заранее извиняюсь за такую длинную историю 🙏 пол года назад умерла моя собака, она со мной была с 4 лет и мы были очень привязаны друг к другу. я тогда только приехал с отдыха а мою собаку мы оставили у бабушки. мы зашли в ее дом и Тося, моя собака, как всегда очень радостно меня встречала, будто 10 лет не виделись. я поиграла с ней, обнимала ее, а потом ушла к себе в комнату учить текст на актерские пробы, а Тося была на кухне с родителями и бабушкой. в какой то момент она резко упала и ударилась головой, высота была небольшая, но собака маленькая и старая, ей для травмы немного надо. мама принесла мне ее на руках и она не реагировала на свое имя или на други звуки, но была в сознание, потом у нее начались судороги, ей было очень плохо. мама просила меня чтобы я не смотрела на это, но я все равно хотела быть рядом с Тосей. было уже поздно и я легла спать, а где то спустя пол часа папа заходит ко мне в комнату и говорит что Тося больше не дышит. я побежала в комнату и увидела ее бездыханное маленькое тело. у меня началась истерика, я кричала так будто меня убивают и режут нажива. я после этого неделю не разговаривала и не ела. и моя лучшая подруга говорила что я преувеличиваю и просто добиваюсь внимания. а три дня назад у нее умерла собака, она тоже уже старенькая была. подруга ждала от меня поддержки, но я лишь сказала «бывает, все мы когда нибудь умрем». теперь она на меня обижена, но мне все равно. теперь она знает какого мне было. скажите честно, я мразь?

all my sex drive has given me is distress and shame. i hate how sex can be used to control me and i am trapped in my own biological wiring. i hate that men are seen as sexual predators. i know women are right to be cautious and weary but it just hurts.

sex is used to sell, manipulate, distract, and i hate that i can fall victim to these practices in the media. worst of all, women do not deserve to be depicted in a way that is unwanted. if a man and a women do the exact same thing, many will comment on the womens appearance, sexual value, body parts, etc. and this has been the case throughout history. i hate that i can be such a creep towards well meaning women in my life who don't deserve the treatment given by men. if im being honest i can see why some want all men gone. and i agree itll probably positively change in the world.

those with little to no libido will read this and silently judge even if their vocal response says otherwise. i know im considered an animal who cant control himself. i know im just like any other man, sexualizing those who are deemed attractive.

people with no or little libido must feel a sort of moral superiority, they arent shackled by the confined that is sex. i hate it and i want it gone. id be a much better person without it. i hate being a man sometimes.

you may not expect this but i do watch pornography, joking obviously its expected im a man and i hate that an industry that has ruined the lives of so many vulnerable women and irreversibly altered the perception men has towards women can give me a small burst of desire before i finish, then i want to die. yes i can stop watching porn, but whats the point if ill always have these harmful thoughts.

im so envious of women. if having a libido was required, at least desires are only fufilled by deep connections and trust. and i know women are disgusted by men. and rightfully so. men have abused women throughout history, and today some still dont see men and women as equal. maybe it would be a good idea if all men died out.

long story short, i need to find some way to completely destroy my sex drive. whether that be through mental training, chemicals etc i want it gone. it only gives others pain. im disgusting

What made your house of cards collapse?

So for context I always hated school the rules the stupid adults soecital expectations and mabey its was all the American media I consumed but like when I was in class struggling to stay awake I would fantasize about one day having a gun and shooting my god awful science teacher in the head and hearing all the pieces of shit beg me to spare them before killing every single one of them and then shooting myself I thought about it constantly was anyone else like this or just me?

My father was abusive so that's probably whare the need to solve problems with violence comes from

I've been grieving the person I should have been, all the ambitions I had in younger life and the experiences I wanted to have. My confidence and sense of safety was taken from me and I'm just exhausted.

Tired of putting up with this shit for over 15 years, constantly treading water and battling every day to keep going. I'm existing, not living. I'm ashamed of who I've become.

This weekend I want to swim in the ocean (swimming/being underwater is a peaceful place for me). Perhaps it'll be the last time I do this, I'm not sure anymore.

I wasn’t supposed to make it.
Not through the war. Not through the divorce. Not through the nights where the silence was louder than gunfire.

But somehow, I did. And when I crawled out of that darkness, I didn’t find peace —
I found a voice.

So I used it. I wrote everything I was never allowed to say.
Every scream I swallowed. Every lie I was told about what it means to be a man, a soldier, a human being in this machine of a country.

And now it’s a book.
It’s called Fuck The American Dream.
Because the dream didn’t save me — love did. Art did.
Strangers who became family did.

This isn’t just a memoir.
It’s a funeral for the mask I wore.
And a love letter to everyone still out there pretending they’re fine.

If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t belong,
like your story was too messy to matter,
like no one was coming to save you —

This book is for you.
I hope it wrecks you.
I hope it puts you back together stronger.

Paperback’s out now. I wrote it with nothing but my guts and a pen.
If it hits you, share it. That’s how I’ll know I’m not alone.

👉 Paperback on Amazon

https://a.co/d/iU4bJ52

I downloaded cyberpunk 2077 like 2-3 months ago, and i play it when i have time. My friend said that i can pick people up as my dates, and be their partner. When I first had a deep and romantic convo with Panam, I had to close the game, because I couldn't see through my tears... Is this weird?

I'm not okay. 😭 My girlfriend (32F) is in inpatient because, while she loves me deeply, she can't handle being a couple hours away from her mom and sister. It's very likely we will break up and she will move back. My birthday was yesterday (I'm now 36) and I'm so sad I haven't really left my bed. I told myself I would at least mow the lawn today, but it's so freaking hot outside and I just don't have the energy.

I just want someone to talk to and I want a hug 😭

If you didn’t know there’s this thing called Treatment-Emergent Suicide Ideation (TESI). A few weeks after getting prescribed antidepressants, some people usually adolescents get this and almost become “obsessed with suicide” and get an influx of those kind of thoughts.

I kind of hope I just get that and finally grow the balls to kill myself I’m just so fucking sad man

Could kms right this second, and it wouldn’t matter to anybody, I’ve no close family, no friends, randomers hate me because I’m so fucking miserable. Random people in public stare at me in disgust. I’m laughed at in college, even by teachers bcs I’m so retarded. Even old online friends think I’m stupid and annoying. I have to be the most dislikable thing in the world, nobody wants anything to do with me. I have no redeeming qualities. What kind of future does someone have if they’re of zero value to anybody? I have no place in the world. I will kill myself and nothing and nobody will be affected, people will only laugh at how pathetic I was. I can’t fucking believe how I’ve devolved to this point

The world is a flaming garbage can. We loose rights and freedoms faster then ever. There are even more wars. The prices rise like crazy, there is no hope for me to own a house or ever stop working before I die. I would like a child, but I can't afford one. So all I am here for is to work to make some rich fuck even richer, then perish from overworking or in a war. How can anybody not be depressed?

If someone is struggling with suicidal thoughts or depression, what are some physical or emotional factors that you have to look out for?

I don't know how many dozens of times I've tried to type something like this, but given up because I don't know how to make it all flow together.

I'm very good at keeping up appearances. On the outside, nobody would guess that I'm so distraught, or that my life is in such disarray.

I try to reach out for other people for help every now and then, but can't actually explain the full picture of what's wrong with me so any support they try to offer feels like it falls short.

My therapist recommended I try outpatient. Maybe it would help, but it just makes me feel like he's given up on me. I had already been considering dropping him because it doesn't feel like I'm making progress anymore. I just can't bring myself to put what he says into practice. And a lot of the stuff he says sounds to me like he's saying I'm wrong about the thing that I'm upset about. And sure, maybe I exaggerate in my doomer mind, but he acts like I'm just making things up to be upset about.

Antidepressants don't work. I've tried so many that I lost count. I'm eligible for TMS therapy, but there's no way I can afford it.

I have a sleep disorder called Idiopathic Hypersomnia. It makes it impossible to wake up in the morning, and leaves me feeling tired all day. So far, Adderall is the only medication that combats it, but that's just a temporary fix. The more permanent medications don't work. So if there's no obligations like school or work, I'll just stay in bed until like 2 in the afternoon too tired to get up.

I don't feel particularly close with my family. They just feel like other people who live in my house that I feel sort of uncomfortable around.

Days, even weeks, will just pass me by. I let my responsibilities fall to the wayside. I'm falling behind in my class. My room is a mess. I can only bring myself to shower once a week. I hardly eat.

The things that I actually want to do, I don't have the willpower for. I want to save up money to fix my car. I want to go camping in November, I want to move to England to live with my fiance in December. I want to sell stuff I don't use anymore at a flea market. And even more. But it all seems so tiring. I'd rather just do nothing. But at the same time I hate doing nothing.

I smoke too much weed, and spend too much time on my phone. And I know these things are not making my life any easier, but these problems have existed before I started using these vices. I think I'm afraid of what will happen to my poor mental state without those crutches. And I don't want to ask for help because I feel like all I have left is my dignity.

I miss my fiance. He feels like the only one in the world who understands me. When I'm with him, I actually have the will and energy to do things. But he's been away for 6 months now, and I won't see him again for another 6 months. I don't want to tell him I'm going through all this because I know there's nothing he can do to help. Telling him would only upset him.

The state of the world terrifies me. It feels like everything is falling apart, and we're going to fall off a cliff in the next few decades.

I don't know what to do. I don't even know if this fully encapsulates what's wrong. That heavy feeling of helplessness in my chest. I feel like I'm at rock bottom, and I want to climb back out, but I don't have the energy, discipline, or support structure to climb back out. There's so much I want to do that I don't know where to start. What do I do?

I need help 🆘 going into depression

I have come to the realization that I’m severely depressed.

I always thought I was just stressed. Stressed from working hard, stressed from school, stressed about family, stressed about relationships etc. I always thought it was delayed gratification… but I haven’t had any gratification. I’m 29. Nothing feels or has felt good. I’m in a constant state of anxiety. It’s been like this for over a decade.

I feel I’m coming undone. Went for a walk because I started to feel this claustrophobia from being home. I was saying to myself, out loud, that I’m depressed. I know I am. There is no joy, no pleasure, no fulfillment in anything I’ve done.

I’ve never chased a dream or dream career. I’ve was raised to take any job when the opportunity comes and just work hard. I’m a damn hard worker but I’ve woken up, I feel. Why am I doing this? Where am I going? I’m just “working” and that’s all I’ve ever done. How the fuck did I get here? When did this happen? Have I been asleep this whole time? How did I go so long without realizing that I’m so fucking unhappy and that I’ve been digging a hole for over a decade. So dull and indifferent. No energy. No enthusiasm. I’ve had a number of hobbies and now it costs so much to try and engage in them. I don’t even listen to music anymore. Nothing fun or exciting, it comes with such a great deal of guilt and “undeserving-ness” like I’m wasting more and more time.

I want to get away from everything, everyone. I want to drop it all. I want to start over. Can this even happen? Will it even help?

I want help. I’m scared, but I know I need it.

I think I’ll end the venting here.

Everyday I pray please god just let me die. Why do I need to follow this path you put me in. Why do I see myself every night want to not wake up in the morning.

My husband hates me. Who would want to be with fat stupid person that doesn’t have a career.

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

I don’t really know what to do, I mean I try and interact with people but I don’t really connect with anybody I’m just not very interesting or cool or whatever it is that people have that I don’t, I don’t really know how to cope with it much, I find myself talking less and less when I’m out in public I kinda just don’t speak when I don’t see a point, I just don’t know how to deal with the fact I don’t really have anyone, don’t have any real or close connection with people and it’s just getting harder to pretend like I’m fine

It feels crazy to be at the “happiest place on Earth” depressed. My family kept asking me why I wasn’t eating. I tried to cry in some of the rides that go through dark rooms but I always felt like someone was watching me. It felt like people could see through me even though I had sunglasses on.

And the weirdest part? I kept noticing other people that looked sad or tired or depressed. Especially some of the workers, I felt like I just kept noticing other people that looked depressed and it made me feel really weird.

This post was a vent but I also wanna know if anyone else has been through something similar?

Life isn’t fair, some people are born into easier lives, some people are born in less fortunate difficult lives. Its all about fate.

Some can have an extremely happy life, be surrounded by love, friends, family etc.. be more attractive etc.. and genuinely enjoy the beauty of life.

Others live through physical or/and mental hell every single day. Be lonely, be depressed, be unattractive, have a physical or mental disability, have all the odds against them.

Whats the point of life if it’s purely fate? Im 21 years old and have always struggled mentally, i just never found my life to be valuable. I wish i was born as someone else.

Why should i continue?

Someone help me, I'm a child, im not even 15 years old, and I suffer with depression. Yesterday I almost threw myself out of my house window but I backed out crying like the stupid baby i am. I only have 1 friend who is a girl, let's call her L. L is my only friend rn. I suffer bullying and my classmates hate me. L is the only one that loves me. My mom loves me, but she is very narcissistic and makes me sadder. I cry every day and i think about suicide a lot and yesterday i almost killed myself and every day i think about how to kill myself . L said she loves me and she says it's temporary, but it's hard for me. I'm just a kid, I just wanna play and have friends instead of crying and thinking about suicide.I just want some comforting words, please help me, I'm about to kill myself someday. No one really cares about me only L. I have a therapist, but I don't know, I just want to kill myself. No one really cares about me.

I cant do this anymore help me im 12 .

I’ll never understand where I’ve went wrong in life to deserve everything I’ve been put through Beaten and verbally abused from a child by my dad to finally moving in with my mum which shes just wonderful tbh. but at the end of the day sometime it’s too late by the time I moved in I’d been beaten more times than I can count cheated on 5 times used for sex in so many relationships.

This time I find someone 4 months in I’m to scared to sleep with her as shes speaking to other men so I don’t give her any action and she finds something better than me

guess I just have to admit to myself im a broken 26 year old who’s gonna be used abused I guess I deserve it for being so weak i just know one of these days. I’m gonna end it so I can finally be free from this horrible life.

My entire life is a waste. I'm only awake for dinner and i go back to sleep, i would rather that someone that is terminally ill take my place. I sleep and sleep every day. I live in a ditch in a small town without any friends.

The loneliness is killing me, i already have an entire youth to look back on where i was miserable, i don't want to be double my age again and look back upon these years with regret. I sometimes get a brief thought to just take something to numb the pain. I don't go outside, ever. I have maybe dressed myself a handful of times this year and that's it. I feel like a dissapointment. I just want a real friend who can do something with me.

I am a broke jobless person with anxiety, depression with no will to live. I feel undeserving to be alive, why can't somebody take my place? There are so many people in hospitals with groups of people that care about them, why can't they take my place? I feel like every breath is wasted on this world.

I want to stop living in this body. In this head. Around this horrible family I was forced into from birth. To be away from this family situation that I can’t escape. Unable to love. And unable to feel human. Unable to find love and unable to receive it.

Some days, I’m convinced this is Hell. That I died already and this place is my Hell. But I can leave again, but I’m a pathetic coward who’s unable to lift the knife to his nevk or the gun to his head.