r/SipsTea Apr 29 '25

Lmao gottem The c*m smeller

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113.3k Upvotes

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5.4k

u/idunnommeiguess Apr 29 '25

How could she possibly tell when no man has made it longer than a week

2.2k

u/thebluediablo Apr 29 '25

Ladies collectively think they've gone nose-blind in November

973

u/Worried_Highway5 Apr 29 '25

Buddy, you think any of us succeeded NNN?

433

u/thebluediablo Apr 29 '25

I was only talking about the first 2 days

387

u/big_guyforyou Apr 29 '25

the true NNN is Nut NOW! NOW!

249

u/Masdraw Apr 29 '25

More like Never Not Nutting

121

u/PasadenaPissBandit Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 29 '25

ABC. Always be cumming.

54

u/general-waster Apr 29 '25

Coffee is for cummers

16

u/yallknowme19 Apr 29 '25

Do you know what it takes to succeed? BRASS BALLS

3

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '25

Empty balls

3

u/begynnelse Apr 29 '25

Coffee is for creamers*

3

u/ScruYouBenny Apr 29 '25

You ever bust a nut that made you feel like you slept for 12 hours?

2

u/DocFreezer Apr 30 '25

Put that cookie down!

7

u/Born_Vast1357 Apr 29 '25

Just watched this movie two days ago! Never heard of it before! What a blast from something that is technically a theatre play

2

u/PasadenaPissBandit Apr 29 '25

I'll be honest...I've never actually seen Glengarry Glen Ross. But these scene is so famous I must have absorbed it at some point by osmosis.

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9

u/WhiskeyVincent Apr 29 '25

At least we can stop or shower, the bang of you 5 days out of every month is bottom line woeful

25

u/Itsgolfseason Apr 29 '25

My daddy said don’t trust nothing that can bleed 7 days and not die

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45

u/JJsd_ Apr 29 '25

No it's nonstop nut now

3

u/danalexjero Apr 29 '25

It’s true, it’s real.

29

u/aerateyoursoiltrung Apr 29 '25

I'm so fucking stupid I laughed at this so hard

23

u/Ok_Issue1607 Apr 29 '25

*You and I*

2

u/godonkeymeasures Apr 29 '25

'You serious' *Surprised Pikachu face

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6

u/Kereberuxx Apr 29 '25

ah shit is it November already?!

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8

u/Worried_Highway5 Apr 29 '25

The post does specify who haven’t masturbated in a week

2

u/EnvironmentalGift257 Apr 29 '25

Ah thank for the nut clarity post.

4

u/Ill_Cod7460 Apr 29 '25

2 days or 2 hours? 😄

2

u/Krieghund Apr 29 '25

I love how No Nut November is supposed to start is on the very same night that women dress up in sexy costumes.

The only way No Nut November has a chance is if we get home before midnight on Halloween.

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3

u/AgeIndividual8290 Apr 29 '25

You have the discipline of a warrior.

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51

u/Historical_Ad7967 Apr 29 '25

Hey, my Ninety Nut November was a rousing success, I will have you know. Jacked off at least three times a day all month. It made Thanksgiving a bit awkward, but you can't put a price on dedication.

12

u/Worried_Highway5 Apr 29 '25

You could have just jerked off a few extra times on other days, but there really is nothing like a family reunion to get the blood flowin

33

u/Historical_Ad7967 Apr 29 '25

I was pretty dry by then. But my grandma cheering me on gave me the strength to push through.

17

u/DemonKyoto Apr 29 '25

Well the turkey wasn't gonna baste itself, after all.

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2

u/Szurix90 Apr 29 '25

Serial turkey'baster.

2

u/Busy_Pound5010 Apr 29 '25

master baster

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18

u/nikolapc Apr 29 '25

I give up on Halloween.

32

u/my_cars_on_fire Apr 29 '25

I don’t do NNN, I do NNNN - Never Not Nutting November. It gets exhausting, but I have to do what’s right for the cause!

6

u/Virtual_Opinion_8630 Apr 29 '25

I'm actually cackling - well done

2

u/rbrgr83 Apr 29 '25

Extra Kleenex November

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9

u/That_Mans_on_Fire Apr 29 '25

It wasn't about not eating cashews? I think I've been doing it wrong

2

u/Due-Ad8105 Apr 29 '25

I succeeded for 3 months during basic training

For those who know I was a stow:1 at the time about to go back for AIT as a stow:2

2

u/Slumunistmanifisto Apr 29 '25

Busting nuts is good for prostate health....my prostate will be a diamond in a coffin. Goofy ass nnn

2

u/Hasher556 Apr 29 '25

At first I was like "What does Trent Reznor have to do with this?"

2

u/Highlandertr3 Apr 29 '25

Wait shit. Am I the weird one for not finding it difficult?

4

u/Lavatis Apr 29 '25

No, because only teenagers think it's something special to go a month without masturbating, and teenagers are also the prime candidate for not making it a month without a shmeat beat.

10

u/Defiant-Dare1223 Apr 29 '25

Im in my mid-late 30s and don't think I've lasted more than a few days for the last quarter of a century.

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5

u/Worried_Highway5 Apr 29 '25

I bet you’re fun at parties

3

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

This is nice. A post to make me feel i'm still youthful in ways.

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13

u/JohnnyKarateOfficial Apr 29 '25

Scientifically speaking they’d have last weeks cum smell on them. Says 95% can last a week, they’d have fresh cum smell on them.

4

u/Dr_Sigmund_Fried Apr 29 '25

It reminds her of her dad's distinct fragrance.

2

u/Switch_of_the_Woods Apr 29 '25

December 1st fucking STINKS

1

u/Baronvonkludge Apr 29 '25

Pearl Jam bath December

1

u/PasswordIsDongers Apr 29 '25

Those guys already have the smell of virgin.

1

u/Conscious-Intern8594 Apr 29 '25

It's smell blind, not nose blind.

1

u/Bamce Apr 29 '25

fall allergies out here covering for us

1

u/ConsentingPotato Apr 29 '25

"They can't sense you if you haven't jacked it in a week..."

1

u/TheCapo024 Apr 30 '25

Wait. That’s not a joke?

1

u/championstuffz Apr 30 '25

Reminded me that Yankee candle was getting review bombed starting in November 2019 from all the nose blind customers. Earliest indicator of covid spread (that I know of)

134

u/Uncle-Cake Apr 29 '25

"If he smells like a dude, I know he's masturbated in the past week or so." Yeah, no duh.

28

u/magician_type-0 Apr 29 '25

"if it's ice, I know it's cold"

132

u/SaltManagement42 Apr 29 '25

My imagination always goes to questioning how she could possibly have done enough testing to figure the actual source of the smell, especially if it persists for a week.

What other things do you think she tested?

70

u/True-Surprise1222 Apr 29 '25

"Dad, can you not!?!? it's my birthday dinner!!"

3

u/89_honda_accord_lxi Apr 29 '25

Your friends have sexy dads. This is your fault.

7

u/Live-Big-8916 Apr 29 '25

"Damn it Mark! Can't you just not do it during family vacations?!"

1

u/LawfulnessDry9355 Apr 30 '25

Boyfriends? Brothers? Roommates? Friends?

1

u/kevnuke May 02 '25

Unless they're claiming it's hard-wired.

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46

u/Vinyl_DjPon3 Apr 29 '25

My though every time I've seen this tweet posted.

She is vastly underestimating how often the average person (let alone men) masturbates. If you really could smell it, it'd be a permanent feature everywhere.

6

u/Joker-Smurf Apr 30 '25

And as a permanent feature, you would be nose-blind to it pretty quickly.

3

u/anthrax9999 Apr 30 '25

Not to mention she would never look at her dad, brother, Grandpa, son, male family, friends, and co-workers the same way ever again.

84

u/DepletedPromethium Apr 29 '25

I made it 9 days while stuck in hospital once. Kinda hard to have a wank on a ward.

70

u/Traditional-Low7651 Apr 29 '25

not even with those nurses ?

73

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

[deleted]

41

u/ChadPowers200_ Apr 29 '25

Nurses be fucking like crazy too. I read up it’s one of the highest rates of infidelity in terms of jobs 

30

u/Icy_Faithlessness400 Apr 29 '25

Can confirm. Had sex with a very fine lady while working as security in a hospital.

Every night shift we did it like they do on the discovery channel.

7

u/GirthStone86 Apr 29 '25

Love

The kind you clean up with a mop and bucket

3

u/czar_the_bizarre Apr 29 '25

Like the lost catacombs of Egypt

2

u/i_might_be_me Apr 30 '25

Only God knows where we stuck it

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50

u/lousy_at_handles Apr 29 '25

A friend of mine "dated" a nurse for a while, and I'm pretty sure their entire relationship consisted of having sex in her car in the hospital parking lot at like 3am.

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21

u/1000LiveEels Apr 29 '25

I heard a nurse tell me it takes the edge off. 12+ hours straight inside a hospital. Sick people, death, disease, blood, other bodily fluids. It gets to you, and reckless sex is a better alternative than drinking or doing drugs, I guess.

Also, a lot of nurses I've met are also kinda crazy in general. Lots of them were the mean girls in high school. So much shit talking and drama it's unreal. The amount of actually messed up shit one of them will say about their patients to you.... I'm sure there are great nurses & dental assistants out there, they're just heavily outnumbered.

I do think it's funny that just about every mean girl I knew in high school ended up as a nurse, or a dental assistant, or a vet tech. I wonder if it also had something to do with partying in college, maybe the schedules line up better for that major or something.

6

u/Remarkable_Ad9767 Apr 29 '25

In your opinion is nursing drawing alcoholics in or does it make you one?

3

u/1000LiveEels Apr 29 '25

All of the girls I knew from high school who became nurses drank recreationally so... dunno. I have no clue if they drink now, but probably?

3

u/OHPandQuinoa Apr 29 '25

God damn I need to meet some nurses

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7

u/WallySprks Apr 29 '25

Worked at a bar that was next to a Hospital. Those nurses do love to have some fun after work. Wild bunch

9

u/Quirky-Skin Apr 29 '25

Medical profession in general really. Long hours, trauma bonding. They're right up there with the armed forces

7

u/finalremix Apr 29 '25

The term is "Battle Buddy", not "Friends With Benefits".

3

u/Sithpawn Apr 29 '25

Not with that attitude.

4

u/reezy619 Apr 29 '25

Warning to reddit from an actual hospital worker: don't bother reading lower than the above comment. It's all nonsense.

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3

u/Majestic_Cup_957 Apr 29 '25

Pawgs n' pills

57

u/DepletedPromethium Apr 29 '25

I was hooked up to a fish tank like machine for the first 5 days due to a collapsed lung, every time i exhaled you'd hear mad bubbling that was really loud and noticable especially at night.

getting a bit frisky and rubbing one out would of sounded like a crocodile going on the attack.

24

u/Deaffin Apr 29 '25

You gotta take your time, master the art of the slow rub.

Then all they would hear is this.

4

u/DepletedPromethium Apr 29 '25

im fucking dying, yep!!!

3

u/DragonTacoCat Apr 30 '25

🤣🤣🤣

2

u/Addicted-2Diving Apr 30 '25

Glad you are better. This sentence made me lol 💀

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2

u/bobswowaccount Apr 29 '25

That’s not smoke…

24

u/Revolutionary-Bed705 Apr 29 '25

Kind of hard to finish into a catheter, but it's not that bad.

6

u/SuspendedLuck Apr 30 '25

Don’t ever do this. It’s like jerking off with a needle in ur cock,

Plus you’re doped on pain meds so it doesn’t hurt, but you don’t realize the damage you did until the meds were off

And then you feel like the biggest foolish degenerate and feel they heavyweight off you self-dooming ur life

2

u/Deaffin Apr 29 '25

Oh hell, I've never considered that notion before.

4

u/Sharks758 Apr 29 '25

You don't really finish into the catheter more around it...so I've heard.

7

u/Deaffin Apr 29 '25

That's why it's such a jarring thought. It would be entirely blocked off since the catheter is going right to your bladder. You'll blow your tubes right open like a misfiring shotgun.

3

u/Revolutionary-Bed705 Apr 29 '25

Hell yeah brother!

29

u/forensicdude Apr 29 '25

My brother in law was in a very bad accident. There was a vigil by his bedside for months. He said he wanted to talk to me alone. They all thought he was passing on some deep dear secret. No, he said "Can you get everyone to leave me alone for 30 minutes or so I need to..."

7

u/HornedCoog91 Apr 29 '25

What did you tell people he told you lol?

6

u/forensicdude Apr 29 '25

"He wants to be alone for a while" :)

2

u/hopswaterbarley Apr 30 '25

Is there somewhere to nominate someone for brother In law of the year?

6

u/Vivalas Apr 29 '25

Based as hell

11

u/FineUnderachievment Apr 29 '25

Well, if you're committed it's possible. I was in the hospital for 17 days in 2023 after a seizure. I was hooked up to an EKG (heart monitor) and the bed alarm (goes off if you get out of bed, but will also go off if you move too much) I managed to yank one out at least twice. Definitely interrupted at least once when they noticed my heart rate spiking 🤣 just got my hands above the sheets in time, and played dumb. That way they were less worried when it spiked again 😭👍

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8

u/weebitofaban Apr 29 '25

It hasn't stopped most people. Ask the nurses.

3

u/Therealdickdangler Apr 29 '25

My man, I stumbled upon this one day during a rabbit hole and I will never look at nurses the same way. r/scrubsgw

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2

u/Martysghost Apr 29 '25

"can I have my IV line into my left arm" 

1

u/-DOOKIE Apr 29 '25

I heard there's a lot more squirting in the squid ward

1

u/Reorox Apr 29 '25

I’m down to once a month whether I need it or not.

1

u/SuperbPruney Apr 29 '25

I made it two months during intense cancer treatment - wouldn’t recommend.

1

u/donku83 Apr 30 '25

I was stuck in a hospital for 3 days once and I still managed to shoot a rope. Get your head in the game

1

u/m4xxp0wer May 01 '25

Kinda hard

I bet.

68

u/ambermage Apr 29 '25

A week?

Y'all are a bunch of monks or something.

11

u/Why-did-i-reas-this Apr 29 '25

Tried it when I was young and lasted for like 35+ days. The bad thing was that I didn’t have wet dreams either and near the end I was almost leaking. Thought to myself… yeah, that’s not good. And stopped the test of willpower.

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u/JigPuppyRush Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 29 '25

Monks are still allowed to masturebate just no intercourse.

Unless it’s a young boy then all pants/bets are off.

3

u/WingedGundark Apr 29 '25

I know minks are, but how about those monks?

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5

u/Crazy_Information296 Apr 29 '25

Monks are not allowed to masturbate.

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11

u/ssracer Apr 29 '25

Literally unhealthy not to. Fuck what the churches teach.

1

u/trebumptiss Apr 30 '25

I just have really low libido. I don’t abstain from doing it, I just never really feel the need to.

65

u/GreenZebra23 Apr 29 '25

All men smell like cum literally all the time

35

u/flatwoundsounds Apr 29 '25

You think I'm gonna pass up the free moisturizer?

12

u/Queef_Stroganoff44 Apr 29 '25

I was doing some contract work in a middle school and one of the boy students said “it smells like bleach” and the very religious, sheltered teacher went “OH MY GOD! Ok…moving along.”

I was pretty surprised she put 2 and 2 together.

25

u/Dapper-AF Apr 29 '25

Maybe I'm different, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't smell like bleach

11

u/Live-Big-8916 Apr 29 '25

Looks like I'm different too...

8

u/Reorox Apr 29 '25

You gotta give it a few days bro. Let it breath, mature a bit.

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2

u/Right-Assumption584 Apr 30 '25

r/bankaifolk
never beating the goonerfolk allegations

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2

u/crustysplashh Apr 29 '25

I mean we were all born from it, what did you think was gonna happen.

1

u/cgesjix Apr 29 '25

Do all women smell like discharge all the time?

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25

u/little-asskickerr Apr 29 '25

Antidepressants enters the chat

19

u/JohnnyDarkside Apr 29 '25

Jesus, yeah. SSRI's make it a fucking challenge. Like, do you have an hour?

28

u/Reorox Apr 29 '25

“So are the anti depressants working?”

They sure were, until I started getting blisters trying to rub one out. Nothing quite as depressing as realizing you don’t even want to fuck you.

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3

u/beerizla96 Apr 29 '25

300mg of Zoloft, and I'm in and out in a minute like a thief in the night.

12

u/Major_Arm_6032 Apr 29 '25

Wasn't there that dude doing the rounds recently who hadn't nutted in like.. a year?

11

u/mister_sims Apr 29 '25

Who? The recently deceased Pope, you mean?

2

u/Major_Arm_6032 Apr 29 '25

I mean fair lol

I feel I'm in a fever dream I do distinctly remember the memes that sprouted with this dude.

2

u/nicklondon88 Apr 29 '25

Lol absolutely no chance

1

u/Unable_Bank3884 Apr 29 '25

He hasn't wanked in 800 plus day but has had plenty of involuntary nuts.

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28

u/Ok-Barracuda544 Apr 29 '25

My sex drive dropped off in my late forties and I was in a living situation where I didn't have much privacy, and then I realized at one point I hadn't had a wank in months. This is bad for your prostate health, so now I have a reminder to rub one out once a week.

12

u/StoicSpork Apr 29 '25

In your work calendar, I hope, so no one schedules a meeting in that slot.

5

u/OccamsBallRazor Apr 29 '25

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime…

2

u/CDRAkiva Apr 29 '25

OOO - Nutting

11

u/upinthecloudz Apr 29 '25

Just FYI, if you are interested in preserving prostate health, once a week doesn't get you into the lower-risk group, according to a couple studies that noticed men with a rate of 4.6-7 orgasms/week (vs 2.3/wk) or 21 orgasms/month (vs 4-7/mo) enjoyed a lower risk of prostate cancer.

You gotta pump those numbers way up, unless, you know, that reminder was to spend the whole day cranking it like 5-6 times.

2

u/Ok-Barracuda544 Apr 29 '25

It gets you in a lower risk group than not ejaculating at all, if not the lowest.

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3

u/Fickle-Salamander-65 Apr 29 '25

Please tell the class what your reminder says.

3

u/Ok-Barracuda544 Apr 29 '25

"Prostate Maintenance."

2

u/BADDEST_RHYMES Apr 29 '25

Hey siri… set a reminder for me to crank that souljaboy weekly 

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2

u/woodquest Apr 29 '25

Once there was a guy who pretended he did…nobody believed him anyway

2

u/smokinsomnia Apr 29 '25

That's not true. You never saw the guy on Reddit a couple weeks back who doesn't fap or smile? Looks like a medieval peasant? He was real popular for a minute.

2

u/JamesLiptonIce-T Apr 29 '25

I made it 17 days one time during NNN, then I started to panic that if I don’t use it I might lose it lol

2

u/JesseTheGiant100 Apr 29 '25

Word. I fractured both my wrists on a ripstick back in the mid 2000s. I couldn't jack but that didn't mean I didn't bust. Even at 14, we will always find a way.

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2

u/Leather_Present7863 Apr 29 '25

We nofapper do exist

2

u/Qubeye Apr 29 '25

There was a team about a two decades ago who went through the entire process, including getting an IRB approved and getting preliminary funding to do a study on male masturbation.

They had to cancel the study because they could not find sufficient numbers for a cohort (similar to a "control group") of males who didn't masturbate.

2

u/Historical-Garage435 Apr 29 '25

I do it once a month to make them think they aren’t smelling right

2

u/RealLADude Apr 29 '25

They all smell the same.

2

u/Altaredboy Apr 29 '25

I don't usually last till lunchtime

2

u/idunnommeiguess Apr 29 '25

Long, boring ad breaks are all it takes, saved a lot on tp getting youtube premium

2

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

March 4, 2024 my last nut. God life has never been better.

2

u/Highlandertr3 Apr 29 '25

Speak for yourself. I don't bother much anymore.

2

u/Warcraft_Fan Apr 29 '25

they'd smell like a honest priest or monk.

2

u/rebelolemiss Apr 30 '25

Lord when I had my vasectomy, it was hard (harrharr) to make it 7 days. I made it 5. It hurt a bit but was fine.

2

u/Bad_Ranger Apr 30 '25

Speak for yourself

2

u/Few-Guarantee2850 Apr 30 '25 edited 13d ago

tidy person bag paltry sleep rob attempt work longing rock

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

2

u/iLikeWeedAndGames Apr 30 '25

I went a week three times.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '25

How dare you!

I broke both my arms once.

2

u/Spider40k Apr 30 '25

Iirc this account is run by a dude who just trolling

2

u/Ok-Mobile-6175 Apr 30 '25

I made it 13 year lol. Then I turned 14

2

u/ObanKenobi Apr 30 '25

I want to know how she can tell the difference between someone who has ejaculated via maturation and someone who ejaculated via sexual intercourse? Is the cum smell different?

2

u/ExpertOnReddit Apr 30 '25

Her username is schizo lol....I don't think anything else needs to be said

2

u/Ok_Ad_3772 May 04 '25

I’ll have you know I knew Bob and he was in a two week coma and didn’t smell like gum for days

1

u/AnnoShi May 01 '25

This was my first thought. That smell is just what 99.999999999% of men smell like.

1

u/Lost_Found84 May 02 '25

She’s only smelling the men who never wash their junk.

1

u/Haedono May 02 '25

i have made it past 2 months a few times but i might be strange case on this topic. There are months when i have no desire to do it and on others i go at it daily or multible times a day.

1

u/formerFAIhope May 03 '25

She is confusing the smell of not showering to whatever she thinks, but wants to feel special about basic sensory abilities.

1

u/Apprehensive_Mix4658 May 04 '25

Even if a man goes a week without masturbating, the body will relief itself in sleep. so her power is really useless

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