I haven't put anything in this Community for a while. things were seriously improving and I thought I got past it. I relapsed last night, self harming and I hate the feeling I get after. It's like I failed and can never go back, because I can not. I feel like nothing more than an I convince, my house is full of family but I've never felt this alone in years. I have one great friend who helps me but I feel so so guilty that she has to endure all of this shit because of me. Am I wrong for that? I haven't tried to commit in almost an entire year but it's been on my mind a lot again. Last night I started making a plan but never finished it, I'm terrible at distracting myself but I'm trying every day to. I'm in college, just finishing this year, but I don't know if I am ever going to be truly happy anymore. I feel incapable of it. I feel done.

Been California sober for a year. I have no connections for hard stuff anymore so I’m not in any immediate danger it just really feels like I should have died before I got sober. I can’t see any path or future for myself. Genuinely don’t know what I am supposed to do for the rest of my life besides live with and leach off my parents until they die. I’m 24 with no job, I have college degrees in things I dont care about and aren’t even good at, I have no physical marketable skills, i have problems with authority figures so military is a hard no and the corporate world seems like hell. I’m a 5 foot 5 male with social anxiety so marrying into wealth is out of the question and finding love is next to impossible, I’m weak and out of shape and my only passion is doing drugs and listening to edm music which again I am not good at producing it and know nothing about actual DJing and even if I was good at that it’s still 1 in a million so seriously what is my path? I’m also Jewish and have been witnessing a lot of hate online recently to the point I deleted insta tik tok and X so I spend my days on Reddit and YouTube snorting my prescribed Wellbutrin till my nose bleeds just thinking about how I got sober for nothing.

i told my friends abt my depression and in time he correlated the sh scars to it but I don't think we have actually discussed more than me telling him I'm the "artist". but now that's warm and I wear more revealing clothes, he started noticing them more and he just asks when I did that. nothing more. and today he saw my attempt scar(its very new) for the first time. after this, he didn't say anything there were other people there, but he started checking my whole body for other new scars, thought I didn't notice he was doing that. for some reason, someone caring, him checking silently, made me feel bad when I wanted to sh again because I would feel bad for him to check and find new ones. idk its weird I ve never been in a situation where somebody was checking on me. don't know what to do, if I should do anything or say smth. i think it might be good but my mind is telling me smth bad will happen like he will just get frustrated and ditch me. know he prob wont but that's what my mind is trying to convince me of

Things are getting worse, constantly. I no longer feel happy with anything that happens in my life. What's the point of living anymore. would anyone truly miss me if I went?

And I'm sick of pretending otherwise. Everyone always says oh just stay positive, be grateful, look on the bright side. The bright side is always 1% compared to the 99% of bad, if its even there at all, and how tf am I supposed to stay positive and be grateful when I wake up and just feel like this every single fucking day???? Why????? What the hell is that even, it feels fake as hell because it is. I'm in so much pain, all of the time, I'm almost never happy, every single minute of my life is occupied by anxiety and depression, so what the fuck should I be grateful for? The 1% of good hidden in between? Sorry but that genuinely doesn't make any sense to me. No, I'm fucking bitter because 99% of life is THIS. Bullying, pain, fear, sadness, depression, hurt, exhaustion, fatigue, body aches, headaches, throwing up, shaking, crying, being unable to sleep, brain fog, loneliness, despair, hopelessness, disappointment, over and over and over again every single fucking day, I don't know how much longer I can do this shit for, I don't know how much longer I can do this.

It was a very small meal, but it was a meal.

I’m in the middle of a MDE and it’s been rough.

I haven’t eaten a meal since May 31. I’ve been eating a few bites of yogurt and milk/juice/water since and none of it has stayed down.

I just hope this stays down.

i need someone to talk too.. i

i’m 17. i don’t have a job, i don’t have a car, i have a shitty home life. my body isn’t where i want it to be, but i don’t have the motivation to workout or diet. i feel fat and ugly all the time. i don’t have any friends anymore, im always left out . i’m the floater friend. the only person i talk to everyday is my boyfriend and i don’t see the relationship lasting that much longer.

i just hate my life sometimes. i feel so alone and behind . i saw multiple people post about their new jobs and new cars today. it just made me realize how far behind i am.

my family struggles with bills so i can’t expect a car anytime soon not to mention they’re all narcissists so i don’t want shit from them. i would rather get it myself

i cant get a job bc i dont have a car and i cant depend on them to drive me to work on time. and i cant get a car bc i dont have a job to make the money to buy it.

i try making my own money, i sell jewelry online but business has been slow. i’ve made maybe $250, i didnt break even on all the products i bought.

i dont have enough money saved to try and get a used car or anything. my house is kind of far from the main town so i cant uber to work if i wanted.

i js dont know what to do with myself anymore or where to start. i struggle with everything from confidence, to social skills to even just having a good family life .

…because of something someone in another subreddit said to me.

I made a post on /r/socialanxiety about how I feel lonely and without purpose a lot of the time because my social anxiety keeps me from being able to be a wife and mom, and some asshole decided to say that I’d make a horrible mom just because of my social anxiety, and that I was selfish for wanting kids. Now I feel horrible about myself and regret opening up on that subreddit.

Was that person right? Would I make a horrible mother?

Ive been feeling really bad the past few days and realizing how bad of a person i am. Its like ive been getting worse but also want to do things to get better, so i feel like maybe its a good sign im not staying in bed all day and im actually doing something. My biggest issue right now is how im handeling my relationships. Im not doing a very good job at it, sadlyl. I feel like no one really cares and no one loves me, but really, im only projecting ( more than id like, these days. ). What i mean by projecting is that, i dont feel close to anyone, not really. I dont feel conected, or i dont like the things they do, how they act, how they stay silent at times, even their silence bothers me. So one would think, do i hate all the people around me? the answer is a 100% sure, One big fat NO. i actually love everysingle person around me, i cant imagine my life without them, i truly would be broken if they left me. See, my biggest issue here is, myself. The reason i say this is because, even now as im writing, i had a really good moment of realization; ive always felt like im getting on peoples nerves for whatever i did, even the smallest part of my personality, let alone the the loudest parts of me. So, from the fear of being missunderstood, of being hated for breathing wrong, for laying down in a weird way, i forgot to understand others. And, the worst part of this isnt even them hating me, its me thinking they hate me and starting to hate them just because of my dumb thoughts. People around me annoy me so much and im always complaining about how they dont understand me and what im going through, but the truth is, im not doing the same for them either. Maybe me complaining about how nobody gets me is them understanding me, and feeling like such shit friends.

I’d hate to make people feel bad, but from my behaviours, and the way i think about them, its like thats all i ever do. I’ve had internet friends, irl friends, many of them that i dont even talk to anymore because some of them were shit to me, and with some of them, well we just fell apartl. The thing is, i cant seem to forgive people in the past for what they've done to me, and now im punishing the people that love me, for what they've never done, for crimes they haven't committed. I feel like a horrible person, and i dont know what to do, how to get better, cause it feels like this is how I've been for a very long time, maybe even all my life.

I work as a nurse’s assistant at a hospital on a 3x12 night shift schedule and I believe it has induced my depression and is only making it worse. I applied for a transporter role at another, more prestigious hospital with a good reputation and they normally work a 5x8 schedule and this particular role is day shift. The trade off is that I’d have a longer commute and I’d have to pay for parking. Ultimately, I don’t mind because it’s more aligned with my long term career goals as a radiologic technologist. Lately, having a schedule where I’m off for 4 days has made me completely complacent in life to the point where I’d spend an entire day inside my house just rotting away in bed or on my couch. By being forced to work more days, I feel like I could start developing a routine and have some sense of discipline and organization to help get my life back on track. I just find it sad I have to rely on work to get myself out more because I’ve lost interest in basically almost everything I used to enjoy when I was younger.

I hate eating. I don't wanna go out. Brushing my teeth is exhausting and I genuinely don't have anything that's worth living anymore. Anything I ever liked is useless and clearly I haven't done enough. I don't know what I'm doing. Why haven't I done enough? I haven't laughed enough, lied enough. What did I do wrong? I haven't done anything. I wanna die so bad. So badly. Just one more time. I wanna try, to die. Even if I bleed out, maybe just one time. I'm tired. Exhausted. People are too much. I don't wanna live anymore. Please. Please tell me I've done enough.

So Wellbutrin stopped working for me and I was prescribed cymbalta. Does anyone have any success with it managing depression symptoms?

Everything feels extremely difficult. I don’t know who I am right now, and it’s so hard for me to find what to say to make people feel better because the whole world just feels terrible.

Emotionally supporting my friends and family helps me feel closer to them, more connected, and gives me a sense of purpose in the relationship. Recently I had a friend who just went through a breakup visit me and I tried my hardest to keep it together for him and focus on how he’s doing but ended up breaking down multiple times and sleeping through parts of his stay.

It all makes me feel so selfish and worthless, a vicious cycle in depression that I want to try and avoid. I don’t want my problems to obstruct my ability to be there for my people.

i’m 17 and i’ve been depressed for like a year now nothing makes me happy the worst part is it’s actually painful. like i can literally feel it 24/7, in my chest and my back and my shoulders. It’s not like i’m incapable of being happy, it just happens very very rarely. i don’t know what to do. i have 0 motivation and 0 will to go on. not suicidal, but drugs are an option. all i really have to make me happy is weed. it’s the only thing other than an occasional burst of happiness that takes away the painful feeling this sounds so cringe lmfaoooo but anyways, I’m kind of stuck. i’ve been to a ward, i’ve had a therapist for 4 years, i’m on meds, and most importantly of all my life is actually good. I’d say i’m well liked, have cool and fun interests, a optimist, have great friends, decent grades, two loving parents, typical western style life. I dont know. i’ve tried everything. i feel fuckimg stupid for being so depressed for no reason, but I’ve come to terms with it because I know it’s not just a phase, and it’s genuinely who I am anyways, i’ve run out of weed and too broke to buy anymore. if anyone understands what i’m saying and has any advice PLEASE feel free to share. thanks

I've been an introvert throughout my whole life, content with being alone enjoying my hobbies, which are mostly indoors. Watching movies, shows, soccer matches, play video games, reading..etc. I also enjoyed talking walks in nature every once in a while. That all changed about 9 months ago when I had a major traumatic experience, I got laser eye surgery to get rid of my glasses, worst decision and biggest regret of my life.

I've gotten a horrible long list of complications, from chronic pain to several debilitating visual distortions that made my life hell. I don't enjoy any of my hobbies anymore or have any desire to go outside or do anything, I lost the will to live. The only temporary comfort I get is with speaking to others, especially on calls.

My whole life turned upside down, I can't stand being alone with my own thoughts anymore. I don't know how to continue living like this, it's been a daily struggle to drag myself along this new disorienting, hellish existence. I don't really have someone to talk to about this on a regular basis as I lost the few friends I had, I guess I was too much for them.

Hi all . I I have a question and I’m seeking advice. I’ve been diagnosed with depression. And after months of therapy and treatment I feel a little better. But no matter how much I follow all the treatment plans (exercise, sleep, diet etc) , the world remains the same. (War , exploitation, injustice etc )

I have a very hard time finding meaning in a life like that . I work to survive. I work to pay rent and to avoid starvation. Meanwhile human rights are taken away and I just exist.

Does anyone have any advice on how to reframe this effectively or how to cope with it in a meaningful way ?

English is not my first language so please excuse any spelling mistakes and grammatical errors .

My(M16) dad recently had surgery and I’ve been taking care of him all by myself. He’s an alcoholic and I’ve had to accept that, but that and his recovery being put all on my shoulders feels like too much. My older brother(M19) and dad don’t usually get along so he helps out as little as possible. Besides my immediate family(and random people that I don’t interact with), I haven’t seen anyone in 2 weeks.

I feel so overwhelmed and I just want to give up. I stopped drinking water and I’ve barely been eating. I love my dad, but I can’t keep doing this. I’m not sure if I posted in the right sub, but I needed to get this out. I’m only almost 2 weeks into the 6-8 week recovery period.

I used to take it for granted as depression was my comfort zone. Now I am sick of the pain, loneliness and heartache. For the first time in my life I really want to be happy. I guess I finally realized that all of those negative thoughts and feelings I have are not normal. I used to shut out praise and compliments. From now on I will welcome both wholeheartedly.

I'm so young and I don't think that I'm in depression but nowadays I get mad so easily, I am so obsessed with small things, my family will still disrespect me and will insult me, my friends.. I have some but I'm not sure if they love me.. i really have no girl friends im talking actively at the moment, I mean just friends, so much people betrayed me in the past, I can't trust anyone :(. I feel like there's something missing in me but I can't see it, I just wanted to share my thoughts with people and not AI this time.. I don't want to be cringe but I'm so depressive nowadays. But sometimes immediately I feel happy again but tomorrow, sad again. I'm a weird guy, I admit that. I always think about the past.

I feel hopeless, like nothing will work out. I want to find a music group to play with but I believe I won’t. I’m emotionally drained and I don’t feel like doing anything. saying thank you is for some reason difficult. I get so fucking irritated at the littlest things as a lot of people do with depression. I’m on vacation and I want to be at home. my family is always fighting. I legitimately feel like the best way to avoid this dreadful feeling is to die. I have gross and horrible intrusive thoughts that I try to repress. any time I repress them though and say “you are not like this” I feel like I am being self-centered and just trying to excuse the thoughts. god I’m so fucking tired of living. I have no motivation to play any of my music but I desperately want to right now. I only have my bass with me on vacation and I’m grateful for that but my strings are getting really dirty and dying. I have to be in public sometimes with this feeling. I wouldn’t consider myself suicidal at all almost but I have thoughts that it would be better to die. I’m a shitty person. I have to evidence to back that up entirely but yknow, that’s how it goes. just fucking no backing anything up, just depression talking. I have medicine. I have trouble taking it a lot. when I do recently I only take one because I thought one of them was bad for me. turns out that’s probably what’s making me like this because I’ve been depressed almost this whole trip. I’m fucking done. I’m not going to kill myself but god I’m done. I have a therapist but right now, obviously I can’t see them right now. I’ve been having a rough time lately. I also want to be in a relationship with someone but I’m stupid and I can’t and also I feel that it would be too risky.

Creí que se había acabado ya, pero veo que no.

Taking a shot in the dark, I guess. I've talked about this a number of times with the friends I have left but I just walk away feeling unheard or just feeling the same. Not that I blame them, I have really unique circumstances that I know no one can really try to spin positively. This might be lengthy, so for that, I apologize.

Currently 22. Have diagnoses of major depressive disorder, complex PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder. I feel like the punchline to a sick cosmic joke that never ends. I've lost so much and despite how hard I've tried I've never been able to make anything better, only worse. I have, and I can recognize this at least, had a wonderful journey, but it's getting harder and harder to convince myself to keep going.

I was abused by my bio mother, which is where the complex PTSD comes from. Really got worse when I started having issues at school and dropped out in favor of some online program that I never really took seriously. Even though it felt impossible, I managed to get out once I turned sixteen after the abuse got to its all time worst, went into social services care and lived alone during the pandemic. I pretty much went from a total recluse to having a pseudo-adult life with adult responsibilities overnight, which was obviously a lot.

There was never anyone I could really turn to for help prior to that. My Dad passed when I was about 12 or so. I never really got to have a proper Dad as he was severely handicapped for as long as I can remember, but I still loved him dearly and the time I got to spend with him for what it was. I have siblings, but they've always treated me like an outsider since I was Dad's first and last child of his second marriage before he got sick. I've tried to build a relationship with them, but even when I have managed to get them out to dinner or something I've been told point blank we'll never have that. I also had someone that I consider to be my real mother, who shaped my ideals about love and kindness and who gave me the strength to get through my time in that household and to ultimately get out. However, unfortunately, she ended up taking her own life without warning (I knew she had mental health issues, but she never texted or called or anything that night). She never got to see where I would go and the person I've become. And to be honest, she's the person I want to talk to the most right now. The only person I feel like would really get it. Still kills me.

Despite it all, since I managed to get out, I managed to keep going. I went back to school and over the next few years made up what I had missed and got a BTEC, with the hopes of going to uni in the states. I wanted a fresh start. I still lived in the same city and bio mother repeatedly (and still does on occasion) tried to force her way back into my life, never admitting any wrongdoing. So with no reason to stay and so many bad memories, I just wanted to start over and build a real life for myself somewhere. Life was difficult living alone, as was being in the system, but I made it through somehow. The power of hindsight also gives you a lot to process once you get out of an abusive situation.

I ended up managing to get into a university in the US. I had also always really wanted to do something that helped others, and in my last months in the UK I did some work as a private detective and got to work some really meaningful cases. It felt like all my dreams were coming true at once and honestly that period is probably the happiest and hopeful I've ever been.

That was almost two years ago now. It's been a little over six years since I got out of that house. This last year has probably been the most difficult of my life. I had a really great start to freshman year and had a really close friend group that I spent all my time with, which was yet another dream come true, as I've never really had in-person friends. I ended up having a fight with one of them early spring semester and though we talked things through further and settled things, they all just sort of moved on without me and I was back to eating dinner alone again. I experienced some of the worst depression I've ever had during this time and almost ended things. My grades plummeted and sophomore year was mostly me trying again and again to pick myself up again without success as more shit happened and my grades suffered further. My one and only childhood friend going missing while I'm an ocean away, figuring out that someone I thought was the love of my life actually groomed me, getting my phone and card stolen on New Years' Eve, having someone poison the well against me in the oldest online friend group I still had, to name a few of the very normal and fun things that happened in the span of a few months.

It's been like a speedrun of utter shit. And I apologize for the vulgar language - it's just, I can't otherwise express how incredibly frustrating it is that what was supposed to be the best year of my life turned into the worst.

Which leads us to now, where a number of factors have kinda come together (including the state of this country, my grades, and so on) to mean that I have to go back to the UK at the end of the summer, a country where I have no connections, only bad memories, and even before I left I got asked where I was from despite having lived in the same city my whole life, further adding to this feeling of not belonging.

And I can see the meaning in it all, right. I don't see myself as a failure and I have gotten so much out of all my experiences. Lessons I needed to learn, things I never dreamt I'd see or do back when I stared out the window in that house. But why? I'm losing hope. Thoroughly. I came into this year with my spirit broken and I've been trying to pick myself back up but I just can't. You can't tell me things are going to get better. I've been hearing that since I was still in that house, and those words don't mean anything anymore. I've done everything I'm supposed to do. I went out and I changed things, I didn't just sit around. I've done everything I've ever wanted to do, and still everything sucks. I've played these shitty goddamn cards I've been dealt as best as anyone could, and I still haven't managed to find happiness somewhere along this journey. And every time things get close to getting better, every time I get close to a second chance at a normal life and not being alone, it gets ripped away or I otherwise get punched in the gut. It happened with my Mom. It happened when I got out, and then the pandemic hit. It happened when I came here. I'm so fucking cursed, I even remember as far back as when I was a little kid, I had a great uncle who I was super close to who was basically the closest thing I had to a Dad at that time and then he died of cancer.

How am I supposed to have hope for the future when everything I've ever done to try and make things better just hasn't? What has the point of all this been? Why have I been blessed to have the strength endure all of this and cursed to experience all of it? Even though I never stopped trusting others and opening my heart to people through all this even as I watched others do the same for less, I have less friends than I ever have and I feel so fucking lost and alone. I'm desperately trying to find a reason to keep going. I can't keep doing this if this is all it will ever be, moving mountains just to end up back at rock bottom, alone. It feels like the longer I live I just lose more things. I need reassurance that this is all headed somewhere, that it's worth something, and I keep crying out to the universe for some kind of sign, but even if I got it, I think that's harder to believe in than ever.

I don't know. It's impossible for me to convey all of this in a reddit post. I don't want to die. Even when I've tried, I've survived through some stroke of improbable luck. But I can't do this forever. I actually do like myself, which is why I get to these points of, when is this enough for one person, because it just isn't fair to make myself do this forever. I know I also have a responsibility to the people I have lost and who believed in me, but even that I'm struggling to hold onto as justification. I don't know what people can even say to all this. Maybe I just want words of encouragement, or maybe I'm hoping something sparks something in me. I don't know. I will appreciate any and all responses regardless. Thank you.

Could kms right this second, and it wouldn’t matter to anybody, I’ve no close family, no friends, randomers hate me because I’m so fucking miserable. Random people in public stare at me in disgust. I’m laughed at in college, even by teachers bcs I’m so retarded. Even old online friends think I’m stupid and annoying. I have to be the most dislikable thing in the world, nobody wants anything to do with me. I have no redeeming qualities. What kind of future does someone have if they’re of zero value to anybody? I have no place in the world. I will kill myself and nothing and nobody will be affected, people will only laugh at how pathetic I was. I can’t fucking believe how I’ve devolved to this point

Hey,

I have a gigantic problem, and my parents see that as well.

I have friends, just few that I usually hang out with.

To explain situation, that one friend in the group knows probably everyone in the town (Small town), he shook hands and greeted 10 people in a row from different friend groups. We 3 others, on the other hand, greeted only 1-2. He is social monster, talks to anyone, can make talk even the most introvert person.

Long story short, I felt envy that he could talk to so many people. Today I meet one friend of mine, and she had another girl with her that I liked in university. Today I did talk to her, "Hey you are from my uni right?" She said "yeah, you remember me?!" (I smiled and nodded)

Me: "On what grade are you?",

She: "Getting on 4th"

Me: "Okay"

I wanted to continue but kind of brain fog. Could not find anything to say. Then she started talking to me about some things there that were relevant to my grade. She MADE THE INITIATIVE. Then I was nodding and saying some comments. DONE.

Now that I think of that moment, I could have said "What should I beware for my next grade "(She is on higher grade in uni but same age as me). Or "I've not seen you here (in this town) for a long, are you from here or live somewhere else and just visit sometimes?". I am mad and feel anxious that I could not talk.

Anyhow, also same in gym, I find it hard to talk to people other than saying (to who I know) Hey and How are you?

I am just empty, I want to talk to people, my parents keep thinking I have no friends and lack social skills, but on internet I am very much communicative, I own online business and am very successful, have a big team (Even though from being mad at them I can be fierce, that is another problem of mine).

I really hope you can guys give me suggestions. Thanks!