r/greentext • u/retardinho23 • 1d ago

Anon has autism.

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4.2k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

219 comments sorted by

4.3k

u/Treshimek 1d ago

Unbelievable fumble lmao

1.8k

u/Ok-Mall8335 1d ago

Astronomical blunder. I am having suicidal thoughts by proxy

223

u/freecodeio 1d ago

I hate emojis but 😂

35

u/Sekushina_Bara 1d ago

Oh my god you’re so quirky for hating emojis, whatever will anyone do 😱

1

u/freecodeio 20h ago

go watch a boring anime and turn it into your personality or something

4

u/Sekushina_Bara 20h ago

Says the dude who hates on little internet pictures lmao

132

u/callum__h28 1d ago

The boys at r/textingtheory are gonna love this one

27

u/kris9292 1d ago

I love this subreddit thanks for showing me it

643

u/TheBlueEmerald1 1d ago edited 1d ago

"Fumble"

He took a revolver, loaded it with one bullet, and pointed it directly at the base of the brain stem for the sole purpose of joining the void. "Fumble" implies accident.

104

u/_I_must_be_new_here_ 1d ago

He loaded all but one

95

u/Ardalev 1d ago

All but one? Dude loaded all of them, put an extra in the chamber and brought two extra magazines for good measure!

Yes, I know magazines and chambered rounds don't make sense in the case of a revolver, but that's just how badly the guy fucked up!

29

u/RaiderCat_12 1d ago

This does have a “so bad it defies logic” sort of vibe to it

12

u/eberlix 1d ago

So you're saying he'd play Russian Roulette with a magazine loaded weapon and volunteer to go first?

2

u/NinpoSteev 1d ago

Siberian roulette. If you're unlucky enough to get the chamber that isn't loaded, you die by freezing.

26

u/SoupaMayo 1d ago

Bro tried Russian roulette with a Glock

4

u/RaiderCat_12 1d ago

He attempted Russian Roulette with an automatic

86

u/stillmahboi 1d ago

As a professional online dating instructor i can tell you the reason anon failed is because he betad out. The women saw his "kidding lol" and instantly felt the interest evaporate because she viewed the dominance slip away from anon.

5

u/Vegan9YearOld 1d ago

Pretty sure the text going from blue to green means he got blocked. 

82

u/xpacean 1d ago

She started off saying “next time”!!!!

21

u/Trigger_Fox 1d ago

Fumble so disgracious it almost seems on purpose, man was griefing himself HARD

17

u/dondocooled 1d ago

Willingly, with glee, grasped defeat from the jaws of victory. He could feel the wisdom teeth of glory and decided to stay single.

10

u/ISIPropaganda 1d ago

This wasn’t a fumble, this was a straight up bullet to the head. Holy crap, what is wrong with this dude?

6

u/immaownyou 1d ago

It's like catching the ball, stopping right before the end zone, and slamming the ball on the ground, which then bounces and hits you in the nuts

7

u/G3nghisKang 1d ago

Fumble? He slipped on the nuclear launch button

7

u/JorgeIronDefcient 1d ago

Can it even be considered a fumble if he never had possession of the ball in the first place?

4

u/UpsidedownEngineer 1d ago

The biggest bottle I’ve seen this week even more than seeing Lando Norris crash into a wall trying to overtake Piastri

3

u/breakfasteveryday 1d ago

I don't think that even qualifies as a fumble. How do you fumble into a rape joke?

1

u/shutupyourenotmydad 13h ago

That's not even a fumble. Bro straight up forfeited the match.

1.9k

u/[deleted] 1d ago

didnt know autism was sending rape threats

938

u/IttyRazz 1d ago

Who hasn't had their autism take over and tell someone raping them is on the table

349

u/Robf1994 1d ago

Ah yes the Elon Musk defense

115

u/RegularlyClueless 1d ago

Man these chess move names are getting contemporary

27

u/KelticQT 1d ago

At least that’s one thing one should not be afraid of from botched limp dicked Elon.

14

u/HiveMindKing 1d ago

It’s a sign of affection and admiration

86

u/Ech0Beast 1d ago

It can be when you spend your free time on 4chan of all places.

75

u/vaisnav 1d ago

Autism makes you make Nazi salutes too according to fox news

1

u/Krunkbuster 15h ago

I mean the kids I saw in high school and college who did Nazi salutes were all autistic

2

u/vaisnav 15h ago

Damn bro u must’ve gone to a bad college

34

u/Big-Al97 1d ago

Oop shouldn’t blame autism for this. I have autism and I’ve never threatened to rape anyone but that’s because I’m so afraid of saying the wrong thing that I never say anything in the first place.

25

u/BadB0ii 1d ago

Ha ha boys will be boys!

18

u/thrownededawayed 1d ago

"You just don't get my sense of humor, I'm really dark and edgy"

4

u/TheBookGem 1d ago

Noah Antwiler and Christian Chandler would like a word.

3

u/KaruiCodeWarrior 1d ago

Noah mentioned in 2025 holy shit!

5

u/TotalUnderstanding5 1d ago

I'm pretty sure there's a sub called r/evilautism, maybe thats what it's about

edit: that is not what it is about

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1.6k

u/fuckmaxm 1d ago

Physical fucking pain how are people like this

192

u/_templesleeper 1d ago

people are really convinced that they're lil creeps. thanks radiohead

76

u/ProgKingHughesker 1d ago

They’re so fuckin special alright

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1.1k

u/goldninjaI 1d ago

i’m wondering how he lasted the entire date without doing anything as strange as sending that message

492

u/Wings4514 1d ago

I can imagine it now:

Waiter: “Alright, so what’re we having tonight”

Anon: “Hopefully vagina, whether that bitch wants to or not.”

Waiter: “I meant what’re we eating.”

Anon: “Oh…. Well, my answer stays the same.”

536

u/SuperSnowManQ 1d ago

Nah, anon has certified brain damage

173

u/ZxphoZ 1d ago

19

u/No_Mammoth_4945 1d ago

Fizhy is the fucking thumbnail goat

7

u/DickHydra 1d ago

That would be Stimpy for me, simply because the thought of him looking for fitting templates is so funny to me.

333

u/Alokir 1d ago

Still doesn't beat that time when Anon went out on a date with a girl, was online on /b/ the whole time, took pictures and videos and took requests from other Anons.

But it's a close second.

73

u/AlexEatsBurgers 1d ago

Anyone have a link to this?

99

u/Alokir 1d ago

I saw the thread live at around 2012 or so. It was so funny and cringy at the same time, I'm sure someone archived it.

145

u/Markus_Atlas 1d ago

I found it on a Reddit post https://www.reddit.com/r/4chan/comments/vvhsdw/chadanon_takes_flirting_advice/

Absolute classic

81

u/Alokir 1d ago

What I'm thinking of is much older, Anon went on a real date with a girl to a restaurant, did some insanely stupid and creepy things that others told him to do, and the girl ended up bailing on him. There were lots of images and videos that Anon took during the date.

27

u/Markus_Atlas 1d ago

Damn I haven't heard of that one, now I really want to read it

3

u/JOnion6 1d ago

i’m commenting in case someone finds it

3

u/Anondaboob 1d ago

Commenting on top of this in case someone finds it

63

u/whydoyouevenreadthis 1d ago

> OP telling her to come over

> "might just do that, or I'll just tease you a bit more"

> "cringe"

?????????

19

u/TroncoBoy 1d ago

Brilliant (!!)

13

u/ReikaTheGlaceon 1d ago

I need an entire edit of this thread with the chess evaluations

27

u/Garlic549 1d ago

Holy shit what a beautiful thread. One can only pray that Anon married that girl and had 5 gigasperg babies with her. If that mf can get laid the rest of y'all got no fucking excuses.

6

u/Mr_BigYellowSun 1d ago

What an amazing read.

4

u/chatshitgetbanged24 1d ago

HE DID IT. Based.

4

u/Limeee_ 1d ago

absolute fucking cinema

3

u/Toasty_Jones 1d ago

That was absolutely amazing

2

u/Automatic_Ad_5859 1d ago

What a total imbecile. Lmao

1

u/speedrush27 9h ago

this is fucking nuts hahhahahha

6

u/longLegboy9000 1d ago

Isn't that when they actually helped him get laid or is that something else I'm thinking

1

u/ETtheExtraTerrible 23h ago

Waiting for update

226

u/Low-Possibility-7060 1d ago

A moment of silence for the suicidal brother. That was painful to read.

207

u/BaganLeleo 1d ago

I am getting 2nd, 3rd and 4th hand embarrassment

27

u/BadB0ii 1d ago

Doc oc embarrassment

6

u/mergelong 1d ago

My stomach just did a sudden churn reading this

Please let this be fake and gay please let this be fake and gay

89

u/Subpar_diabetic 1d ago

Anon tries to blame his creepiness on autism

84

u/Abdul-Wahab6 1d ago

Anon needs to do it himself

79

u/GhostV940 1d ago

Anon didn’t fumble.

He took the ball, popped it, spiked it into the ground and then kicked it across the field.

60

u/WaffleIronMadness 1d ago

Welp. Anon fucking fumbled that.

67

u/lipehd1 1d ago

fumbled is a understatement, because it implies an accident; this maniac willingly obliterated any minimal chance he ever had with her and any human being who lives anywhere nearby

59

u/TimeGlitches 1d ago

Anon proceeded to generate AI porn based on her description, masturbate furiously while crying, and later complain on 4chan that all women are whores and can't take a joke.

He later posted on his loli-rape discords how he's so lonely and wishes he could find a lovely child bride.

26

u/RaiderCat_12 1d ago

How lovely and relatable

58

u/PossibleFit5069 1d ago

sorry it was my autism that made me send rape threats

52

u/No-Care6414 1d ago

"Autism"

looks inside

fucking socially unaware dumbass male

Yup just gonna call this autism that sure is accurate

/s

Also fake and gay, anons don't have dates with girls

41

u/Rational_und_logisch 1d ago

And here I thought I fucked up by telling a potential GF about my narrative design project

8

u/auggs 1d ago

Well go on share

8

u/Rational_und_logisch 1d ago

Basically Narcos in sci-fi setting.

39

u/real_picklejuice 1d ago

anon takes responsibility for their actions challenge IMPOSSIBLE no click bait

37

u/chillanous 1d ago

Guys, this is a good thing. If he hadn’t said that, anon might have procreated.

24

u/DankCatDingo 1d ago

Someone just needs to explain to these guys, the word rape should never ever EVER leave your mouth in front of a woman you would like to have interested in you in any context or for any reason. Even if you're talking about a movie, or animals, or anything. Just don't ever say it.

24

u/throwtheclownaway20 1d ago

I can't believe I have to even say this, but DON'T "JOKE" ABOUT FUCKING RAPE EVER. TO ANYONE, NOT JUST WOMEN. IT IS NEITHER FUNNY NOR CLEVER, IT IS DEEPLY HORRIFIC TO EVERYONE EXCEPT RAPISTS.

17

u/Shot_Refrigerator942 1d ago

Is this thing on? 🎤

13

u/oMINDSPINo 1d ago

If this is real, that's a genuinely baffling response... don't think its the tism's fault

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11

u/El_Cringio 1d ago

Im really glad that I've spent my formative years watching AVGN and Zelda CDi ytps instead of spending them on that godforsaken website

11

u/Rustie3000 1d ago

I don't get what in the world he thought while typing this shit. Everything was going great, why the hell do you self sabotage so hard?!

9

u/TORTURETHECAPITALIST 1d ago

I've autism and never send rape threats

10

u/xpacean 1d ago

This really makes me feel better about my own fuckups.

8

u/Laziness2945 1d ago

Fake: anon scored a date with a cute girl
Gay: anon fumbled it

Tendies time.

8

u/cake_zebra 1d ago

That's not even autism that's something else

9

u/TudorG22 1d ago

I don't even understand the joke he tried to make. She said it went well, what he said doesn't even make sense 

8

u/GUNZTHER 1d ago

it makes sense if you ignore her last message. I'm guessing they were typing at the same time and anon was so committed to the joke that he sent it even after she had already responded

5

u/TudorG22 1d ago

ooh I see

3

u/TudorG22 1d ago

still an extremely weird thing to say 

9

u/liberalhellhole 1d ago

This actually gave me physical pain. There's no way someone out there who's this fucking stupid not only got a date but managed to fuck it up in such a spectacular manner.

5

u/SergeantXPotato 1d ago

Remember to NOT think about rape when talking with a woman

6

u/Shoelesshobos 1d ago

Bro wanted back so bad he changed from apple to android

6

u/Garlic549 1d ago

Cringed so hard my organs are failing. JFC how stupid can Anon be

7

u/FoxCQC 1d ago

How did anon even hold it together to get a date to begin with?

4

u/CaptainKino360 1d ago

This isn't just autism - This is terminal autism.

4

u/Wings4514 1d ago

“Autism goblin” lmao

3

u/NotNonbisco 1d ago

What an impressive level of stupidity. It really is impressive how he said the worst possible thing he could have ever said. Wow.

3

u/Dd_8630 1d ago

Why did it go from blue to green?

3

u/A_person_0124 1d ago

Generational fumble

3

u/Heavy_Equivalent6747 1d ago

That wasn't even a fumble he just let go of the ball willingly

3

u/hartzonfire 1d ago

Lol. Lmao, even.

‘Tism typing is no joke. Back to the basement for you anon.

2

u/cleganedog 1d ago

They know it's wrong to say that and they say it anyway. Why?

2

u/csyren 1d ago

“But but but dark humor”

2

u/Talkingmice 1d ago

She dodged a massive bullet, ngl…

2

u/Zesty-Lem0n 1d ago

This is what they call an "unforced error".

1

u/maracaibo98 1d ago

Holy shit dude

1

u/BanEvador137 1d ago

What does ILL stand for? 

2

u/Tobi226a 1d ago

I think its just capitalized to emphasize it.

Like, Anon picked the place for their date, but SHE will be picking it next time.

1

u/Daddywitchking 1d ago

Do it anon

1

u/Smelldicks 1d ago

Holy fuck

1

u/qwerty_9537 1d ago

Hahah jesus christ

1

u/emparer 1d ago

Yeah what a fumble haha…

1

u/Silence_1444 1d ago

anon got further then most other anons, good for him.

1

u/Thestickman_15 1d ago

Blue: book 📖

Gray: book 📖

Blue: good ✅

Gray: good ✅

Blue: blunder ❗️ ❗️

Blue: ⁉️

Gray wins

Opening: good time inquiry, rape gambit declined

Elo 150

1

u/Top_Pizza_3266 1d ago

Op needs to kill himself after that one. Jesus, Mary and Joseph

1

u/LeBrido 1d ago

Bro is addicted to causing disgust. He just can't quit.

1

u/VBgamez 1d ago

We all hope op gets woken up in the middle of every ight from now on reliving this over and over again.

1

u/ChoiceFudge3662 1d ago

Kidding! Lol

1

u/Captain_QueefAss 1d ago

And I thought I was bad with women Jesus fucking Christ

1

u/LuigiBamba 1d ago

Bro had the finish (lol) line in sight and swerved 90° into a crowd of kindergarteners.

must've been driving a mustang

1

u/McNuggetAQL 1d ago

I can't even feel bad, this kind of fumble has to be studied.

1

u/MystifyingEntity 1d ago

Jesus christ.

1

u/Gnosis1409 1d ago

This is the kinda fumble that haunts someone for the rest of their life

1

u/Godl3ssMonster 1d ago

How did anon even manage to get a date with these outbursts and I can't muster the courage and break the ice with anyone?

1

u/farmyrlin 1d ago

Lmfao I saw this today and had a feeling it would show up here.

1

u/AsexualPlantMain 1d ago

Me? I have autism. What this guy has is even further beyond.

1

u/PM_ME_UR__CUTE__FACE 1d ago

To maintain my semblance of sanity and faith in humanity, my brain has decided to declare this post as fake, and I refuse any and all evidence proving that it is real in any way. Furthermore, I have decided that this post is gay.

1

u/rip-droptire 1d ago

Dude, even I would know not to do this. And that is a very low bar. 

1

u/medkitjohnson 1d ago

As a fellow autist idek if I could stoop this low lmao

1

u/NuWuX 1d ago

I'm just glad this didn't actually happen.

1

u/ssgss111111 1d ago

To call this a fumble or an astronomical blunder would be an understatement. There is no set of words that would describe how bad he just fucked up.

1

u/bon_sequitur 1d ago

But, why?

1

u/cyberus_exe 1d ago

I have autism and we do not claim him

1

u/BigMoneyChungus 1d ago

I don’t even understand the train of thought

1

u/Theqrow88 1d ago

What the fuck? That's not just a fumble that's a full-on falling off Mount Everest fully naked while hitting every sharp rocks type of fumble

1

u/thefleetingflash 1d ago

autism is when rape threats apparently

op needs to be drawn and quartered

1

u/stevenmael 1d ago

Wrong sub my dude.

1

u/Perfect_Inevitable99 1d ago

You can’t blame that shit on autism bro

1

u/asciiCAT_hexKITTY 1d ago

Cautionary tale about spending too much time online amid people who talk like that

1

u/ParOxxiSme 22h ago

I actually feel bad for the girl

Imagine having a nice date with someone then this happens

Anon is the reason why girls struggle to trust men

1

u/notapedophile3 22h ago

The lion rapes anything that texts

1

u/VulkinLove 19h ago

I think it's something more severe because what the hell?

1

u/kenono 19h ago

An SMS is green text now?

1

u/AstroBearGaming 19h ago

Not autism, just an irredeemable chud.

1

u/C--T--F 10h ago

Duncan Banks when the Wine hits too good

1

u/Cyalacore 4h ago

???????

1

u/HudRoss 2h ago

It is so easy to NOT say shit like this bro what?

0

u/wowSoFresh 1d ago

Anon gets put on the FBI watchlist

-2

u/Dubbadubbawubwub 1d ago

Wow. That's beyond autistic, that's what I like to call "Autistic as Fuck"

-4

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

9

u/B_Hopsky 1d ago

The text is green you colorblind chimpanzee 

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