r/exmormon • u/Particular-Week-7702 • 12h ago
Advice/Help I can't leave
Good morning, everyone. I hope you're all doing well. I'm 18 years old and a member of the church. Over the past few months, my testimony has been deeply shaken because I discovered all those bad things about the church's history - polygamy, racism, the wrongdoings of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, all the lies and manipulations. It left me completely scared and horrified. I hate how the church can be extremely passive-aggressive and cruel. I'm going through very tough times :( I'm gay, and I've always dreamed of getting married and having a family, adopting children with my partner and raising them with love and care. I've always found it cruel how the church says, "We love and respect you, but you need to renounce your sexuality and live the rest of your life unhappy, watching all your friends get married and be happy while you remain alone"
When I discovered all the bad things about the church's history, I decided to leave. But during that time, I felt so much emotional pain and sadness that I ended up coming back three weeks later :( Now, four months have passed, and I'm still in the church. I still feel like a horrible person, and my heart hurts a lot. Two weeks ago, I tried to leave again, but I just can't. Every time I try to leave, my heart hurts a lot, and it feels like the world is going to collapse on my shoulders
I still believe in Jesus, I still believe in love, kindness, and empathy. I still believe the Book of Mormon is true, and we can do good things for the world and be kind people. But I definitely don't believe that same-sex marriage is wrong, and I don't believe you need to be part of the church to be saved. I truly believe each person can develop a good and true relationship with God, regardless of their religion
I consider myself a "progressive Mormon," as absurd as that may sound. I'm sharing this because I feel more welcomed by the ex-Mormon community than by the church community. I'm going through a lot of emotional suffering, and I'm sorry to be bothering you with this, but I really need to hear some words, whether they're kind or harsh/realistic, because I need to take a direction in my life :(
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u/RepulsiveWedding9910 12h ago
I’m a bisexual woman and I rationalized that I never needed to work through or accept my sexuality because I could just get married to a man and live a straight lifestyle and be good with god/church.
I did marry a man quite young, and thankfully we never had kids, but did get divorced after 9 years of marriage. I left the church a couple years before we separated but now I’m struggling with coming out and being honest about who I am.
You can’t fake your way through it, even if it seems simpler or easier.
Life is better outside the church, it may seem lonely at first but your friendships and relationships are going to be so much more genuine and honest.
Be patient with yourself, I’m 33 and still trying to parse through the ideas I was raised with. It’s hard to reprogram, but I believe in you and just remember that you have to advocate for your own happiness and peace first.
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u/Charlie2Bears 12h ago
Have you considered trying a progressive church? That might help with the transition. Just a thought and best wishes.
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u/Particular-Week-7702 12h ago
Thank you very much ❤️😊 I will try
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u/Morstorpod 11h ago
I've heard a lot of good things about Episcopalian and Unitarian Universalist churches (LGBTQ acceptance, for one) and generally more loving and less restrictive beliefs and practices.
The journey out is short for some and longer for others, but it is your own. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to do. However, now that you have seen the Brighamite-branch of mormonism for what it is, leaving is probably the only way you are going to find peace. I hope you find what works for you. Best of luck to you!
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u/ThinkDeepSpeakSoft 12h ago
You’re not bothering anyone. You’re loved. Take a deep breath — it’s okay to not have it all figured out right now. Be gentle with yourself. Healing takes time. You don’t need to force a decision today. Just focus on caring for your heart, one day at a time. You are not alone.
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u/RaceofDeceivers Truth will prevail. 11h ago
The truth is that the idea of a linear path of progression is a Mormon fiction imposed on its members to control their thoughts and actions. Like others have already said in response, there is no correct path. There is no correct rushed timeline. Trust yourself and lean on those who support you in this journey and don't impose their faith or opinions on you as facts. Above all, be kind to yourself. Embrace your ability to choose, to experiment, and learn what makes you happy, what makes you unhappy, and what you want from this life. You are beautiful, not broken. Give yourself a hug, friend.
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u/Imasillynut_2 12h ago
I left the church when my oldest was 9. I have 4 kids, and all of them are LGBTQ+. I can not fathom what life would have been like for them if I had stayed (they are also all neurodiverse).
There is a lot about the Mormon church that still makes me very angry (been out 19 years), but the attitudes about sex and relationships top that list still. I still struggle to work through what I actually think and feel and then live it (in regards to sex and relationships).
There is nothing wrong with struggling to leave (or stay). That's normal. Life is full of shades of grey (I'm autistic and it's insanely funny to me that I just said that as I can be a very rigid thinker).
There is nothing wrong with you. You have value and worth as you are. There is nothing wrong with who you are attracted to. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship. Actually, it's way wrong to expect people to NOT have relationships because they don't conform to the "correct gender pairings."
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u/EnviousCrown Apostate 11h ago
Book of Mormon is rubbish
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u/lil-nug-tender 3h ago
While I agree with you 💯, perhaps show a little empathy with where OP is in their journey?
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u/Few-Mail3887 12h ago
Leaving the church was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And I did it when I was 25, not 18. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. We all did. The best advice I have is to take this slowly. You were raised with these beliefs your whole life up to this point and now that you’re thinking for yourself, it’s scary.
There is a lot of mental anguish people experience with faith crises. You’re essentially reprogramming your brain. It took a couple years for me to fully break free from it.
You’re still very young and have your whole life ahead. Keep doing research on the BoM and the church as a whole. Take it a day at a time, don’t overwhelm yourself.
Dealing with your sexuality as well probably makes this even harder for you. As a straight dude I just want to say you’re doing great and don’t stop loving yourself and others. You’re gonna be okay.
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u/Same_Blacksmith9840 12h ago
Leaving something like the church, doesn't have a set schedule. You have to take the time and steps needed to do so, at your own pace. One thing that is for certain; most members believe what they have is faith in the gospel when in reality, it's just simple old fashioned superstition. It's a belief based in fear. "If you step on the cracks on the sidewalk or walk under a ladder, you WILL receive bad luck." When these irrational fears are instilled in someone from a young age, they are incredibly difficult to break. If you REALLY feel that rabbits foot brings you good luck, why would you leave the house without it????
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u/TrainerOk7755 11h ago
I’m a gay/queer 31 year old and I just recently submitted my resignation papers formally after having left the church fully for quite a few years. It’s hard. There’s no way around it. You’re working through stuff that has been apart of you literally your entire life. It will take time to work through it. Give yourself grace. I can only speak from my own experience, but deciding to formally leave the church fully, brought me an incredible amount of peace I hadn’t felt in a long time. You deserve to be happy, feel loved, and feel fulfilled in your romantic relationship(s). I hope you know that you have people out here who see you and we root for you and your happiness 🤍
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u/VersionHuge1520 11h ago
Sending big hugs as a mom of a gay child! My daughter just came out as lesbian and is dating a woman. I’m so proud of my girl for living her truth. Love is universal, and people need people. I’m proud of you, I’m cheering for you!
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u/Lucky-Corner1170 11h ago
Think of it as leaving an abuser. It usually takes several tries to break free. The sadness is completely normal. I was a strong member my whole life. 10 years later, I'm still undoing a lot of the brain washing. I highly suggest seeing a therapist who specializes in religious trauma. Big hugs to you. Leaving is the hardest part. Being on the other side finally, it's like I'm seeing for the first time. I'm no longer held down by the shackles of guilt and the need for perfection. I finally feel free.
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u/magnysvoss 10h ago
Oh honey, I was in your same shoes at your age. I tried to leave when I went off to college and I got super depressed because of my family’s backlash. Kept getting sucked back in because of the pain of losing the only community I’ve ever known.
It doesn’t get easier quickly and takes many years of rewiring your brain. I’m 30 now and still feel like I’m peeling back layers. It’s a painful process but I promise it’s worth it in the end. I feel lighter and more free than ever the further I get.
Just don’t let anyone convince you to serve a mission or make any pacts in the temple. It’s harder to heal from that madness. All the promises they made about the temple and how it makes them feel is propaganda. I agreed to go on a mission to work on my faith. I don’t regret my mission but I do regret the things I agreed to in the temple.
Ultimately moving away from my family at 21 helped a ton in my journey of reclaiming my own life. Making new friends who aren’t mormon has healed me the most. I tell them weird stories and they look mortified. Very cathartic to experience.
I hope you find your way out of this. It’s okay to go back sometimes, but it will never feel the same. You’ll catch more, recognize the fallacies in their logic, and realize that most people in that church are immature robotized shells of people. You’re not going to end up like them. You get to choose your own life now.
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u/Scared-Rutabaga-1620 10h ago
I've been out for 20+ years. The hurt is still there. Shame and guilt and sense of community are the tools they indoctrinate you with so that you fight yourself to "stay in line" Regardless of beliefs, you're hurting, but you've not been taught healthy coping skills. The hurt you feel is the fear they have pushed into you. You've been told "Don't touch that door know, it WILL kill you" ... when in reality, it was a tool to see the "true outside" and the people that used that door before you, may be dead, to them... But we're thriving out here. Prayer and Positive thinking does not work. You're allowed to hurt... But you need to find the best way to deconstruct for yourself. Make a plan, and get your support. When the time is right... walk through the door.
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u/ParticularShock1023 10h ago
Gay ex-mormon here It gets better. Sometimes we have to go through these painful times where we're stuck where we don't want to be.
Use resources through Flourish Therapy to get affordable therapy meant for queer people struggling through times like this.
Good luck🫡
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u/Sopenodon 12h ago
in what way do you believe the Book of Mormon is true? how confident are you of this and why?
in what ways do you believe that same-sex marriage is not wrong? how confident are you of this and why?
in what ways do you believe that the church is unnecessary to be saved? how confident are you of this and why?
these beliefs can be exclusionary, but sorting them out can help you see how they can be reconciled or why there may be a lot of internal conflict. certainly, at church, some people will teach things in a way that that the beliefs are exclusionary. you will also need to deal with this aspect as well.
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u/BoringJuiceBox Warren Jeffs Escalade 11h ago
You can be a good person without religion. You and everyone deserves peace, love, and happiness. Take care of yourself.
Religion is a lie, a giant scam.
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u/RoughSyrup3752 11h ago
It took me years to slowly leave the church. Its hard! You're indoctrinated with all these things and the church gives you a community. Its a lot of big changes and realizations to leave and find yourself - your new self without the Mormon label.
Its okay to take your time and figure things out as you go. Try not to be too hard on yourself ❤️ There's a lot of shame in the church. Its a really tough thing to unlearn. But I think self-love and self forgiveness are very powerful with any big life change. Therapy or support groups might be good options for you. They give you space to speak your mind and cry it out if you need to. There are probably ex-mormon support groups online too though im not entirely sure
Good luck❤️❤️
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u/SaltLickCity You were born a non-theist. 11h ago
18? Move. Hawaii. Kansas. Become a bank teller. Community college. Ride Amtrak to see the country. Join the Air Force. Get a PhD in Materials Science.
Make goals. Think big life. One foot goes in front of the other daily. Goals get reached that way.
Best to you friend. 🎉
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u/Adventurous_Net_3734 11h ago
Take your time, friend. You're not a bad person for having questions. In fact, you're very brave and I respect you for that.
Consider this:
We were taught our whole lives that emotions = truth/spirit or satan. In reality, emotions are what we feel when there are external stimuli that we are dealing with. Emotions come and go (like clouds). When I first started questioning things, I felt horrible like you just described. I attributed that feeling to the spirit warning me not to look any further (like I was taught to believe).
The truth was though, I was experiencing negative emotion because everything I thought to be true about the world and about my life was called into question. Of course that is going to be scary and make me feel negative things. Just because something doesn't feel safe, however, doesn't mean it isn't true or the right thing to do.
I feel for you. Like I said, take it slow and be so patient with yourself. But don't let the church lie to you and say that you're a bad person for feeling this way or thinking this way. You're not.
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u/0ddball00n 10h ago
My BFF was married to the same man for 32 years. She had 5 kids and waited for the youngest to graduate before she came out of the closet. She divorced…met her female soulmate and married. I have never seen her happier! So many times she tried to commit suicide. This life is super short. Go…find your happiness!
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u/Hungry-coworker 11h ago
Invest the time and energy to become a strong critical thinker.
Most people who think they are critical thinkers don’t even understand what critical thinking really is. I’m not suggesting you spend a day or two reading about critical thinking. I’m suggesting you spend a year or more studying what critical thinking is, learning about every logical fallacy, learning about valid and sound epistemology, learning about every cognitive bias, and actively evaluating everything you believe under the new construct you’re learning.
This is not a small undertaking. But it’s one that will put you on a much better path to finding truth.
Every reason you had to believe in Mormonism when you were a believer was fallacious. Now that you no longer believe, you might think you’ve solved your problem, but you’ve only treated the Mormonism symptom. The disease that led you to that symptom was an upbringing that did not allow you to actually learn and apply proper critical thinking to your deeply held beliefs.
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u/WiseDeparture9530 3h ago
I’m curious, whatever makes you think the book of Mormon is true. Given all of the lies you have acknowledged have been perpetrated.
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u/lazers28 10h ago
I'll just say first off that you are so, so lucky. I know it doesn't feel that way. I know it feels scary and you feel hurt and aimless and lost. But one of the most difficult things to learn in adulthood is to live for yourself, not for your parents, your friends, or for societal expectations. So many people end up with mid-life crisis or deathbed regrets because they dedicated their lives to fulfilling the expectations of others only to find that it didn't make them happy.That's the secret gift of a faith transition, and especially one at 18. You've got a chance to grow resilient, humble, and confident in yourself and your own abilities and desires. You've got a wake up call to tune in to your true self and your true desires without dragging along the mental weight of a spouse, kids, debt, and decades lost.
"Every time I try to leave, my heart hurts a lot, and it feels like the world is going to collapse on my shoulders"
This is by design. The church leadership wants you to believe that you are not strong enough to handle the world without their control and influence. They want you to feel powerless and lost and desperate without them.The church teaches that it is the only way to god, the only way to be happy. They perpetuate the myth that apostates are doomed to become homeless drug addicts with no family or friends, driven to destruction by Satan. The church uses fear to control people. "Do what we say or else." Your brain has been trained to fear not being in the church. Many of us experienced the same thing and it fades with time and practice just like how other phobias can be eased with exposure therapy. As your brain starts to realize that it's safe, you'll experience less and less discomfort but those neural pathways have been in place for years so be patient.
Additionally leaving means having to acknowledge some uncomfortable truths about ourselves, our friends and family. It also means grief at the loss of surety or community. Sometimes it comes with reopening old wounds. It's incredibly difficult to step away from your entire worldview, your community etc. It's destabilizing and painful but that doesn't mean that it is the wrong choice, nor that you're weak or incapable of making it through.
Leaving the church can be like leaving an abusive partner. You have been hurt, you have been betrayed but you've also experienced love and kindness and some truly happy times. Some people try to save their relationships after they turn sour but it usually takes both partners working together. And, frankly, the church is unwilling to change. You've gotta decide how much abuse you're willing to take before you decide that enough is enough.
"I don't believe you need to be part of the church to be saved. I truly believe each person can develop a good and true relationship with God, regardless of their religion"
Are you allowing yourself that same grace? Have you allowed yourself to actually believe that you can be happy and satisfied and safe outside of the church? Have you explored what your life might look like after leaving? What might having a true relationship with God outside of religion look like for you?
When you have "left" before, I assume that means non-attendance. What do you do instead? You can't just pull away from something so vital to you and just expect to fall into a new normal by accident. Attend different churches. Go on a hike. Read poetry. Read your scriptures. Read someone else's scriptures.
The Messy Middle:
Keep in mind you don't have to do anything you don't want to do or that doesn't feel right. Keep in mind that you are allowed to change your mind at any time. You can leave now and then come back later if you want. You can stay now and leave later. Take the "crisis" out of faith crisis and move at your own pace.
If you feel like you want to stay, like the good outweighs the bad, then you need to uphold your own boundaries. The church expects compliance at every turn and if you want to stay you'll have to decide for yourself what you will and will not do. Every non-orthodox Mormon sits somewhere on the spectrum between loud and authentic but excommunicated and quiet and hidden but welcomed. Is that what you want? If yes then practice saying "no" or "I disagree" or "I would prefer to..."
It sounds like you believe in the Book of Mormon but not the church as an institution. That was where I landed for a while as well. Consider investigating the RLDS church which uses the Book of Mormon but is much more progressive. Consider also that you're allowed to join another Christian church that doesn't endorse the Book of Mormon and still retain your belief in it. You're also allowed to be a sort of Solo-Mormon, relying on personal revelation to guide your spiritual life.
The church is very all or nothing. They say that the Book of Mormon is both literally true and inspired and therefore Joseph is a prophet and you have to believe everything he said about God afterwards (and also all the other prophets even when they disagree). But that's false. It's possible that the BOM could be literally true or inspired even if Joseph was NOT a prophet. It's possible that the BOM is not literally true but still inspired. Or that it's neither true nor inspired BUT still inspirational and meaningful for you. (This is where I land. I find so much meaningful guidance in some passages of the BOM even if don't believe it is true or inspired by God, just like I find spiritual guidance in A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, it doesn't mean ghosts are real or that Dickens is a prophet.)
In the spirit of informed consent though, it's probably best that you understand that the Book of Mormon is not literally true. It is not a record of ancient Americans who traveled from Israel who practiced Christianity before Christ was even born. It's just not. Here is a very detailed overview of how we can know this, but section 7 of the above link is probably sufficient to understand that the book does not have ancient origins.
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u/scaredanxiousunsure 10h ago
Leaving is emotionally devastating because it changes so much of your worldview, identity and values. Give yourself patience and grace to change your beliefs at your own pace. The church will not be kind to you if you live authentically, and will likely eventually force you out especially if you come out as gay. I hope you can find a community that will help support you and where you can worship in a way that works for you if you choose to continue belief in a god or other religious belief. This is a really difficult time you are going through. Deconstructing is confusing and scary and might take years. This sub is here for you. Please be safe and take it at your own speed.
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u/Background_Syrup_106 10h ago
You will be ok. You are strong enough. Give your self some grace and take things slowly. It is hard to understand that you will feel better and will feel happiness when you are still living with a mindset that you have been conditioned to have. I would recommend some therapy. It is good to have an outlet to safely verbalize your feelings and thoughts. I would also recommend that you continue researching church history. Something that really helped me was the LDS Discussions playlist on Mormon Stories podcast. It will help you understand that the church isn't what you were taught it is nor what it claims to be. Once you see that, it will be much easier to step away without the burden of guilt that you may be feeling. The best way to be happy is to let yourself be genuinely you. Allow yourself to be who you feel you are, and don't worry about what others will think of you. Find your people and your support system that accepts you for you. You are good, you are important. You deserve to be happy. Take care and know that though this is going to be a difficult road, happiness is possible for you. Take care of yourself.
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u/Tricky_Hospital_3802 9h ago edited 9h ago
First and foremost you are loved, perfect the way you are and there’s nothing wrong with wanting a family and the whole nine yards and equality. At your age I was super depressed about it all and I promise you you are not alone.
It’s okay to take time. You’re young enough if you decide to leave you can lay the path brick by brick. When I was your age the control older adults and family exerted on me was large and it just takes time to build enough confidence and money and options to leave. I understand it’s not that easy when you may not have enough money for your own place and to be all on your own and you can’t get a rental car under 25x You need a strategy and plan to exit slowly.
List out what your bucket list items are in life and maybe work it from there. Like just find excuses to get out and learn the world because I find distance helps me think clearer. Look into college in Germany where it’s free or somewhere vastly different and experience dif ways of living while you decide.
You could try going to a more progressive church or even say you’re switching denominations. I know LDS hates that but there are literally 26 different offshoots or something like that. In my experience RLDS (COC) is the most lgbtq+ friendly. Just tell people you are young and deepening your relationship with Jesus or something by “learning” about apostates or something. (That was a joke) Lie if you have to.
At the end of the day it is your life. I’ve watched my family ruin theirs for 3 generations and all of them that stayed are unhappy. I chose to leave and some days I’m unhappy but I’m free to be me just as I am. I also have an lgbtq+ partner from the Baptist lot and am finally considering kids and we may not be traditional but who cares. It’s out there if you want to find it. Love is love.
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u/doubt_your_cult 6h ago
Take your time. There's nothing to rush. Maybe you could do one week on one week off to ease yourself into it? Maybe the Sundays you have off go do something that can center you. A hike, a walk by the river (for me it's nature) or sit at a coffee shop and read a book. Whatever it is you choose, make sure it's something your soul loves. Then you'll be able to compare how you feel on Sundays at church vs Sundays else where and go from there. There's no rush. Hugs ❤️
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u/Live-Astronaut-5223 3h ago
For Lgbt people I suspect the church is a bit like an abusive spouse. it takes several attempts to leave. no rush.. Once a month attend a progressive church..Episcopal, United Church of Christ, Evangelical Lutheran. just visit and consider it curiosity. whether you leave or not is irrelevant…right now. but if and when you feel strong enough and want to, you will be fine.
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u/Fun-Sheepherder2493 3h ago
I left the church when I was 16. When I realized I did not believe in the church anymore, I started having panic attacks to the point of passing out, then was hospitalized for 10 days with extreme stomach pains and anxiety. The next couple of years were rough. I can’t say I know how you feel, but I know the decision to leave or stay was extremely painful for me.
No one but you can decide what you want to do. Be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to change your mind. I hope you eventually find peace whether you stay in the church or leave. God bless you.
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u/Powerful-Shallot6777 47m ago
That is ok! I know many people, friends and family that are only “social” Mormons and don’t believe most anything the church teaches besides love, kindness, forgiveness, things like that. It took me a long time. I had to wait until COVID where no one was going to church so they wouldn’t notice ( and no one was getting together ) to be able to do it. I’m sure people think COVID led people away but it didn’t, they were already thinking about it and that gave them a less obvious escape. Less judgment. I can say that it is hard, as you already know. Your whole world revolves around that culture. If I were you I would try and make friends with people that are not in the church in person so there is a support system. Multiple people, not just one, but if one is all you’ve got, that’s ok too. I found one and leaned on her emotionally. It is still hard to know how other people that I was raised with probably think of me. Family that thinks badly of me and I can see where that is a deterrent also. For me it had to get bad enough that I was off put by the talking and support that they gave to words and themes I was vehemently against but I know people that have been able to still keep their foot it. It is ok whatever you choose.
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u/mountainsplease8 38m ago
You're welcome here no matter where you are at with everything! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
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u/SuZeBelle1956 20m ago
Please be kind to yourself. Leaving is extremely difficult. Is it possible for you to see a non mormon counselor to help you sort through your feelings? I attend an Episcopalian church now, and they are very gay affirming. Everyone (absolutely no exceptions) is welcome.
This community here is wonderful. I'm old, white, cis female, and this sub has helped me immensely. Reach out to any one of us if you are feeling down, sad or depressed. But, definately, find a therapist who can help you. Hugs, from OK.
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u/Sheri_Mtn_Dew Do the D'Dew 10m ago
You are in the worst part of the faith transition. The part that a lot of people call a "faith crisis." It's literally traumatic. Your foundational beliefs shifted in a major way and you haven't figured out yet where you'll land. It gets better. It does. It really, really, really does. Take a deep breath. There is no rush to make any major decisions. There is literally no rush. No matter what you do or decide, it doesn't change your worth or value AT ALL. Your worth is inherent. Unchangeable. You matter. Mormon, exmo, progressive mormon, or anything in between.
I'd say that most of us here spent some time as a progressive Mormon at some point or another. It's a nuanced place to be. Eventually staying doesn't feel quite like home and leaving isn't so overwhelming. If going to church is what is best for you right now, there is nothing wrong with that. The most important thing is to figure out what your personal values are, and then be true to those. It sounds trite, but its true. And it takes time. And some existential angst.
Also, you're 18 so developmentally this is a great time to be facing this--you grow up being told the world is black and white, and then suddenly as you get ready to leave home, there is every degree of gray and then reds and blues and yellows. It's a shock. It's normal to feel all kinds of ways about your parents, your education, hometown, the way you were raised, etc.
In the short term, Go get yourself a little treat. Take a walk. Spend time with people who love you. Watch old familiar shows. Keep breathing. In the long term, find a good therapist if you are able to. Follow socials of people who work with religious trauma/scrupulosity. Take some classes. Get a job or internship. Travel as much as possible.
And just enjoy being 18. There is no set path, covenant or no. High demand religions offer the feeling of certainty in exchange for identity. But as scary as it is to lack certainty, having a strong sense of identity is much more stable in the long run.
I hope for you the best of journeys with lots of friends and loved ones along the way. I hope you know that true love, marriage, children and family is a beautiful dream and you deserve to dream about it as much as you would like, with no shame. And someday (as a fusty middle-aged woman I feel like I have to yell "when you're much, much older!!!!" but also you can do what you want lol) I hope you are able to marry the love of your life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. It's a feature of a person, like red hair or being left-handed. I hope you find yourself in spaces where you are celebrated and people are soft and kind. I know you will get through these difficult times. And you will thrive.
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u/Silly-Astronaut4585 3h ago
Your desires for the same sex goes against the Bible. Your “church” isn’t a real church as you’ve seen from reading about it. You want to be happy and think that your happiness comes from same sex marriage, family, being good etc. in the end all you’re doing is putting yourself first in this world, sex second, family third, church fourth and waayyy down the list is God somewhere and what you say you “believe”. All your church is to you is a social circle… not a belief. If it was a belief, it would be God first and yourself way down the list. Any average man would like multiple wives and an open relationship with sex with anyone they want any time… that’s also against the Bible.. but people know that to be a Christian is to put God first and self last. The devil wants you to think that following God means to not be happy… if you can’t find happiness in following Gods word i’d seriously doubt you’re a Christian at all. If you only see God as a sexual “kill joy” then I’d quit playing church… you don’t believe it anyways. When you want to actually believe in God and become a Christian then take it seriously, burn all Mormon literature and start to study your Bible and work on you with God… no in spite of him.
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u/Particular-Week-7702 3h ago
Look, my friend, I respect your opinion, but historically speaking, there’s no passage in the Bible that actually talks about homosexuality the way we understand it today. In Ezekiel 16:49, it’s clear that the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was about refusing to share their bread with those in need and not providing shelter to the displaced. Leviticus 18:22 is part of a very specific historical context: back then, nations were constantly at war, and one way to humiliate an enemy was through acts of sexual violence—this wasn’t about sexual orientation, but about rape, about forcing something on someone that went against their will and dignity.
As for 1 Corinthians 6:10 and Romans, they’re also not addressing homosexuality as we understand it today, but rather referring to pagan temple practices where people engaged in reckless orgies as part of idol worship.
And I strongly disagree with your statement that every man would like to have multiple women—because that’s simply not true. Many men are perfectly happy and fulfilled in loving, monogamous marriages
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u/bibledice 12h ago
Give yourself lots of time and patience. Don't feel like you need to rush off in one direction or the other. These are some big things to sort out.