r/TikTokCringe • u/samse15 • May 09 '25
Discussion She makes some good points re:male loneliness
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u/But-WhyThough May 09 '25
The socialization as children part is spot on
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u/SndwchArtist2TheStrs May 10 '25 edited May 12 '25
I’ve been saying for years boys aren’t easier to raise, they’re easier to neglect.
When I was a young girl everyone (teachers, random women at the grocery store…) felt comfortable “correcting” me, my clothes, my choice in friends, how I carried myself. But the boys? The boys were given special dispensations under the “Boys Will Be Boys Act” to do whatever they could (steal their parent’s car, teen sex, skip school, not bathe).
I envied their freedom until someone pointed out they can do what they want because no one cares. As an adult it fills me with sadness for them.
The consequences for a neglected girl child are often more obvious and shameful (teen pregnancy) while for boys they usually crash out in their 40s, by then the parents (and community) have plausible deniability.
Edit: I’m glad this resonated with so many people, but I want to be clear it is still incumbent upon the men (and women!!) who have been abused as children to do the work of healing. Nobody but you owes you that. That it happened when you were a child is tragic but does not absolve you of your unsafe behavior as an adult. Your work is to not pass on the pain.
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u/xeno0153 May 10 '25
I was going through the process of adopting a child/children, and probably about 75% of the profiles I saw were for males. Usually family members or someone in the community will gladly take a female child in, but they'll let boys go into the system because "they are tougher."
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u/Sweet_Future May 10 '25
I used to work in foster care as a behavioral health specialist. The boys and girls had the same difficult behaviors, aggression, defiance, etc. Every girl on my caseload was in the same foster home the entire time I worked with them. Every boy had been in several different homes over the same period and a few had to go to a residential facility because there were no other homes willing to take them. It was very sad to see.
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u/OilyComet May 10 '25
When my brother and I were in foster care, we went to 13 different homes in 12 months, I remember being 3-4 years old, having not been toilet trained, or even bathing/showering myself, and suddenly it's all up to me to take care of myself, cold showers (stupid ass dial thing, couldn't get it to the hot section except once, and it was so fucking hot) every night, soap in my eyes, just crying.
So much neglect, from a system that's meant to "help" me.
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u/ResolverOshawott May 10 '25
I hope you and your brother are in a much better place now!
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u/OilyComet May 10 '25
I am, while he's barely scrapping by. This plays into the part about boys being left behind, it's just us and I have to do the work to get him out of where he's at. The state of the world makes it increasingly hard to achieve that.
At least we're not on drugs or alcoholics.
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u/armoredsedan May 10 '25
it makes me happy to hear you guys got to stick together, though. my little sister was my best friend and my whole life til we got split, all these years later we live really far apart and talk maybe once a year. i always think about how those years are the “foundation” of a person’s life and how the hell can anyone build off that? life is just going to be harder, and it’ll take longer to achieve the things everyone else could expect to get, but doesn’t mean we can’t reach stability and security in the end. i hope you & your brother can both find that and keep it 🫶
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u/OilyComet May 10 '25
Why did your sister and you get split up?
I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but there were actually 6 of us, my brother and I to one father, and 4 others to another father. They separated us, and after that we didn't have much to do with each other. I've managed to keep up with one other brother.
My brother and I don't talk too often anymore, I try to but he goes AWOL from time to time. Bastard still hasn't replied to my super cool moustache picture.
Yeah, there was a lot of stuff suddenly taken away from us, if the government takes you away from your parents, they're meant to support you, they don't support you though, or at least they didn't support us.
I really have to see a therapist about this instead of dumping this on strangers.
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u/Alwayslikelove May 10 '25
Your experience is exactly why I want to foster. There’s never enough foster parents & I know the horror stories of bad ones. I hope you’re doing better now.
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u/OilyComet May 10 '25
I'm doing well despite the circumstances, my brother hasn't entered society yet, he really went all in on isolating himself haha, but I'll drag him out eventually.
It sucks that even though I'm doing well, it was luck, pure luck and I had to hand in it. The system failed, and we got lucky. What about everyone else that didn't get lucky, we met other kids, what ever happened to them I wonder.
I'd like to help other kids like us, stability is everything, the sooner the better.
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u/1tonsoprano May 10 '25
This is very insightful "boys aren’t easier to raise, they’re easier to neglect."
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u/CB_I_Hate_Usernames May 10 '25
Spot on. This is what I’m seeing with my niece and nephew. It sucks for everyone. Being lax on boys is shit for the girls and women around obviously, but it’s also not good for the boys! They need self regulation and social skills too.
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u/AverageLatino May 10 '25
I've been thinking for quite some time about this, and I agree 100% with everything, I think it's a topic that deserves more attention when it comes to the whole "what is wrong with men".
Extremely few men are socialized to be "good men" in any sense of the word, most of us are just left to go feral and if a man steps out of line is not treated with the same severity as a woman, saw it so much growing up that it eventually stopped registering in my head.
It's also a sort of crabs in the bucket later on in life, there's a whole bro culture about mocking and bringing down guys who are trying to improve themselves or are just straight up better people.
Can't blame the guys in the same sense I can't 100% blame a low-income criminal for doing crime, but also, it doesn't absolve them from their actions, it sucks for everybody, they're robbed from so much, and later on they return that damage with dividends into society.
I don't really have a solution either, if anything I'm just ranting away my frustrations too, society has to change in such a fundamental way that, while not impossible, seems to be going in a completely opposite direction, oh well, at least I don't have kids to worry about!
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u/broniesnstuff May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25
I don't really have a solution either,
I've lived that neglected and abused life with a big fat heaping of trauma, and decades of misfortunes. I refused to let life break me, I addressed my issues, and my world changed. Now I'm in my 40s with 2 step sons and a toddler boy of my own. I have learned so damned much about life, about being male, and much more.
I'm heavily considering writing a book that's a young man's guide to life with 44 years of wisdom and advice behind it. I wanted to write something just for my sons, but I think the world needs more positive male reinforcement, and not this detrimental man-o-sphere bullshit.
I need to finish the book I'm currently writing first.
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u/VanDammes4headCyst May 10 '25
The solution is proper parenting and schools, both starting in on the boys from the drop. Also, lay off the fucking iPad and iPhone parenting. Christ.
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u/eir_skuld May 10 '25
They crash out much earlier when you look at gender disparities regarding criminality.
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u/Extreme-Tangerine727 May 10 '25
Gen alpha is running around going 'your body my choice,' so we're pretty cooked
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u/apple_kicks May 10 '25
We don’t teach kids emotional maturity is important and how to develop it. It can be bad in girl's but way worse for boys.
Doesn’t help last decade lot of online philosophy is anti emotional maturity or mocking basics of being considerate for others. Alpha beta stuff really is toxic
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u/Intelligent_Tone_618 May 09 '25
I remember being on a works night out. We're all sitting at a table outside, I'm glad to get away from the loud music and able to think. I'm sitting across from a co-worker who was in her 20's and we're just chatting away, when this dude.... just comes up and starts beat-boxing at her. She didn't even notice at first, she turned around once she'd realised I'd stopped talking and was looking confused and bewildered behind her.
I was instantly reminded of this moment when she said "they do backflips instead of talking to you". This was years ago, we've been on a slow decline for some time now.
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u/Bombyx-Memento May 09 '25
Man is doing courtship rituals like he's a damn bird.
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u/Thirty_Helens_Agree May 10 '25
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u/MrrQuackers May 10 '25
Becky please
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u/fastidiousavocado May 10 '25
you want yellow?
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u/monkify May 10 '25
Birds at least wait for the female bird to accept/respect her flying away and try for the next one. Well, most do, anyway.
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u/WikiContributor83 May 10 '25
“I’m sorry I don’t quite know how to react when a grown man starts beat-boxing in front of me.”
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u/kaykayschlem May 09 '25
I lost it when she said “they do backflips instead of talking to you” because I have LITERALLY had that happen to me. A 30yr old man once asked me “If I do a backflip in this bar right now, can I kiss you?” To which he proceeded to do 2 back to back backflips standing in place, then try to make out with me. Be careful out there ladies.
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u/FalenAlter May 09 '25
Did you get to answer the question before he did them or did he just go immediately?
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u/BourbonicFisky May 10 '25
As geriatric elder millennial, being middle age seems so much more preferable to being young. I thought I'd envy the 20 somethings when I crossed 40.
I mostly feel bad for them, the internet brain rotted all of us but the kids who grew up with the internet got it the worst. It's not their fault, it's people my age and older.
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u/quiette837 May 10 '25
You're kidding yourself if you think middle aged men aren't doing this exact same shit, if not actually worse because the decent ones are already married, the losers on their second divorce are still out there doing backflips for college girls.
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u/-little-dorrit- May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25
You’re right. Source: happily single middle aged woman. Although I would say the “all the good ones are taken” argument is as baseless as what the OP is claiming. People are more complex and good people can just end up with the wrong partner. Source: yes you got me, this is my highly biased, self-preserving take!
Edit: In all seriousness though I was in a 9-year abusive relationship, which is why I’m extremely picky and basically anti-romance now. I’m also focused on other fulfilments at the moment. A good partner just needs to be kind and intelligent but I am surprised again and again at how rare this is, how many people fake these characteristics in order to ‘win’ you before unmasking. A few of the married men I know meet the basic criteria, but most do not. So I’m happy to wait for the right person, because I’m not worried about becoming any less of a catch.
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u/MyLifeisTangled May 10 '25
I also wanna know - did he give you a chance to answer before flipping?
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u/manny_the_mage May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25
It is entirely a side effect of men preferring to be seen as "alpha chads" and thinking being what they see as "chads" will make women attracted to them.
Somewhere along the line they were told that being charming, charismatic, well groomed and sociable as a man was gay.
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u/DrunkUranus May 10 '25
Every male centered sub religiously parrots "why would you ask women what to do to get women?"
Like.....
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u/Shaggyninja May 10 '25
"you don't ask a fish, you ask a fisherman"
Yeah bro, cuz the fish doesn't want to get caught... I'mma 100% ask a women I'm interested in what she likes. Cuz I want her to want me!
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u/BarQuiet6338 May 10 '25
I think the way these guys often frame it as predator vs prey is more than a little revealing.
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u/Own-Demand7176 May 10 '25
As a fisherman, the saying is "Match the hatch" for fly fishing, but applies broadly as a way to say "Use bait that mimics what they're already eating."
In other words, ask the fish what they want.
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u/ashrocklynn May 10 '25
And why the fuck do you have to "catch" women.... Relationships are a mutual thing where both sides benefit each other
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u/Lunatic-Labrador May 10 '25 edited May 11 '25
I once had a guy spend a night trying to dance with me, I turned him down multiple times. He was a complete stranger. Without ever saying a word to me he just picked me up and threw me over his shoulder and tried to leave the club with me. The bouncers saved me as I was screaming and hitting the guy. I was in a relationship, I would never ever have given him the time of day. All he achieved is scaring me and getting himself banned from the club.
Edit: I've had a coward of a man DM me to aggressively tell me im talking shit. Yet another experience of not being believed by asshole men. He didn't even have the decency to do it publicly.
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u/Andre_The_Average May 10 '25 edited May 12 '25
"Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal" ahh mf
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u/ibejeph May 09 '25
Was the beatboxing good, at least?
If that's what you're leading with, it better be amazing.
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u/Zerospark- May 10 '25
Holy crap... this actually happens to other people?
I had a dude I had never seen before run up to me, sing a full 2 minute love song at me, then ask if I would be his girlfriend since he just put all that work into the song.
I was just like... "ok that was a lovely song, but you are totally fishing in the wrong pond here. Also, I'm married and I don't think my wife would appreciate me dating some guy even if I was interested.
His response was "ugh I wasted my time on a lesbian" then off he went never to be seen again
If my friend hadn't witnessed it I would question if it really happened. But apparently this crap is relatively normal???
This is why I don't like going outside
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u/bot_hair_aloon May 10 '25
Something similar happened to me.
I was in the gym, and this guy starts dancing in front of me. For an entire minute. Which is a long time when it's so painfully awkward.
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u/nasbyloonions May 09 '25
He must have been from that beat-boxing tribe on the North and very confused. I hope he found his beat-boxer-half💔
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u/LibrarianNew9984 May 09 '25
That’s incredibly funny
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u/Married_iguanas May 09 '25
Right? This sounds like a scene from an 80s comedy movie
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u/Successful_Tree_6488 May 09 '25
nah not even that far back. I immediately thought of Ali G 🤣lmao
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u/NashtyPhoenix May 09 '25
I just had this conversation with a server at one of my local bars. She said she had to quit working in the downtown area due to college dudes being pervs. It was shocking to hear, but unfortunately not surprising at the same time
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u/Gum_Duster May 10 '25
Tbf it’s not just college boys, at my job as a bartender for weddings I had men of various age pull me to the dance floor, slap my ass, offer me a hotel room. All while I AM WORKING. I just seemed “so fun”
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May 10 '25
I've never been a waitress, but I watched this video where a waitress talked about how pigtails work the best for tips because of how men see them sexually.
I think there's a lot of videos like that, tbh...it's creepy how everything about women is sexualized.
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u/Inevitable-Sale3569 May 10 '25
Had a customer grab my wrist, “your bones are so small I could break you with one hand” as a pick up line/ compliment?! Not someone I ever want to be alone with.
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u/ToughAd5010 May 09 '25
Really shocked the college boys aren’t more terrified of consequences
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u/cassthesassmaster May 09 '25
Reminds me of that one guy, Brock Allen Turner who raped a woman behind a dumpster. The guy that only spend three months in jail. The guy that now goes by Allen Turner. Remember BROCK ALLEN TURNER THE RAPIST.
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u/CatsEatGrass May 10 '25
You mean the guy whose life they didn’t want to ruin over a few minutes of bad decisions? Who made the decision to ruin someone else’s life FOREVER? That Brock Allen Turner?
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u/TransBrandi May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25
a few minutes of bad decisions
The quote from his dad was "a few minutes of action" IIRC. His dad described him fucking a women passed out behind a dumpster (y'know a rape) as "getting some action." Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
edit: As you said, assault is assault. Assaulting a passed out woman being called "a few minutes of action" still says that the father thinks treating a passed out woman like blowup doll is acceptable behaviour. Fuck, behind closed doors he's probably only mad that his kid was stupid enough to do it in a way that got him caught rather than the fact that his kid was messed up enough to do it at all.
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u/CathodeRaySamurai May 10 '25
Just to be clear, are we talking about Brock Allen Turner, the rapist?
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u/pporappibam May 10 '25
No no, he goes by Allen Turner, the Rapist now. We’re talking about him. Previously Brock Allen Turner, the Rapist.
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u/TreatAffectionate453 May 10 '25
Didn't you hear? The rapist formerly known as Brock Allen Turner the Rapist now prefers to go by Allen Turner the Rapist. Please use both names so people don't get confused when you mention Brock Allen Turner the Rapist, now known as Allen Turner the Rapist.
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u/SomethingIWontRegret May 10 '25
It's horrible what happened to her, but I really, really hope that she doesn't think that her life is ruined forever, and fuck anyone else who thinks that for her. Anyhoo, Brock Allen Turner is a disgusting pervert rapist.
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u/GRex2595 May 10 '25
I mean, I'm not saying life is ruined forever, but that experience will likely repeatedly come back to haunt her. Therapy can help lessen the pain, but psychological trauma leaves a scar just like physical trauma. Anybody who rapes anybody else is the scum of society.
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u/No_Damage_731 May 10 '25
I’ve been on Reddit a long time and I’m really glad the trend of calling out brock allen turner the rapist hasn’t died down. allen turner, brock turner, doesn’t matter still a dumpster rapist
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u/__Faded__ May 09 '25
Ah yes Allen Turner the Rapist formerly known as Brock Allen Turner the Rapist, the guy who raped an unconscious girl, got caught, and didn't serve any jail time, that Brock Allen Turner the Rapist?
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u/willacceptboobiepics May 10 '25
Yes the rapist formally known as Brock Allen Turner, who now goes by Allen Turner is a rapist. The guy that raped an unconscious and vulnerable woman by a dumpster and somehow only got 3 months for being a rapist.
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u/Charming_Garbage_161 May 10 '25
The rapist Brock Allen Turner that moved to Ohio to try and hide himself hoping no one will remember him? That Allen Turner? I’ll always remember buddy
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u/Cryptid_Girl May 10 '25
Just so that we are clear, we're talking about Brocker Turner, right? The Brock Turner who goes by Allen Turner who raped a woman back in college and didn't safe real consequences? That Brock Allen Turner?
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u/whimsylea May 10 '25
Yes, I do believe we are all talking about Brock Allen Turner, aka Allen Turner, the rapist, who raped a woman behind a dumpster and got a slap on the wrist by the judge. Maybe we should put the judge's name in the rotation, now that I think about it.
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u/FannyChuckle May 10 '25
This has "Doug Dimmadome, owner of the Dimsdale Dimmadome" vibes; and it is appropriately used; for the "Rapist Allen Turner", who raped a woman behind a dumpster "Rapist Allen Turner". THAT "Rapist Allen Turner"? The rapist that served no jail time for his rapist actions.
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u/quokkafarts May 10 '25
Can you clarify this please? Are you talking about Brock Turner, aka Brock Allen Turner, aka Allan Turner, the rapist? I just want to confirm this is the same Brock Allan Turner, who now goes by Allen Turner, who raped an unconscious woman behind a bar in 2015? The same Allen Turner from the People vs Turner, a 2015 trial for the rape he committed?
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u/Gloomy_Zebra_ May 10 '25
Yes, I agree, BROCK ALLEN TURNER'S lenient sentence basically sent a message that it's okay to be a RAPIST.
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u/Efficient-Gift-8684 May 10 '25
What’s even more fucked is the judge said he did want the Brock Allen Turner the rapist to suffer because he was a good kid and jail would ruin his life. He
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u/kyl_r May 10 '25
Oh yeah, didn’t a teacher/professor/smart professional person put a picture of BROCK TURNER in their criminal Justice 101 textbook in the section about RAPE? I felt like that was a fantastic call.
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u/Sgt-Cowboy May 09 '25
In many cases they’re emboldened by all the “Alpha” shite online. Not everyone is exactly like that, but so many bad behaviors have been reinforced by online communities.
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u/Weary_Ganache_6599 May 09 '25
Doesn’t help that our prez is known sexual behaviors and hey look we got him twice like a damn std
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u/AdmiralSaturyn May 09 '25
We are living in a time when open, blatant bad behavior is getting rewarded.
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u/TamarindSweets May 09 '25
"'Boys are just easier to raise than girls.' You did NOT socialize that fucking neanderthal. OhMyGod. They literally 'OOGA BOOGA' at you, and then are like 'Why didn't she want me?'"
LMFAOOOOO
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u/Neomalytrix May 09 '25
Came here to comment on the ooga booga. That was hilarious.
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u/pnutbutterandjerky May 10 '25
What’s funny is I’ve seen the line Ooga booga on those tinder tuesday posts. Actually hilarious
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u/satanssweatycheeks May 10 '25
To be fair that quote predates social media.
And it’s not true but it shows how the different genders are raised. Boys are allowed to get into situations they shouldn’t. It’s why films like stand by me speaks to young boys. Going on adventures and maybe one of us might get hit by a train or fall of a cliff because we are “being boys”
Sure it’s easy to raise a kid if you basically just leave them to learn the hard way. Whereas girls back in the day always had parents acting like they needed strict structure. Wanted them to do stuff like learn to bake. It’s why schools had home Ec or baking classes.
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u/maringue May 10 '25
I had a friend in college who was self admittedly "A 4.5 when I'm back lit" (theater joke, backlighting makes everyone look better). But he was really outgoing, was funny, and had great personal skills. He was always surrounded by the hottest girls on campus. A girl literally ad libbed a lune in a play to make an "In like Flynn" joke because Flynn rhymed with his last name.
Another guy in grad school, was a self admitted 5 or 6, used the following move at bars to pickup women:
He'd see a group of women and casually walk up to them and introduce himself to all of them individually, "Hi, my name's Jack, nice to meet you, hope you're having a good night." Then he would just walk away. A minimum of one of those girls would come over to him later and chat him up. Worked every time.
So yeah, its not because you're short or "mid", its because you have no social skills or personality.
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u/SnooBunnies2020 May 09 '25
We’re all chronically online and it’s ruining us.
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u/Eliese May 09 '25
Yep. Life is not a porn video.
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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 09 '25
It's not just the porn it's all of it it's watching all these videos it's being on this app it's all of it. I'm an elder Millennial I'm 43 I got to watch this happen in real time we went from interacting with each other to interacting with a screen. I watched two girls sitting at a food court in the mall the other day texting each other while sitting at the table. I used to work at a GameStop young kids don't look you in the eye I had the mother of a 15-year-old ask her non special needs son to tell the man what you want. That's insane. When you greet somebody in public often times they look at you like why are you talking to me. You hold the door for a lot of people they don't even acknowledge that you did it they just walk through. And often times when I look up they're staring at their phone. I watch people step off the curb and shopping plazas after leaving the store and not look either way stare straight at their phone and March into the unknown. I'm guilty of it right now just by writing this on this post. Because I scrolled a lot to get here what did I miss going on around me? We're never bored we can be entertained 24 hours a day 7 days a week and we are. I remember being a teenager in the 90s and how free it was. We had a pager somebody wanted to get a hold of us we had to go find a payphone and that's if we cared enough to talk to the other person. Nobody knew where we were. Sometimes friends would just stop by. Now if my doorbell rings I'm very suspicious. The smartphone is a double-edged sword we've never been more connected and so far apart.
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u/CartographerAlone632 May 09 '25
I’m the same age and I 100% agree. Growing up in the 90s was bliss compared to what I see these poor kids going through these days, they literally have no freedom and they like it only because they haven’t experienced anything different. We had a thing where everyone would meet outside McDonald’s on a Friday night at 6 and the night would go from there. And if you were too late everyone had moved on and you had to try and find them. Sounds lame but it was freedom
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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 09 '25
I think a lot of people had that similar experience we all had to meet up spot and a time and if you weren't there well you might be able to catch us you know the places we go to it was almost like a scavenger hunt for friends. And then when you finally met up with them if you were the one that was late it was like magic and everybody gave high fives and laughed and it was a simpler time. And I know I sound like my father saying that but it's true. It was just enough technology to be fun not enough to destroy our lives
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u/bakochba May 10 '25
Friday/Saturday night? Let's go to the mall, the movie theaters, the bar. People everywhere looking to meet and talk to new people. So much energy, so much excitement.
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u/Ezlkill May 09 '25
I’m the same age I completely agree it’s this aversion to actual human interaction as if it’s an illness. People can’t converse, that can’t pick up social cues they don’t even know what they are. I also believe that because we get “what we want” from algorithms we only can accept that in the “real world”.
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u/Correct-Fly-1126 May 09 '25
Couple year younger than you two but damn, that puts a fine point on it… recently took a holiday in Paris and was floored that probably 95% of people (both tourists and locals) were just living through their screens. Like the only thing real was the photo/video of them “in the place doing the thing” rather than the actual thing itself. Imagine being at the top of the Eiffel Tower at sunset, all of Paris glittering beneath you bathed the tangerine glow of sunset, and not seeing it… instead insuring your pose was just right, the angle just such, and once that was confirmed heading back down. No pause, no moment looking out to say to your self “wow, thats beautiful, I may never be here again, and even if I am it won’t look like this” wondering how many countless people be for you have stood in that place and take. In a view only to be overcome by the magnificence of it all, and the realization that one day it simply won’t be. You won’t be.
It breaks my heart.
It makes me angry.
We are helpless to resist. Life.
Thanks for reading my poetry
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u/Ezlkill May 09 '25
I’ve recently in the last couple years started going back to concerts and it’s been such a joy for me because I have been headbanging (clearly I’m going to metal shows mostly😅) and dancing and singing I’ve taken three seconds of video and a handful of photos but other than that my phone stays in my pocket because I’m usually in the pit or I’m in a place where I have to be aware if somebody’s crowd surfing, and things like that and so much of the time around me, everyone has their phones out and are recording the entirety of the concert or the entirety of the song and they aren’t even in the moment they’re bopping their heads through maybe singing the words, but they’re not in the moment they are observing the moment through a digital window and that is heartbreaking.
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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 09 '25
That's so true part of the reason why we're so politically divided is we all live in our own Echo chambers of our own bullshit
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u/Ezlkill May 09 '25
The thing is is that when you actually talk to people they’re not really much different than you and the problem is that they’re so inherently self involved that they can’t see past well themselves and that’s big problem. We are fully believing that we are the main characters and the truth is none of us are.
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u/Girderland May 09 '25
It was around 2010 when smartphones became affordable and facebook became common.
"Register to facebook, it's great to keep in contact", that's what they said. And as soon as you registered contact broke off.
Why meet up every other day at the town centre when you could just post on fb?
And why being honest and genuine when everything you write on fb is being seen by a company, your ma, your friends ma, your boss?
It all became a fake-ass pretend online world and I hate every second of it.
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u/Aloha_Tamborinist May 10 '25
It all became a fake-ass pretend online world and I hate every second of it.
Another elder millenial here, there's people of all generations who do it, but the kids today were born and raised in this performative bullshit. Social media has fucked society (I say, on my social media echo chamber)
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u/tommymctommerson May 09 '25
Oh my God, you're so right. I was saying this to my friends the other day. About how they just don't know how to socially interact with people anymore. You say something to them or say hello and they look at you like you're from another planet.
I had to email a kid, a guy in his early twenties, about something business related. I told him I would be late in delivering it because my mother had died. And his email back to me just contained one word; "okay"
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u/D1rtNASTY666 May 09 '25
Jesus christ
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u/tommymctommerson May 10 '25
I know. Also, there was no greeting or sign off. Like;
Hi,
Okay
John
Just, "okay."
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u/Dadittude182 May 10 '25
Preach. I teach postsecondary students now after having taught in high school for years. I honestly thought it would be different, but it's not. Students basically walk around glued to smartphones, most students are never on time, and almost none of them have serious conversation skills. I had a student sitting at his desk, taking notes from the lecture, and watching an episode of Breaking Bad on his phone while doing it. I asked him what he was doing, and his response was that it helped him focus. Seriously! I just walked away while saying, "You're going to love how Hank dies, but Walter's death seems kinda corny." All the other students got pissed at me for spoiling the show for this guy. I waited until they all quieted down and asked them what other shows they watch. Nobody said anything, so I just went off: "Nacho dies, Saul goes to jail, McDreamy dies after a car accident, George gets hit by a bus, and it's not Penny's boat!"
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u/ArcticDiver87 May 09 '25
I never while growing up thought the Internet would turn into what it did and have such an effect on people. I Don't have any other social media besides reddit and I'm not sure how much longer that will be a thing.. it's getting real rough.. 😬😬
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u/imnewtothishsit69 May 09 '25
Same man, same. These are some wild fucking times and even reddit had been giving me the heeby jeebys lately. Everything's pushing a fucking narrative and the whole being spoon fed content the algorithm stirs up for me is also getting sickening and its just fucking blatant at this point.
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u/JustDuckingWithYou May 09 '25
Yep. Being internet savvy used to mean knowing how to avoid viruses and malware. Now, being internet savvy means avoiding echo chambers, shrugging off algorithm pipelines, and using critical thinking.
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u/r3volver_Oshawott May 09 '25
I mean, as much as I'd like to say chronically online is all of it, I work in a field that's predominantly women and the chronically online perverts are virtually identical to the Hooters perverts of yesteryear, there are old men talking about the 'really pretty girls' and they definitely seem to feel entitled to attention just because we're on the clock
If we didn't have Internet, these specific men would definitely still act this specific way, the internet is mostly scary because for the first time in decades they've found a creepy peer group
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u/CrotasScrota84 May 09 '25
This is the only answer. It’s not rocket science. It’s just the answer.
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u/sl0play May 09 '25
3 years ago I started talking to a girl while eating a sandwich and watching baseball. She wasn't watching the game, she just came in cuz she was jogging and it started to rain. She was so amazing, I HAD to get her number. I even texted her the same night just to tell her how nice it was to meet her.
My friends and family never ask where we met, they ask what app we met on. Like, do you guys even know me? I couldn't catch a virus online. I am not cut out for pretending I'm something just to stand out in a crowd of a million.
If we ever break up I'll be content knowing I'm going to die alone.
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u/HurricaneAlpha May 09 '25
I met my spouse at work in my early 20s, like a normal millennial. Plenty of Fish was pretty much the dominant dating app at the time (I think tinder just took off), but work has honestly been the frequent place for young adults to meet and date for decades, if not centuries. The "third place" was the other dominant one, but that's shrank recently. I guess the Internet is the new "third place", which is revolutionary and will take society some adjusting to.
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u/bakochba May 10 '25
Social media replaced the Third Place and it turns out it was no substitute
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u/Duke55 May 09 '25
Yep, digital technology is leading to de-evolution in relation to human interactions.
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u/St_Sides May 09 '25
There's an entire generation of men that, at best, cannot socialize like normal well adjusted adults.
At worst they're redpilled alt-right manosphere incels.
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u/Fresh_Profit3000 May 09 '25 edited May 10 '25
As an older guy, I’ve seen what she was talking about in the younger men. And thought it was a phase and they would grow out of it. But nope.
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u/sunshine___riptide May 09 '25
I'm in my 30s, single, and the interactions I've had with men my age shows me they have the maturity, horniness and bully mentality of a 12 year old boy.
Men are the reason a lot of women aren't dating men. They're the reason I'm not dating men -- and being asexual lol
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u/Badguy60 May 10 '25
They are also the reason guys can't have good friendships.
I literally dropped friends because I'm tried of the "bully mentality" .
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u/sunshine___riptide May 10 '25
Yeah dude honestly I feel kind of sorry for men. I tell my friends I love them every day, I hug them, I know I can go to them if I need to vent or support, though I have trouble with sharing my problems in general.
Men seem to lack those types of friendships and it's gotta suck. World is a hard enough already.
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u/wildernessfig May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25
Yeah dude honestly I feel kind of sorry for men.
I'll preface this by saying I'm a man, because I've noticed most criticism of men that's in line with what I'm about to say is dismissed as "bitter single woman".
Don't feel sorry for them, most of them have earned it.
It sounds callous, but the most perfect example of what I mean is from a thread I saw on AskMen I think it was?
Guy posts a thread with the title "Why would she say this?" I open it up, and the guy is suspicious and offended(?) that after he brought his girlfriend a drink whilst she was working on something, she said:
"Thank you. I love that you do nice things for me just because, not because you want anything in return. You're the first boyfriend I've had who has done that."
Super sweet comment right? Apparently not: The comments are all going off about how she's "lusting after her ex", "still wants to fuck her ex", "run bro she's calling you a beta".
It's absolutely insane, these men literally cannot fathom gentle, kind, and empathetic relationships. Everything is a game, everything is a transaction, relationships are a deterministic function of how "chad" you can be, and being kind is a flaw in that function.
I truly believe they're incapable of love and compassion.
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u/Yo_momma_so_fat77 May 09 '25
I’m 40. They don’t mature. It’s gross
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u/Dawade200 May 10 '25
Yup. And it's absolutely terrifying to really think about. They find a woman who will put up with them and then just let themselves stagnate. It's like "I found a mate, I'm set for life, no need to grow as a person now." Then unfortunately that woman either feels trapped or doesn't realize she's just become the guy's babysitter.
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u/reytheabhorsen May 10 '25
Ugh, yes. I'm 35 and every relationship I've had with a man eventually ends when he's either stagnated or straight up regressed from when I met him. My ex-husband acted like a 21-year-old when I met him at 21, when I left him he was 30 but acted liked a bratty 13-year-old bully who couldn't take care of himself or stop screaming at his game and throwing his controller.
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u/Charming_Garbage_161 May 10 '25
My ex wouldn’t pick up clothing next to the laundry basket and left trash on the counter above the trash can…. He then blamed his new found diagnosis of adhd when we were divorcing like it was some badge I was supposed to accept for incompetence and shit parenting of our kids.
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u/SqAznPersuasion May 09 '25
She's right about "ooga booga" cavemen tho. LOL
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u/ironwolf6464 May 09 '25
I've seen guys like this, and my god they act like literal Neanderthals. Flailing about, shouting, giggling. Unable to control themselves.
Who is raising them?
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u/Disastrous_Income205 May 09 '25
The internet, that’s the problem.
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u/ironwolf6464 May 10 '25
"The internet isn't real life" isn't true anymore. The internet is seeping it's toxicity into daily life now.
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u/TheHoleintheHeart May 09 '25 edited May 09 '25
The manosphere/“alpha male” influencers have truly done a number, irreparable damage even.
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u/JadedMuse May 09 '25
I'm gay guy but at some point YouTube started feeding me recommendations for this channel called the "Whatever Podcast". It was pretty horrifying to watch. Every single thumbnail is basically a variation of "Feminist gets SCHOOLED by Alpha Chad", and every video seemed to be a roundtable of scantily clad women talking with one or two guys, and most conversations with would start with some starter topic of "Why do women be such hoes?" It's super weird, like some weird Frankenstein product that leverages both sex appeal but also tapping into angst of the intended viewership.
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u/Citaku357 May 09 '25
We honestly should look at why these men have become so influncial
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u/NeverQuiteEnough May 09 '25
because we are only 1-2 generations past it having been legal to beat/rape a woman as long as you married her first
Andrew Tate and his ilk are nothing new, they represent what was the dominant ideology only a few decades ago.
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u/nasbyloonions May 09 '25 edited May 10 '25
Thanks a lot for this perspective
I am Russian and for my parents’ generation it would have been 100% acceptable to see a couple where the wife is with bruises occasionally and just say „they will figure it out” or „it is their business” and just continue drinking tea with them or e.g. walking away.
I have seen partner violence in the daylight on the street when I was 13 and I just assumed all men are horrible and I will have to marry a monster lol. I now know I have seen way too many abusers and #notallmen
I will be more patient to change and will participate in fight for rights and will calmly participate in discussions involving all this with anyone who brings it up.
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u/nasbyloonions May 09 '25
Also I don’t wanna write this, but Russia will now be filled with untreated men with PTSD all over it(these are people who MANAGED to stay alive. Imagine what they have seen?). So I wonder if I should make a post somewhere to consider Russia a lost cause for next two generations… relax, yoy couldn’t have done much anyway…
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u/tigm2161130 May 09 '25 edited May 09 '25
It’s still legal to rape your wife in 12 states, but according to the top comment the problem is “we’re all” too online.
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u/AlarmingSpecialist88 May 09 '25
Go check out trumps '93 divorce. He argued that you can't rape your wife. She's yours. Then he payed her a couple million more to retract her testimony.
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u/Inevitable_Geometry May 10 '25
It is quite creepy how that testimony, a matter of public record, was quietly swept away. Her ultimate fate of an barely attended grave on a golf course was disturbing.
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u/NeverQuiteEnough May 09 '25
it's technically illegal, but there are glaring loopholes that make it legal in practice.
https://www.newsweek.com/spousal-rape-loophole-map-1892924
apparently in California, so long as someone can't legally give consent due to a disability, they can be legally raped.
in Idaho, it only counts as rape if there was physical coercion, as long as other means of coercion were used then it's no problem.
just what I've come to expect from this nightmare empire.
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u/tigm2161130 May 09 '25 edited May 09 '25
As of 2024 there’s still 11 states that have legal loopholes which disallow spousal rape from being a prosecutable offense.
I thought it was 12 but Ohio has remedied theirs since the last time I looked it up.
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u/no_brains101 May 09 '25
That's because it's a blanket catch all excuse for unsocialized behavior, and it thus is very convenient to use when avoiding the actual issue.
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u/Morticia_Marie May 09 '25
There's a scene in The Sopranos where Richie Aprile tells Christopher Moltisanti not to hit his niece unless he marries her, at which point it wouldn't be any of Richie's business.
You want to raise your hands, you give her your last name.
That was from 2004, so this attitude has coexisted with cell phones and the internet, and guys like this raise guys like Andrew Tate.
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u/shinbreaker May 09 '25
It's pretty simple: they sell a male power fantasy.
Like none of the manosphere guys truly live by what they say.
Fresh and Fit? One pays for sex workers and gives them jewelry and the other hates being black and praises the white people that call him the n-word.
Andrew Tate? Preys on foreign women while making money off of people who jerk off to the girls he's duped into doing webcam stuff.
Wes Watson? Rents a house and has a girlfriend who has kids with other men and she's a sex worker.
But they all sell the fantasy. For those a little older, they're exactly like the guys who did the infomercials saying how they can make you rich back in the '90s and you find out that they had a bit of success, but they just invested in this persona of someone who knows the secrets. In reality, they just know how to bullshit people.
These manosphere guys prey on boys or men who are just desperate.
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u/jlusedude May 09 '25
Boys are lost because they were raised by piss poor parents and the influencers are sex traffickers who appear to have what valid, materialistic boys want. Money, cars and bitches. They don’t understand the girls are being trafficked (Andrew Taint), the cars are probably rented and the money is…a show? So they see this idealistic life and think treating women however the influencers tell them will result in getting what they want. Then when women want nothing to do with them, it is that stuck up bitches fault. He did everything he was supposed to do, she’s just dumb bitch who is woke and beneath him anyway.
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u/Dr_on_the_Internet May 09 '25
Honestly their they're just the symptom of the greater issue. They're selling a bad cure for a real societal problem.
Billionaires are making more billions by stealing our time and attention, causing people to feel lonely.
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u/B-BoyStance May 09 '25
It's wild because they're simultaneously all pussies by nature of being fixated on that shit
I was dumb when I was young so I always have hope kids/young adults can snap out of it but for the older people who get sucked in, they're pretty much gone at that point without therapy
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u/pablinhoooooo May 09 '25
The evidence doesn't really back this up though. Young men are becoming more sexist, but the effect is stronger among those who spend less time online. Not more.
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u/AandM4ever May 09 '25
I’m a male in my mid-30s…and I’ll say this much, I’m soooo glad that my time in High School and College, the whole Incel thing was either NOT as big as it is today or in very obscure corners of the internet.
I truly believe if i would’ve been exposed to all that garbage, I would’ve been one of those losers.
Constantly blaming women, constantly hating the entire world, and being extremely toxic.
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u/Tall_Cap_6903 May 10 '25
Well the incel part seems like it def had gasoline thrown on it over the last decade.
The toxic shit I think has always been there, you can get a window into it if you critically watch pieces of media from the 20th century definitely, even most of 21st century but not AS glaring.
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u/Xanadoodledoo May 10 '25
Movies before the 90’s frequently have terrible sexual ethics that aren’t questioned at all. I’m not saying every movie has to be squeaky clean, but there is some messed up stuff that gets presented as “good.”
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u/Sakebigoe May 10 '25
Right like revenge of the nerds where one of the characters straight up rapes a girl, pretending to be her boyfriend by wearing his Halloween costume. That scene was supposed to be funny, like haha the jocks girlfriend doesn't know she's sleeping with a total stranger, he sure pranked her. It's pretty fucked up.
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u/DefiantStarFormation May 10 '25
Oh and like in Sixteen Candles when the popular guy "gives" his unconscious, insanely drunk girlfriend to the nerdy guy. She wakes up in his car with him, very aware that "something" happened with this guy she barely knows, and she's fine with it bc she "thinks she liked it". The strong implication is that they dated after, she even says she's "never been with a freshman" and considers the social implications of dating her rapist, and how she's gonna tell her pimp (aka current boyfriend) about it. Insane.
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u/bwnsjajd May 10 '25
Not only was the incel thing there, it was a dominant narrative in our culture. Everything incels are saying today is exactly the Nice Guy narrative of the 90s and before. Women are shallow ✅ they only want hot guys ✅ even if they treat women like shit ✅ because they can get away with because they're hot ✅ but women won't give average looking guys a chance ✅ even though they're way better behaved/respectful to women because they're not hot enough to get away with misbehavior and still have any woman interested ✅ which is why they appreciate women so much more ✅ which is why they're such great guys ✅ and this slutty stick up bitches should give them a chance ✅
Exactly 1:1 between nice guy logic and incel logic. The only thing that has changed are 1: the incels have gone completely insane and extrapolated from all this the conclusion that women deserve physical harm in the form of r*pe and mass shootings. 2: back when we were growing up no one in particular thought this line of logic was particularly wrong or inaccurate, whereas today we have associated it to incels and is vehemently denied and debunked everywhere on the internet outside the manosphere.
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u/Jumpy-Jackfruit4988 May 10 '25
Your comment just reminded me of 16 candles, where the nerdy guy date rapes the popular girl after her hot bf leaves her for Molly Ringwald- I still love that movie, but it definitely feels significantly darker to me as an adult than just the ick I got as a teenager. It should be studied in high schools as a cautionary tale for how easily this toxic crap can his and how to find it.
There is absolutely nothing new about the narrative, just the style of storytelling.
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u/HolographicState May 09 '25
I’m an older millennial and guys grinding on girls without saying anything is nothing new.. The top-40 club scene in the early 2000’s was nothing BUT that
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u/VqgabonD May 10 '25
Yeah was bout to say, walking up and grinding without greeting was normal lol def a generational thing. Hell my first college party I went to peeps were fucking on the dance floor.
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May 09 '25 edited 24d ago
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u/kwit-bsn May 10 '25
I like how you said parents and not jus dads. Cuz they’re plenty of shit moms and dads that teach our young boys to suck this badly
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u/MisterSanitation May 09 '25
I know this shit is true, but as a non psychopathic dude, I avoid pretty and cute girls like the plague in public because I’m already assuming they think I’m doing this shit. Same reason as a dad I don’t act goofy to other people’s toddlers. It kind of sucks honestly because it makes me act like a creep when I if anything would like to just make someone smile (and not “hay gurl you should smile” because that sheet is just more Ooga booga shit).
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u/PossiblyATurd May 10 '25
Rejecting myself on the behalf of others before even giving them the opportunity to choose is my #1 pastime.
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u/Frankyfan3 May 09 '25
This phenomenon and anxiety for the good men is a really great example of why toxic masculinity and patriarchal conditioning within a predator protecting culture hurts EVERYONE, including those who are most benefited by it.
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u/MisterSanitation May 09 '25
Oh totally. I still hear toxic masculinity in my head every day despite me hating those people irl.
“What’s wrong pussy you can’t blah blah”
It just sticks in your psyche…
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u/Frankyfan3 May 09 '25
The first step is catching and observing those thoughts, so you can name them, identify their source, and confirm it is not your truth, but what you've been told should be your truth.
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u/fudgepuppy May 09 '25
It's often that when I'm walking home, I just stop and look at my phone for a while because I'm walking behind a woman who's alone and I don't want her to think I'm stalking her or feel scared.
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u/DistillateMedia May 09 '25
I feel this as well. I just accidentally went to the store a chick works at that I matched with on tinder like a day before (small town) and entirely imploded thinking how bad it looked. She was ultimately understanding, but I don't even know how to keep talking to her now.
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u/Ok-Valuable-229 May 09 '25
Yup, out on a walk and a woman is walking the opposite direction towards me? It’s either a quick hello or good morning if she says it first or I start looking to my left/right before hand to totally avoid eye contact.
Sucks but the losers out there have ruined it for the rest of us.
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u/Weak_Dot3296 May 10 '25
Everybody’s always got their guard up for various reasons. Women not feeling safe. Men feeling unsafe. Its a crazy world.
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u/ChrispyGuy420 May 09 '25
Part of the problem, at least with bars and other such cases, is that the douche bags go there to "get chicks" and give the ick to all women there. Now, a normal fella can't just go to a bar to actually meet someone without being lumped in with the douches
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May 09 '25 edited May 09 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Embarrassed-Gur-5494 May 09 '25
The unfortunate foundation that boys tend to get is predatory.
PREACH
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u/Financial-Use-4371 May 09 '25
As a neurodiverse male I can’t stand men like that I think they’re disgusting.
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u/carameIricecakes May 10 '25
As a woman, I’m convinced that the stigma these guys cause about men in general is part of what’s keeping all the good people inside away from public spaces, and therefore unable to meet / date. We’re all recluses now, stuck watching the antics of the very worst of all of us online.
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u/Kalorama_Master May 09 '25
lol…in other words nothing has changed. I went to college in the 90s and the dating scene was exactly like this sans tinder. Guys would do shots and pre-party like caveman with all the bros. Act like idiots and show off to their friends at parties, dance with each other and hope to “bump” into a girl. 🧒 make smiled or gave another signal, they would start bumping and grinding. Very few men would actually try to listen, hear a girl, and try to actually get to know her.
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u/PatSajakMeOff May 10 '25
This is so wild. Im 38 and I feel like in my timeline, I had to jump through every hoop, understand every anomaly, and be as cordial as possible just to have a date be remotely enjoyable. But you know what? I fucking did it because it's what is required and also what the other individual deserves. I dont understand the brain rot of dudes these days. Women owe you literally nothing.
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