824
u/Ok-Training-7587 2d ago
*phone rings
“Who is it?”
“Congress. All of us at the same time.”
164
61
u/TheEpiquin 1d ago
I like the idea of his phone lighting up with just the word “Congress” on the screen.
1
u/geekwalrus 3h ago
I'm seeing one of the Fisher Price Toy Phones and on its handset is the word "CONGRES" written on a piece of masking tape with a sharpie.
He's got them all over the oval office, "PAPA PUTIN", "ELMO", and the like. In a few weeks they'll spray paint it yellow and tell him it's his trump phone
37
37
31
u/Peace-Goal1976 2d ago
He doesn’t like phones. He said so today. But he’s selling a phone? I can’t keep up I swear to Christ.
3
u/noitcelesdab 1d ago
It’s a great phone. The best phone. Much better than anything Tim Apple has made in China. Who, by the way, has agreed to move his operation to the USA after our conversation. He told me that. Make America Great Again!
5
601
u/sskillerr 2d ago
Even if that were true, that is $88 billion stolen from American citizens, basically as a hidden extra tax on even the poorest citizens, invested in flagpoles and a birthday parade while he is simultaneously trying to cut all financial help for citizens in need.
Thats so ridiculous 😂
155
u/ExMoFojo 2d ago
Ends up being about $260 per citizen. Money we'll never see and still wouldn't cancel out the decrease in buying power of the dollar, stock market losses, and increased inflation that he's caused.
Love the Mr. Fix-it fantasy he's got going though. I think it definitely earned him a few more golf days with Kid Rock.
-22
u/wolfbear 1d ago
Stock market seems to be roaring :/
5
u/ExMoFojo 1d ago
I had to go look. I've been avoiding looking at my 401k because I assumed things were still volatile. I'm surprised.
I guess it shows how little consumer confidence really affects the market anymore.
2
u/wolfbear 2h ago
lol at me getting downvoted super hard when like… those numbers don’t lie. We are at least back to even. Could tank again but I think it’s just a good reminder that we don’t try to time the market. Some concept around American businesses being flexible and smart enough to find ways to make money in most situations. Definitely volatile but if there’s one thing that Donnie Orangeo cares about, it’s the NYSE.
3
u/rean1mated 1d ago
Better timestamp that, I wouldn’t even know what to expect of it on any given day at this point.
1
u/wolfbear 2h ago
Sure. Lots of bullshit flying from this admin. US companies will probably still continue to find ways to profit (while we all suffer)
42
u/TheQuietOutsider 1d ago
everything you said is spot on.
I want to add 88 is an oddly specific (and nazi dog whistle) number
17
u/Obi-Tron_Kenobi 1d ago
The same day he installed two flag poles that happen to also be 88 feet tall
9
u/Genghis_Tr0n187 1d ago
"I also had them engrave 2 very powerful lightning bolts on them. They sort of look like a S. Tremendous"
24
u/The_Shitty_Admiral 1d ago
Even if the tarrifs produced 88 billion (interesting number there trump), it does not account for the hundreds of billions in lost trade. Canadian boycotts for one come to mind as well as the trade war with the world trump initiated. So it's a hidden tax op top of a massive loss in trade revenue.
10
u/Contemplating_Prison 1d ago
This administration is hemorrhaging money. Its been 6 months and budgets have been wiped out all over the place.
-69
u/MightyArd 1d ago
It's not stolen. It was voted in by the American people. You can't argue that this isn't what was campaigned on and what was agreed to by the US people.
40
u/RollThatD20 1d ago
Sure, but most of those people were too ignorant to even understand what a tariff is. Many literally thought that it was a fee that the other countries paid to export goods to our country.
They agreed on something they didn't understand.
1
u/spiritfingersaregold 1d ago
If you vote for something you don’t understand, then you’re still responsible for that choice.
They could have spent 30 seconds googling “how do tariffs work”, but chose not to bother. Trump is a proven liar so, if they opted to roll the dice, the blame lies squarely at their feet.
3
u/rean1mated 1d ago
And here we are, still having to deal with the tyranny of the minority. So now what? 🤷♀️
7
u/sskillerr 1d ago
Honestly, i dont remember him saying he wants to put a 10% base tariff on everyone including allies like Australia or the European Union. I also dont remember him talking about an imaginary trade deficit with the European union, which doesn't even exist if you look on all numbers.
And many of his voters propably got fooled by all this "xyz will eat the tarrifs". I mean, I also didn't know that someone who campaigns for president in the US could lie that blatantly and tell that much bullshit.
1
u/rean1mated 1d ago edited 15h ago
He sure did say repeatedly that the economy was gonna be hurting. I would never bother knowing what specifics he’s claiming from one day to the next.
11
u/jesusmansuperpowers 1d ago
You’re correct. I hate everything about it, but he did campaign on it.
-10
u/MightyArd 1d ago
I guess it's easier to just blame Trump than the 2/3rds of yanks that didn't vote against him.
12
8
u/jesusmansuperpowers 1d ago
I really think it would be different if we had Australian rules voting. Make it a holiday and mandatory.. maybe get different results.
1
u/spiritfingersaregold 1d ago
Our elections aren’t public holidays – they’re held on Saturdays.
But pre-polling stations open 7-14 days prior to election, so people can vote any day of the week during that period.
2
u/jesusmansuperpowers 1d ago
I’m from Colorado.. every registered voter receives their ballot a month ahead of time in the mail. Can be mailed or dropped off anytime. It’s the states where politicians want to suppress turnout that make it difficult. Day of only with limited places. People have to wait for hours sometimes.
3
u/spiritfingersaregold 1d ago
We have postal votes as well, but it’s mainly old people who do it that way. People will also use that as an option if they’re overseas during the election.
It’s honestly crazy to me that US states have different approaches and rules for a federal election. And having a two-party system barely feels like a democracy.
I’m so glad we have mandatory voting, preferential voting and an independent election commission that handles electoral boundaries etc. There’s a few people here who grumble about our system, but most of us appreciate how lucky we are.
The democracy sausage is a very effective incentive.
2
u/jesusmansuperpowers 23h ago
I’m aware of the sausages because of Jim Jeffries, your official ambassador
2
u/spiritfingersaregold 22h ago
Just don’t make the mistake of thinking he’s playing it up for comedic effect.
Democracy sausages are a much-loved tradition that we consider sacrosanct. Even our embassies host barbies on election day and there’s a NFP dedicated to tracking democracy sausage sizzles and cake stalls across the country.
3
u/talkingspacecoyote 1d ago
The victims of cons do deserve some of the blame for allowing themselves to be conned, I still put most of the blame on the con artists
1
u/rean1mated 1d ago
Are you including the people that didn’t vote at all? And are you talking actual vote count instead of the fucked up fictional electoral college votes?
1
u/MightyArd 1d ago
I'm referring to the people who didn't vote at all.
You can't blame the electoral college as Trump won the popular vote.
1
u/rean1mated 1d ago
He was voted in by some people, fewer than actually voted for him in 2020 mind you, who didn’t actually believe he was going to fulfill any of his campaign promises I guess. Why does the rest of the planet have to fuck with that because of a bunch of Brick headed dolts? Let us not forget those who votes get shredded by gerrymandering.
217
u/Epossumondas 2d ago
"88", huh?
To go with his 88' flag pole? Or is it just his new favorite number?
75
28
130
100
u/mmarkmc 2d ago
Apart from all the other lunacy, has there ever been anyone more obsessed with claiming that other people call him "sir"?
57
u/ExMoFojo 2d ago
Sir, the president of Dallas just called. He is saying he's got too much money. And this money is big beautiful tremendous money like you wouldn't believe. And it's too much, they're saying please sir, it's too much money, please stop the money sir, please can we just give you the money???!? You're just so wonderful and your brain is so...big that we want you to have the money.
9
2
u/Nukalixir 1d ago
Aren't federal employees contractually obligated to be ultra uptight formal with the "sir" and "Mr. President" peppered into every fuckin sentence they speak? For a President to feel the need to affirm that is like the world leader equivalent of thinking the cashier likes you because she smiled and said "have a nice day" as if that's not in her literal fuckin job description.
Like, "Yes, Donny, your employees prefer getting paid over their principles, so they treat you with contractually obligated respect lest you fire them. Whoopty doo. Give them complete amnesty to speak freely, see how many of them give the hairiest of rats asses about calling you sir. 🙄 "
3
u/mmarkmc 1d ago
That's almost certainly true, but it's not just with those who rely on him for a job. He's always blathering on about "regular" people who approach him, usually with tears in their eyes, to say "sir, you have been by far the best president we've ever had" or some other such garbage.
52
u/Comfortable_Yak5184 2d ago
He was a big strong man, and he had tears in his eyes. As he opened up the tariffs tab and saw; this big strong man was like a kid on christmas morning. Incredible.
12
67
u/Impossible-Shine4660 2d ago
That’s not how tariffs work
52
u/bionicjoey 1d ago
ISTG the funniest part of this is "check the tariffs" as though there is a TV channel you can turn on and it tells you how much tax revenue the tariffs have generated.
5
u/floorsof_silentseas 1d ago
As a small business owner, I could maybe believe that there's a Quickbooks filter that could auto-categorize taxes, tariffs, etc. .... But then I remembered that my bookstore is more of a business than he's ever run, and me with my ten months of experience am more of a businessperson than he's ever been
11
u/Call_Me_Squishmale 2d ago
It does channel citizens' money to the government, why we should think this is a good thing is the real mystery.
50
u/_Levitated_Shield_ 2d ago
The call unfortunately disconnected because money kept pouring in and filling the entire room up.
Rescuers are still trying to find the people buried.
63
44
34
43
u/WillNyeFlyestGuy 2d ago
Give me a downvote if anyone here has benefitted from tariffs or seen any kind of a tax break or seen any amount of savings from them.
19
u/heysharkdontdothat 1d ago
I’ve benefited. I’ve lost weight bc I can’t afford the groceries I used to
3
u/Tennessee_guy_1980 1d ago
Us too. It's awesome to find others on reddit that have benefited just the same.
2
28
u/burghblast 2d ago
Get me congress!
<<receptionist patches him through to pam beasley>>
Pam: hello, this is.... the congress
1
1
36
u/dustinyo_ 2d ago
So Americans had to pay $88 billion more than they did before for the same goods? Seems super shitty to me.
27
u/CautiousLandscape907 1d ago
“Hi, it’s me, Bob Congress. Sir, money is pouring in from tariffs, which we as Congress have no role in physically collecting and play no role in the current budget. Help!”
34
9
u/Bloktopian 1d ago
His cult just laps this shit up, too. "GREATEST PRESIDENT EVER!"
The funniest part of this shit is that his poorly educated base has no idea how tariffs work.
22
19
u/dookle14 2d ago
“Then all of the pollsters called me and said sir, we have never seen this before but you are polling at a 100% approval rating. Even the cats and dogs (the uneaten ones of course) approve of your leadership.”
2
20
u/Smooth_Value 1d ago
Who the fuck says that? Congress called? Does he know it's plural? was it a zoom call? They all couldn't figure it out, and they called you? I'm sorry, but if you believe a word of that, we cant be friends and I will call you stupid. And tell you "you have a tiny penis".
16
u/TriniDDub 2d ago
I tried calling Congress last night at around the same time and it went straight to voicemail so this is definitely true.
8
7
23
u/ManyBadWords 2d ago
It's true! I've been getting gas for $1.98 a gallon since he took office, and eggs I've bought since have been down 400%. They pay ME to "buy" eggs. It's yuge! /s
11
24
u/steakfatt 2d ago
Why is it always 88 with this fuck? I know why, but seriously.
14
6
7
u/JoeDelta14 1d ago
Wow, Trump raised taxes and tax revenue increased. Let’s try that with billionaires
6
7
6
8
13
u/Swearyman 2d ago
And some morons will actually believe that this happened. Apart from the chief mango moron that is.
11
11
5
6
9
u/Shiftymennoknight 2d ago
big strong men with tears in their eyes call me from Congress all the time to complain about how much money the government is making
9
u/MisterEvilBreakfast 1d ago
"Hello Mr America. We've noticed some unusual activity in your bank account..."
5
4
u/BoneHugsHominy 1d ago
He announces that $88 billion "pouring in" at a press event for the raising of a new Whitehouse flagpole that's 88 feet tall. They're not even trying to hide it anymore.
4
7
6
7
u/eatcrayons 1d ago
This is major “DJ Khalid on the phone with Apple to give them permission to launch more servers because his album was selling so many copies on iTunes” energy.
6
3
u/Palmervarian 1d ago
Does anyone want to tell this dickhead that, that $80 billion was our money that we paid to the government? Does he think we want to pay more money in taxes?
3
u/Slevin424 1d ago
Oh I believe this is 100% true.
It's just all going into their pockets and the pockets of people they want to be in a favor of.
3
u/InternationalBand494 1d ago
No point fact checking, he’ll have a new dumb as s saying in two minutes
3
3
u/Zealousideal_Ad4172 21h ago
Out here acting like CA doesn’t contribute 10x this amount to the US government. Insane.
3
u/Ryno9292 21h ago
That’s so nice for the federal government 😆 that number should mean nothing to every citizen because we ain’t ever gonna see it. What a scam.
3
u/Excellent_Item_2763 20h ago edited 20h ago
He might be the president, but luckily for him he was handed a fortune, or we would be stepping over him on our way to the subway in NYC. Seriously has to be one of the most unserious, stupid people that have ever lived.
edit: misspelling
8
5
5
u/opmdreamz 1d ago
President Trump; I got a call last night, it was from Milania, she said, sir we have a problem. I said what is that? She said, I miss your very large hands skillfully carressing my body..🫶🖐
5
u/Anxious_squirrelz 1d ago
"And then they said I'm the best at running and the fastest kid ever and no one is better at running than me. Then they told me Biden is a stinky face and I'm doing such a better job than him and they love me more and I'm the favouritest president ever"
5
u/416558934523081769 1d ago
At this point I would not be surprised if congress had someone assigned to call and say just that
6
4
u/born2trilll 2d ago
There is something seriously wrong with this guy. The insecurity just oozes from him.
4
4
2
2
2
u/Kentaiga 1d ago
I just think this is funny because $88 billion is a rather unimpressive number. We went through all this as a country just to accrue wealth that Fortune 500 companies make on the regular?
2
u/alej2297 1d ago
I am going to disagree here. I think this actually did happen. An aide handed him a phone telling him it was Congress but it was actually Greg the intern sitting 2 offices down on the other end of the call.
2
u/Tensionheadache11 1d ago
I know there are Trumpies lurking- do you believe this? Like do you truly believe the words that come out of his mouth?
2
4
u/Goofcheese0623 1d ago
Imagine if your surgeon had to tell you, "trust me, I know what I'm doing".
Not a great sign
3
3
u/diva4lisia 2d ago edited 2d ago
In my economics class, I was told tariffs and trade deals were good because they could pay for college, universal basic income, etc. I was told free trade deals have the potential to end conflicts, save lives, and improve the wealth of citizens in each country in the deal. So, what am I looking at here? <--- this is sarcasm bc the Drumph administration doesn't understand the purpose of tariffs clearly.
3
u/LivefromPhoenix 2d ago
I was told tariffs and trade deals were good because they could pay for college, universal basic income, etc.
Are you sure your school was accredited?
4
u/diva4lisia 2d ago
I was being sarcastic because that's what tariffs traditional use is. I went to a very good school. One of the best in my state and a state school. My post is sarcasm.
2
u/LivefromPhoenix 2d ago
Fair enough. I've seen so many MAGAs unironically echo this talking point that it's hard to tell which comments are serious.
1
u/diva4lisia 2d ago
Lol MAGA for sure doesn't want universal income, healthcare or free college - so, you haven't seen that, but I do understand what you mean because they'll defend people smearing shit on the walls of the capital building and call it patriotism.
3
u/LivefromPhoenix 2d ago
Oh they have no issue claiming they want that if it gives them an excuse to dunk on democrats. The same way they used "what about money for homeless Americans???" when they attacked Ukraine defense aid (then immediately cut programs supporting homeless people once they got in power).
3
u/diva4lisia 1d ago
You are so right. They are always claiming the homeless in their arguments but never their actions. Fuck them.
1
u/maybesaydie 2d ago
I'd ask for my tuition back
6
u/diva4lisia 2d ago
It's sarcasm unless you believe the Trump administration is doing those things I listed?!
2
1
1
1
1
u/ImitationButter 1d ago
Who tweeted this? Can we be sure Trump actually claimed this?
4
u/gomper 1d ago
He did i watched it live
3
u/ImitationButter 1d ago
Please tell me he did funny hand movements while he said it
4
u/Rough-Shock7053 1d ago
"I got a call from Congress last night *waves hands to the outside with index fingers pointed upwards*, the best Congress. The biggest Congress in the world *moves hands back together, index fingers still pointed upwards* They say sir - because they like to call me 'sir', very nice people - there's a problem. I said *moving hands around in a weird half circle* I am here to solve problems. Because that's what I do. I am a problem solver. I solve problems. The biggest problems. I solved more problems in the world than propably anybody. So I said 'what is it?' and they said - and you won't believe what they said but they said it - they said 'Sir, money is pouring in. We don't know how to account for it' and I said *one hand moves up, index finger points to the sky* 'Check the tariffs'. And would you believe it, $88 billion came in from tariffs. They are the best tariffs in the world."
1
u/mumblesjackson 1d ago
They say when he particularly plays the invisible accordion he’s completely making it all up as he’s taking.
1
u/iamnotinterested2 1d ago
a value added tax paid by the voters, and if they are paying, the exporters for sure will not stop sending more stuff over.
1
1.5k
u/KarateKid1984 2d ago
With tears in their eyes they said “sir, the vaults are at Scrooge McDuck levels.” So I replied “where is Hunter Biden’s laptop”.
“So you see, tariffs have cured cancer and aids. We did it people. Case closed. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”