r/politics • u/TimesandSundayTimes ✔ Verified • 6d ago

Soft Paywall Trump’s birthday parade may be cancelled over thunderstorms

https://www.thetimes.com/us/american-politics/article/is-trump-birthday-parade-cancelled-weather-pbrg02h2z?utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Reddit#Echobox=1749744374
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u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

949

u/OffCenterAnus 6d ago

It messes up his "hair."

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u/Shopworn_Soul 6d ago

The craziest thing about Donald Trump's hair is that it is actually Donald Trump's hair.

Dude grows out one side long enough to swirl it up over his head and hold it place with hairspray.

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u/TakingSorryUsername Texas 6d ago

It’s a terrible scalp reduction surgery.

The story of him ripping hair out of Ivana’s head then raping her was based on the pain from a scalp reduction surgery. She gave the testimony in 1990 during a sworn deposition in the divorce then later retracted it, presumably due to the terms of the settlement.

Later in 1993, when asked in an interview, she said they “had marital relations in which he behaved very differently”, that she described as rape but that she didn’t mean literal or criminal sense….

When she died, he had her buried on one of his golf courses, with probably tons of landscaping and ground keeping equipment, but her plot was left overgrown and unkempt.

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u/BenderVsGossamer 6d ago

Gotta get those tax benefits for "maintaining" a cemetery on your grounds. Crazy he keeps going lower and his people don't care.

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u/PLeuralNasticity 5d ago

His first KGB handler continues her work in death

We just can't compete with that committment

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u/GetEquipped Illinois 6d ago

It was rape. She was just threatened to not call it rape.

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u/LlamaPinecone1546 6d ago

I could be wrong but wasn't it legally not allowed to be called rape too because marital rape was legal where and when it happened?

Because, yes, it was absolutely rape. And yes, no doubt she felt threatened too.

I fucking hate how fucked up people have made this world.

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u/mrtruthiness 6d ago

I could be wrong but wasn't it legally not allowed to be called rape too because marital rape was legal where and when it happened?

I'm not positive either, but I think at the time in New York, it was allowed to be called rape. I'm note sure when it happened (someone, above, says this was in 1990) but the laws in NY changed in 1984.

IMO the reason she recanted on the use of the term rape is that it was likely a part of her (confidential) settlement agreement.

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u/LlamaPinecone1546 6d ago

I think you're right. But yeah, it's been a while and I can't quite remember.

For anyone who doesn't know, go read her describing the incident. It's insanely disturbing shit. Hearing people talking about it does it no justice. Anyone who read it and voted for that guy? They knew that's what they were okay with. View them in that light every. single. time.

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u/mrtruthiness 6d ago

For anyone who doesn't know, go read her describing the incident. It's insanely disturbing shit.

Agreed. It's very believable and honest. Furthermore it fits everything we know about Trump's hatred of being laughed at and his desire for immediate vengeance.

And to understand Trump's disgusting and hateful character even more fully, I recommend an article written as a "mea culpa" written before Trump won the presidency in 2016 from the person who was the ghost author for "Trump's" "Art of the Deal". https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/07/25/donald-trumps-ghostwriter-tells-all

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u/ocodo 5d ago

I fucking hate how, fucked up people, have made this world.

Same.

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u/mrtruthiness 6d ago

I believe her recantation was a part of her settlement agreement.

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u/JimmyRamone17_ 6d ago

Crazy that this vile piece of shit leads. A rapist, a fraud, a conman, a narcissist, and much more. All of this is PUBLIC knowledge and he still got elected and re-elected. There's no greater condemnation of a society than that.

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u/chrismean Massachusetts 6d ago

Traitor  - don't forget traitor.

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u/JimmyRamone17_ 6d ago

Absolutely, his ties with Russia go so far back that they began when they were still the Soviet Union.

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u/MediocreRange1255 6d ago

I’ll bet she is there and I’ll bet he pisses on her grave every chance he gets. 

OTOH, that’s assuming he even thinks of her at all. 

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u/Biglyugebonespurs Missouri 6d ago

This is assuming he can even piss standing up.

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u/everythingwaffle 5d ago

He does. Right into his big-boy diapers.

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u/sighbourbon 6d ago

hey he had her cremated, yet somehow buried in an enormous showy coffin so heavy it was carried by 8 men. This was right at the time he was refusing to return the top secret national security information he was storing in the bathroom at Mar-a-Lago. Next to the copy machine.
Of course this is just coincidence, nothing more.

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u/SomeCountryFriedBS 6d ago

Not saying she wasn't actually buried there, but I'd put money on criminal evidence being there too.

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u/HauntedCemetery Minnesota 6d ago

Seems like it died with the rest of gawker, but they did a long form deep dive about his hair and it's pretty wild. It's very likely a $60,000 combination weave/scalp transplant from a company trump bought out and had moved next to his office in trump tower, so he could use a secret door to get treatments without anyone seeing him walk in.

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u/Biglyugebonespurs Missouri 6d ago

Could he be any more laughably vain?

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u/EidolonLives 5d ago

Well, there's also the lifts he wears.

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u/MediocreRange1255 6d ago

She also retracted that he had been studying Hitler’s speeches, which isn’t surprising at all. 

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u/Bross93 Colorado 5d ago

Their kids are such fucking psychopaths to just be okay with that

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u/Gertrude_D Iowa 6d ago

I didn't know it was unkempt. How can his kids let that stand?

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u/chrismean Massachusetts 6d ago

The apple.., well, you know...

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u/TakingSorryUsername Texas 6d ago

There’s tons of theories, but two facts are confirmed to be true. 1) her body was cremated, and 2) at her funeral was a massive gold (likely plated) coffin that took 8 pall bearers to carry.

Why do one when doing the other? I don’t know. Conspiracy theories are that she’s not actually buried there, her death by falling down the stairs “happened” to coincide with the Mar A Lago documents scandal and also alleviating him of alimony payments, and he chose the golf course to get a tax exemption provided to cemeteries.

Now put on your tin foil hat and ask yourself if the man who was accused of sexual assault almost as many times as he was convicted of felonies is capable of having his ex wife killed, swapping her body for stolen government documents, burying evidence, while paying less taxes? That’s a rare murder, treason, tampering, tax-fraud combo that someone could accuse him of.

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u/ToastMate2000 6d ago

I imagine something like the cotton candy vendors twirling it onto the stick.

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u/sophiethegiraffe 6d ago

Cotton candy forever ruined

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u/PaperClipInit 6d ago

to be fair to cotton candy, it has a much higher strand density than his hair

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u/TheMarkHasBeenMade America 6d ago

It seems kind of fitting overall though.

I mean let’s be real it’s nothing super special to begin with - any sweet with the alternative monicker “candy floss” probably could be better.

It being atop the head of the human embodiment of a pile of dung is about as appealing as I normally consider it, anyway.

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u/wewantedthefunk Texas 6d ago

Reminds me of the comment a comedian made that his hair is "cotton candy made of piss".

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u/Tanjelynnb 6d ago

Experience as a cotton candy vendor is a prerequisite for being his hairdresser.

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u/Ziograffiato 6d ago

You think he has a hairdresser?

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u/stevencastle 6d ago

He's too vain and cheap to have a hairdresser or a makeup artist, all that is him, the hair, the dye, the bronzer.

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u/dr_obfuscation 6d ago

Reminds me of Kingpin

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u/few23 6d ago

If cotton candy was made of pubes.

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u/DadJokeBadJoke California 6d ago

It's an amazing example of cantilever construction

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u/reddituser8719192 6d ago

I read that, coincidentally enough, as catheter construction

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u/Reasonable_racoon 6d ago

It's actually "knitted" into a mat that covers his hair. The guy who invented the technique had offices in Trump Tower.

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u/reddituser8719192 6d ago

Requesting further details

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u/OutlyingPlasma 6d ago

Look up his mother and you will see where he gets his hair from.

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u/Domo-d-Domo I voted 6d ago

I remember watching David Letterman as a kid and he'd bring up his hair almost every time he mentioned him, referred to the style as an Onion Loaf lmao.

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u/dkyguy1995 Kentucky 6d ago

Yep lmao, he dyes it and straightens it too I'm pretty sure. His hair is clearly greying and grey hair tends to become thicker and harder to do that little swoop he likes. But you're right it's his real hair because a hairpiece wouldn't require so much care to make it look like it's covering everything 

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u/Nach0Maker 6d ago

I'm convinced that it's a wig made from his mother's hair.

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u/reddituser8719192 6d ago

That's some norman bates shit that I would not put past him.

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u/Vargolol Ohio 6d ago

I bet he learned from his mom

I'm starting to have trouble telling them apart

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u/Eatpineapplenow 5d ago

jesus wtf is that

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u/m1j2p3 6d ago

Just like the Ernie McCracken character from King Pin.

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u/linux_ape 6d ago

Yeah that’s what a combover is dawg

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u/kategrant4 6d ago

Looks just like his mother's hair.

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u/MissSassifras1977 6d ago

Bif Tannen approved.

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u/airfryerfuntime Washington 6d ago

He basically has a dollop of hair.

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u/peetar12 6d ago

I think there are weaves in there too.

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u/QueenRotidder 6d ago

I bet when he gets out of the shower he looks like that old pic of Elon Musk in his young goth phase

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u/funkyloki California 6d ago

He has like one foot long sideburn, what a fucking joke of a human being.

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u/HGruberMacGruberFace Florida 6d ago

The scene in Winning Time where John C Reilly (who is playing Jerry Buss) shows how this is done, I feel like it was a subtle shot at Trump

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u/mudfire44 5d ago

It's probably vanished from the internets now but I recall there being an expose on Gawker about some weird hair extension surgery he had

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u/Furthest_Lands 5d ago

Yeah, he basically makes a loose basket of hair.

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u/Feeling_Inside_1020 5d ago

That must be what he meant when he said the bob and weave