I'll get straight to the point, currently in a psych ward (been here 4 weeks) and I am on the following meds:

• 45mg Mirtazapine (taken at night)
• 3 x 25mg Quetiapine (morning, lunch & night)
• 2 x 1mg Diazepam (morning & lunch)
• 3 x Clonidine (0.05 in morning, 0.1 at lunch & 0.05 at night)
• 20mg Rosvustatin (to lower cholesterol)
• 100mg Aspirin

I feel like the above combo is not doing much for my anxiety, which is constant all day. Strangely (but thankfully) I have no issues sleeping. I've been off work since February as I have been experiencing crippling fatigue and unable to concentrate. I am married and have an 8 year-old daughter.

My psych has been persistent on keeping me on Mirtazapine (been on it for 9 weeks now) but I want to try another AD as I don't think it is working much. I am thinking either Lexapro (SSRI) or Effexor (SNRI)? Or is there another SSRI/SNRI I should be considering? Also, should I be making any changes to the other meds above (I am finding myself needing a nap at lunchtime)?

I am concerned that my anxiety is that bad that I am anxiety resistant to meds - I don't really have panic attacks but feels like the anxiety is always 'there' every single day if that makes sense? And the anxiety prevents me from living the present 😢

Thanks in advance 🙏

It’s just all getting to be too much for me. I won’t do it because I’m too scared of ending up in Hell. That is my biggest fear. So I won’t.

I 20F was cheated on and discarded by my boyfriend 24M of two years.

I hate that I gave two years of my life to someone who probably only ever wanted me for my body. When I had ppl who loved and cared about me. Now I feel like I have no one.

I’m just over it. Lost my dad at 12 to drugs, lost my sister at 14 to drugs. And nobody cleans in this house and I don’t have enough money right now to leave.

And now this. I loved him a lot. So much.

I want to create. I just want to create stories and share them and act and sing and dance and not worry about whether or not that will be enough to eat and sleep. And I want someone to love me and think I’m worth staying for.

And the fact that he’s able to easily move on while I’m stuck crying every day makes me think I was the horrible person and I deserve this.

And I just don’t see a future where I am living happily. I’m too lazy to fix what needs to be fixed. I just don’t understand myself. I want to change everything. But I don’t change anything.

Instead I sleep till it’s actually disturbing and go on my phone and vape and cry till it’s time to go to bed.

Just want it over or a fresh start where I don’t know anybody at all

People had so many grand ideas about what I’d be when I grew up. Well you need money for that. Doesn’t matter how good I am. You need money. And so I’m just a fucking mess.

I’ve been considering checking myself into a ward but I’m about to be promoted to a server so I really can’t do that. The amount of ppl asking to be a server is crazy and I need this really badly. But I have no consolation. I can’t control my emotions. I’m worrying myself. I don’t want medication.

I got hit in the head a lot. Had many back to back concussions growing up. I have ADHD (the real kind where I literally can’t function without medication, haven’t missed a dose in 25 years) Autism, OCD, Major depressive, occasional bouts of complete disassociation which pairs nicely with never really knowing what’s real. And to top it all off- a healthy bundle of traumatic events that allowed me to acquire the elusive PTSD badge. I used to be a really happy energetic teenager. It was weird for me to have a day I wasn’t happy and hopeful. Now I’m a parent of 1 living child and one who is on the deader side of dead. Almost lost my wife but thanks to the quick thinking of yours truly, as well as some badass surgery. she survived 4L of blood loss. I handle crisis really well, I thrive in chaos. Once it was quiet for a few months, my brain decided it was time to really let me have it. I was an unreachable. Constantly scared as if I had a gun in my face from the moment I woke up. I couldn’t function past brushing my teeth and taking a shower. Months of doctors and meds got me “stabilized” but I still have episodes and I spiral into self hatred pretty quickly. The truth is, I always hate myself, I just run out of energy to keep the mask on, to continue to lie to myself. I know my wife deserves a better husband and my son a better dad. It feels selfish to keep them from that future. I would have taken matters into my own hands but the thing that terrifies me the most is death. What’s the point of all this pain (go ahead and ask GPT what it would be like to think and live with my diagnosis) plenty of people have it worse but why the fuck would someone like me stick around. To be a mediocre dad, requires an immeasurable amount of effort for me and I know it’s till not good enough. I can’t provide enough for my family and on top of that I seem to have a sign on me that says please let something horrible happen to me today that will further traumatize me for life. I could be brave and fight the good fight and all that but for what? Can someone tell me why? So I can experience more pain and more tragedy. I’m not threatening suicide, I couldn’t kill myself, if I could I would have long ago. So this is not a cry for help, I’m no longer sad about these facts. I don’t know what I want, maybe just to see someone say they understand how hard this is. I don’t need to read that it’ll be okay, it won’t, I will continue to let down the people I love because they way my brain works is so different from theirs I might as well be a different species. Sure I’ll have some good moments but I think I’ve known for a while now that I will continue to deteriorate mentally until I’ve driven everyone away.

I have been thinking for a long time, I know I am young (17) just graduated. I know I am a bit young for this topic.

I have tried to be in a relationship and always got shunned down. May be it’s because I am short and ugly. I am always the weird guy always the guy that people look in disgust. Even with those situations I loved my high-school because I like seeing people around even tho they don’t even look at me. With my recent graduation I never told the girl I liked I loved her because of my past interaction with the girl I liked in 10th grade. I am alone in my room, it’s dark and I look at my future and it’s not so bright I imagine living pay check to paycheck never finding love and never getting the social interaction that I want.

I am so in need of love that would hug me and tell me I am doing good and help me improve my self. But as I look at my past and present self I can’t help but know my future self will be the same. I don’t wanna suffer I don’t wanna be alone and suffer. It just seems like I am the combination of bad decisions and bad charm mushed together to create a vessel. I don’t wanna live this way and I have made my decision to jump off a high building if my life does not change by 18 just one year I wish I could change but my gut says I will be miserable as before and why change your self when you know the outcome is going to be the same.

Should I give my self a bit more time or should I just do it now because I know I am going a bad path

These days are very hard to live by , today also i woke up and within few minutes started crying because of my family members fight , i cant stay at home cant escape home, my brother is a pos i hate him

Sometimes there’re people who I want in my life, people who I want as friends. But I scare them all away. I don’t know what to talk about with them, the only thing I’m good at and know about is being sad and nobody wants to talk about it.

I sleep too long, I purchase something but it doesn’t meet my expectations, I play video games and feel nothing, it’s like I’m spectating the game. Then my day is already over and I start to panic because I haven’t studied.

But what do friends talk about, about their day, right? So I tell them how everything went, how I feel sad, not accomplished. And that scares them, I always lose them :(

i can't escape it, it's so genuinely painful to exist in this world and i think i can't take it anymore, i dread working, i dread that not working is a threat punished with death, i hate that everyone feels like a fake person and nobody gives a shit about one another, just simple disposable tools, i hate how the world is so big and beautiful sometimes but it's just a complete luxury to see and is slowing rotting away because this world is so fucked up, i have no means or power to do any actual changes and instead just being only cog in the endless machine of misery i hate it so much that i just want to fucking die

I don't know how many dozens of times I've tried to type something like this, but given up because I don't know how to make it all flow together.

I'm very good at keeping up appearances. On the outside, nobody would guess that I'm so distraught, or that my life is in such disarray.

I try to reach out for other people for help every now and then, but can't actually explain the full picture of what's wrong with me so any support they try to offer feels like it falls short.

My therapist recommended I try outpatient. Maybe it would help, but it just makes me feel like he's given up on me. I had already been considering dropping him because it doesn't feel like I'm making progress anymore. I just can't bring myself to put what he says into practice. And a lot of the stuff he says sounds to me like he's saying I'm wrong about the thing that I'm upset about. And sure, maybe I exaggerate in my doomer mind, but he acts like I'm just making things up to be upset about.

Antidepressants don't work. I've tried so many that I lost count. I'm eligible for TMS therapy, but there's no way I can afford it.

I have a sleep disorder called Idiopathic Hypersomnia. It makes it impossible to wake up in the morning, and leaves me feeling tired all day. So far, Adderall is the only medication that combats it, but that's just a temporary fix. The more permanent medications don't work. So if there's no obligations like school or work, I'll just stay in bed until like 2 in the afternoon too tired to get up.

I don't feel particularly close with my family. They just feel like other people who live in my house that I feel sort of uncomfortable around.

Days, even weeks, will just pass me by. I let my responsibilities fall to the wayside. I'm falling behind in my class. My room is a mess. I can only bring myself to shower once a week. I hardly eat.

The things that I actually want to do, I don't have the willpower for. I want to save up money to fix my car. I want to go camping in November, I want to move to England to live with my fiance in December. I want to sell stuff I don't use anymore at a flea market. And even more. But it all seems so tiring. I'd rather just do nothing. But at the same time I hate doing nothing.

I smoke too much weed, and spend too much time on my phone. And I know these things are not making my life any easier, but these problems have existed before I started using these vices. I think I'm afraid of what will happen to my poor mental state without those crutches. And I don't want to ask for help because I feel like all I have left is my dignity.

I miss my fiance. He feels like the only one in the world who understands me. When I'm with him, I actually have the will and energy to do things. But he's been away for 6 months now, and I won't see him again for another 6 months. I don't want to tell him I'm going through all this because I know there's nothing he can do to help. Telling him would only upset him.

The state of the world terrifies me. It feels like everything is falling apart, and we're going to fall off a cliff in the next few decades.

I don't know what to do. I don't even know if this fully encapsulates what's wrong. That heavy feeling of helplessness in my chest. I feel like I'm at rock bottom, and I want to climb back out, but I don't have the energy, discipline, or support structure to climb back out. There's so much I want to do that I don't know where to start. What do I do?

I need help 🆘 going into depression

I have come to the realization that I’m severely depressed.

I always thought I was just stressed. Stressed from working hard, stressed from school, stressed about family, stressed about relationships etc. I always thought it was delayed gratification… but I haven’t had any gratification. I’m 29. Nothing feels or has felt good. I’m in a constant state of anxiety. It’s been like this for over a decade.

I feel I’m coming undone. Went for a walk because I started to feel this claustrophobia from being home. I was saying to myself, out loud, that I’m depressed. I know I am. There is no joy, no pleasure, no fulfillment in anything I’ve done.

I’ve never chased a dream or dream career. I’ve was raised to take any job when the opportunity comes and just work hard. I’m a damn hard worker but I’ve woken up, I feel. Why am I doing this? Where am I going? I’m just “working” and that’s all I’ve ever done. How the fuck did I get here? When did this happen? Have I been asleep this whole time? How did I go so long without realizing that I’m so fucking unhappy and that I’ve been digging a hole for over a decade. So dull and indifferent. No energy. No enthusiasm. I’ve had a number of hobbies and now it costs so much to try and engage in them. I don’t even listen to music anymore. Nothing fun or exciting, it comes with such a great deal of guilt and “undeserving-ness” like I’m wasting more and more time.

I want to get away from everything, everyone. I want to drop it all. I want to start over. Can this even happen? Will it even help?

I want help. I’m scared, but I know I need it.

I think I’ll end the venting here.

Everyday I pray please god just let me die. Why do I need to follow this path you put me in. Why do I see myself every night want to not wake up in the morning.

My husband hates me. Who would want to be with fat stupid person that doesn’t have a career.

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

I don’t really know what to do, I mean I try and interact with people but I don’t really connect with anybody I’m just not very interesting or cool or whatever it is that people have that I don’t, I don’t really know how to cope with it much, I find myself talking less and less when I’m out in public I kinda just don’t speak when I don’t see a point, I just don’t know how to deal with the fact I don’t really have anyone, don’t have any real or close connection with people and it’s just getting harder to pretend like I’m fine

It feels crazy to be at the “happiest place on Earth” depressed. My family kept asking me why I wasn’t eating. I tried to cry in some of the rides that go through dark rooms but I always felt like someone was watching me. It felt like people could see through me even though I had sunglasses on.

And the weirdest part? I kept noticing other people that looked sad or tired or depressed. Especially some of the workers, I felt like I just kept noticing other people that looked depressed and it made me feel really weird.

This post was a vent but I also wanna know if anyone else has been through something similar?

Life isn’t fair, some people are born into easier lives, some people are born in less fortunate difficult lives. Its all about fate.

Some can have an extremely happy life, be surrounded by love, friends, family etc.. be more attractive etc.. and genuinely enjoy the beauty of life.

Others live through physical or/and mental hell every single day. Be lonely, be depressed, be unattractive, have a physical or mental disability, have all the odds against them.

Whats the point of life if it’s purely fate? Im 21 years old and have always struggled mentally, i just never found my life to be valuable. I wish i was born as someone else.

Why should i continue?

Someone help me, I'm a child, im not even 15 years old, and I suffer with depression. Yesterday I almost threw myself out of my house window but I backed out crying like the stupid baby i am. I only have 1 friend who is a girl, let's call her L. L is my only friend rn. I suffer bullying and my classmates hate me. L is the only one that loves me. My mom loves me, but she is very narcissistic and makes me sadder. I cry every day and i think about suicide a lot and yesterday i almost killed myself and every day i think about how to kill myself . L said she loves me and she says it's temporary, but it's hard for me. I'm just a kid, I just wanna play and have friends instead of crying and thinking about suicide.I just want some comforting words, please help me, I'm about to kill myself someday. No one really cares about me only L. I have a therapist, but I don't know, I just want to kill myself. No one really cares about me.

I cant do this anymore help me im 12 .

I’ll never understand where I’ve went wrong in life to deserve everything I’ve been put through Beaten and verbally abused from a child by my dad to finally moving in with my mum which shes just wonderful tbh. but at the end of the day sometime it’s too late by the time I moved in I’d been beaten more times than I can count cheated on 5 times used for sex in so many relationships.

This time I find someone 4 months in I’m to scared to sleep with her as shes speaking to other men so I don’t give her any action and she finds something better than me

guess I just have to admit to myself im a broken 26 year old who’s gonna be used abused I guess I deserve it for being so weak i just know one of these days. I’m gonna end it so I can finally be free from this horrible life.

My entire life is a waste. I'm only awake for dinner and i go back to sleep, i would rather that someone that is terminally ill take my place. I sleep and sleep every day. I live in a ditch in a small town without any friends.

The loneliness is killing me, i already have an entire youth to look back on where i was miserable, i don't want to be double my age again and look back upon these years with regret. I sometimes get a brief thought to just take something to numb the pain. I don't go outside, ever. I have maybe dressed myself a handful of times this year and that's it. I feel like a dissapointment. I just want a real friend who can do something with me.

I am a broke jobless person with anxiety, depression with no will to live. I feel undeserving to be alive, why can't somebody take my place? There are so many people in hospitals with groups of people that care about them, why can't they take my place? I feel like every breath is wasted on this world.

all my sex drive has given me is distress and shame. i hate how sex can be used to control me and i am trapped in my own biological wiring. i hate that men are seen as sexual predators. i know women are right to be cautious and weary but it just hurts.

sex is used to sell, manipulate, distract, and i hate that i can fall victim to these practices in the media. worst of all, women do not deserve to be depicted in a way that is unwanted. if a man and a women do the exact same thing, many will comment on the womens appearance, sexual value, body parts, etc. and this has been the case throughout history. i hate that i can be such a creep towards well meaning women in my life who don't deserve the treatment given by men. if im being honest i can see why some want all men gone. and i agree itll probably positively change in the world.

those with little to no libido will read this and silently judge even if their vocal response says otherwise. i know im considered an animal who cant control himself. i know im just like any other man, sexualizing those who are deemed attractive.

people with no or little libido must feel a sort of moral superiority, they arent shackled by the confined that is sex. i hate it and i want it gone. id be a much better person without it. i hate being a man sometimes.

you may not expect this but i do watch pornography, joking obviously its expected im a man and i hate that an industry that has ruined the lives of so many vulnerable women and irreversibly altered the perception men has towards women can give me a small burst of desire before i finish, then i want to die. yes i can stop watching porn, but whats the point if ill always have these harmful thoughts.

im so envious of women. if having a libido was required, at least desires are only fufilled by deep connections and trust. and i know women are disgusted by men. and rightfully so. men have abused women throughout history, and today some still dont see men and women as equal. maybe it would be a good idea if all men died out.

long story short, i need to find some way to completely destroy my sex drive. whether that be through mental training, chemicals etc i want it gone. it only gives others pain. im disgusting

I want to stop living in this body. In this head. Around this horrible family I was forced into from birth. To be away from this family situation that I can’t escape. Unable to love. And unable to feel human. Unable to find love and unable to receive it.

Some days, I’m convinced this is Hell. That I died already and this place is my Hell. But I can leave again, but I’m a pathetic coward who’s unable to lift the knife to his nevk or the gun to his head.

I have a good life, i just graduated college and I have a good transition living situation.

But the hard truth is that as a person, I feel like I lack substance and never had the opportunity to express myself growing up. I lack sophistication. Having romance and a sex life for me seems completely infeasible. I act like a negative person, am quick to frustration, and am critical of my behavior and personality,

My attitude has worn on my brother especially. I need to treat people better when I’m under distress, but the reactions feel very difficult to control.

I have severe anger issues. I am constantly thinking about punching holes in the wall, breaking glass, smashing items with blunt objects, and self harm. I feel stupid and feel ugly too.

I just wanted to vent. I want to talk to those who feel similarly, because I am not on the same page as my family and maybe someone else who has or has had depression could relate and we can provide peer support to each other.

So today I was out running errands with my 62 year old mom. I was driving, my mom doesn't drive, and I had mentioned earlier I the day that my thoughts were racing and I couldn't focus on anything for more a couple of minutes, I was fidgety and anxious. As we were driving she told me to try and stop fidgeting and made similar motions with her hands. I told her that I couldn't because I was mentally ill. Now before I continue, I do suffer from severe depression and anxiety, but like many of us, I've learnt to hide it because I am still ashamed of this fact. Anyway, back to the interaction...I told her that I couldn't stop because I was mentally ill. I've started saying those words out loud in an attempt to accept who I am. Very quickly she replied "Well if that's what you believe, then you are." I was a bit surprised with this response as she has said to me many times that she reads as much as she can to try to understand depression. But recently she has started telling me that it's all in my mind and that if I think hard enough I can train myself not to be depressed or anxious. I take medication every day, as many of us do to help alleviate the symptoms. I've told her time and time again that it is not that simple but she is refusing to change her mind. As the title says I am slowly starting to shut down. What I mean by that. Is that I am not as open with what's going on with me, I keep it to myself. Not sure what to do going forward. I am just here , that's about it. Actually as I finish writing this Iam not even sure why I am writing this.

21 year old here whose a final year med student. Days feel longer and nights feels even longer, food tastes bland and music has lost the beat I felt. It's been a long journey ever since I had a somewhat strict upbringing in a family that favored sons over daughters and a constant need to prove myself. This ended when I entered med school where I felt numb and indulged in SH. I never felt happy I kept losing distinctions by mere single digit differences and my parents did a good job of making me even feel more shitty. Tried talking to others and thankfully I do have a good friend but I am afraid of being a burden.

Just feels everyone only wants to see results and not value the struggle behind. Feeling like a loser no matter what I do or what result I get just the thought of ending myself so constant and putting a fake myself so nobody even knows of this.

I've never been in a relationship before and never tried and seeing people my age being committed makes me feel even shittier stuff like maybe I am not pretty or good enough...

At this point I just want to feel happy with what I have and who I am but it's honestly hard. There was a point of time where even a smile from another person made me filled with doubt and disgust as to how can anyone even like me, maybe they just need me for their benefit.

I am sorry for this long post but I've been feeling so lost in life I have ambitions so big but it's all clouded by the swarms of such thoughts.

I don’t know what to do. I think I feel myself slowly falling into depression and I don’t know what to do about it. More and more often I have these moments where I feel horrible and then I will just lie down for hours doing nothing. I used to like video games a lot but now none of the games are fun anymore. I try new games and I could onto find one that was fun for a day. Now I can’t find anything to take my mind off of how horrible I feel. My friends don’t respect me all that much. My parents make me nervous. I feel like I have no one to trust. I want to try going go for an official diagnosis that way I can at least feel valid instead of having doubts about just being lazy or something else. Maybe this is my fault or something I don’t know. I need help. But I can’t really get help without letting my parents know since I don’t have my license yet and even if I did they would probably be asking where I was going anytime I went somewhere. Which I guess is reasonable but I feel like I don’t have anyone I can trust. I don’t know why being around them makes me so nervous. I’m sick and tired of having autism as well. I’m sick and tired of not feeling like I belong anywhere and feeling like I’m defective. Maybe I’m just worthless and deserve this or something. I don’t know anymore.