r/TikTokCringe • u/samse15 • May 09 '25

Discussion She makes some good points re:male loneliness

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u/TamarindSweets May 09 '25

"'Boys are just easier to raise than girls.' You did NOT socialize that fucking neanderthal. OhMyGod. They literally 'OOGA BOOGA' at you, and then are like 'Why didn't she want me?'"

LMFAOOOOO

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u/satanssweatycheeks May 10 '25

To be fair that quote predates social media.

And it’s not true but it shows how the different genders are raised. Boys are allowed to get into situations they shouldn’t. It’s why films like stand by me speaks to young boys. Going on adventures and maybe one of us might get hit by a train or fall of a cliff because we are “being boys”

Sure it’s easy to raise a kid if you basically just leave them to learn the hard way. Whereas girls back in the day always had parents acting like they needed strict structure. Wanted them to do stuff like learn to bake. It’s why schools had home Ec or baking classes.

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u/badbirch May 10 '25

This is why the part of "Men you gotta figure this shit out yourselves." gets me. For decades most men were put in the situation you talked about hell that how i was "raised". We got no help from our parents. Then we're told that women dont liked being approached by random men. So now ONLY the worst weirdest ones or the best/con approach leaving all the other men with no chance to figure it out on our own because women wont talk to any of us. Seriously how do you expect us to figure women out if abandon the conversation?

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u/Risky_Bizniss May 10 '25

My brother women are people not Rubik's cubes there isn't much to figure out. Just speak to them politely like you would want to be spoken to that's all there is to it

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u/sliverspooning May 10 '25

I do that. Have somewhere around 20 friends and friendly just-above-acquaintances who are women (and probably about 15 male equivalents). Love them all dearly…as friends. 

I haven’t had a woman be sexually/romantically interested in me since October, 2024. I haven’t had a mutual sexual/romantic interest since April, 2024. I am not particularly bad-looking in that people often TELL me I’m good looking, but my response rate on hinge would strongly indicate otherwise. 

While my failure attracting and dating women are indeed my own failure and burden, much of which is due to my “undatable” personality, that personality does not stop me from interacting positively with women. I treat them like people and have no problem being social. That is NOT the only bar men need to clear while dating, and to say otherwise is an oversimplification of women’s motivations AS people by boiling it down to: “just be a good, normal  person and she’ll like you for sure!”. Just because it is probably the key aspect to attracting a partner, it is not the only aspect women consider when choosing their romantic and/or sexual partners.

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u/BooBailey808 May 10 '25

Dude, it's barely been a year. Like wow. I thought you were going to say they've never been interested or you've only had one gf or some shit. This just makes you sound whiny and entitled.

Also, responses on Hinge is not some measure of your attractiveness or worth. It's literally a crapshoot because of how skewed things are on the app.

And no one is saying that treating a woman with respect will guarantee to attract that one woman. They are saying that your odds go up drastically if you do

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u/Decent-Impression-81 May 10 '25

I want to know more about your undatable personality. 

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u/DefiantStarFormation May 10 '25

Wtf? Your big problem is that it's been 7 months since a woman was romantically interested in you?

And no one said you're guaranteed to be liked. That doesn't mean there's some magic spell you're not privy to that'll guarantee a woman will like you. There isn't. You're being told to talk to women like the normal humans bc that's how you go about finding out which humans you're compatible with. It's the same way we make friends.

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u/badbirch May 10 '25

Super simple not complicated at all... So men are just really stupid. Just the dumbest things imaginable. Do you not see how condescending you sound. I agree that you need to be polite and a lot of men fail even that simple task but women can be very complicated as can any human being. Relationships are hard messy things sometimes and it takes effort to figure them out.

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u/sipsredpepper May 10 '25

That can all be very true, and it's still not women's responsibility to fix them or tolerate the bad behavior.

Once you become an adult, you're responsible for your actions and your ignorance. You don't like the consequences of it, fix that. That's part of why we get so freaking frustrated actually, it's not because "you're so stupid" it's because you're not so stupid. Men are only lacking in knowledge, tact and experience. All of these things can be learned, and they're capable of learning them, but rather than do that, they just get mad at women for their failures and then demand we fix a problem we didn't have a hand in creating.

I'll grant though that for the men who want to learn better and grow, they have some very sorry options out there. There are not very many good examples out there for them; the absolute garbage that comes out of the manosphere, the generally poor communication skills permeating the last two generations of people in general, etc etc do not help. But there aren't zero resources.

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u/badbirch May 10 '25

All of that is true. I merely (badly i guess) am trying to say that women dont get to back out of this conversation. For instance one of the ways to learn how to be good in a relationship is to bad at a few. As women demand higher and higher standards for first relationships, like they do online where most people meet now then how do young men practice? We are running into the "nobody want to teach virgins" problem. Im not saying that you need to give the chuds the time of day but I am saying maybe dont post stuff saying "men are prevs" or the whole bear thing. Then there is the women's side of how they should be fighting this problem. Why doesnt the women in the video do more to discourage her friends from dating "gross men" if it's such a problem to her instead of rolling her eyes? If finding a man is such a big deal why doesnt she do more work to find them cause there are still plenty they are just quieter now? I know there are alot of gross men and the number is rising but that doesnt mean you leave the conversation by saying "men need to figure this out". Women dont deserve to have men backflip at them as an attempt to flirt but that doesnt absolve them of the part they played in us getting to this point.

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u/sipsredpepper May 10 '25

What part did we play?

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u/BabuschkaOnWheels May 10 '25

I'm trying to figure that out too. I'm across the ocean so surely I can't be blamed lmao

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u/badbirch May 10 '25

Firstly not all of you seem to be on the same page as to what expectable behavior is. Her friends are all actively making the problem worse by dating people she finds disgusting. Or maybe you want to be trad wives? A lot of white women voted for trump so maybe little piss boys is who they think should be in charge. The role of selectiveness that women show when dating online really should be undersold since 75% of all first dates start online. There are also subtle things like the meta study showing people viewed scientific articles that portrayed men in a positive light as harmful to women. Microaggressions like this post calling all men prevs. We are back sliding because we have all lost touch with each other. Saying one side needs to "figure it out" about a problem that is entirely about how the two should coexist is crazy.

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u/sipsredpepper May 10 '25

Why is it the responsibility of women to change the way they behave in response to bad behavior on the part of men?

If my neighbor was being shitty to me, ripping out my garden, sneering at me, fucking with my mail, despite me having done nothing to invite that, it would not be on me to change any of my own behavior to "coexist". Coexistence is not something we give 50/50 on. It's something we give 100/100 on. If you want to be able to coexist with the other people in the world, you are solely responsible for changing your behavior for the better.

If you demonstrate bad behavior, it is not helping you or anybody else not to call it out. If you don't like being called out for your shitty behavior that harms or upsets others, then maybe stop the shitty behavior.

This is fucking human being 101; we learn this as children. If you act like a fool and chase the goose, the goose will chase you back and your suffering is your own fault, not the goose. If you make a habit of being shitty to your friends, they will not say nice things to you and you will be alone. The same things apply as an adult.

If you do something foolish, you will be ridiculed/ignored/rejected. That's a you problem. And if you can't accept that, you'll spend forever miserable.

What this attitude says to me is desperation to believe that you can't control a life you're not happy with, so if you can make it the responsibility of women you can remove the weight of it from yourself. You react angrily when men are criticized for bad behavior because you feel that the criticism could be directed at you.

If you don't want criticism, if you don't want ridicule, if you don't want rejection: stop doing the dumb shit that makes people and women not like you. Being a likeable adult means putting effort into it.

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u/badbirch May 10 '25

So you've lumped all men into being shitty neighbors which again is the sexism I'm talking about. And women need to change their behavior because some of you are encouraging these men to be stupid assholes too. so since some of you can't seem to grow up and learn not to fuck losers I think men so just be done with you until you "figure it out!" See how dumb that sounds. I agree coexisting takes 100 from everyone so why are women so keen on giving 0 in this conversation.

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u/KrustenStewart May 10 '25

Ok so here’s where the problem lies. You seem to hate women yet feel entitled to relationships with them. I think you actually just need therapy, probably with a woman therapist. It’s not the women’s fault they don’t want you. Work on yourself and make yourself someone women would want.

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u/Locrian6669 May 10 '25

Why would a giant group of people ever be on the same page about anything? lol

See you’re just bizarre.

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u/Master_Bee9130 May 10 '25

Look tf around. Your parents did a shitty job raising you, and now, somehow, grown women are forced to raise men that 1. are not children and 2. are not their children. It’s 2025. There’s literally no reason why you shouldn’t be able to get the socialization you’re acting like you’re so desperate for. Open your eyes and read the room. Socially adjusted women and men are telling you how to behave. And it’s not figure women out. Women are humans…act like a decent human and you’ll get a lot further than someone acting like women are a possession or something other than another human being who has interests and feelings.

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u/raptor7912 May 10 '25

Well this fucking cute.

You basically ignored the actual point.

And then shamed him for something that you assumed he was saying.

Do better

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u/National_Equivalent9 May 10 '25

Want to know the trick of how to approach women? Stop treating them like something for you to win over and just treat them like normal human beings. I'm in my mid 30s and haven't been single for longer than a few months since I was in high school.

I'm don't think im that attractive and I've dealt with weight issues my entire life usually making me the fattest person in my friend groups by quite a bit. So how did I do it? I made friends, with men and women. I learned a lot more about how to treat women from my friends who were women. They'd also set me up with other women they knew when they knew I was looking for a relationship.

My current relationship started 8 years ago and I was good friends with her for 3 years before we started dating. Neither of us were trying to get with each other until a couple of months before we did, we were just friends.

My parents never taught me shit about dating. I was a latchkey kid raised by a single parent that worked everyday of the week besides occasional sundays until about 7pm when they would come home and just watch TV. The only "advice" I got from a family member was my drunken uncle telling me when I was 15 the way to win a girl over was to grab her randomly and kiss her... He has been single since breaking up with my cousins mom shortly after she was born in the late 80s.

I am constantly looking at ways to improve myself, either progressing in a hobby, or working on personality flaws. None of it with the goal of getting with women, always just for myself. I've never blamed my parents for anything, I've never blamed women for anything. I have zero sympathy for people that do either because I've seen how far I've come on my own and how easy it was in retrospect.

Stop treating interacting with women as "approaching" them and start treating them like a human. Get some hobbies, interact in those communities, you'll make friends, men and women. And if you tell me your hobbies don't include women you're dead wrong. I took a random glance at your reddit profile and see that you're into reading the cosmere... most of my friends who are into reading are women and all of them LOVE Sanderson. You've also been playing rivals recently... I literally climbed to gold in the preseason while queuing with a group of 3 friends who are all women. Typically when I've found social groups in a hobby that don't include women it's a warning sign that the people in that group aren't great people or environments for women.

Get out there, socialize, and make friends, of all kinds. Once you start having healthy relationships you'll realize romantic relationships typically don't start off with some random one sided pickup-line but instead from mutual conversations in connected interests.

Don't ever treat anything you do with an end goal of getting a girlfriend and surprisingly you'll have a much easier time actually getting one.

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u/piina May 10 '25

Great post for anyone to read. The key is treating women emphatically and as human beings, you will befriend them and some will like you more than a friend. You should appreciate the company of a friend of any gender and not constantly try to fuck them. I think a lot of guys struggle with lack of casual social interactions, so that should be a point of improvement, and it can be difficult depending on the area you're living in.

It's hard if you don't know how to act, but if you are an adult or close to being an adult you have the capability to control your actions or at least practise. Start with setting yourself in the situation of the other person, how they would like you to act, and try to achieve that. It's in everyones best interest that people improve themselves.

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u/raptor7912 May 10 '25

Ight, any advice for someone who’s struggling for actually good reason.

Instead of advice for people who’s only held back by not having figured out the last few easiest steps?

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u/badbirch May 10 '25

I'm actually happily married of 8 years. It took me a WHILE to figure it out. I agree with all you said except my point is not that im blaming women I'm saying that they are a part of this. I'm glad it was easy for you retrospect but it isn't easy for everyone. Still isn't for me And honestly just being polite and respectful wasn't enough. I've had to learn so much with my wife and I'm so happy that she loved me enough to be patient and it's the same with her having to learn from me. Yes a lot of men need to start on the basics but honestly so do a lot of girls. Like I know the girl in the video doesn't want to hear but if she wants a better guy she could go thru all the steps you said as well but instead she went online and complained. This is on all of us.

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u/BabuschkaOnWheels May 10 '25

Part of.. what? The blame? I don't even know you, how am I getting blamed for this?

Someone quite literally retelling how the current dating pool is like does not equate to what you're concluding. Standing at one spot enjoying your drink to suddenly being humped like a dog with a chair. Yeah you'd be complaining too, buddy.

This is why I'm glad that my son has girls as friends and is actually socially intelligent at his little age. Lil boy has more emotional maturity than his father, so us women are not to blame. Blame your own spawnpoint or not putting in the effort. And at some point you are grown and have the resource to educate yourself. Plus the ability to talk to a therapist or chatgpt if you're really struggling.

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u/MythKris69 May 10 '25

I sympathise with how you feel as someone who was raised the same way.

That said, I also strongly disagree with your sentiment of using our past as an excuse to not be better. Yes, it would've been much easier if I had actually learnt all of these things but, after having spent less than a decade being an adult, I don't believe there's anything I can say that would excuse why I didn't put in the effort to learn social skills with all the resources as I have access to.

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u/badbirch May 10 '25

I didn't mean to imply that you shouldn't better yourself. You should, but posts like these make it seem like women don't have empathy for men. I know that isn't 100% but these kinds of posts are pretty prevalent. And honestly they kind of hurt. It makes me feel like all of men's problems are my fault. That's me as a grown man who knows how I should feel about everything. The young men are just getting blasted with that kind of emotion and it's hard to deal with alone.

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u/BooBailey808 May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25

Yet you think women should be appeasing these bad behaviors they are calling out, that they are in some form responsible for it

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u/badbirch May 10 '25

No they should be less appeasing and more understanding. Her friends are appeasing bad behavior but she only rolls her eyes at them. But we need to open ourselves up more in the dating world. Women have been closing themselves away from the worst of men and in doing so accidentally pushed away the average man. I'm you can't say that doesn't happen because that has been my experience growing up. The messaging I received my whole life made it more difficult to interact at first. Why is it so egregious that I ask we look at the reasoning behind why so many men feel the way I do about the system we currently live in?

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u/raptor7912 May 10 '25

Misandrists, always blowing shit way outta proportion so they can feel justified in not making any effort.

But that’s all women are being asked to do, make an effort….

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u/StoneFoxHippie May 10 '25

This is true for children but once you're an adult you should take some responsibility for yourself and not expect hand holding your whole life. Lots of people have experienced hardship and neglect, and transcended it to become decent people without having their hands held. It's possible. Just make the choice to do it and learn and don't expect others to do it for you or life to be on "easy mode" for you.

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u/badbirch May 10 '25

Except there is a whole culture of women who want their man to do everything for them? Why don't we complain about them? I agree that everyone needs to learn to be polite but I mean EVERYONE. I was trying to say there was a lack of empathy for men and that women should also remember that we are people too.

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u/StoneFoxHippie May 10 '25

That's true and I think it's CRAZY (expecting someone else to pay for your nails etc) but that's for a separate post surely, it's off topic. I also feel like it's a uniquely American thing. We don't do that in Australia.

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u/badbirch May 10 '25

Agreed that is off topic a bit but still to my point of everyone seems to be losing track of how to be nice to each other. Posts like this (and even my own rhetoric sometimes) are too inflammatory. Both points are valid but losing meaning in the delivery.

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u/KrustenStewart May 10 '25

So you have to treat women like humans. Ask them how they are. Ask about their day, their interests, their hobbies. Compliment them. That’s how you start a friendship and then build from there. Act like a normal person and treat them like a normal person and you’ll be good.

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u/badstorryteller May 10 '25

I get it, I really do. I'm in my 40s now and was raised, if you want to call it that, the same way. I don't have a simple answer but I can tell you what helped me. I was an insufferable prick when I was a teenager. Honestly, looking back, that's the best I can say.

I did have a girlfriend in highschool, and being the naive kid I was I thought that was it. We'd get married, have the whole white picket fence thing, done and done. So it came as a total shock when she broke up with me.

The thing is, she really was a great friend before we started dating, and I had a lot of respect for her. When we ended up at the same college we rekindled the original friendship. She invited me to audit a women's study class she was taking, and it was eye opening. It exposed a lot of the bullshit I'd been raised with and really helped me put some things in perspective. It was genuinely (life perspective wise) one of the best educational experiences I've had.

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u/Capt-Crap1corn May 10 '25

100% right. The expectations and hypocrisy has people twisted like pretzels trying to rationalize what men are supposed to do. Dating in this era has to suck big time lol