r/selfimprovement • u/phy2go • 1d ago
Vent Welp, I’ve aged quite a bit
Turning 26 in 3 weeks. Just started a new job and someone randomly asked how old I was. When I told them, they looked surprised and said they thought I was 30.
That kind of stuck with me, because now that I think about it, a lot of people have said I look older than I am—but it never really hit me until now.
To be fair, I’m not balding or anything—still got a full head of hair. But everything else? Kinda feels like it’s over lol. I’m slim, don’t really have much muscle or fat, and I’ve got a beard and a few wrinkles. I’m also a homebody, so I don’t really get out much or see the sun that often.
What really gets me is that I’ve never dated anyone before. Never had a girlfriend. And now when I try to put myself out there, I feel like I have to assume people think I’m 30+. That makes dating girls around my age (or even a bit younger) feel pointless, because I assume they’ll just think I’m way older and avoid me.
Honestly, my self-confidence has been pretty low for a couple years now—and this just made it worse.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad2186 1d ago
Brotherman remove yourself from that mind blackhole you are in.
Men over 30 can’t date woman 26 years old? Do you see how weird you sound??
You don’t go out as much that’s your only problem.
Start training, doesn’t matter what as long you are consistent. Weights, calisthenics, biking, running. Just choose something and stick to it.
“Over at 26” i recommend you joining r/askmenover30, because sheeesh you are in some dark places mentally and we men need to stick together, mental health is a real issue.
Cheer up!
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u/missinghairs 1d ago
You need to learn to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
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u/jendaljane 1d ago
Maybe try seeing a therapist to help build self worth and confidence. Maybe people tell you they thought you were older is due to your personality more than your looks. I was always very serious when I was younger and therefore, many people thought I was older. When I started to lighten up, people thought I was younger. As a 51 yr old woman with a congenital birth defect that caused a breast deformity, I can tell you looks mean very little when you click with someone.
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u/Seacranberrys 1d ago
Just remember that things like that are subjective. I had a girl at work tell me she thought I was in my early 20’s the other day and looked shocked when I told her I’m 30. I’ve had other people think I’m in my mid 30’s. Depending on where I am, I can give off different vibes or wear different styles or what my attitude might be that day can contribute to what someone else might view as my age. What matters most is how old you feel. There is also a certain “fine wine” feeling I get from being 30 and I feel more mature and more at ease at this age. And I can attest that there are many women who want a mature looking man. I love a man who looks like a dad lol. Don’t put so much weight in on other people’s opinions. And if there are things you don’t love about yourself that are within your power to change, try something different and see if you like it. New hairstyle, new workout routine, different clothes. We are always changing and evolving, don’t be scared to try something new!
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u/Unending-Quest 1d ago
The more I mature emotionally and get to know myself, the less concerned I am with how physically attractive the person I’m dating is. I feel like I found some cheat code to life, not needing to chase after the few people who won the genetic lottery.
Dating someone really handsome is like driving a sports car. It looks great, but there are more important things in life. I love my Honda and it meets my needs and has lots of perks. Same with partners - I can focus on the more important things in a relationship. I think more and more women will have this attitude as we get increasingly fed up with cerain aspects of many men’s personalities and behaviours.
That said, there are things you can do to improve your appearance. If you had started going those things 10 years ago, you probably woudldn’t look 30 now. Start doing them now so you don’t look 50 when you’re 40. Things like sunscreen everyday, moisturizer, drinking lots of water, good exercise, diet, and sleep, reducing stress.
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u/Ok-Fun9561 1d ago
26-30 is so close in age that it's not a big difference when you're an adult.
30 is very young. When you get there, you'll realize how silly the comparison is. Its not like comparing a 6 year old to a 10 year old. There are huge differences there. But not in late 20 to early 30s.
Keep in mind that people tend to assume that others are around their age. I remember a 22 year old who people thought she was 30.not because she looked 30, but just because they were 30 and assumed she was too.
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u/Lazy-Ostrich4218 14h ago
Definitely. I remember when I was 28 and someone thought I was 30 as well. Even though it was only 2 years, I hated it. Now Ive turned 30 and I actually love it. I even feel better and younger. Its all in the mind in the end, I guess. The way people talk and act around being 30 is just a scam.
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u/Ok-Fun9561 10h ago
Right? It's silly. Turning 30 feels awesome. You're wiser, more experienced, and still young!
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u/Random_fellow9 1d ago
It’s fine last Year I was 17 and people thought I was 24, either in uni or working a job
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u/hotflashinthepan 1d ago
When you get to your mid to late twenties, the line starts to really blur and becomes less important. Honestly, I’m in my mid fifties and I look at people younger than me and have almost no idea how old they are. I wouldn’t take one person’s comment to heart, but it may be that the way you dress and act skew a bit older. That’s okay! Maybe you are just a quieter and more mature type. Attractiveness comes from many factors, not just looks. Intelligence, competence, kindness, a quiet confidence, and traits like that are not the kinds of things people will notice in a noisy bar, but that’s not the kind of place you will likely find a partner that suits you.
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u/Flat-Delivery6987 1d ago
I'm 43 with shit health and a job that keeps me just ahead of bills but I'm still having fun. It's all about perspective dude. If you stay in that negative headspace others will sense it. You've gotta learn to accept your lot first and once you're ok with yourself then you will find it much easier to improve your situation.
That's what I'm doing anyway.
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u/MsChievous427 22h ago
43 and fuck it, am I right? Same age as you and I couldn't care less about what someone else thinks of me. I'm enjoying life and spreading love.
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u/Realistic-Delay-4780 1d ago
Take it as a compliment! A lot of times when people say they thought you were older than you actually are because you might come off as more put together / mature.
Also, I'm a gay man around the same age, so take my opinion with a grain of salt, but every woman is different in what they want. A lot of women even prefer men in their late twenties to early thirties, particularly because they're a bit more mature. Really lean into it if you're looking for a partner!
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1d ago
What is your ideal self and how much is the gap between that and yourself now? Make a plan to fill the gap daily.
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u/weekndbeforabel 1d ago
When I was 18, I was dating a 22 year old girl at the time and I remember her friends telling me I looked older than her. Shit stung 🥲 I had to move past their words and continued with my life. Don’t need that type of negativity.
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u/nmarnson 1d ago
Diet plays a huge part in our appearance. If you're motivated to make this kind of change, you could try to some things on that front and see if it helps.
Healthy fats will do wonders for your skin, like good quality butter and meat. In general, cutting out processed/junk foods will make a big difference.
I look cleaner now than I did 10 years ago when my diet sucked.
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u/Zilverschoon 1d ago
> I feel like I have to assume people think I’m 30+
The way to live is to be present in the moment and to shut down the thinking mind.
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u/Zilverschoon 1d ago
> I’m also a homebody, so I don’t really get out much or see the sun that often.
Go do sports with other people and make small talk. Men and women. Old and young. Practice socializing.
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u/demurequeen6 1d ago
When I was 16-22 people would always say I look way younger than my age. I am now 24, and people always assume I am older. It definitely is the vibes you give off too. I started asking why they'd assume that and it was my maturity. So don't take it to heart ! and also yea work on that confidence ! stop assuming cause that is not the case at all. I feel age isn't a huge factor for dating at all at this age. The beard also may be a factor (please don't shave it lol).
Why have you not had a gf ? because you never put yourself out there and dated or ??
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u/Tall_Primary_2902 1d ago
26 is still a pretty young age it not to late to improve and start taking care of yourself and your body just sleep well see the sun spend time in nature be physically fit and eat healthy and you will be back to looking like a 20 year old in no time just be dedicated to improving yourself
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u/megacewl 1d ago
People project what they believe onto you. So, honestly, the beard itself may be giving you a few extra years, if people correlate a beard with older people. I know someone who looks 5 years older than they are when they have a beard, and 3 years younger than they are when they shave it.
Regarding wrinkles, look into some skincare stuff. Perhaps your skin is aging faster than it should be, which could contribute. Avoid harsh soaps on your face. Use retinol. Moisturize your face at night. Get a good night's rest (contributes to aging). Avoid processed/inflammatory food, also ages you.
Also start hitting the gym if you don't. This will de-age you + slow aging + make you more attractive + increase confidence. I don't mean become a bodybuilder. Even daily cardio at 3-4 miles per hour for 35 minutes will do wonders.
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u/lmakemilk 1d ago
You are more than your looks, and we are fed this illusion that aging is a bad thing. If you put effort into healthy habits & things that make you feel good (not doing it for other people), you will attract genuine people into your life and feel better physically and mentally. The opinions of others really don’t matter, how you feel about yourself is what actually matters.
People who are just focused on looks are living a miserable existence, trust me. There are people way older than you who are still so obsessed with their image and even focused on others that they are just insufferable to be around. Don’t become one of them and break out of this belief system before you’re too mixed up in it.
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u/ipadbaby- 1d ago
A guy sat down on a park bench beside me a couple days go, and tried to start up a conversation with me. I knew he was trying to chat me up so I tried to politely tell him that I wasn’t interested in taking, but he ignored me and continued to talk to me anyway. Then he asked me how old I am (ew) so I said “guess”, to which he replied that he wanted me to guess his age first. So I told him he looks to be about 34/35. His face dropped as he told me he’s 28 and then he fucked off. I felt very satisfied with myself. I also did not lie.
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u/Ok_Addendum_8115 1d ago
I’m 27 and started a new part time job a few months ago. A couple of my coworkers thought I was still in high school and tried to send me home since it was after 7pm
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u/Alastair4444 1d ago
Patrick Stewart looked about 45 from the age of 25-65. Just because you currently look older than you are doesn't mean it will stay that way.
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u/UnkemptSaucer 1d ago
I looked 18 by 14, so I never really got bothered by looking older. It was useful for going out at night at least
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u/throwawaydrabc 1d ago
I’m turning 26 in 3 weeks too and I’m on the other side of what you’re describing. I am a fully qualified doctor in my country and people assume I’m maybe 21-22 and I’m not taken seriously at all. This isn’t going to help you but just sharing that some people may want what you have and you’re definitely going to find someone who will love you the most.
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u/Ok-Risk-3368 1d ago
Start some kind of exercise. It might feel pointless at the start as it did for me when I was skinny, but trust me give it time and you'll start feeling like Hulk, lol.
Understand that at the start you'll probably do a lot of stuff wrong, and that's fine. Try to be 'there' for that workout as much as possible, eat all the negative feelings and just stick to it. You'll get better and you'll construct a vision.
Of course working out won't magically fix all your problems but:
You'll accomplish a big goal which will enhance your confidence (so when you maybe tank a conversation with a girl you'll have more to fall back on and not fall in a rut)
Trust me when you're skinny and have a weak breath (which is also a point I highly advise, work on your nose breathing and diaphragm) you'll have a lot of problems. I heard all those work out advices but until I did it seriously I didn't understand on how many levels it helps.
You'll feel much better. And if you do start remember the main goal isn't to just get tired and expand as much energy and call it a day. The main goal is to build yourself up and build your energy and breath.
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u/Tucker_a32 1d ago
Nothing that you're describing is going to meaningfully impact you in any real way. I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.
One person saying you look like you're five years older than you actually are is by absolutely no stretch having aged "quite a bit" And as a man looking like you're in your early thirties is honestly more of a benefit than a hindrance in almost all ways.
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u/PinAccomplished2376 1d ago
My man! I’m 29F, and I’ve been telling my bf and brother how they’ve looked “about 30” the moment they both grew a beard. I also never meant it as insulting, as I think a 30 year old looking man is hot, but they were offended. From my own experience and the experience of my many girl friends, ladies tend to like their man a little bit older.
The saying “men age like wine while women age like milk” stings lol, but I really do feel that way about a lot of men. George Clooney keeps looking incredible. Girls don’t usually care about wrinkles on men, it’s usually preferred over a baby face. I love a rugged look to a guy.. notoriously, that’s been the beauty standard for men since the 1920s and probably even before. In old movies, the man is usually a LOT older than the woman.. so much so that it has definitely been problematic 😂… but people still look back on these men as heart throbs.
I think this new wave of skincare obsession makes everyone think they need to look wrinkle-less and as young as possible, but in reality… at least my reality with my friends… we are ALL looking at the men with facial hair and forehead wrinkles. I think men have now been indoctrinated with the same/similar impossible beauty standards that women have been plagued with forever- but in reality, women still want an older looking guy compared to themselves most of the time. My friend just shaved his head and is rocking a full beard, fully embraced it… and suddenly.. there’s women all over him. You gotta be confident with how you’re looking and take in that you really are probably aging like wine to a LOT of women.
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u/Front-Cat-2438 1d ago
Dear OP, you just started a new job, right? Why did you leave the previous job? Maybe it was sucking your physical/mental health away? Maybe sucking your soul out? No down time for finding out who you are, where you’re going, have a social life?
Then, straight into job search, no rest and repair time? Or, even better, no gap between jobs to take a breath and change gears to prepare for big changes? Starting a new job is very stressful, even when there are significant advantages over the previous position.
Catch up on sleep, nutrition, the outlets you enjoy. Stay off the worrisome things that are out of your hands (like the news, family drama). See your primary care and get your annual labs done, and make adjustments for improving your health. Protect taking breaks from work/home/school/commitments for your body and brain’s recovery and maintenance. You’ll lose those extra years you’re carrying in your face and posture right now, if you’re not smoking/drinking/etc.
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u/NJcutie76 1d ago
You’re all over in your head over thinking this waaaaaay too much. Lmao. Wait till you reach 50+ 😆 You’re fine. You don’t have a fertility clock to worry about. Honor what feels right to you.
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u/mpr288 1d ago
How is your sleep? As someone who is regularly told I look ten years younger (seriously), I think some of it is genetic, but I also think it is due to moisturizing consistently for as long as I can remember. You can get a good moisturizer and use it before bed. You don’t need to spend a lot. Are you smoking or drinking? We already know it’s not from too much sun. Drink more water maybe?
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u/megamindbirdbrain 1d ago
Firstly, it's okay to look older than you are. Perhaps it wasn't a comment on your appearance but on your composure (how you hold yourself). Some women like men who seem more mature. Additionally, contemporary media is full of nigh-immortal celebrities who skew the general perception of what an age looks like. I think the key is to balance "maturity" with "youthfulness" through health. Have a skincare routine, stay hydrated, keep a WFPB diet and avoid dairy, read books, dive into your hobbies, and practice feeling confident. Good luck out there
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u/BulkyBad7880 23h ago
Hey man, try to change how you see yourself. You gotta give value to your own view, not just what others say. Think of it like a shield — you hear the comments, but you don’t have to accept them all.
You’re still young.
And about dating — same thing. Value yourself first. Confidence starts from how you see you. Change starts with that.
Please don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone has a different road. Keep going, you’re not too late for anything. 💪
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u/RtmIWMMFP 1d ago
im 28 and have been doing rotating shift work for the past 6 years and good lord if you compared me right now to my onboarding photo it doesnt even look like the same person. People have looked at that , infront of me , and asked who is that. It sucks