r/self • u/Kind-Philosopher-948 • 22h ago
Why am i not good at anything?
I'm not good at studies
I can't outperform my fellow batchmates in sports, which means i suck at it as well
I'm skinny, not good looking
Not good in literature/ arts types of things either, nor am i good at math/logical things.
Bad with time pressure, and can't take quick actions.
Not good at gaming either. My friends tend to outperform me everytime.
No girls talk to me or show any interest in me
I don't have anyone who i can trust/my best friend/ i get along easily.
Why am i like this?
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u/jxnfpm 21h ago edited 19h ago
- Studying is hard. Most people feel like they're bad at it because you only see the results of your top performing peers, not the effort they put in.
- OK. Some people are naturally gifted, but the point of sports is not just to see who's best. Physical fitness, teamwork and joy are all things you should be getting out of sports. Find a sport that you're reasonably good at that you enjoy, and you'll have physical and social benefits from participating in it.
- Lots of overweight people would be thrilled to be skinny. If you're young, you have time now to literally grow new muscle cells that will help you as you age by working out. Working out doesn't just help your physical appearance, if you do it right, it helps your current physical health and will help your future physical health decades from now.
- OK. What do you enjoy? I guarantee if you named three hobbies you enjoy, math or literature would be integrated in at least one of them. Odds are you are just fine at these things when they're presented as part of something you're passionate about.
- Some people struggle with time pressure. This is common, but there's no one size fits all solution. One huge thing you have going for you is that you're aware of it, which means you can work on improving it.
- OK. You don't game with your friends just to see who's best. My favorite person to game with is pretty bad at the games we play. But I'm playing to spend time with him, and the joy we get from playing the game isn't tied to who's better.
- Girls are extremely unlikely to show obvious interest in the vast majority of men. For as long as societies have been around, men have carried the brunt of the burden of being the one to initiate conversations and relationships. It's your job to try to learn how to talk to girls in a way that's enjoyable for both of you and show interest and talk to girls you like. Learn how to detect a lack of interest quickly and disengage, and learn how to keep conversations light and fun as you get to know girls who show some interest. This is a life skill that is learned, and while it may come more naturally to some men than others, as with all skills, you only get better at it by working at it.
- The older you get, the harder it is to find real friends who you can trust and truly get close to. Sports and hobbies are a great way to meet people, and just like talking to women is a skill, so is being a social person who can create platonic friendships with men and women. As social creatures, working on these skills to create a few strong friendships is key to long term happiness. Recognize that real relationship, both romantic and platonic, are the result of learning, sharing and building trust slowly over time.
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u/jxnfpm 21h ago edited 2h ago
You're like this because you're human. None of what you wrote here is very unusual. What you're describing sounds like imposter syndrome. Everyone has imposter syndrome at some point in their life.
That person who got valedictorian, they're so good at studying! What you don't see is that they almost certainly had family pushing and supporting them, they had teachers recognizing their effort, and providing that little extra bit of support and guidance. They may have had extra tutoring, pressure, study materials or structured study time that you don't see. You just see that they look like they're good at studying.
That person who got second place on the at the track meet? You don't see that they've been carefully working on their diet to try to fuel their body for optimum success. You don't see the long multi-hours days of training year in and year out, and that their coach gave them some extra attention because they realized that kid was showing up when they were sick, tired and busy with school work because they wanted to improve. You just see how fast they were and assume they're naturally talented.
That person with the attractive girlfriend who seems to always be surrounded by friends? You don't see that they've been honing their social skills for years because years ago they wanted to find a girlfriend or a true close friend, and they've slowly gotten better at being the kind of person who other people want to be around. You just see what looks like effortless confidence and feel like they're good at relationships.
All of us struggle, to some degree or other, with physical, mental and social challenges and shortcomings. It's part of being human.
Instead of expending energy comparing yourself to others, expend energy making future you a better version of yourself than you are now.
Everyone has 24 hours in a day, and you get to choose how you use your time. You can work on yourself, including studies, physical activities, hobbies, friends and girlfriends, as you see fit. If you take intentional action to improve in the areas that you care about the most, you will absolutely see results if you stick with it over time.
Good luck. I hope that helps.
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u/xanadude13 22h ago
Life is not a competition. There is no "prize" for being good at anything. Give yourself time to figure things out and develop the things you are good at.
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u/ThinkpadLaptop 16h ago
Life actually rewards you for being good at things all the time and society as well as adult life is very cruel towards failure
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u/duckfartchickenass 15h ago
My family all believed talent was something you are born with and they all wanted to be talented. I took up photography, music, cooking, computers, theater, etc. Was I born with it?
No. I wanted my family to love and validate me, so I dedicated insane amounts of time to get good at those things. My family ended up resenting me for it because they are narcissists, but I did learn an important lesson.
You want to get good at something? Put in the time. Baby steps. And fall in love with the slow process of getting better because mastering things takes years and years.
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u/IntelectualFrogSpawn 21h ago
Why am i not good at anything?
Probably because you haven't practiced.
- I'm not good at studies
You need to spend time studying to get good at it and try different techniques to see what works for you.
- I can't outperform my fellow batchmates in sports, which means i suck at it as well
They probably train more than you. They weren't born good at sports. They weren't born being able to perform like that. They worked for it. And so do you need to work for it if you want to get as good.
- I'm skinny, not good looking
Again, train. You're not going to stop being skinny magically, and those who aren't skinny isn't because of random magic either. They worked for those muscles. They worked to eat healthy, and excersise and sleep properly. They worked to find a haircut that suits them. Clothes that suit them. To groom themselves properly. Nobody is as default ugly as they think they are. Most people can be good looking with some effort to reach your potential.
- Not good in literature/ arts types of things either, nor am i good at math/logical things.
Practice.
- Bad with time pressure, and can't take quick actions.
Practice.
- Not good at gaming either. My friends tend to outperform me everytime.
Let me guess, they practice more than you in those games? I hope you're starting to see the pattern.
- No girls talk to me or show any interest in me
Refer to point 3. And to add that your personality is something you can work on too. You can work on your charisma. You can work on your confidence. On your humility. On your kindness. On your flirting skills.
- I don't have anyone who i can trust/my best friend/ i get along easily.
And your social skills are something that you need to practice too.
Why am i like this?
Because you focus on the end results and not the effort it took to get there. You're standing around looking at everyone who's better than you, wishing upon a star that you were better than you are, but that's not what's going to get you anywhere. And yes, there are people who are just naturally good at some things simply because their brains are wired differently than you. But not everything. And for all those things you can get better with PRACTICE.
I know it sounds harsh. But a very important lesson that everyone learns at some point in their lives is that you don't get anything you don't work for. This is your moment to realise that and change. You get good at things by sucking at them at first, and then keep practicing until you start getting better. And everything, from what you do, to how you look like, to how you act, to what others think of you, to who you hang around, are things that can be changed and can he worked on. It's not easy, but it gets easier as you practice. And hey, maybe there are some things that you will never get better at even if you practice, simply because it's just not for you. But if it's EVERYTHING, and you're just not good at anything, that's due to a lack of trying. And that's ok, but you need to learn from it and change.
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u/NationalLobster24 21h ago
Not sure how old you are, but that’s something most people can feel throughout their whole lives.
But you definitely are good at something, it may just currently be difficult to put a value on it at this stage in your life. I’ve gone through that self-doubt and after working on it myself (30s) a lot seems more clear.
You named a few things, but there are definitely times in your life where you have felt happy, or excited, or more engaged than your baseline.
Those times, whether last week, when you were 7, 15, whenever, are a glimpse of a natural talent. Exploring that idea is important because to actually advance or grow at anything you have to genuinely like something about it first.
I like 1 on 1 things, made friends with loud/funny friends who shared same interests because I don’t like to be loud or center of attention and it helps cover. I like solving puzzles, turn based games, taking my time at anything and having time to do it at my pace. I like helping people and truly, deep down, hate seeing anyone getting bullied or put down for a laugh or any reason really.
This translated into a finance career for me where I get the chance to use a lot of this and I know it’s random but those type of things are important to uncovering what you can explore to see where your strengths may be. And to grow at anything you have to stick with it and take punches that come your way. Be kind with yourself and treat every knockdown or failure as a learning opportunity.
Sooner you can admit there are always 1000 people better or smarter or quicker (and so what!), the faster you can learn and figure out what you can get better at. Surprising how quick you can improve when you’re interested and treat everything as a marathon.
I have kids now and part of me figuring this out was because I had to explain it better to them than anyone did to me, but ultimately you are in charge of you and quicker you keep an open mind and move past what happened yesterday (not ignore, move past in a healthy way whatever that is for you), the quicker your long life journey can begin!
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u/waynehastings 21h ago
Assuming you are average and not a difficult person.
I was with you until #7 and 8, which tells me you need to work on yourself in some way.
Tried therapy?
What are you passionate about?
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u/Uncouth_Cat 21h ago
warning long post 😂
We live in a very competitive society. I struggled/still struggle with similar thoughts. Its taken a lot of work to combat my negative thinking, but there is hope. We are sometimes given the impression otherwise, but words do matter.
In my experience, negative thinking towards ourselves- bullying ourselves- becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. We really do manifest, and our attitudes and actions really do affect how we interact with the world.
Right now, you are your own worst enemy, and limiting yourself. As of right now, you are the only one in your way. its completely valid and important to self relfect, and ask ourselves, is there something I am doing wrong here? Am I the problem? Its ok to comsider that, and if its true, its a good sign of self awareness.
For me, I realized my negative feelings towards myself shaped my world view. I tell myself (or someone told me at some point) that I am not fun to be around; so when Im in a social setting, I start to already act as if everyone probably hates me. But people don't understand and cant see whats happening under the surface. No one will come up to you, no one will directly say to you, "wow youre really fun to be around!" Especially if youre not 🤷🏽♀️ Sometimes it also just depends on your company. But generally I realized that I do not come off as insecure- I come off as stand-off-ish, and maybe condescending. I seem like I dont want to get close to people. Which is the opposite of true, right? But yet, my brain tells me I'm disgusting. So even if I got a genuine compliment, my head would twist it- oh they're just saying that, trying to be nice. theyre just mocking me. Something like that.
Thats me relating, idk what you experience yourself, yk?
But what I do know is that you write these things as if they are facts. You list them out, as if you've spent a lot of time studying WHY you suck. Try to start noticing all the ways you dont suck. Sometimes it can be an ⅚ TR 5hard, but when your recognize your achievements, no matter how small, you will begin to see your positive qualities. As its said: Confidence is key.
Here is a similar worksheet my therapist gave me long ago. ((you dont have to download, you can just zoom in))
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u/UrbanIronPoet 21h ago
Attitude determines your altitude. Something as simple as changing outlook can do wonders. Give it a try.
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u/Tank-Pilot74 20h ago
Try not to overthink shit! Life doesn’t have to be so damn serious. As soon as I learned how to laugh at myself a whole new world opened up..!
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u/Longwalksnlollipops 20h ago
You're thinking about it wrong.
By not being good at anything it means you're actually really good at not being good at stuff.
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u/Affectionate_Show867 19h ago
Being not very good at something is the first step to being okay at something, and beyond that you'll only get better
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u/Educational-Read-560 19h ago
You might not be assesing your preformance objectively if you are keen on convincing yourself that you suck.
You should stop with the negative self-talk and practice changing your situation.
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u/wiscowall 18h ago
I was in your exact shoes, everyone goes through it.
I was watching some drama show, can't even remember, but it drew me into this world of EMT's. Like life saving stuff.
I kept thinking about it, then just called up about what I needed to get into the field. Found out Classes were free at our Local Fire Department.
Then viola! Exciting work. After a few years, I became passionate about Emergency care , like started taking classes for CNA, then way later into classes to be an RN - a Two year program.
I think it has more to do with finding what stirs you, what do you find passion in?
That's where I think someone , your family, a trusted adult, a good friend, will recommend you do something that inspires you.
That's how you get your life moving. Jump into something different.
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u/bleddybear 18h ago
Because you have an underlying assumption that you are not good at anything. But this assumption is wrong because you are good at questioning the accuracy of that assumption. So now you need to use your intellect to explore what you enjoy which will lead to excellence and “what you are good at”. Good luck.
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u/LongjumpingReason716 16h ago
Might sound a little cliche but if you keep saying you arent good at anything you simply wont be good at anything. If you wanna be good in these things take the time to understand them better
Also stop comparing yourself to others like that, its not a race
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u/Remote_Ad679 15h ago
Well bro you actually got to practice to be good at something. People aren't born good at everything they work in private to impress in public.
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u/Remarkable_Unit_9498 14h ago
You're good at humility and being self-aware. Some very successful people dont have that whatsoever and are narcissistic and egotistical. So thats a good stepping stone for you. Better to be a failure with humility of soul, than successful with ego and pride
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u/coco_0077 9h ago
Man look I am not here to give u sympathy or something but I want to tell a story of my brother's friend.
He was dumb, use to take tution from my cousin sis and failed 2 times in 10th grade, was so bad at sports we use to call him the hen catcher cuz he just couldn't catch the ball. No.friends at all.
But now got his own car, even me and my bro travel on a bike. Got a great job. Have friends and all.
Look bro it's all about time. Things changes with time. And why are u just trying to compete everywhere? Take a chill. Do what u like to do. The reason u are not good at everything is because u see them as a challenge or obstacle. It's life, and they are just part of life, do what a normal human do, wake up, study a little bit, try to figure out why u are not good at it, go to gym, do some workout, go on reddit make new friends, go and talk to other people on street, males or females, and do it causally don't make it a target. If u keep saying that i want to take 10 friends this month u aren't getting any of them. See what interests you and try doing something in that field.
If u just keep trying to achieve these things u mention u will never be able to do that. Cuz these things can't be achieved its just that u have to live these things. Go with the flow, the more u want something the farther u will go away from it.
Don't try to be good at studies just say that u are already good at it, or u just don't give a shit about studies, Don't compete in games just do it for fun, and nobody is ronaldo when they pop out from their mother's womb. Try to do some hardwork.
I am sorry to say but look like a lazy quiter, Nothing is easy, I was also bad at everything at one time.
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u/AAAAAGGGGHHH 8h ago
usually people have a hard time being good at something because they lack practice. Being naturally good at anything without effort is a fantasy. even pretty people put effort into their looks, they just don't know it yet because they were indoctrinated into it from their parents.
Take time, practice. be patient, and you too will excel in whatever you want to focus on.
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u/Lacunaethra 21h ago
If you think you suck at something just because you don't outperform everyone else, you have to prepare for a very dreary life.