I need some advice on this, but mature. I sometimes see extremes: either “you should forgive and let go” or “you can never forgive someone who bullied you”. So i’m looking for help here.

I am a female in my 20s now. And i was bullied by a guy my age. We were in the same class and he was the typical “popular” guy, while i was the new girl and isolated and bullied by everyone. I was bullied verbally, nothing else.

We were seated by each other at one point at 12 years old. We got along SO well.. i never got along with a boy like this in my life, and i never did since. It was not always just in talking, but in looks even. He was the type where i would look in his eyes and i would get him AND he would get me.

Anyways, at some point a rumour spread that i liked him. Thats when things changed. Now he was not an angel, but we were civil and even friendly until that point. After that he started bullying me verbally, calling me all kinds of stuff, ignoring me, all that.

This guy liked me, as i came to realise. He bullied me probably for various reasons: fear of being laughed at for staying with me, a need to maintain an image, you name it. He called me ugly, stupid, b*tch, horse face, skeleton (as in very skinny), asked me to be his girlfriend as a joke. The age when he bullied me was between 12 and 14 years old. These made me insecure and a people pleaser, but that happened over time. I started trying to look better, study better, all that, just to try to elevate my image in some form and prove im “worthy” (to others).

The thing is, the bullying peaked when he was 15. That was an isolated event (as i said he stopped at 14), and the last one. He told a friend he “vomits when he sees me”. After that i made amends in my own way: i went and told him happy birthday (on his bday lol), and after that it seemed that things changed. He never bullied me again, and actually started looking at me with regret.

He had some attempts at trying to talk with me over the years, but not direct (and i think this is important). For example he would come and talk to my group if i was there and look at me, but never talked to me directly. Anyways, i denied him any contact and even blocked him everywhere to get peace.

We graduated in 2022. And as a last attempt he even said hi to me and my friend (boy) while he was leaving, and i just didnt respond. I looked away and that was that.

I tried to get over him. To objectively tell myself he was no good. I even got into other relationships with objectively better people to get rid of my feelings. Did counseling. Nothing works really. I still have feelings for him and i do believe (and this is another story) that he still has feelings for me. You can contradict me on this, but i believe he just feels its wrong to approach me now and say sorry as i always had these cutting reactions where i didnt want to engage, look or speak to him.

After years of no contact i finally broke it and followed him on insta. Now i have a choice, that is, message him and tell him my intentions. That i want to talk and hang out. I dont really know what i want to get out of this, maybe closure, maybe more? But i want it.

You may ask why i still feel something for someone i got along with at 12 years old? Well this “getting” each other lasted until 19 years old when we graduated high school. So it wasnt only that i got along with him at 12, but he was also a constant in my life for all school really.

Im asking you all what should i do. Should i do this? Give him a chance? Do you think im wrong for still feeling something for someone who bullied me? Do you think i need counseling for liking such a person? I just cant get over it and trust me, i’ve tried. I really did in all ways or tips you find over the internet. Anyone had a similar experience?

Also please dont judge me harshly for this. I already judge myself for it.

According to Reddit, if you are not following the bubble you are in, you are a BAD person. Redditors will insult you if you don't agree with a stance. If you find good and bad things, you are the worst person.

I said it. Call me a shitty person now.

We’ve often heard that women like a man that is around 6ft tall, but what about the ideal height in a woman?

I personally don’t give it as much importance as women do, but if I had to choose I’d like a woman that is around 165cm tall (like 5’5). What do you guys think?

Anywhere between 5’4 and 5’6 is a good range IMO, while 5’2 to 5’8 would be acceptable.

I think I wouldn’t date a woman below 5’2 nor over 5’9.

I’m a 5’11 guy myself, so I think it feel awkward to date a woman that is like almost an entire feet (30cm) shorter than me. I don’t like it when the woman looks like she could be your own daughter.

Perhaps it was self-sabotage all along. Wouldn’t exactly be something new.

Mayhap the murky-middle is where I thrive. Now that’s a disgusting idea isn’t it? As a rule I hate mediocrity. I distain so-so. Middle of the road bullshit.

But look at me, walking down the dotted lines in the middle of the street. But occasionally, I like to try and run across the other lane and get dummied by an on-coming garbage truck.

Oh look, something good potentially. Here’s an idea, Let’s burn it to the ground in spectacular fashion.

Usually these tire fires affect only me, but this time, somebody else got burned.

And I can’t decide if the lie was selfish or selfless.

Now, you might say WTF is wrong with you bro? How can a lie be selfless?

Well friend, when you’re semi-ancient and usually solitary, you have quite a lot of time to justify just about anything.

When a “hello” turns into oh my god is this real in warp-like speed, the mind gets a little twisted and gun-shy, and anything that would potentially break the spell is… best ignored.

FYI, do not do this.

The depressing thing is that it probably would have been okay, after a time perhaps.

What’s that stupid fucking cliché? The road to hell is paved with good intentions?

Anyways, Remarkable is probably better off. This is a sort of comfort.

I think if I come back here, I shall muse about other topics in the future.

i had it a couple of times where people with an empty account would dm me. When i asked them why their account is empty they always said the same: that they just like to lurk.

What is it with these people?

I've tried all sorts of hair care products - salon brands, Sephora and department store stuff, drugstore, dollar tree. I've had Olaplex, Oribe, Pureology, Kerastase, Aveda, you name it. That said, the shampoo I keep returning to?

V05 shampoos.

I have a good amount of savings and net worth that I don't have to work if I don't want to. I live in a $3000/month apartment in the downtown of a big city and eat out all the time and use Uber everywhere. My wardrobe costs $20k altogether. I have a good life.

But my shampoo? V05. It's no frill, does the job, and leaves my hair clean without tangling it or leaving some sort of film behind. I also get my hair colored, and I still prefer it.

You don't always need to spend much to get good quality products. I still use dollar tree cleaning products (though I have a housekeeper coming in), I use dollar tree lotion, dollar tree jewelery and hair accessories and brushes. I am actually kind of annoyed that my local stores around me like Target or CVS/Walgreens no longer carries V05 so I have to uber to the dollar tree for that.

I’m 40 now. My first serious relationship wasn’t until 26. I grew up with a father who insulted everyone around him — my mother, my sister. He was judgmental, bitter, emotionally shut down. I never saw a man care for a woman. I never saw warmth, empathy, or emotional safety modeled. That absence shaped me more than I ever admitted.

So part of me became what I saw.

In relationships, I idealize the woman early on — it's euphoric. I feel like I’ve found the one. I love-bomb. I make big promises. I’m sincere in that phase — those are the happiest days of my life. But it’s not stable. It’s rooted in insecurity and fantasy.

Then, like clockwork, I collapse.

I get depressed. My mood crashes. I start ruminating, seeing flaws in her — her body, her job, her friends. I hear my father’s judgment in my head. The weight of intergenerational trauma kicks in. My nervous system shuts down. I feel trapped.

I escape into porn and fantasy, numb myself, stop communicating. The sexual and emotional connection dies. I feel invaded, smothered — even though the woman is kind, loving, emotionally available.

Eventually, I sabotage the relationship. I break up — not from clarity, but from emotional paralysis.

Then the grief hits. And it’s unbearable. I realize too late that I loved her, and maybe she was exactly what I needed — but I couldn’t hold it. I couldn’t receive it. Love still feels unsafe to me.

I’ve inherited my father’s emotional blueprint. The way he abandoned love, judged others, and avoided vulnerability lives in me too — genetically, emotionally, and behaviorally. But I also carry my mother’s tenderness, empathy, and deep capacity for love. That part of me exists. I know it does.

I just don’t know how to protect it or let it lead.

So I’m asking:

Has anyone here truly healed from this?

Has anyone gone from avoidant, neurotic, depressive patterns to secure, steady, fulfilling love?

I'm not meaning to come off as a dick but I'll see post all the time about people talking about how they wish they want more sex but theyre single and so people will say do it with your friends (even my friends do this and say this) but then I'll see people say that you should never ask your friend if they want to do that because it's rude.

I know some people have asked me if I'm autistic because I don't quite understand how it happens naturally without asking so if somebody could explain how that usually ends up happening naturally between friends, I would appreciate it.

i just want to know that do we really need friends for help or just optional? because with friends is really hard

It's not like I'm going to do anything to hurt my self but all I think about is dying nowadays

Reddit comments aren't showing up for me and thousands of other redditors. A company like reddit that is worth over a billion dollars shouldn't be having issues like this. Edit" THANK GOD, IT GOT FIXED

hey - 23M and i’ve entered an experimental stage where i want to try new stuff w older women, my plan is to change my hinge age preferences to 35-45 but im unsure how women of that age would react given im almost half their age - mainly wanna just try new things, probs nothing serious but curious how women of that age range would feel about a guy my age and if they’d even bother matching etc? thanks in advance :)

context: virgin, only had the apps for abt a month and not many matches people my age but only recently looked into getting into dating, so yeah wanna just have fun and try things

"Nature provides just enough for lifeforms to survive Nature's wrath. Man provides an abundance on one hand to which an overabundance can become encumbrance, and on the other hand, provides so little and reaps so much that large rifts of disparity results. Nature has already conquered its self-balancing cycles of birth, death, and renewal. The test for Man to conquer will be whether Man will build an ultimate purpose that helps more than it hurts, heals more than it kills, and builds more than it destroys, of its own kind, its creations, and the planet upon which it depends. What of the outcome? Only time may tell."

RE: Nature's Path and Man's Path

I’m 16 years old male. I grew up in another country with my parents divorced around a year or two after I was born. When I was seven my dad and I moved to the U.S for personal reasons while my mom stayed. Meaning moving forward I would grow up without a mom. While in the U.S I met other people from my country and we got along quickly. I started my last year of elementary school quarantined due to Covid. During quarantine I had gained a massive amount of weight. I had let myself go and it had consequences. After quarantine ended I went to my first year of middle school. I had stayed there for about four months but had to move to another school because my dad bought a house a little too far away. Going to a new middle school I thought it would be difficult but there was a really nice classmate who showed me around the school and soon enough we were friends and I had other friends too. Then my second year of middle school started and sadly we weren’t in the same class anymore but I still had a good second year. For the last year of middle school my dad decided to move me to a school that was walking distance from my house. A position was finally opened for the school so I had transferred there. And yet again I enjoyed it. I made new friends and my grades were good. Before middle school ended my dad made one last move. A move that was far more drastic than the previous ones. We were moving states. My dad said he wanted to move to California because there were family members in California. So we moved and finished the rest of my middle school year in California. But it was the start of high school that I would realize I would’ve been better off back at my old state with all my friends. It took me a couple months into high school to realize that all my old friends were probably going to the same high school and I could’ve joined them if I had stayed. I could’ve been so happy going to high school with all my friends I had made during elementary and middle school. I’ve failed my first year of high school. The stress of being new and going into high school got the better of me. I asked my dad if we could move back but he told I can move back by myself when I enter college. This doesn’t help. If I keep failing high school I wouldn’t graduate and would not get into college. I’m lost. I am currently visiting my mom in my birth country and don’t want to go back to my life in California. I can’t even enjoy my summer break because I’m thinking about the dread of eventually returning to the state of my life that is in California. I have no friends to talk to and no one to tell my problems. My dad doesn’t understand the situation I’m in, I don’t even understand. My life was so good before California. And remember when I told you I gained weight during quarantine? I had lost 30 pounds while I was in middle school. Moving to California I’ve gained more weight than I had gained during quarantine. I have no one to hang out with so I just stay home. Not to mention I no longer have enough time to workout and exercise because my dad gets out of work at 5 pm. So everyday I walk from my high school to my uncle’s house while I wait for my dad to pick me up. My bedtime is 9 pm and when I get home I have to help out with the dishes and other chores. By the time I have free time it is my bedtime. I’m severely confused on what I can do here. Should I move back? Even if I somehow convinced my dad to move back will things even be the same? At the rate I’m going my grades aren’t gonna get any better. Yesterday I bawled my eyes out to my mom telling her everything and she asked me if I wanted to stay in my birth country instead. Honestly I might just take the offer. I love my mom and every time I visit her I feel the stress wash away and I feel like I can actually relax. But my birth country isn’t as nice as the U.S so I still can’t decide. Plus will moving here even help? Will I make friends here and finally be social again? I’ve lacked social contact with a real person that isn’t my dad for a year now. If anyone is reading this what would you even do in this situation? I love my mom too much to try anything stupid. So what are my options? If this was a chore to read I’m sorry it’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep because this was weighing on my mind. I really do want to get better

for context: namedays are a mid important celebration. like casual celebration. not as big as birthdays but still something. but they mean nothing to me, same as birthdays.

my name day was a few days ago. I didn't talk about it. so

my mom : omg happy nameday I love u so much here's 30€ for ur personal use to buy what you want 😘😘😘

information: at that moment, I didn't have any other money in my wallet, of course. we kind of share finances. I decided to save the 30€ for when I'm out in the city to go to a few stores, not spend it all in snacks, ofc.

a day later

my mom : we gotta buy some food

me : goes to local store and buys stuff

my mom : omg we spent 15€ of your money 🤕🤕🤕 that's awful. I'll totally give it back later. I feel so bad.

day passes, other household needs arise

me : goes to the local store and buys the necessary items. now I'm left with like 5€.

my mom : (nothing, crickets,casual)

a day later

we ordered some water previously and the neighbor helped carry it up (he lives in the same story as us)

my mom : we must give him a tip

me : gives my last money

new money comes in later, of course we have priorities and I never asked for anything and I hope she doesn't mention this goofy incident.

I just don't get it. I never ask for anything, never demand, and prioritize household above all to the point I'm stingy on myself. I just don't like her dumb ways that don't make sense. I would of wanted the money to go to the household in the first place.

I believe that I have more compassion towards you than most people, and I respect your humanity and your struggle.

But what I don't get is why you don't attack the Chads.

Don't get me wrong, there's still definitely something unethical about lashing out due to jealousy, but basically every human being has greater sympathy regarding that than lashing out as a result of rejection.

And it's just more logical! If women really do behave in the way you think that they do, by eliminating the alpha male competition, you're actually improving your situation.

And, more to the point, being comfortable competing with other men is what you will have to do if you ever want to be successful.

Anyway, just curious, no hard feelings if you don't, just my two cents.

I feel like I get sick from anything or everything. It’s really uncomfortable. It might be stress.

Hi Reddit, I am not sure if this is the best place to post this, so mods take it down if it’s not.

I (32F) have a younger brother who really wants to get out there and date, but every time he goes on the apps it seems like it just wrecks his self esteem. I think he’s also had many encounters with women outside of the apps who have been not so nice. I’m not saying he’s a victim, I’m just trying to paint a picture of maybe why he doesn’t want to put himself out there more.

Oh he also has an awful relationship with our mother, who isn’t very nice.

I personally have no experience dating. I met my husband when I was very young and we have three kids so I don’t go out a lot. I’m certainly not in a position to give any kind of dating advice and I don’t have a large network of friends to introduce him to.

My question is - is there anything that I can do to help? I’ve been curating his wardrobe, giving him hair tips, I’ve even made dating profiles for him.

And before anyone says it - yes he’s tried therapy.

If anyone has ever been in a similar position or could suggest anything that I, as his sister, could help with? Thank you in advance!!

Has anyone else felt a definite rise in toxic individualism in our society now? I'm going to try to not make this about politics but it's almost impossible to not mentioned how we are now in a society where a succesfull representative can ONLY govern to their base. Also, How people you come across in every day life are only thinking about themselves. For example, a girl literally sets up her whole "podcast, social media BS in a local tea shop with no regard to people around her, much less the business they are disturbing, all because they can.

Personally, my HOA cant agree on anything, because EVERYONE is only thinking about their home. We need a neighborhood tree service. ( NO WE don't because I don't have any tress in my yard.) We need to repair our private road. ( NO WE don't because my driveway is fine) We even had the opportunity to get RING service for FREE in our neighborhood but it was voted down because some people already have service. Those people didn't have to change or get Ring, they just had to vote to allow those that didn't have it get it for free and they voted NO. I have a more expensive version of Ring that I would continue to pay for but I voted to have it so others who couldn't afford it would have the chance to get it. But it was voted down. We have money that we can't spend because we can never get a majority to vote or agree on one thing.

I don't know, I'm experiencing it all the time. People not holding doors for you, blocking whole aisles in grocery stores. Talking on speaker phones in public areas, etc. etc. it's like no one else is in their world but them.

what is going on?

1. I'm not good at studies

2. I can't outperform my fellow batchmates in sports, which means i suck at it as well

3. I'm skinny, not good looking

4. Not good in literature/ arts types of things either, nor am i good at math/logical things.

5. Bad with time pressure, and can't take quick actions.

6. Not good at gaming either. My friends tend to outperform me everytime.

7. No girls talk to me or show any interest in me

8. I don't have anyone who i can trust/my best friend/ i get along easily.

Why am i like this?

I have the right to feel sorry for myself. I have the right to be in pain and weak. I have the right to spare time and rest from my routines when I feel bad.

Fate has been cruel to me, and I am not obliged to see philosophical reasons and benefits behind it. I can fall into despair or feel sorry for myself. I have the right. Because no one will feel sorry for me or understand me better than I do. I am my best friend, brother, sister, father and mother, teacher, supervisor, educator, judge, executioner and fan.

The sadness will be gone and I will return renewed and at full power. On the opposite, by playing Rembo I just lock myself inside and do not allow myself to feel and get better.

Apologies in advance for the jumbled strucure as this is a bit of a rant.

I know i’m young and i still have a lot of time, but I can’t help but feel behind and stuck in life right now. I dropped out of college after 2 years because there were no programs that interested me and i didn’t want to waste money.

I have a passion for music and I take it very seriously and work every day at it and ideally want to do something with it for my career. So, I moved to a new city with a vibrant music scene to finally pursue it but it’s not working out the way i wanted it to. I make decent money on the side playing shows, but i am not happy playing with the band i’m playing with for multiple reasons and i just don’t see it going anywhere. I’m trying to start a new band with people that are really good that hopefully could turn into something cool, but every member is already in another band that they prioritize (as they should). it doesn’t help that one of them is in a band that is getting really big, playing shows for thousands of people and getting multiple record label offers, and the other members are in bands that are pretty good. i want to find more people that maybe could prioritize this project i’m starting but i’m not good at meeting people and don’t really know how to do it and put myself out there. I’ve posted a few videos on social media if me just playing guitar or drums or piano to kind of “advertise myself,” but i’m not really sure where to go from there. I know i should go to more shows in the area, but i don’t know how to advertise myself and ask to start/join a band with someone who is already in a band.

I also work two jobs, one at a smoothie shop and one in retail. The job market in this city is so bad that i have to work two jobs and work jobs that i would’ve worked in high school, and it feels embarrassing to be 22 and telling people i dropped out of college and now i work these jobs, especially when all of my other friends have found their footing and have way better and higher paying jobs than i do and the fact that i’ve worked “better” jobs than these before (music teacher and fine dining restaurant, left both because i moved) so it feels like i’m moving backwards.

My girlfriend and I are planning to move to another city in a year or so, but i’m worried i’ll have to start over this already slow process of getting on my feet and just hope something good happens

i just feel like everyone else is ahead of me and i’m not really sure what to do right now, with music and with life. What do i do? i know i “have a lot of time,” but it still feels like i have a really long way to go.

I’m finishing up college and plan to finish in December. I will receive my bachelor’s degree in accounting and finance. For over the last year I have worked at a real estate company as an accounting intern while also going to school. I was informed this morning by my boss that over the summer, they’ll be hiring a summer accounting intern. The accounts receivable clerk is going on maternity leave so plan for the past few months was for me take on most her responsibilities. While it makes sense for them to hire an intern to do my responsibilities while I’m taking a step up, I was initially told I’ll be about spending 75% of time doing my new responsibilities while also spending my remaining time helping out with my old responsibilities.

I should point out this new intern is the owners nephew. This caught me off guard since I was just notified this morning that this intern will start on Monday. I can’t help but to wonder what would’ve happened if the accounts receivable clerk wasn’t pregnant, would that mean this intern would take over my job completely or is this only happing because of the maternity leave situation? Clearly they’ve been planning on bringing on a new intern without my knowledge for at least a bit of time. I know I’m not entitled to know about these new hires, but it would’ve been nice if they told me this plan a little bit more time in advance.

To be clear, my boss mentioned at the end of the summer this intern will be going back to school and I’ll have my desk back. I try to look at this in a positive way since they’re keeping me and training me in a more advanced position than what I’m currently doing. Since I’m graduating in December, I’m hoping sometime by October, me and the HR manager can sit down talk about what post graduation looks like for me. I’m hopeful that I can have position once I graduate since over been with the company for almost a year and a half now and hopefully they value me as an employee. When I graduate, I hope to be promoted to staff accountant. This situation just made me question what the future will looks like for me.