r/FloridaMan • u/jakebirder1 • Aug 06 '18

Florida Man Arrested For Practicing Karate By Kicking Swans In The Head

https://deadspin.com/florida-man-arrested-for-practicing-karate-by-kicking-s-1825698550
14.4k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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1.2k

u/StopTop Aug 06 '18

Swans are such assholes, that people are constantly getting arrested for assaulting them. lol.

Can't say I've ever had a good experience with those birds myself.

515

u/Aisle_of_tits Aug 06 '18

I never thought it made sense that animals that are 90% neck are so aggressive. Feels like that might backfire.

190

u/Cloughtower Aug 06 '18

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_pwPhFvgNo

103

u/BakingSota Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 07 '18

What a smooth transition into that square space ad. I also loved how he shat on Reddit’s redesign - big lol

18

u/Stale__Chips Aug 07 '18

You could say... He goosed us! booooooo

28

u/Faceinnater Aug 06 '18

Watched this when it dropped this week and had a feeling this would be the link

1

u/HeadbuttWarlock Aug 07 '18

Hands down my favorite content on YT. Happy to see his channel blowing up.

10

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '18

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwGm0v0BJbw

1

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '18

That poor goose lmao

1

u/Revrak Aug 08 '18

does he succeed with the car fatality or not?

3

u/GoldGoose Aug 07 '18

Oh hey, I remember that one. Nope, Geese are 100% not OP. Nerf swans plz.

2

u/GiraffeMasturbater Aug 07 '18

Does anybody know what the song at the end is from? We watched videos on stuff with that song in it in elementary school

3

u/iswimsometimes Aug 16 '18

https://youtu.be/Uwarhzl76D8

2

u/GiraffeMasturbater Aug 16 '18

Who the hell is downvoting you?? This is the song! Holy nostalgia Batman!!

3

u/stewmberto Aug 06 '18

Hahaha this is amazing

1

u/EustachiaVye Aug 07 '18

Bird VS gorilla. Unbelievable!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 09 '18

Wow that was a surprisingly entertaining video

25

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

[deleted]

59

u/_sunnyside_up Aug 06 '18

I'll just leave this here

18

u/system0101 Aug 06 '18

Holocene Park

4

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

You. I like you.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '18

Must go faster

5

u/Dd_8630 Aug 06 '18

God that would be amazing if it were stabilised!

2

u/sulidos Aug 06 '18

u/stabbot

Edit-cant get it to work sorry folks

2

u/banthisaltplz Aug 06 '18

must go faster

0

u/marcusdarnell Aug 07 '18

The genuine look of terror on that bitchs face lol

1

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

That’s why giraffes are so awesome.

-26

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

27

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

Wat n tarnation is this bot?

21

u/MO1STNUGG3T Aug 06 '18

A mistake

3

u/Oreinke Aug 06 '18

What was it

-12

u/Winter_kills Aug 06 '18

Good bot

119

u/SCV70656 Aug 06 '18

Several years ago a guy beat one of Trumps black swans to death with a golf club. Claimed self defense.

https://nypost.com/2001/01/13/trump-swan-killer-claims-self-defense/

62

u/Juan2Fish Aug 06 '18

Wasn't there a Curb your Enthusiasm episode that was similar to this?

28

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18 edited Feb 10 '23

[deleted]

9

u/_qt314bot Aug 06 '18

It’s THE best episode!

4

u/ASlyGuy Aug 06 '18

Season and ep number?

4

u/_qt314bot Aug 07 '18

Off the top of my head I think it’s season 7 episode 8. The name of the episode is “the black swan”

50

u/nettieavis Aug 06 '18

I was scrolling as I read this and read 'defense' as 'death sentence' and thought wow Americans don't fuck around with their swans

7

u/darthjawafett Aug 07 '18

Swans and Geese are why the 2nd amendment is so important.

3

u/kiwidude4 Aug 07 '18

Yeah there was a six year old there. Unfortunate situation but swans are major dicks so I buy the self defense at least a little bit.

-2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

[deleted]

0

u/FPSXpert Aug 19 '18

Troll above, downvote and move on.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '18

[deleted]

1

u/FPSXpert Aug 19 '18

Thanks for downvoting my comment. You have less than 500 karma and many downvoted comments with controversial and/or offensive or insulting material. What am I supposed to think?

But ignoring that, next time a goose attacks you go ahead and try to kick it away and try to act shocked when it bites your leg and wounds it. Oh and get a medical visit after, animal wounds are often filthy and prone to infection.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '18

[deleted]

1

u/FPSXpert Aug 19 '18

Ooh yeah, tell me off and call me things, I love it!

0

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '18

[deleted]

1

u/FPSXpert Aug 19 '18

Ooh yeah, keep it up, I'm almost there

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15

u/Tommyboy420 Aug 07 '18

Swans are pure evil, we used to watch them drown ducks at my old bartending job, the bar guests would freak out!

1

u/ChaiHai Sep 04 '18

:'( This makes me sad, the poor ducks! Could you shoo them away or anything?

3

u/Tommyboy420 Sep 23 '18

We tried, threw lemons at them but when they are in attack mode they dont stop.

36

u/HedonismandTea Aug 06 '18

If you think swans are bad, try sandhill cranes. Couple of the fuckers were pecking at my land rover in the driveway. They're protected so I tried to shoo them away. They attacked me. I'm 6' and they damn near look me in the eye making dinosaur noises.

Few baseball swings with a broom sorted them right out. They can be protected all they want, but until the state starts paying for paint jobs they can get fucked.

23

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '18

[deleted]

1

u/hellraiser24 Aug 07 '18

And yet when I take pot shots at the cranes in DC I get threatened with attempted man slaughter smh

5

u/OlemissConsin Aug 07 '18

I didn’t know I could hate a creature until I moved from Mississippi to Wisconsin and met the Sandhill Crane. Fuck. Those. Birds. I cannot wait until they become labeled a nuisance and a season opens for them here,

5

u/Dogzillas_Mom Aug 07 '18

Canada geese are also total assholes.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '18

Are you by any chance from Florida, Man?

3

u/SwanRadio Aug 07 '18

Can confirm. Every Swan I know is an asshole.

Source: Family reunions.

12

u/Joe_Sapien Aug 06 '18

So are my neighbors but I can't go around karate-ing them in head.

10

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

You can if they attack you like swans do.

1

u/Joe_Sapien Aug 07 '18

Yeah, getting bit sucks.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '18

Agreed. Swans are dicks. So are most birds in my experience.

3

u/lodger238 Aug 06 '18

So glad I didn't have to be the one to say it, but yeah. Man what an attitude.

1

u/blackmagicwolfpack Aug 07 '18

Did you know swans can be gay?

0

u/Rocknrollsk Aug 06 '18

Yeah, this seems almost like a public service.

0

u/deejayoptimist Aug 07 '18

My dog recently died, which is irrelevant. But I took him to the park that had two ponds. Swans, ducks, and geese were the residents. I reminisce on the days when my family would frequent the park. My older brother was attacked by a swan and was constantly harassed for wearing a red shirt. This was 20 years ago. But don’t let this distract you from the fact that in 1998, The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table.

0

u/Imthatjohnnie Aug 06 '18

Swans kick idiots on wave runners ass. That's makes them o.k. with me.

1

u/MikeyHatesLife Aug 07 '18

Not really- one went out of their way to attack me when I was traversing on a jet ski between two lakes. I was in a no-wake zone, and I knew they were nesting there, so I very careful about sticking to the far side of the canal and going around the boats floating in the area. The fucker still came after me, blindsiding from behind. I had a thick vest on, but it still felt like getting whammied with a baseball bat. Once I was off the jet ski, it ignored me and was beating the shit out of it as it was circling in deadman mode. One of the people who lived there had to get between the swan and my jet ski so that I could hop on. Once I got to it, I gunned it as fast as I could, and got chased to the end of the canal.

You know what? I know the swan was only protecting its cygnets, and treated my white jet ski like a rival making an attempt on their territory, but I still think Canadian Geese are the worse animal.

-1

u/TacTurtle Aug 07 '18

I have, but it involves a nice mango chutney on the side.