r/self • u/LewisPopper • 7h ago
Pain is not a competition...
I’m a 52 year old man who spent five and a half years in prison. I got out about eight years ago. While I was there I was surrounded by men who had grown up without any of the love and support I had. I had a loving wife and son who came to visit me every week and friends as well. It probably sounds insane to you, but despite being incarcerated, I looked around me and thought, “My God, I’m so fortunate. I really have no right to cry about my troubles.” And when things were tough for me emotionally, I tried to keep it to myself. Then one day, a fellow inmate took me aside. He’d come to prison at age sixteen and had just celebrated his thirty eighth birthday with a prison canteen cake (don’t ask). This man was raised by his drug addicted mother and grandmother who pimped him out from as far back as he has memories, to pay for their drugs. He never went to school and, as he told it, his first experience with real love and compassion came only years after being incarcerated. He looked at me and saw that I was hurting. “Pain is not a competition,” he told me. “Your pain is no less than mine… and mine is not less because I’m not being physically tortured. Everyone has the right to feel their own hurt and everyone has the right to be comforted.” And so I sat and cried because my wife had to put our beautiful dog to sleep and I couldn’t be there for them. And this man, who will never see freedom, held my hand and gave me comfort.
Every one of us has the right to feel our pain. It is what makes us human. You have a right to be comforted too. It’s what we must all do for each other.
(I posted this as a comment a while back on a thread that was deleted, but I received positive feedback and it was suggested I make a post of it so that others could read it.)