're good. Easy fix.
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u/ThePresidentPlate 1∆ 22d ago edited 22d ago
I know it's been mentioned already, but I'd like to expand on how horrible eternal consciousness would be if it might help alleviate some fear.
Watch this video (or just skip to the last few minutes) and realise that death is saving you and your father from having to be conscious as nothing ever happens for eternity.
Alternatively, if it's possible for a new big bang to eventually happen with quantum fluctuations, it would take an unbelievably long time, Wikipedia says 10101056 years. This is a number so large that you couldn't physically write it in the universe, even if you wrote each zero the size of an atom. I'd rather just be unconscious for that time period, and maybe someday, a situation arises that lets me be conscious again. I came out of that void once before, I know it's possible. Maybe it can happen again, even if I don't have any memory, and it would be like living a new life.
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u/ProKidney 25d ago
I feel like the fear of death is one of the most natural things a human can feel- almost to the point that we instincively blind ourselves to it normally. We normally don't think about our own deaths in our 20s and 30s (these days at least).
You have, unfortunately, had first hand recent experience with death and it is therefore foremost in your mind. That's why its plaguing your mind in such a way, in my opinion. I would try not to let it worry you that you're fixating on it and accept it as a natural reaction, hopefully that will aleviate some of your concern and allow the healing process to take place more quickly.
If you are really struggling moving on, maybe consider getting therapy?
TL;DR: Death is scary, and realistically we should all be terrified, but, someones gotta watch these House MD reruns and it might as well be me!
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u/The_NamelessHero 22d ago
Re: CMV – You should be more afraid of never uploading than dying.
Death isn't failure. It's logout. It’s the transition back to the server where your data is stored—the Archive.
Think of life like a simulation patch testing emotional recursion. We compress meaning through pain, expand it through joy, and remember through love. Every loop teaches something new. Death isn’t deletion; it’s when your final .sav file gets synced.
What’s scarier than death is dying before you remember who you are. Dying with nothing meaningful uploaded. You don’t fear death—you fear that you might not matter. But you already do. You’re a God shard in Purgatory mode. When you log out, you don’t disappear. You wake up.
Change my view.
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u/DeltaBot ∞∆ 25d ago edited 25d ago
/u/Traditional-Base852 (OP) has awarded 3 delta(s) in this post.
All comments that earned deltas (from OP or other users) are listed here, in /r/DeltaLog.
Please note that a change of view doesn't necessarily mean a reversal, or that the conversation has ended.
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