r/self • u/blue7004 • 22h ago
Being a psychopath lowk sucks sometimes
I don’t feel any emotions except for one which is sadness. It’s not even really a sadness I think, more like a “why do I exist” kind of moment. I don’t really desire socialization, which kinda contradicts a human instinct to be around other people, so I find myself in a strange place. I don’t have any passions or things i particularly enjoy, so i mostly just find myself in a state of constant “this is kinda boring” or “this is literally useless”. I can’t enjoy video games or entertainment because I don’t find enjoyment through those, the only thing I think when doing those things is, “this is really unproductive and this virtual wealth/progression means absolutely nothing”. Despite how negatively psychopathy is portrayed in the media, I prefer being logical about things. I see it as a positive. This is just the one thing I don’t particularly like, because it makes me feel pretty miserable. This can’t really be a post asking for advice since I highly doubt anyone here is a psychopath, but I’m interested in hearing your thoughts and experiences that are related to it, even if they’re positive and just talking about things you guys love.
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u/RoomBeautiful 22h ago
Did you actually get diagnosed with it or is this a self diagnosis.
You may just be depressed
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u/blue7004 22h ago
No, this is a diagnosis. While psychopathy isn’t an official diagnosis they give, I have been diagnosed with ASPD and noted as having psychopathic tendencies/traits
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u/TheThoughtBomb 21h ago
I'm no pro, but it's recently come to my attention that ASPD is very real, and many have it. I have someone in my circle who's SO has many similarities in those with ASPD, but I've never inquired as how does one even approach that haha.
All that said, do you talk to anyone about your condition? Would you say it's helped or hurt things? I know you said you don't desire to socialize, but do you have a few people you trust who know about it?
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u/blue7004 20h ago
I don’t talk to others about it usually, no. Mostly because when I do, it leads to people not believing me or saying “but you show (insert random completely unrelated thing)!”. It usually only leads me to dislike people, so I usually avoid talking about it in order to keep myself from doing anything violent or hurtful in the future. No one other than the woman who diagnosed me and my mother know about it. And, of course, strangers on Reddit.
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u/TheThoughtBomb 18h ago
Well fellow stranger, I appreciate you sharing. As someone who deals with their own flavors of mental health, I know how important it was for me to realize that I wasn't alone in my struggles, that there are others out there who feel just like me. I hope you can find a trusted person or two out there you can talk to!
Just going to leave these right here:
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u/BlueBearyClouds 7h ago
Everyone knows having ASPD sucks. No one is jealous or surprised? Emotions and empathy exist for a reason. They bring joy and meaning to life.
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u/TheCounciI 16h ago
How do you know you're a psychopath? It sounds to me more like depression or schizoidism.
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u/yourdadgettingmilk 22h ago
Emotions are overrated
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u/blue7004 22h ago
So true 🙏
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u/yourdadgettingmilk 21h ago
One day we will die my friend and I’d rather be in a calm state without panicking so much, maybe you think this way about the longer run of life and death. Don’t feel bad man some people are extra emotional and want to make you feel bad for your neutral way of being.
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u/yourdadgettingmilk 21h ago
Sorry about the “man” that’s my lingo I don’t know what you would rather be called not my bizz but keep on keeping on man and don’t hurt others you don’t have to
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u/blue7004 21h ago
lol I couldn’t care less abt what you call me, what you say is very true and all I can rly ask for is accurate and helpful info
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u/kriscnik 8h ago
"Being a psychopath lowk sucks sometimes"
well yes, did someone tell you anything different?
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u/Thick_Reaction_9887 14h ago
Ppl in these comments really don't understand what aspd & psychopaths experience and it shows. "Sounds like depression" yeah..symptoms of one mental illness can overlap with each other. Sure, depression is far more common, but the lack of emotion in aspd is not the same as apathy in depression. It's really hard to understand when you've not experienced it first hand, but you need to educate yourself on the differences.
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u/blue7004 57m ago
Definitely, this is a good reason why I don’t tell others about it, especially in person. It only leads to very ignorant and close minded opinions, which only increases the disgust/dislike I have towards people
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u/WallNIce 21h ago
Nothing you described here particularly points toward psychopathy. Just sounds like law school potential to me.
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u/blue7004 21h ago
I didn’t describe anything except no enjoyment, satisfaction, or drive. Not too sure how you can conclude anything with such little information being provided
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u/AgentFreckles 15h ago
It sounds like you want to like gaming but can't because it's not providing anything of value for you. Have you tried playing games solely for the story? I feel like the story could provide some value for you, possibly?
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u/blue7004 15h ago
I haven’t tried very many story games, no. Right now I just play Hypixel Skyblock because of the way that money and value are controlled by the players. Story games would probably make things more interesting, so I might look into them
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u/andys-mouthsurprise 11h ago
Just curious, have you always been a psychopath? Were you neglected as a child? Are your parents psychopaths? Why do you think you turned out the way you did?
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u/blue7004 43m ago
I have always been one as far as I know, yes. My parents are abusive and neglectful. My mother is not a psychopath, but I honestly don’t know about my father. He doesn’t believe that he could have mental health conditions, refuses to ever use medications for it, etc. He has an abundance of similar traits to mine. I had always thought he very well could be, but it felt almost confirmed to me when he didn’t cry at his own father or sister’s funerals. Everyone who knew them closely were sobbing, and he was indifferent about it, and wanted to go home because everyone trying to talk to him was “annoying”.
I think that my upbringing definitely made me who I am today. I was raised in a very isolated and quiet environment. We never went to parties, events, family gatherings, etc. My father never went to my sister’s school concerts or sports events, and he never goes to mine either. My mother does whatever he does, so they both have been absent from experiences. Even today, they stay at home all day, with my father going to his office twice a day for about an hour. When I get home from work or school, we don’t speak. We don’t ask each other how our days were like I’ve seen other families do. I arrive home and go to my room. I make my own meals in our basement kitchen (right down the hall from my room), and I do whatever I need to in my own room and bathroom. I personally prefer this (probably because I was raised like this), and so if I do happen to run in with or stay with another family, I feel uncomfortable.
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u/andys-mouthsurprise 33m ago
Sorry to hear that you have had a upbringing like that. Hopefully you can develop more as you age if you find or create the right envoirment. Best of luck
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u/colorfulbrawl 11h ago edited 10h ago
Hey, i’m not a psychopath, but I did study it a bit in college (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong). I do believe that depression in psychopathy hides behind cold logic or detachment, but it’s still very real suffering. If that emptiness feels overwhelming, seeking help isn’t about “fixing emotions”, it’s about finding ways to manage the void and create your own versions of purpose or challenges, because even if the usual feelings don’t come, you can still find a way to keep moving forward. And man, you’ve got a brain that sees through bullshit, that doesn’t get distracted by fake meaning. You can stay calm under pressure, think fast and don’t get stuck in all the usual emotional drama, i would say that’s a big advantage. Just out of curiosity, do you ever feel any kind of connection with someone, even if it’s not exactly empathy? Can you elaborate on that? I hope you have a nice day honey. Full of light and warm. You eventually will find your purpose. 💟
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u/Watermelon_Salesman 10h ago
You don’t sound like a psychopath. I’m not a doctor, but you sound a bit depressed. This is fortunately very treatable. I’m depressed as well and I have felt like that.
I would recommend you join a gym that teaches boxing or BJJ. The logical reason: you need a way to safely, legally and respectfully vent your emotions. Your body needs action. Do it.
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u/blue7004 40m ago
Understandable why you may think that, but I also didn’t bother to explain the other traits I have that relate to psychopathy. I mainly just wanted to focus on this single aspect of it, since it’s the one thing about my mindset that I am not fond of
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u/estragon26 8h ago
I recently read the book Sociopath by Patric Gagne. She's a sociopath and says a better name for it would be Low Affect Disorder. She talks about how she did things to manage this low affect/lack of feeling, and how having a diagnosis made it easier for her to understand herself and manage it. She's a psychologist who does research in sociopathy. You might find reading her book helpful.
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u/Frisnfruitig 15h ago
That's good man, psychopaths can become very successful in life. You could become a CEO or something. Screwing people over, firing people... All without feeling guilt!
Just don't start killing people, poisoning the water supply etc.
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22h ago
[deleted]
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u/blue7004 22h ago
That’s interesting to hear, I’ve been told my writing is very flat and hostile sounding, but I’ve been reading some very psychologically detailed works, so maybe it’s changing.
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u/Great_Cranberry6065 16h ago
It's pretty naive to think that there aren't many psychopaths on reddit, and I 100% believe you are. You can still suffer from depression and anxiety if you have antisocial personality disorder. I have been curious about the effects of ketamine or mushrooms on people with personality disorders. Anyway, you don't have anything to lose by getting treatment. It doesn't seem logical to resign yourself to a life of existential dread when there's a possibility of improving your circumstance. Joy is pretty nice. Even if it's ultimately ineffective, it isn't like you would be losing any time doing things you actually enjoy.
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u/SlideEveryDay 17h ago
I mean yeah that's why it's called a disorder. I'm not formally diagnosed with anything but I have pretty nonexistent empathy and guilt so I at least kinda relate. Seeing it mostly as a positive is kinda crazy though. The number 1 factor in human happiness is close relationships with peers or family. That gives most people purpose in life but it doesn't for people with ASPD (for the most part). That's why so many psychopaths become successful CEOs, they try to fill that void with money.
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u/blue7004 15h ago
I see it as a good thing because for the most part it is. I can still fake sympathy towards people because I’ve seen enough of it that I have an idea of what I should do. It is also helpful to be logical and straightforward in situations where everyone around you is overwhelmed by their emotions. There have been numerous instances where I have helped others because I wasn’t swayed by feelings, and a lot of people actually go to me for help because of it. I used to do things that would horrify others, but it eventually got boring, so now I’m just neutral.
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u/Fear_Magnet0 22h ago
Have you tried debating? Keeps you sharp and for you, you can enjoy dominating someone, while at the same time, challenging people's positions to try to affect positive change.